It is really hard for me to come clean, but here goes

[anothen]

Anothen,

A 9-year-old girl may appear to "only suffer a little embarrassment" , but the damage you've done probably won't show up until her teen years. She will remember it because she wasn't that young.

I hope you keep yourself in the shoes of that girl and her mother. You can't take back what you did. You will never be able to repay them for what you took away.

I hope this torment does stay with you the rest of your life if that's what keeps you from doing it again. You know statistics show that there is not a very high recovery rate for your problem. If you are successful, praise God.

You have been wrongly informed. I have been there in the chair among other Sexual Abusers. The success rate of an abuser is quite successful with treatment.

I am not in therapy in this forum. None of you can place yourselves in my shoes, because I've been there. None of you will ever know what I've discussed with my therapists or how I feel about my victim. If you want to call it minimizing, you don't know what I've been through so don't even try. None of you are professionals and none of you will know everything about what I've done or accomplished as a result of the MANY years and MANY hours of therapy. You don't need to know and that's not my purpose for being here.

Be glad that she only suffered a little bit of embarrassment, Some victims that I know are unable to recover. Years of abuse has cause an endless rage and torment, some still suffer from suicidal thoughts. So don't even tell me about minimizing, I know more about it quite probably than anyone reading this thread.

Like I said in conclusion, if you or administration wants me to leave, I'll leave quietly. However, if you still want to remain ignorant of the facts, of what causes Child Sexual Abuse, you place yourself and everyone around you in a limited position to protect and free children from Child Sexual Abuse.

You can hate me all you want, I just will not reciprocate it. I am hated more, by more people than you will ever know. If all you want to do is hate, it will be your own undoing. (sorry, not directed at you nottawafer). The most difficult thing I've had to come to terms with was to not reciprocate this hate.

I have had plenty of opportunity to Sexually Abuse before my original offense, by children that were sexually aggressive. I NEVER broke down that boundary. You want to try to accuse me of a history of abuse, you don't know me and you do not know my history and I will probably never reveal it here while people generate hate and anxiety because of it. If that is the result of my presence, then I'll just leave.

I don't come here to be some damn hero either. I have brought out everything I was supposed to. It still does not change my original motive and that is to educate people of what causes Child Sexual Abuse with a view to reduce or eliminate it. As long as we remain ignorant of the facts, children will continue to be Sexually Abused. The only viable solution is to become educated about the facts so that we can be armed with the information necessary to protect ourselves and the kids around us.

My research began here:

Stop Child Molestation Research and Prevention Institute

Your Opportunity To Save Children

If you are an ordinary person in an ordinary family, you have the most power of anybody to save the children around you. Every time you tell your sister or your husband or your friend a fact about what causes child molestation, every time you tell them what we can do now to stop it, you build a stronger safety net for every child.

Go and read it for youself. The book goes into more detail. The experts seem to have a whole different outlook on the Sex Offender Issue.

I can't do anything more to help my victim, other than to continue therapy and research. The damage is already done and there is nothing I can do to reverse it. The only thing I can do that would be useful and profitable, is to educate people.

Edited April 4, 2007 by anothen

[ChattyKathy]

Abi,

I had to hurry back and read you again, I'll make up for the time here, I'm honest with that and they know I give more than I even ask payment for.

Something to think about Kathy, and I speak boldly to you because we are friends and I care . . . people who have been victims of abuse, sexual or otherwise, often become overly empathetic with other people. Their boundary lines are blurred. Predators who see that empathy in you will take advantage of it.

I suspect you have hit on something there in regards to me. And perhaps that is part of what makes it so hard for me to hear the same ole when someone tries to address in post doing what is right to become healthy.

And your other points are valid ones, some of which I lightly hit on myself in reply to anothen.

As well I know my lack of sympathy could anger some here but if I allowed that to concern me much I'd just leave the board and as is evident I've not left.

