The guy's a scumbag, what can I say? Don't feel hurt over losing this loser, feel MAD! Then get over it and find a guy who will be worthy of a sweet, gorgeous, Christian woman like you. I have a lot of female friends, but they all know I'm married to a wonderful woman -- because I tell them! I pray that your heart will be healed soon.
George
P.S. I don't know if Kansas has a website likeTHIS, but it might help you "check out" any other guy who might come your way.
I am not really hurt for myself but for the other women he did hurt and especially his wife. I never was attracted to him that way. We were just friends. I guess I just feel for everyone else more than I should. But truth is I don't have any pity for him and I would like to see him pay for what he has done to these beautiful women. He truly is a loser and these women were really hurt by him.
Not much I can offer you other than my heartfelt sympathy. But I have always wondered why it is that women are so attracted to and fall in love with the 'wild side' kind of men. I guess the bald pot bellied accountant types aren't as exciting. Same thing with men. They don't go for the dowdy menopausal women who would make good wives either do they? Naw.. they want their wives to look like Britney Spears (or however you spell her name) and cook like Rachael Ray. Actually, she doesn't look half bad herself, huh?
Boils down to this, Free... You've been deceived and lied to. But you're young and will love again. Learn your lessons and don't make the same mistakes again. I see your pic and you're good looking. You'll have no problems finding men interested in you.
I am not young. I am on my way to the big 50, will be 44 in a couple of months. But that doesn't really bother me. I wasn't in love with this creep, I just considered him a good friend but the whole event did remind me of why we became friends. One of the biggest heartbreaks of my life. Now I remember the man he helped me get over and that pain does resurface. But once this is all history it too will subside.
I am not concerned with finding love per se. I realized a mom of 3 little ones has little hope of that. I am comfortable being in my skin and being with me. Maybe a bit too comfortable. lol. But I am social and friendship is important. But friendship that is built on honesty and openness. Not this farce I have been a part of for nearly two years. And yes I feel for those he has truly hurt.
I am still in shock at the fact that I believed the bs this man put down. I am in shock that I have been his friend for 2 years and never even suspected he was married. I always thought this guy literally walked on water to accomplish all he did and from that I felt inferior because I couldn't handle all he had on his plate and keep my house clean and do all the activities with my children that he does with his. But he did have help.
I go to school full time, work full time and raise three kids. My house is alway below my standard of clean, my laundry is never caught up, and I feel like life gets away from me. Here was this man raising 5 kids on his own and managing everything else. Running his own business, running for public office, managing one on one time with each of his 5 kids, coaching their sports teams, being involved in many of the local groups and organizations, public service all the way. And he did it without a wife. I would look at that and think I wasn't living up to the standard that I should be living up to.
Now I can be easier on myself and stop criticizing the fact that I can't keep up with my load and he can because he has someone full time supporting he and his children. He has the help that I don't have. In a way that was liberating.
The world is filled with people who will tell you whatever they think you want to hear. They do so to satisfy their own desires, whether they be financial, sexual or a feeling of control.
You deserve better. Don't let this experience blind you to real friendship when it comes along.
Be thankful the truth of the matter came to light.
what you say!? 44 IS young... don't grow old in your mind too early, eh!
Sorry to hear about the heart achey situation. Any time someone has lied to you in such a way, it's a real kicker when you find out.
Hopefully, you have a good (non-cyber) support system... but even if not, you have good friends here.
And with a good support system, you'll get through this soon. :)
Wish I had better insight... but can just really let you know I understand.
...running for public office,...
Yikes! Not someone worth ANYONE'S vote!!!
Your ability to be honest with yourself and your friends is very valuable indeed. Obviously, that bozo had some serious self-esteem issues that he managed by overinflating himself in the eyes of others.
Pretty soon, you'll be VERY thankful you found out before wasting ANY more time with him.
Re:"I am not young. I am on my way to the big 50, will be 44 in a couple of months."
Well aren't you the old hag? You were in the 1st grade when I graduated high school lassie and belive it or not.. you're a youngster. You want drama? Ever seen Moulan Rouge where a man falls in love with a prostitute? Here's the dramatic video that shows that a man can be as devestated as a woman. I am a romantic myself. I hope you like tangos. So sensuous. Give a it a minute. ...
Garth he broke the mold and lost. Thank God. Could you have imagined what he would have done in an official position. Imagine the women he would have hurt. OMG. I am glad he lost.
