RottieGrrrl Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 preface: I'm not Irish. But I was looking for a good Irish joke to give to our Maintenance guy Finney, for St. Patty's Day. I found one and I kind of thought it was cute, but Finney thought it was GREAT! Conclusion. I think you really have to be Irish to appreciate this joke. Jacques Chirac, The French Prime Minister, was sitting in his office wondering what kind of mischief he could perpetrate against the United States when his telephone rang. "Hallo, Mr. Chirac!", a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy down at the Harp Pub in County Sligo, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!" "Well, Paddy," Chirac replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," said Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, me cousin Sean, me next door neighbor Seamus, and the entire dart team from the pub. That makes eight!" Chirac paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have one hundred thousand men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begorra!" said Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back!" Sure enough, the next day, Paddy called again. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be, Paddy?" Chirac asked. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor." Chirac sighed, amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to one hundred fifty-thousand since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" said Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rang again the next day. "Mr. Chirac, the war is still on!" We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boys from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Chirac was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. "I must tell you Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to two hundred thousand!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!", said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy called again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Chirac! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war." "I'm sorry to hear that," said Chirac. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," said Paddy, "we've all had a long chat over a bunch of pints, and decided there's no freakin' way we can feed two hundred thousand prisoners... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eyesopen Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 (edited) Aint that the truth of the matter!!! Happy St Patty's Day! You may not be Irish, but if you keep telling such true stories about us...well we won't hold it agin ya! :D Edited March 17, 2007 by Eyesopen Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lori Posted March 17, 2007 Share Posted March 17, 2007 Ah, Rottie, that was a fine joke you got there.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pawtucket Posted March 18, 2007 Share Posted March 18, 2007 A man in Ireland was driving through town weaving to the right and the left. The local policeman pulled him over. The man rolled down his window and stuck his head out. The policeman caught a strong whiff of alcohol. "Sir, you are drunk!" The man blessed himself and said, "Thanks be to God, for a moment I thought my front end was going out" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RottieGrrrl Posted March 18, 2007 Author Share Posted March 18, 2007 You guys are hysterical. To think I believed Finney when he told me he was bringing in a green pizza last Friday. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dmiller Posted March 19, 2007 Share Posted March 19, 2007 An Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before we begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him. The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil. They lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London. He groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before we begin you are entitled to something on your back. What would you like?" said the prison guard. "Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes the German spat on the ground, called the prison guards Scheisskopfs and started off towards the airport. The guards then came to the Irishman. "Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported. Before we begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?" "Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German". (Sorry Safari!) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SafariVista Posted March 28, 2007 Share Posted March 28, 2007 Huh, I had missed this one.... I'm sure that German was almost to the aiport by the time the Irishman spoke.... Germans walk fast, especially when they're mad Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kit Sober Posted March 31, 2007 Share Posted March 31, 2007 I wish Father Dan were still alive. I'd love to tell him this one. (He was in the category of Most Favorite Priest.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mark Clarke Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 That reminds me of the one about the Irish plumber who, on seeing Niagara Falls for the first time, said, "Sure, I t'ink I can fix that!" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JeffSjo Posted March 4, 2008 Share Posted March 4, 2008 That is a very good joke. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jeast Posted March 5, 2008 Share Posted March 5, 2008 I heard someone attribute this to an old Irish saying.....May the wind at your back never be your own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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Eyesopen
Aint that the truth of the matter!!!
Happy St Patty's Day!
You may not be Irish, but if you keep telling such true stories about us...well we won't hold it agin ya! :D
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Lori
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pawtucket
A man in Ireland was driving through town weaving to the right and the left.
The local policeman pulled him over.
The man rolled down his window and stuck his head out.
The policeman caught a strong whiff of alcohol. "Sir, you are drunk!"
The man blessed himself and said, "Thanks be to God, for a moment I thought my front end was going out"
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RottieGrrrl
You guys are hysterical.
To think I believed Finney when he told me he was bringing in a green pizza last Friday. 
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dmiller
An Irishman, Englishman and a German are caught in Saudi Arabia drinking.
"Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.
Before we begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?"
said the prison guard to the Englishman just before lashing him.
The English man, being a bit of a cricket fan, asked for linseed oil.
They lashed him on a post and let him go to catch his flight back to London.
He groaned and crawled to the airport. Next came the German.
"Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.
Before we begin you are entitled to something on your back. What would you like?" said the prison guard.
"Nothing" said the German and, after receiving his lashes the German spat on the ground,
called the prison guards Scheisskopfs and started off towards the airport.
The guards then came to the Irishman.
"Under Saudi law you are sentenced to 30 lashes then deported.
Before we begin you are entitled to something on your back, what would you like?"
"Oh", replied the Irishman, "I'll take the German".
(Sorry Safari!)
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SafariVista
Huh, I had missed this one.... I'm sure that German was almost to the aiport by the time the Irishman spoke.... Germans walk fast, especially when they're mad
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Kit Sober
I wish Father Dan were still alive. I'd love to tell him this one. (He was in the category of Most Favorite Priest.)
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Mark Clarke
That reminds me of the one about the Irish plumber who, on seeing Niagara Falls for the first time, said, "Sure, I t'ink I can fix that!"
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JeffSjo
That is a very good joke.
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jeast
I heard someone attribute this to an old Irish saying.....May the wind at your back never be your own.
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