This is a great thread, i had forgotten about this idiotic train of logic. I remember "learning" this at my advanced class. "any two advanced class grads should be able to make a marriage work."
PS
Divorce is a great thing. not that it's good when it happens but it allows people to get out of horrible situations.
and you know who it helps the most. women. now women don't have to be stuck with jerks. to me the divorce rate is 50%+ because people are allowed to be honest and move on with thier life now. what's better for the kids, to see mom and dad miserable, or to see them split up and happy(ier)... i don't know...
I used to hate that saying. I remember DM telling me this - you don't have to love each other to get married. In time, the love will grow. I thought that was one of the stupidest things I'd ever heard. Read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. Eros is very important in a marriage. It is the "glue" so to speak, that keeps people together in good and bad times.
I remember being on staff in Emporia watching people get ready for the mass weddings. Some of the people were so obviously mismatched. One in particular, a friend, I asked her why was she getting married? Well, because DM said it would work and she'd learn to love him. I wanted to say, stop, don't do it! Also to several others.
Then, you'd see these couples at corps week and in the corps tents, the women were so unhappy. Sometimes they couldn't even look at their husbands. One girl was divorced within a few weeks - at least she was honest.
I think, in the corps when I was in, there was so much pressure to get married, and so many women really did want to be married. I think both sexes thought in their last year in residence, that this was their last chance.
Well, yeah, look how well this theory worked for DM.
Well, yeah women wanted to get married because we were told that was the only way we could serve God. We had to serve a man of God , so that he in turn could serve the body of Christ.
There simply was no other viable option in that ministry.
Today has been interesting for me on many levels. I'm not well and neither are my kids. Stomach flu for them, that particular joy is only compounding some other things I have going on. As a result of that, my ex has just dropped by to fulfill my pitiful request for gatorade, saltines, ibuprofen and prescription meds.
We ended up having a talk about this very subject.
One thing he said to me in the discussion was, I felt, very poignant. He said, "I never knew what to do with you. You were going so fast all the time, and nothing seemed under my control. I don't know why you can't submit to anyone, but I also don't know why I couldn't have been less of a prison-guard. I'm sorry for crushing you for so long."
Now, that's the first thing he's ever said to me like an apology for anything. I was floored, I admit it. Even though he and his present partner are intending marriage and a return to TWI...at least he has had a moment of clarity.
As it was said earlier, we can be great partners, probably, to other people.
He loves the woman he is with now. She loves him. They treat my children with affection and no one disputes who is "The Mom."
He and I were basically incompatible from the start. And yes, there are days when I wish I'd never been convinced to return to him when I left him the first time. It might have spared us 7 additional years of grief. But, we wouldn't have our wonderful children...and that must be counted.
Oddly enough, I think I am the one who carries the most residual sadness. I wasted his time from the beginning. I never wanted the same things and I was never content in the place he'd made for me. My ex is 13 years or so older than I am, too, and while I think we are both happier now, those are years neither of us will ever get back.
But, the difference is certainly wide. When we were married, my ex criticized me constantly about my physical appearance. I guess he thought I might somehow become miraculously shorter, or slice myself in half to be petite.
Last night, my fella said that I am "The most smokin'-hot woman on the planet."
Now, the fact that his opinion is particularly biased in no way reduces the impact of the compliment...and what a difference to be viewed as someone desirable and loved just as she is, rather than a project to be fixed.