We christians can often be naive. Did you ever check out his address? Did you ever notice a ring finger that wasn't tanned. Why we fall for the deceit is beyond me. Goood you kept your chastity. And you are brave to talk to the wife. Maybe she should leave him as maybe he is playing others. Sorry for your bubble being popped after two years. You will find someone just give yourself time even though you want it now. I have been down this road too. Do me wrong once shame on you, wrong me twice shame on me, shame me thrice three strikes you are out.
Fellowshipper. I never really was interested in him romantically so I just tended to believe him based on trust that was built between us and never had reason to see if there were ring marks. And yes there were other women that he actually was with during our friendship that were not his wife. And as one of his scorned women check into his history, something I am not inclined to do but then again I am not one of his women scorned just a friend that was lied to, but as she checks him out she feels the need to send me information about his sordid past. That is one thing I do wish would stop as I have heard enough. For her it's a need to construct the truth in attempt to vindicate herself. I feel real sorry for these women and have done what I can to let them know they are worthwhile. But I may have to stop doing that because the barrage of information about this guy is wearing me out.
And no I am not really all that anxious about finding a guy per se as I am way too busy. I have a full time schedule in School and at Work, and I raise 3 kids on my own. My time is limited and my social life challenged. Last night I could have been out on a date and I chose to spend the time at home. My kids were spending their one night a week with their dad. That's my night to let loose. What did I chose to do? Stay home. I was so tired I just wanted to lay around going out with the guy that asked me out would have taken too much energy. lol. Is that a sign of old age or what. lol
Dear Free-sorry to hear about what happened to you. You don't deserve this crap. Time will heal and you will find a good man one day. Until then-you are loved here by many good friends that you can count on anytime.
All too often, we're sold a bill of goods by someone who turns out to be quite different than the image they originally projected.
It's happened to me and I'm sure many, many others, although we don't always like to admit we've been scammed like that. I really admire your candor in posting this. You're a brave lady.
That's why I'm of the opinion that one should know someone at least a year before getting too involved in such an emotional investment.
When the mask falls off, and it will, as it did for you, it'll hurt, but at least you're not burdened with this person in an authority position over you or your kids or other areas of your life that would prove untenable to you and yours...and you have to go to extreme lengths to rid them from your lives. (Am I the master of the run on sentence or what?)
No one should have to wake up some morning, rub their eyes, and discover they became enamored with a fictitious character that didn't ever really exist...and they're lying next to you.
As for being old, I have 15 years on you and I'm still a spring chicken...you're just a kid.
How very telling that this guy was/is in politics. It seems par for the course.
Married men who cheat are VERY GOOD at what they do, even when it's just playing a game like he was with you. :(
I've been there. Had the home, cell and work phone numbers. His secretary even knew what he was doing and never said a word. Heck, he even met my parents! Never wore a ring. We would go out with my friends all the time and he'd pick me up at work for lunch dates..... Just no way to know really.
It makes you not want to trust people, but we can't live like that.
Well Free, once upon a time, I was looking for Jesus and found a great group of believers. Their leader was a great guy living and doing the Bible. I gave them money, a large portion of my life and my "stand". Then, I found out most of it was a lie.
Since then, I have tried to collect facts.
Sometimes I have failed.
Once, I dated a guy who was nuts for me. It turned out I looked EXACTLY like the girl who dumped him, except she had bangs. His friends warned me, but it was hard to believe. So, I fashined my hair like I had bangs and took my picture. I left it sit out. When he came in, he nearly fainted when he saw it. He then confessed that when he kissed me he pretended I was her. Our whole dating experience was HIM pretending I was HER. We had been dating nearly a year.
(((Dot))) How horrible to find out such a horrible truth.
YOu are worth much better treatment.
At least you didn't have to deal with what a friend of mine had to deal with. Her husband would picture another guy while he and she,,,, you know :redface:
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GeorgeStGeorge
Dear Free,
The guy's a scumbag, what can I say? Don't feel hurt over losing this loser, feel MAD! Then get over it and find a guy who will be worthy of a sweet, gorgeous, Christian woman like you. I have a lot of female friends, but they all know I'm married to a wonderful woman -- because I tell them! I pray that your heart will be healed soon.
George
P.S. I don't know if Kansas has a website like THIS , but it might help you "check out" any other guy who might come your way.
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FreeAtLast
Thanks for you kind words.
I am not really hurt for myself but for the other women he did hurt and especially his wife. I never was attracted to him that way. We were just friends. I guess I just feel for everyone else more than I should. But truth is I don't have any pity for him and I would like to see him pay for what he has done to these beautiful women. He truly is a loser and these women were really hurt by him.
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Lori
Hi Free!
It is so hard when we find out people we know have been lying to us. I'm just glad you weren't involved to a greater degree.
