I personally think that it is pretty darned smart to analyse what happened, figure out what made us vulnerable, and how things could go so terribly wrong in order to grow and not repeat mistakes.
It is also very nice to finally be allowed to have an opinion, and the opportunity to voice that.
I look back at TWI, even though I got out before the 90's it was still pretty oppressive in my day, and think don't these twits realize that the only way you are EVER going to get people to listen to your ideas regarding politics religion, marriage, child rearing etc etc, is if you are friends first?? Friends that have a genuine concern and care for each other as individuals?? And even if someone just comes to a meeting and you don't know them they have to feel that you care about them as an individual not just another tally mark.
TWI just never got that--they regarded friendship as a tool to garner more followers rather than realizing that people bonded by true friendship first are much more likely to bond naturally in other areas such as religion
I was sent WOW to Muscle Shoals, AL. I was twenty four years old. Through a process of networking and audition I received a call to play with the Muscle Shoals Horns - a renowned studio horn section that had recently toured with Elton John.
I told them I could play with them but had to be home and in bed by midnight.
I was sent WOW to Muscle Shoals, AL. I was twenty four years old. Through a process of networking and audition I received a call to play with the Muscle Shoals Horns - a renowned studio horn section that had recently toured with Elton John.
I told them I could play with them but had to be home and in bed by midnight.
I was sent WOW to Muscle Shoals, AL. I was twenty four years old. Through a process of networking and audition I received a call to play with the Muscle Shoals Horns - a renowned studio horn section that had recently toured with Elton John.
I told them I could play with them but had to be home and in bed by midnight.
I was sent WOW to Muscle Shoals, AL. I was twenty four years old. Through a process of networking and audition I received a call to play with the Muscle Shoals Horns - a renowned studio horn section that had recently toured with Elton John.
I told them I could play with them but had to be home and in bed by midnight.
I've never had problems making friends, but never have been able to feel close to people after leaving.
What's interesting is I met my husband when he was posting on Waydale, in a thread called "Can't Get Close" that he had started. He had the handle of Mathman. He wrote about many of the same things that you all have, but mostly its a feeling that you just can't find anyone who you really click with anymore.
Maybe that's why this little spot in cyberspace is so precious to us... most of us...
I've never had problems making friends, but never have been able to feel close to people after leaving.
What's interesting is I met my husband when he was posting on Waydale, in a thread called "Can't Get Close" that he had started. He had the handle of Mathman. He wrote about many of the same things that you all have, but mostly its a feeling that you just can't find anyone who you really click with anymore.
Maybe that's why this little spot in cyberspace is so precious to us... most of us...
Folks loved our parties. We preached grace and freely passed the beer. But we were geographically far enough removed that 'leadership' would be unlikely to show up anyway. I don't remember too many parties after moving closer to the 'mainstream.'
I think, at least for me and for several of my friends who all exited TWI within a five year span of each other, after having ALL of our young adult lives invested(pre teens to somewhere in our thirties) into TWI, we came out to find that many social cliques were already formed before us leaving TWI.
Many of us moved from our original communities (and I am not saying that is a bad thing) so people who grew up together may have stayed together and moved through young to middle adult hood together, joining the PTA and social clubs and not what. Their circle of friends were already established. If you were like me, your parent or parents died while you were in TWI so coming out of TWI and finding your family circle a little kahilter because of such changes may have made it harder to fit back in.
For me, this was the hardest thing to deal with. Finding people who had room in their social circles for new people. I have now lived in one community for ten years, a homeowner with a marriage and children. We are established. I have joined the PTA and other clubs and through time (TIME being the key word) have made associations and friends and established 'networks.' But it didn't happen over night. It took work, it took patience and it took realizing that unlike TWI mindset, people just don't automatically accept you into their group and may hold you at arms length until they get to know you and learn to trust you.
I figure it is like finding people who have been playing a good rousing game of Rummy or Scrable or something and in the middle of the game some one new wants to pop right in and join. It does upset the equilibrium of those already playing.
So what I recommend is allowing people to get to know you. You can join the PTA if you have children in school, volunteer to be a room parent, if you go to church, join any social circles within the church or prayer groups. Never mention TWI. I sure don't. NOt any more. I lost more friends by admitting to it and no, no one needs to know that I was involved once in a cult. It's none of their business along with many other personal things that we are not obligated to share.
I know from the postings that TWI evolved into an organization that didn't readily accept you unless you jumped through specific hoops and I will say that was also true in the earlier years of TWI but it was a little more covert. You weren't taken seriously unless you performed well.
i'll be up for the party, just gotta call ambassador one
Oswego is about an hour and a half away from me. I went to college there and don't miss the wind off the lake nor the current seven feet of snow they've gotten over the last week or so.
AMBASSADOR ONE! That's it!! I couldn't remember the name of the plane when I was posting in the ROA thread. Thanks, ex!
my friends think it's great that i was involved in a cult :)
--
when's your next one, jj ?