I love you for what you are saying to me, things you said in private as well, things for my own personal safety, of which isn't secure even now which is no secret around her either.

I guess I would rather run into harms way to get out of the hell I was in rather than wallow in it another day and I shouldn't place that expectation on others, best I just do what I do now and selectively read around here.

Kathy

[Abigail]

Not a problem, Kathy and I am in no way upset with you. But like you, I am passionate about this victim business, and even more passtionate about boundary issues.

Let me do a better job of pointing out to you what I mean by the perp claiming victim status and about selfishness . . .

First, I would point out that I went through Antho's posts from 2003 and in addition to his probabtion for molesting a child, according to his own posts, he also did time for robbery. But what stands out most of all to me are the following statements:

This has not been the struggle though. I am a man and I too have had sexual desires. Sometimes they have got so strong that I have crossed the line. It has got me in trouble and I'm paying for it even to this day.

The summer before I crossed the line I was intensely studying Samuel. During my study I noticed there were two kings, David and Saul. Both men were great. Both men were anointed and chosen by God through Samuel. However one fell and the other reined. Both men screwed up really bad, but David reined and Saul fell. If I had chosen which one screwed up the worst, I would have chose David. However Saul fell because three times he disobeyed God and refused to come clean when confronted. David however came clean when confronted. This stuck with me like nothing else ever did in the bible.

Notice he says the above occured the summer BEFORE he crossed the line. This strikes me as inconsistent. Why would it jump out at him BEFORE he crossed the line. Leaves me wondering how many lines he crossed before he got caught and/or confessed.

I was placed on three years of probation and I've had to register as a Sex Offender. Humiliating? Yes. But I have accepted this as consequences of my actions. My victim was nine years old and I only fondled her. But that was enough to be what is considered, crossing the line. The last I heard, she only suffered a little embarrassment and recovered quite nicely. Her mother however suffered the worst. I don't think she ever will recover for what I did. It pains me even now trying to talk about it.

Notice how he speaks of his own humiliation and down plays not only the "little embarrassment" of the little girl, but what he did to her, when he says he "only fondled her."

These words do not strike me as the words of someone who is truly remorseful for their actions - they strike me as words to justify and downplay the seriousness of the offense. ONLY fondled her. I wonder if the little girl thinks of it that way? She is only a "little embarrassed"? How would he even begin to know how she feels or what she things? He can only guess, or tell himself this to again downplay what he has done. He speaks of his own humiliation for having to register as a sex offender as if it is far worse the what the little girl suffered.

Note also: "only fondled her. But that was enough to be what is considered crossing the line" He doesn't say HE considers it as crossing the line, he merely acknowledges that the courts or our society considered it so.

I cannot even begin to guess why this person put this confession on this forum. I cannot even say for certainty this person is telling an ounce of truth or not. But I can say, these words do not strike me one little bit as words of remorse for hurt caused to others.

[Abigail]

I have had plenty of opportunity to Sexually Abuse before my original offense, by children that were sexually aggressive. I NEVER broke down that boundary.

The only viable solution is to become educated about the facts so that we can be armed with the information necessary to protect ourselves and the kids around us.

Isn't that so lovely - he had plenty of opportunity to sexually abuse before his original offese, by children who were sexually aggressive - it was THEIR fault, not his. Oh, and obviously you DID break down that boundary - or are you saying it was the 9 year old girl who broke down that boundary? that it was HER fault you "only" fondled her?

Original offense - tends to imply there was more than one.

Yes, be armed with information to protect your kids. There are some great books out there. I strongly recommend "Protecting the Gift" by Gavin De Becker. He is a former FBI agent and has much experience in this area. A child molester can be your brother, a police officer, a rabbi, a priest. He will help you look for clues - starting with those who push the boundaries of others. His book will help you teach your children what they need to know, without filling them with fear.

Be armed with the facts . . . Statisically, child molesters are NOT cured, they DO repeat their offenses. Statistically, by the time one has been caught, he has already victimized many children.