You're definitely worthy of much better!
Lori
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QuietThinker
Discovering a friend isn't really a friend can be as devastating, too. I think it's Horrid, FAL...and your compassion for his wife is admirable.
Hope he gets his, frankly.
~QT
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Sudo
Free,
Not much I can offer you other than my heartfelt sympathy. But I have always wondered why it is that women are so attracted to and fall in love with the 'wild side' kind of men. I guess the bald pot bellied accountant types aren't as exciting. Same thing with men. They don't go for the dowdy menopausal women who would make good wives either do they? Naw.. they want their wives to look like Britney Spears (or however you spell her name) and cook like Rachael Ray. Actually, she doesn't look half bad herself, huh?
Boils down to this, Free... You've been deceived and lied to. But you're young and will love again. Learn your lessons and don't make the same mistakes again. I see your pic and you're good looking. You'll have no problems finding men interested in you.
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FreeAtLast
Sudo,
I am not young. I am on my way to the big 50, will be 44 in a couple of months. But that doesn't really bother me. I wasn't in love with this creep, I just considered him a good friend but the whole event did remind me of why we became friends. One of the biggest heartbreaks of my life. Now I remember the man he helped me get over and that pain does resurface. But once this is all history it too will subside.
I am not concerned with finding love per se. I realized a mom of 3 little ones has little hope of that. I am comfortable being in my skin and being with me. Maybe a bit too comfortable. lol. But I am social and friendship is important. But friendship that is built on honesty and openness. Not this farce I have been a part of for nearly two years. And yes I feel for those he has truly hurt.
I am still in shock at the fact that I believed the bs this man put down. I am in shock that I have been his friend for 2 years and never even suspected he was married. I always thought this guy literally walked on water to accomplish all he did and from that I felt inferior because I couldn't handle all he had on his plate and keep my house clean and do all the activities with my children that he does with his. But he did have help.
I go to school full time, work full time and raise three kids. My house is alway below my standard of clean, my laundry is never caught up, and I feel like life gets away from me. Here was this man raising 5 kids on his own and managing everything else. Running his own business, running for public office, managing one on one time with each of his 5 kids, coaching their sports teams, being involved in many of the local groups and organizations, public service all the way. And he did it without a wife. I would look at that and think I wasn't living up to the standard that I should be living up to.
Now I can be easier on myself and stop criticizing the fact that I can't keep up with my load and he can because he has someone full time supporting he and his children. He has the help that I don't have. In a way that was liberating.
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waysider
The world is filled with people who will tell you whatever they think you want to hear. They do so to satisfy their own desires, whether they be financial, sexual or a feeling of control.
You deserve better. Don't let this experience blind you to real friendship when it comes along.
Be thankful the truth of the matter came to light.
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Rocky
what you say!? 44 IS young... don't grow old in your mind too early, eh!
Sorry to hear about the heart achey situation. Any time someone has lied to you in such a way, it's a real kicker when you find out.
Hopefully, you have a good (non-cyber) support system... but even if not, you have good friends here.
And with a good support system, you'll get through this soon. :)
Wish I had better insight... but can just really let you know I understand.
Yikes! Not someone worth ANYONE'S vote!!!
Your ability to be honest with yourself and your friends is very valuable indeed. Obviously, that bozo had some serious self-esteem issues that he managed by overinflating himself in the eyes of others.
Pretty soon, you'll be VERY thankful you found out before wasting ANY more time with him.
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Sudo
Free,
Re:"I am not young. I am on my way to the big 50, will be 44 in a couple of months."
Well aren't you the old hag? You were in the 1st grade when I graduated high school lassie and belive it or not.. you're a youngster. You want drama? Ever seen Moulan Rouge where a man falls in love with a prostitute? Here's the dramatic video that shows that a man can be as devestated as a woman. I am a romantic myself. I hope you like tangos. So sensuous. Give a it a minute. ...
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Dot Matrix
Free
That was a very painful story for you and his wife. What a big butt he is.
I am very sorry. I have felt pain like that before so I know how shocked you must be. Makes you wonder about everything.
((((FREE)))))
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excathedra
dear free, something very similar happened to me my freshman year in college
i was shocked, devasted beyond words
i actually became "friends" (but not really) with the jerk's wife (she knew i didn't know is what i mean)
you might be 44, but think of your life's experiences
take heart, you will be okay
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FreeAtLast
amazing performances Sudo. I haven't seen that movie but it seems a bit dark. However, I did thoroughly enjoy watching it. Thanks for sharing.