That is great that your friends think it is wonderful. I used to speak to Cynthia Kisser at the Cult Awareness Network before it was sued out of existence about this very subject. ExTWIers thinking that they owed an explanation about where they had been for the past ten years and what they were doing. It can be detrimental for people, especially for people who first leave destructive groups to 'confess' their cult involvement, especially since they may feel that it should be shared with all who ask queestions like about where they have been, what they were doing moving around so much etc. It is information that at best, should be shared with severe discrimination.
My husband and I made a mistake, several times over when in churches, confessing to those we thought were friends that we were once involved in TWI. We were never treated the same again. Some people can't handle that type of information. When I first left TWI and went to a Methodist church and told the Pastor that I was searching and trying to learn and that I had just left TWI, (he really didn't know that much about it, just heard it was a cult) his manner became condescending to me. You would think I would have learned after that but after experiencing once or twice more, I realized that most people cannot handle the truth. Out of all the friends I have now, only one friend knows about my invovlement but that is a very limited knowledge. It is not something I need to relive by sharing and only being here is where I take out my whole past involvement and look at it and even here, I don't share everything.
Thank you for your post, I know you are a sweetie.
It's just weird how some of us thought we owed everyone an explanation. I remember when I used to freak when I ran into Way people who were still in when I was out. Just strange, but Waydale helped me to get over that. I supposed as time went on and I became more confident in myself and my own spirituality and didn't need it to be approved by others, in addition to meeting online people who shared my views of TWI, I was able to get over much and was able to feel I belonged. If that makes sense.
...the best times of my social life were spent with people who never heard of twi...the worst times were the ones spent at "ministry functions"...
...I recall being at a twi "party" and while outside (smoking a cig), I told an off color joke to a few guys...everybody laughed until I turned around and saw the branch leader glaring at me!...he took me aside and reamed me out.
here's the joke I told:
What did Mr. Spock see when he looked in the toilet?
...the captain's log!
I thought it was funny and really didn't think anyone would get devil possessed listening to it...
Twi never allowed people to be themselves and to speak freely...everything was censored and controlled.
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I personally think that it is pretty darned smart to analyse what happened, figure out what made us vulnerable, and how things could go so terribly wrong in order to grow and not repeat mistakes.
It is also very nice to finally be allowed to have an opinion, and the opportunity to voice that.
Some of us were shut down for decades.
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WordWolf
Don't like the menu here, nobody's forcing you to eat here.
Lurking and posting are done at your own risk.
We set great store at freedom to think and freedom to discuss here.
There are plenty of boards that do not.
Feel free to seek them out for all the legalization and rules you see fit.
Mind you,
the pro-twi boards won't ALLOW you on, because you're not a current member,
which is a REQUIREMENT of theirs.
But you can find lots of OTHER boards with their own rules.
Thousands upon thousands of them have never even HEARD of twi, vpw, pfal, etc.
You could even post at some of them and come back here.
(Lots of us post at non-twi-related boards ALL THE TIME.)
Or was that meant intentionally to illustrate the topic,
and twi's famous "if I'm in the room, I'm controlling the microphone and the discussions"
stance, which some of us can't live without?
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TheHighWay
Good one, WordWolf!!
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Belle
I think he's just showing how socially inept he is.
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templelady
I look back at TWI, even though I got out before the 90's it was still pretty oppressive in my day, and think don't these twits realize that the only way you are EVER going to get people to listen to your ideas regarding politics religion, marriage, child rearing etc etc, is if you are friends first?? Friends that have a genuine concern and care for each other as individuals?? And even if someone just comes to a meeting and you don't know them they have to feel that you care about them as an individual not just another tally mark.
TWI just never got that--they regarded friendship as a tool to garner more followers rather than realizing that people bonded by true friendship first are much more likely to bond naturally in other areas such as religion
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Yanagisawa
Talk about social (and professional) ineptness!
I was sent WOW to Muscle Shoals, AL. I was twenty four years old. Through a process of networking and audition I received a call to play with the Muscle Shoals Horns - a renowned studio horn section that had recently toured with Elton John.
I told them I could play with them but had to be home and in bed by midnight.
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waterbuffalo
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waysider
OUCH!!!
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excathedra
you poor thing
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ChasUFarley
I've never had problems making friends, but never have been able to feel close to people after leaving.
What's interesting is I met my husband when he was posting on Waydale, in a thread called "Can't Get Close" that he had started. He had the handle of Mathman. He wrote about many of the same things that you all have, but mostly its a feeling that you just can't find anyone who you really click with anymore.
Maybe that's why this little spot in cyberspace is so precious to us... most of us...
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pond
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sogwap51
I'm still socially retarded.
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outintexas
I'd be a whole lot less socially retarded if I had listened to Mister Rogers instead of twi. Here are a couple of his quotes:
"I feel the greatest gift we can give to anybody is the gift of our honest self." (emphasis mine)
and
"You know, you don't have to look like everybody else to be acceptable and to feel acceptable."
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JumpinJive
Folks loved our parties. We preached grace and freely passed the beer. But we were geographically far enough removed that 'leadership' would be unlikely to show up anyway. I don't remember too many parties after moving closer to the 'mainstream.'