If that is the result of my presence, then I'll just leave.

Don't let the door hit you in the a$$ on the way out.

Edited April 4, 2007 by Abigail

[polar bear]

Anothen-

You have done something that was very difficult to do.

Why not bring this up, you are a part of the body of Christ. You should be commended as least trying to come clean. I'm sure there are many around that are still hiding their sin-like LCM.

If I may, consider examples in the Word. Take David, he did something much worse, he had a perfectly good belever killed and stole his wife. He realized his sin, asked God for forgiveness and God did forgive him. He did pay a price.

It sounds like you have asked for forgiveness and you have definately paid a price.

As far as I'm concerned you are welcome here.

[Hills Bro]

What is Jessica's Law

Named in memory of Jessica Lunsford, who was abducted and sexually assaulted before being brutally murdered, "Jessica's Law" refers to the Jessica Lunsford Act passed in Florida which mandates a minimum sentence of 25 years and a maximum of life in prison for first-time child sex offenders.

If your an offender and on probation you should be listed here.

http://www.fbi.gov/hq/cid/cac/states.htm

Thank God it wasn't my daughter!!

Edited April 4, 2007 by Hills Bro

[Sushi]

The success rate of an abuser is quite successful with treatment.

This disagrees with everything I've heard to date.

I am not in therapy in this forum.

Okay, why ARE you here?

None of you can place yourselves in my shoes, because I've been there. None of you will ever know what I've discussed with my therapists or how I feel about my victim.

I suspect most of us wouldn't even consider what you've done.

None of you are professionals and none of you will know everything about what I've done

Nor would most of us WANT to.

Be glad that she only suffered a little bit of embarrassment,

I suppose you're her therapist now?

Some victims that I know are unable to recover.

And how would you know this?

So don't even tell me about minimizing, I know more about it quite probably than anyone reading this thread.

Well, experiential knowledge is best, I guess

The most difficult thing I've had to come to terms with was to not reciprocate this hate.

Mighty generous of you.

I have had plenty of opportunity to Sexually Abuse before my original offense, by children that were sexually aggressive. I NEVER broke down that boundary. You want to try to accuse me of a history of abuse, you don't know me and you do not know my history and I will probably never reveal it here while people generate hate and anxiety because of it.

This has already been covered by Abigail.

If that is the result of my presence, then I'll just leave.

Again, don't let the door hitcha where the good Lord splitcha.

I can't do anything more to help my victim, other than to continue therapy and research.

Seems to me, you've already done quite enough.

The damage is already done and there is nothing I can do to reverse it.

No ...., Sherlock.

I spent about eight months in jail. I was on suicide watch for about six weeks. I just wanted to die.

Most unfortunate, being unsuccessful in your pursuit of eternal 'bliss'. Could have saved the taxpayers, wherever you are, a heap of money.

Edited April 4, 2007 by Sushi

[bowtwi]

Anot said "My victim was nine years old and I only fondled her. But that was enough to be what is considered, crossing the line. The last I heard, she only suffered a little embarrassment and recovered quite nicely."

[waysider]

Well, this is off topic, but I couldn't resist the chance to respond to it.

ChattyKathy mentioned that our ABS is used to help fund TWIs' monitoring activities of GSC

.

I'm not sure exactly why, but it kinda tickles me that my hard earned dollars are being wasted to see if my hard earned dollars are being wasted.

Anothern---------You can't change the past. If it helps with your recovery to "spill your guts", I'm more than happy to offer a receptive ear. As a parent,myself, I can understand the disdain others may feel. But, hey, Would it be better if you had just kept this information hidden? If it's OK with you, I will pray for your continued recovery.

[SafariVista]

<_< maybe best to keep your confessions for the therapist....

It is my opinion that sexual crimes against children should be punishable by death~

[excathedra]

see bowtwi's post

[excathedra]

ever see that movie "the exorcist"

remember regan..... that's what my head is doing now.....

