You Might Live In Michigan..........

[Sushi]

Fairly close to the time I first got to Michigan, Abi and I rented "Escanaba In Da Moonlight". We had to wait about three weeks in order to secure a copy for viewing. It was MY understanding, being from the East Coast, it was a comedy. I was informed by my lovely bride, in fact, it was a documentary.

That being said, it would seem Mr. Foxworthy has started teasing Michigan people about their lovely state. Here goes.........

Are you aware that Jeff Foxworthy is now picking on Michigan?

Read on.

(pretty funny and accurate)

1. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling

through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan.

2. If you're proud that your region makes the national news 96 nights each year because Pellston is the coldest spot in the nation, you might live in Michigan.

3. If your local Dairy Queen is closed from November through March, You might live in Michigan.

4. If you instinctively walk like a penguin for five months out of the year, you might live in Michigan.

5. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan.

6. If your dad's suntan stops at a line curving around the middle of his forehead, you might live in Michigan.

7. If you have worn shorts and a coat at the same time, you might live in Michigan.

8. If your town has an equal number of bars and churches, you might live in Michigan.

9. If you have had a lengthy telephone conversation with someone who dialed a wrong number, you might live in Michigan. >

Part 2 -You know you're a true MICHIGANDER when . . .

1. "Vacation" means going up north on I-75.

2. You measure distance in hours.

3. You know several people who have hit a deer more than once.

4. You often switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

5. You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

6. You see people wearing camouflage at social events (including weddings).

7. You install security lights on your house and garage and leave both unlocked.

8. You carry jumper cables in your car and your girlfriend knows how to use them.

9. You design your kid's Halloween costume to fit over a snowsuit.

10. Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow.

11. You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction.

12. You can identify a southern or eastern accent.

13. Your idea of creative landscaping is a statue of a deer next to your blue spruce.

14. You were unaware that there is a legal drinking age.

15. Down South to you means Ohio.

16. A brat is something you eat.

17. Your neighbor throws a party to celebrate his new pole barn.

18. You go out to fish fry every Friday.

19. Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost.

20. You have more miles on your snow blower than your car.

21. You find 0 degrees "a little chilly."

22. You drink pop and bake with soda.

23. Your doctor tells you to drink Vernors and you know it's not medicine.

24. You can actually drink Vernors without coughing

25. You know what a Yooper is.

26. You think owning a Honda is Un-American.

27. You know that UP is a place, not a direction.

28. You know it's possible to live in a thumb.

29. You understand that when visiting Detroit, the best thing to wear is a Kevlar vest.

30. You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Michigan friends.

[Abigail]

1. If you consider it a sport to gather your food by drilling

through 18 inches of ice and sitting there all day hoping that the food will swim by, you might live in Michigan

You can tell Jeff Foxworthy has only visited and never actually LIVED in Michigan, otherwise he would have mentioned that you can participate in this particular activity 9 months out of the year.

. If someone in a store offers you assistance, and they don't work there, you might live in Michigan.

I do this. One day I met a man at Meijer who must be agoraphobic. He was all scrunched up against the meat counter with a look of sheer terror on his face. He couldn't figure out how to work his way back into the aisle. I stopped my cart (and the flow of traffic) and made room for him. I ran into him again and again as I shopped, always he would be stuck somewhere, unable to work up the courage or aggression to force his way into the flow of traffic. I told Sushi he needed to go be the man's body guard and help him finish shopping :D

"Vacation" means going up north on I-75

I go at least once a year.

You measure distance in hours

Exactly, it takes two hours to get to Detroit, the bridge is 3 1/2 hours away, and my dad's house is about 7 hours away. What more does a person need to know?

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

Down South to you means Ohio.

And man is it irritating when those darned southern drivers from Ohio slow me down!!!

Driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow

Hell yeah!!!!

You know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction

In other parts of the country, people know winter is coming when the leaves turn orange and fall off the trees. Here, we know winter is coming with the orange cones disappear.

A brat is something you eat.

Cooked in beer, with a pastie on the side. :D

Your 4th of July picnic was moved indoors due to frost

On one 4th of July vacation, up north of course, I actually did experience this.

You know what a Yooper is

I better, I am one!!! Better a yooper than a troll!