-JJ
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FullCircle
I think, at least for me and for several of my friends who all exited TWI within a five year span of each other, after having ALL of our young adult lives invested(pre teens to somewhere in our thirties) into TWI, we came out to find that many social cliques were already formed before us leaving TWI.
Many of us moved from our original communities (and I am not saying that is a bad thing) so people who grew up together may have stayed together and moved through young to middle adult hood together, joining the PTA and social clubs and not what. Their circle of friends were already established. If you were like me, your parent or parents died while you were in TWI so coming out of TWI and finding your family circle a little kahilter because of such changes may have made it harder to fit back in.
For me, this was the hardest thing to deal with. Finding people who had room in their social circles for new people. I have now lived in one community for ten years, a homeowner with a marriage and children. We are established. I have joined the PTA and other clubs and through time (TIME being the key word) have made associations and friends and established 'networks.' But it didn't happen over night. It took work, it took patience and it took realizing that unlike TWI mindset, people just don't automatically accept you into their group and may hold you at arms length until they get to know you and learn to trust you.
I figure it is like finding people who have been playing a good rousing game of Rummy or Scrable or something and in the middle of the game some one new wants to pop right in and join. It does upset the equilibrium of those already playing.
So what I recommend is allowing people to get to know you. You can join the PTA if you have children in school, volunteer to be a room parent, if you go to church, join any social circles within the church or prayer groups. Never mention TWI. I sure don't. NOt any more. I lost more friends by admitting to it and no, no one needs to know that I was involved once in a cult. It's none of their business along with many other personal things that we are not obligated to share.
I know from the postings that TWI evolved into an organization that didn't readily accept you unless you jumped through specific hoops and I will say that was also true in the earlier years of TWI but it was a little more covert. You weren't taken seriously unless you performed well.
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excathedra
my friends think it's great that i was involved in a cult :)
--
when's your next one, jj ?
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JumpinJive
Hah! Just about every weekend now that I'm out of the cults, the kids are gone and I'm kind of bored with life!
-JJ
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excathedra
jj, i just viewed your profile
you anywhere near oswego ??????
i'll be up for the party, just gotta call ambassador one
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JumpinJive
Oswego is about an hour and a half away from me. I went to college there and don't miss the wind off the lake nor the current seven feet of snow they've gotten over the last week or so.
AMBASSADOR ONE! That's it!! I couldn't remember the name of the plane when I was posting in the ROA thread. Thanks, ex!
-JJ
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excathedra
what can i tell you
it's a walk
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FullCircle
That is great that your friends think it is wonderful. I used to speak to Cynthia Kisser at the Cult Awareness Network before it was sued out of existence about this very subject. ExTWIers thinking that they owed an explanation about where they had been for the past ten years and what they were doing. It can be detrimental for people, especially for people who first leave destructive groups to 'confess' their cult involvement, especially since they may feel that it should be shared with all who ask queestions like about where they have been, what they were doing moving around so much etc. It is information that at best, should be shared with severe discrimination.
My husband and I made a mistake, several times over when in churches, confessing to those we thought were friends that we were once involved in TWI. We were never treated the same again. Some people can't handle that type of information. When I first left TWI and went to a Methodist church and told the Pastor that I was searching and trying to learn and that I had just left TWI, (he really didn't know that much about it, just heard it was a cult) his manner became condescending to me. You would think I would have learned after that but after experiencing once or twice more, I realized that most people cannot handle the truth. Out of all the friends I have now, only one friend knows about my invovlement but that is a very limited knowledge. It is not something I need to relive by sharing and only being here is where I take out my whole past involvement and look at it and even here, I don't share everything.
Hey Jumpin, you know me. I will mail you :)
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excathedra
i totally respect where you are coming from, full circle
honestly i didn't mean to make light of your situation
--
now on a lighter note, i stay away from churches. maybe that's why it's been easier for me
hugs
oh and i got out whenever the psycho geer poo paper came out
and so now it's years later where i can share and make my friends laugh
i don't think i ever did that in the beginning
hugs again
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FullCircle
Thank you for your post, I know you are a sweetie.
It's just weird how some of us thought we owed everyone an explanation. I remember when I used to freak when I ran into Way people who were still in when I was out. Just strange, but Waydale helped me to get over that. I supposed as time went on and I became more confident in myself and my own spirituality and didn't need it to be approved by others, in addition to meeting online people who shared my views of TWI, I was able to get over much and was able to feel I belonged. If that makes sense.
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GrouchoMarxJr
Great thread...
...the best times of my social life were spent with people who never heard of twi...the worst times were the ones spent at "ministry functions"...
...I recall being at a twi "party" and while outside (smoking a cig), I told an off color joke to a few guys...everybody laughed until I turned around and saw the branch leader glaring at me!...he took me aside and reamed me out.
here's the joke I told:
What did Mr. Spock see when he looked in the toilet?
...the captain's log!
I thought it was funny and really didn't think anyone would get devil possessed listening to it...
Twi never allowed people to be themselves and to speak freely...everything was censored and controlled.
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