[ChattyKathy]

Abi,

I understand what you are saying you have some very logical points that I think he should clarify. And would imagine he will if he doesn't decide to split first.

I suspect I'll never get over the fact that there are those around me saying once your scarred you can never recover. To me that is calling God a liar first then myself a liar as well. As you know I have put a great deal of work and energy in climbing above my memories. I've wondered why I even stay here at times because some things just rack and ruin my mental health in light of this. Yet I love this community and continue to knock me off what could appear my high horse when I expect others to recover also.

I also consider the eyes of twi and how we are used as their example of what happens when you leave twi, how folks become animals towards each other. It p!$$es me off that we give them any room to even consider that about us here. Call it personal pride I don't know what it is but it really does bug me to know they receive satisfaction when we go after each other like dogs.

There are many of us here that know experientially what it feels like to have our bodies taken against our will. And there are many men here that know what it feels like to have their authority as a human taken against their will as well. We are a mix that will never agree with each other and that is not the problem. The problem is that when someone comes into our house and looks in the least bit like the abuser we want his balls and gawd help the person if they get out alive some times.

I just wish we didn't have to lung as a group in the direction we do at times. But I guess I can leave the board and not be concerned about it anymore also.

Kathy

[excathedra]

The problem is that when someone comes into our house

this ain't my house, kath

good thing i guess

[ChattyKathy]

If you say so.

[ChattyKathy]

Excath,

I think that my implication was fairly obvious and so my reply to you was curt. I apologize for that.

Kathy

Edited April 4, 2007 by ChattyKathy

[Abigail]

I suspect I'll never get over the fact that there are those around me saying once your scarred you can never recover.

You can recover, but you are also changed. Beyond that, Kathy, while I have my ideals, I am also realistic. Reality, no matter how much we may dislike, is that at this juncture in our society, people who commit sex crimes against children are very very likely to repeat those crimes. So again, for me it isn't even an issue of forgiveness, it is an issue of boundaries and safety.

To me that is calling God a liar first then myself a liar as well.

No, it is NOT calling God a liar. Whether God choses to forgive or heal is God's business. Whether I chose to forgive is mine. I don't have the power to heal such a person.

I also consider the eyes of twi and how we are used as their example of what happens when you leave twi, how folks become animals towards each other. It p!$$es me off that we give them any room to even consider that about us here. Call it personal pride I don't know what it is but it really does bug me to know they receive satisfaction when we go after each other like dogs.

While I understand your feelings in this regard, please understand that I just have absolutely no concern at all for what those in TWI think of me or Greasespot. Beyond that, they will think badly of this place regardless of how we behave.

The problem is that when someone comes into our house and looks in the least bit like the abuser we want his balls and gawd help the person if they get out alive some times.

Again, I would agree with you regarding this i probably 99% of the time. However, this guy doesn't LOOK like an abuser, he IS an abuser or at the very least was. From his posts, I'm betting on is.

I just wish we didn't have to lung as a group in the direction we do at times. But I guess I can leave the board and not be concerned about it anymore also.

This will sound very arrogant I am sure. But it is because so many of you are quick to offer empathy and sympathy that I "lunge" in the manner I have on this thread. I can't protect any of you - you are all adults who have to make your own decisions. However, I can point out what is written in black and white. That this guy downpays his crime, minimizes the hurt he caused his victim, makes statements that could lead one to conclude it is quite possible there was more than one victim, and in the process plays his own "victim card."

You all can chose to ignore those huge red flags, you're adults, its your life. But I feel compelled to point them out so at least you are making an informed choice.

[RainbowsGirl]

Dear Abi,

My adopted daughter Bri just read this and she told me that Abi you're right...in every way and she said a lot more that I really can't say. I am sorry I didn't understand....she was victomized by 2 pedifiles and verbally and physically abused by her bipolar mother.

I don't take back what I wrote to Anothen only because I am not his judge...Oh but I am way more informed now and Bri will be watching cause she thinks the intent of this post is misleading.