Dot and Ex thanks for the encouragement.
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GarthP2000
Oh, he'll win the election all right. With the background that FreeAtLast gave us, he'll win.
They always do. <_<
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FreeAtLast
Garth he broke the mold and lost. Thank God. Could you have imagined what he would have done in an official position. Imagine the women he would have hurt. OMG. I am glad he lost.
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fellowshipper
We christians can often be naive. Did you ever check out his address? Did you ever notice a ring finger that wasn't tanned. Why we fall for the deceit is beyond me. Goood you kept your chastity. And you are brave to talk to the wife. Maybe she should leave him as maybe he is playing others. Sorry for your bubble being popped after two years. You will find someone just give yourself time even though you want it now. I have been down this road too. Do me wrong once shame on you, wrong me twice shame on me, shame me thrice three strikes you are out.
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FreeAtLast
Fellowshipper. I never really was interested in him romantically so I just tended to believe him based on trust that was built between us and never had reason to see if there were ring marks. And yes there were other women that he actually was with during our friendship that were not his wife. And as one of his scorned women check into his history, something I am not inclined to do but then again I am not one of his women scorned just a friend that was lied to, but as she checks him out she feels the need to send me information about his sordid past. That is one thing I do wish would stop as I have heard enough. For her it's a need to construct the truth in attempt to vindicate herself. I feel real sorry for these women and have done what I can to let them know they are worthwhile. But I may have to stop doing that because the barrage of information about this guy is wearing me out.
And no I am not really all that anxious about finding a guy per se as I am way too busy. I have a full time schedule in School and at Work, and I raise 3 kids on my own. My time is limited and my social life challenged. Last night I could have been out on a date and I chose to spend the time at home. My kids were spending their one night a week with their dad. That's my night to let loose. What did I chose to do? Stay home. I was so tired I just wanted to lay around going out with the guy that asked me out would have taken too much energy. lol. Is that a sign of old age or what. lol
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polar bear
Dear Free-sorry to hear about what happened to you. You don't deserve this crap. Time will heal and you will find a good man one day. Until then-you are loved here by many good friends that you can count on anytime.
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Ron G.
All too often, we're sold a bill of goods by someone who turns out to be quite different than the image they originally projected.
It's happened to me and I'm sure many, many others, although we don't always like to admit we've been scammed like that. I really admire your candor in posting this. You're a brave lady.
That's why I'm of the opinion that one should know someone at least a year before getting too involved in such an emotional investment.
When the mask falls off, and it will, as it did for you, it'll hurt, but at least you're not burdened with this person in an authority position over you or your kids or other areas of your life that would prove untenable to you and yours...and you have to go to extreme lengths to rid them from your lives. (Am I the master of the run on sentence or what?)
No one should have to wake up some morning, rub their eyes, and discover they became enamored with a fictitious character that didn't ever really exist...and they're lying next to you.
As for being old, I have 15 years on you and I'm still a spring chicken...you're just a kid.
How very telling that this guy was/is in politics. It seems par for the course.
Thanks for your honest and eye opening post.
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Belle
((((Free)))))
Married men who cheat are VERY GOOD at what they do, even when it's just playing a game like he was with you. :(
I've been there. Had the home, cell and work phone numbers. His secretary even knew what he was doing and never said a word. Heck, he even met my parents! Never wore a ring. We would go out with my friends all the time and he'd pick me up at work for lunch dates..... Just no way to know really.
It makes you not want to trust people, but we can't live like that.
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FreeAtLast
Hey Ron np. It was a new lesson in life for me.
Belle sweetie thanks for sharing your story too. It's amazing that there are so many slime balls out there.
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Dot Matrix
Well Free, once upon a time, I was looking for Jesus and found a great group of believers. Their leader was a great guy living and doing the Bible. I gave them money, a large portion of my life and my "stand". Then, I found out most of it was a lie.
Since then, I have tried to collect facts.
Sometimes I have failed.
Once, I dated a guy who was nuts for me. It turned out I looked EXACTLY like the girl who dumped him, except she had bangs. His friends warned me, but it was hard to believe. So, I fashined my hair like I had bangs and took my picture. I left it sit out. When he came in, he nearly fainted when he saw it. He then confessed that when he kissed me he pretended I was her. Our whole dating experience was HIM pretending I was HER. We had been dating nearly a year.
Like you, I was sick about it.
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FreeAtLast
(((Dot))) How horrible to find out such a horrible truth.
YOu are worth much better treatment.
At least you didn't have to deal with what a friend of mine had to deal with. Her husband would picture another guy while he and she,,,, you know :redface:
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