Hell, it was hard as hell to find another young person to talk to let alone a date. Remember LCMs family class? Premarrital sex depends on the parents. Not even hinting that it could be harmful. So your a teenager sitting there wondering who's parents let who do what. My patriarchal father's only word's to me ever were "don't be a homo and don't come home with and unbelieving wife."
my ex was not in TWI when I married him, but we both ended up fully inside the fold. it was the edict that any two AC grads could make a marriage work that kept me in the marriage so long, when I should have left six months into it. I was constantly bombarded with the message to submit to my "wonderful, hard-working husband who obviously cares for me so much", the problems in the marriage were all my fault for not submitting and giving him sex, blah blah blah.
what a bunch of insanity! there is no chance for a successful marriage when when person in it is a pathological liar. who cares how many classes he's taken? and if sex had involved more than having some sweaty pig smashing me so I couldn't breathe, maybe I'da been into it.
at this point, I'd much rather be single than hand my soul over to someone for convenience or because some stupid "ministry" says I should. I'm happy for you still-marrieds, though. you've succeeded in spite of TWI. as for me and my house, we're MUCH happier since we worked through the aftermath of the divorce. kids CAN be much better off with one parent than two.
I believe that was off the album, "The Star of the Show" by Pressed Down, Shaken Together and Running Over. Don't know which person in the band had the actual songwriter credit.
Recommended Posts
nandon
This is a great thread, i had forgotten about this idiotic train of logic. I remember "learning" this at my advanced class. "any two advanced class grads should be able to make a marriage work."
PS
Divorce is a great thing. not that it's good when it happens but it allows people to get out of horrible situations.
and you know who it helps the most. women. now women don't have to be stuck with jerks. to me the divorce rate is 50%+ because people are allowed to be honest and move on with thier life now. what's better for the kids, to see mom and dad miserable, or to see them split up and happy(ier)... i don't know...
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Sunesis
I used to hate that saying. I remember DM telling me this - you don't have to love each other to get married. In time, the love will grow. I thought that was one of the stupidest things I'd ever heard. Read The Four Loves by C.S. Lewis. Eros is very important in a marriage. It is the "glue" so to speak, that keeps people together in good and bad times.
I remember being on staff in Emporia watching people get ready for the mass weddings. Some of the people were so obviously mismatched. One in particular, a friend, I asked her why was she getting married? Well, because DM said it would work and she'd learn to love him. I wanted to say, stop, don't do it! Also to several others.
Then, you'd see these couples at corps week and in the corps tents, the women were so unhappy. Sometimes they couldn't even look at their husbands. One girl was divorced within a few weeks - at least she was honest.
I think, in the corps when I was in, there was so much pressure to get married, and so many women really did want to be married. I think both sexes thought in their last year in residence, that this was their last chance.
Well, yeah, look how well this theory worked for DM.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
rascal
Well, yeah women wanted to get married because we were told that was the only way we could serve God. We had to serve a man of God , so that he in turn could serve the body of Christ.
There simply was no other viable option in that ministry.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
QuietThinker
Today has been interesting for me on many levels. I'm not well and neither are my kids. Stomach flu for them, that particular joy is only compounding some other things I have going on. As a result of that, my ex has just dropped by to fulfill my pitiful request for gatorade, saltines, ibuprofen and prescription meds.
We ended up having a talk about this very subject.
One thing he said to me in the discussion was, I felt, very poignant. He said, "I never knew what to do with you. You were going so fast all the time, and nothing seemed under my control. I don't know why you can't submit to anyone, but I also don't know why I couldn't have been less of a prison-guard. I'm sorry for crushing you for so long."
Now, that's the first thing he's ever said to me like an apology for anything. I was floored, I admit it. Even though he and his present partner are intending marriage and a return to TWI...at least he has had a moment of clarity.
As it was said earlier, we can be great partners, probably, to other people.
He loves the woman he is with now. She loves him. They treat my children with affection and no one disputes who is "The Mom."
He and I were basically incompatible from the start. And yes, there are days when I wish I'd never been convinced to return to him when I left him the first time. It might have spared us 7 additional years of grief. But, we wouldn't have our wonderful children...and that must be counted.
Oddly enough, I think I am the one who carries the most residual sadness. I wasted his time from the beginning. I never wanted the same things and I was never content in the place he'd made for me. My ex is 13 years or so older than I am, too, and while I think we are both happier now, those are years neither of us will ever get back.