[excathedra]

dear (((((((((((((( Bri ))))))))))))))) major hugs

and thanks

[ChattyKathy]

Abi,

I can't bring your post here because it won't include my quotes and you know how confusing that appears.

Many of your points are right on and yes I want to extend empathy because I had to give forgiveness not to turn into another form of monster myself. And this is as open as I know how to be my friend. If I don't allow the worst of animals the benefit of becoming healthy under God and therapy then it holds back my healing. It's just how I'm made up and no doubt grew out of having to pretend like grandpa was a good man when around family knowing once they left he would become a bad man towards me. I had to build things in my thinking patterns to survive. Perhaps I haven't broken some of them down good enough yet.

Would I allow this man with my child or any child? Not now not ever! Yet I still have to allow that an abuser can be worked with and still deserves to breathe air. I'm not able in my head or heart to take his life.

I will be heading out of the office now if replied to.

Kathy

Edited April 4, 2007 by ChattyKathy

[washingtonweather]

I think anothen is selfish. I think he will not change.

I think wide welcoming arms are invitiaions to continue to violate the trusting person behind those arms.

HOW THE H DO YOU KNOW HE IS NOT LOOKING FOR HIS NEXT LITTLE GIRL

I think he was relying on posters to have their guard down and like the little girl he molested, he will take advantage of them.

I don't think many will agree with me, but that is what I think

[excathedra]

can't even think of you as a mini-monster dear kathy..... EVER.....

love,

ex

My victim was nine years old and I only fondled her. But that was enough to be what is considered, crossing the line. The last I heard, she only suffered a little embarrassment and recovered quite nicely

oops that quote was supposed to be a new post sorry

[Sushi]

As far as I'm concerned you are welcome here.

Just curious, PB, do you have young girls in your household?

If so, would you be as welcoming to Anothen to your house as you are to him here? Perhaps, make him a 'friend' of the family?

On a side note, there are some here who will rant and rave about what Ole Doc Vic did in the motorcoach (probably other places too), yet are forgiving of an admitted pedophile. I'm not condoning what the a hole did (VPW), but, at least his victims were closer to the age of consent.

[ChattyKathy]

can't even think of you as a mini-monster dear kathy..... EVER.....

love,

ex

Excath,

There have been times I wanted to come grab you and just run away to somewhere safe. Somewhere that no one can ever hurt us again at. A place where we can kick off our shoes and not lock the doors and dance on the rooftops or run down the streets in our bare feet with no fear of even a splinter.

I can't believe how our lives have ran so similar. It blows my mind and to be honest at times I can't read your words here because it makes me feel like you and I are back there under their hold on us. It makes me scream inside to think men took us as babies and then took us again as adults.

I get over the top emotional about this stuff and really need to find a balance.

I love you dear one.

Kathy

Edited April 4, 2007 by ChattyKathy

[Nottawayfer]

You have been wrongly informed. I have been there in the chair among other Sexual Abusers. The success rate of an abuser is quite successful with treatment....

Be glad that she only suffered a little bit of embarrassment, Some victims that I know are unable to recover. Years of abuse has cause an endless rage and torment, some still suffer from suicidal thoughts. So don't even tell me about minimizing, I know more about it quite probably than anyone reading this thread.

Be glad she only suffered a little bit of embarrassment?? WTF??? Where is your head buddy? That is so effin' typical of an abuser to make himself look like the victim. YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE WHO DID WRONG HERE! I am positive you have no effin' idea how this girl feels or how your actions affect her life and will continue to do so.

You brought your dirty laundry out on this thread yourself. We didn't drag it out of you. HOW DARE YOU TRY TO MINIMIZE, YES MINIMIZE, YOUR ACTIONS. You are a still a sick F...U...C...K if you want us to feel sorry for you because of what your own actions made you feel.

Edited April 4, 2007 by Nottawayfer