You actually understand these jokes, and you forward them to all your Michigan friends

I figured it would be easier to ask Sushi to post em here instead.

[dmiller]

All dem dere, could be said aboot Minney-sotan's too.

Und here is Ole's Medical Dictionary, to proof dat!!

Ole's Norwegian Medical Dictionary

Annaly - Occurring yearly

Labor Pain - Getting hurt at work

Artery - Study of paintings

Medical Staff - Doctor's cane

Bacteria - Back door to cafeteria

Morbid - Higher offer

Barium - What doctors do when treatment fails

Nitrate - Cheaper than day rate

Bowel - Letter like A, E, I, O U

Node - Was aware of

Caesarian Section - A District in Rome

Outpatient - Person who has fainted

Catarrh - Stringed instrument

Pap Smear - Fatherhood test

Cat Scan - Searching for Kitty

Prostate - Flat on you back

Cauterize - Made eye contact with her

Protein - Favoring young people

Colic - A sheep dog

Recovering Room - Place to do upholstery

Coma - A punctuation mark

Rectum - Dan near killed 'em

D & C - Where Washington is

Rheumatic - Amorous

Diarrhea - Journal of Daily events

Scar - Rolled tobacco leaf

Dilate - To live long

Secretion - Hiding anything

Enema - Not a friend

Seizure - Roman Emperor

Fester - Quicker

Serology - Study of Knighthood

Fibula - Small lie

Tablet - Small table

Genital - Non-Jewish

Terminal Illness - Sickness at the airport

G.I. Series - Soldier's ball game

Tibia - Country in North Africa

Grippe - Suitcase

Tumor - An extra pair

Hangnail - Coat Hook

Urine - Opposite of "you're out"

High Colonic - Jewish religious holiday

Varicose - Located nearby

Impotent - Distinguished; well known

Vein - Conceited.

:)

[Greek2me]

Actually, I miss the winters in Michigan. Great time of the year. The problem with most non-Michiganders is they don't know how to 'get out of the house and enjoy it' as my mother would say...

Snowmobiling, skiing, ice-fishing, sliding, (sledding to others) snowball (football in the snow) hunting, steel heading, even snow shoveling... are the good things in life.

Detroit was 3 1/2 to 4 hours away (depending on road construction) Big Mac (the bridge, not the burger) was about the same, (actually a little more) depending on how many deer you hit.

Myself, I've got 3, but then again, I've been out of the State for 20 years.

You can drive 65 mph through 2 feet of snow during a raging blizzard, without flinching.

Naturally. What's more, you get upset at those who seemingly can't because they "don't know how to drive."

You know what a Yooper is

Say ya to da you pee, eh!

"Vacation" means going up north on I-75

Just part of the ways. Mostly take 37 or 131. The scenery and bar burgers are better.

He didn't mention that all true Michiganders have a real dislike, if not hate, for all things Ohio.

Also not mentioned but seriously Michiganna... You take your MAY 1st dip in Lake Michigan regardless of the 'flurries' because it's the traditional way to welcome summer!

[Abigail]

Also not mentioned but seriously Michiganna... You take your MAY 1st dip in Lake Michigan regardless of the 'flurries' because it's the traditional way to welcome summer!

Lansing just had it's annual fundraiser for Muscular Dystrophy (sp), wherein people dive into the river in January!!

[def59]

If an American dies overseas, there's a good chance they'll be from Michigan. (Missionaries shot down in Ecuador, engineer beheaded in Iraq)

If a town elects a kid to be mayor - it will likely be from Michigan (Hillsdale 2005 - I voted for him)

If a Mormon runs for president, he'll be from Michigan (George in 1968, Mitt in 2008)

[Greek2me]

If an American dies overseas, there's a good chance they'll be from Michigan. (Missionaries shot down in Ecuador, engineer beheaded in Iraq)

Let's not get carried away... I'm overseas

[SafariVista]

All seems normal to me

[oenophile]

If you can't make the connection between tailgating and rear end accidents, you are probably a Michigander.

[markomalley]

Sushi,

Those aren't about Michigan, they're about Minnesnota.

Yeah, he got a couple of places wrong. The coldest place is International Falls. Everybody KNOWS down south is Iowa.

And he forgot the Lutefisk jokes ... but otherwise ...