But, the difference is certainly wide. When we were married, my ex criticized me constantly about my physical appearance. I guess he thought I might somehow become miraculously shorter, or slice myself in half to be petite.
Last night, my fella said that I am "The most smokin'-hot woman on the planet."
Now, the fact that his opinion is particularly biased in no way reduces the impact of the compliment...and what a difference to be viewed as someone desirable and loved just as she is, rather than a project to be fixed.
Yours smokin'-ly,
~QT
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Suda
Maybe they can, but should they? Could - should, big difference.
Suda
Link to comment
Share on other sites
copenhagen
A little off topic but sticking to the point.
I recall many years ago in my single days, as an 18-19 yearold kid that there
were many hot young girls my age and a few years older. This was a wonderful time to
be single with a 4 girls to 1 guy in our branch.
Point is so many young ladies wanted to get hitched and dated outside twi.
They dated outside of the way hoping to get them and get them in word.
They got pregant then hitched.
They were atracted to the older guys who could provide for them.
In all the cases above twi lost several young women to unbelivers who they married and stopped coming around.
I think at this time I was in to deep because the only girl I could get to spit on me was if I was on
fire was the a beautiful young gal with a heart of gold. We dated a bit but her goal was wow and corp.
I at the time a full time student and window washer was broke and not able to spoil her not that
she wanted it. Most of the young women went with guys that had some fiancial stability at the time.
Soon after this year or so of losing 5-6 woman the edict came down only date belivers.
Any two belivers that love God can make a marriage work.
I am sure it was stated before but now encouraged and enforced. Only date belivers.
This leaves the pickens thin in some areas and a lot of people setteling for a mate.
CONTROL CONTROL CONTROL THATS TWI POLICY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
COPENHAGEN
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Bolshevik
Copenhaggen,
Hell, it was hard as hell to find another young person to talk to let alone a date. Remember LCMs family class? Premarrital sex depends on the parents. Not even hinting that it could be harmful. So your a teenager sitting there wondering who's parents let who do what. My patriarchal father's only word's to me ever were "don't be a homo and don't come home with and unbelieving wife."
Edited by BolshevikLink to comment
Share on other sites
waterbuffalo
So thaaaaaaaaaaaat's why the edict came down. I had no idea!!! Thanks for filling in the blanks, copenhagen. Musta been early 70s I'm guessing...
Link to comment
Share on other sites
potato
my ex was not in TWI when I married him, but we both ended up fully inside the fold. it was the edict that any two AC grads could make a marriage work that kept me in the marriage so long, when I should have left six months into it. I was constantly bombarded with the message to submit to my "wonderful, hard-working husband who obviously cares for me so much", the problems in the marriage were all my fault for not submitting and giving him sex, blah blah blah.
what a bunch of insanity! there is no chance for a successful marriage when when person in it is a pathological liar. who cares how many classes he's taken? and if sex had involved more than having some sweaty pig smashing me so I couldn't breathe, maybe I'da been into it.
at this point, I'd much rather be single than hand my soul over to someone for convenience or because some stupid "ministry" says I should. I'm happy for you still-marrieds, though. you've succeeded in spite of TWI. as for me and my house, we're MUCH happier since we worked through the aftermath of the divorce. kids CAN be much better off with one parent than two.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
SafariVista
((((((Potato)))))) Something you said I know exactly... EXACTLY! ..... sigh.... glad to hear you're doing better~
Link to comment
Share on other sites
potato
it's a good day to be out of the Way!!!!
I am doing better. I'm still crazy though
Link to comment
Share on other sites
What The Hey
We believe that our marriage is of God.
Here today we open up our hearts ...
Hmmm ... just who wrote that sappy tune anyway?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Ham
Yeah.. der vey I knew tossed that one out with the rest of the "old wineskins".
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Kevlar2000
WTH,
I believe that was off the album, "The Star of the Show" by Pressed Down, Shaken Together and Running Over. Don't know which person in the band had the actual songwriter credit.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
johniam
Joe Fair sings it.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.