my letter to the way international

[potato]

before I was strong enough to leave twi, I wrote a letter to the BOT. I never sent it, because I knew how it would be dealt with. it would either go straight to the round file, or someone would be given the task of meeting with me to set me straight on my thinking... er... help me get healed. I knew it would make absolutely no difference, because there is no heart there to hear what I had to say.

well, here it is... this was written just this past August. amazing how much stronger I am since then, thanks to you fellow greasespotters.

To the Board of Trustees of the Way International,

I started fellowshipping with The Way in 1986. I'm uncertain if I want to continue being associated with The Way any longer. I’m in the process of sorting out the last 15 years of my life. While my reasons for coming to fellowship were sincere and legitimate in the beginning, I’ve wondered lately if I’ve only continued out of a sense of guilt. I love God, make no mistake. But I heard, too many times during the Martindale regime, that those who left the ministry were devoid of spiritual worth, so I stayed and suffered when the ministry was spiritually bankrupt. The fear I lived under no longer makes sense. Martindale is gone, but his legacy remains in so many ways, so I continue to have two major issues in my relationship with The Way.

1. The coverup of misconduct by ministry leadership.

My expectation, when I back up an organization that expects honesty from me, is that they live up to the same standard. I did not leave over Martindale's sexual misconduct, even after learning the true depth of the infection

into our so-called biblical ministry. What has really bothered me is that it's business as usual. Thousands of people left, and were hurt. Good, honest people -- upstanding believers -- were treated like dirt because they disagreed with Martindale. My belief was always that The Way would, in the end, show its integrity, by publicly admitting that things were wrong and issuing an apology to those who were harmed, but it never has. I simply can't respect sweeping years of error under the carpet and making a fresh start like nothing ever happened. The ministry as a whole is accountable for hurting a lot of people. I know what's at stake by admitting fault, but I believe The Way made the wrong decision. It’s better to make things right than to simply appear to be in the right.

2. Unqualified people acting as counselors.

I lived for 15 years in an abusive relationship with my ex-husband (name omitted). When I sought help from leadership, more damage was done because of their lack of training. Way Corps training does not qualify someone to perform marital counseling, nor does it give them the right to tell a victim of abuse that it is her fault the marriage is unhappy because she doesn't appreciate her husband enough. I was told, during a conference call where my ex-husband and (Fellowship Coordinator names omitted) were present, by a staff member who'd been assigned to "figure out what was wrong with me", that I was a dangerous person. The shattering of my self-esteem was complete, and I lost myself to become the person they wanted me to become. The process of recovering from the destruction done by my ex-husband started with moving away from the judgmental micromanagement of (Fellowship Coordinator names omitted), and took a huge jump forward with my divorce.

My life with the ministry was a long, sustained nightmare because I believed that if I left my husband, I would have been thrown out of the ministry. After Martindale's brainwashing that leaving was a fate worse than death, and after being subjected to the care of (FC's name omitted) and (FC's names omitted), I believed that if I left (ex-husband's name omitted), I'd be worth nothing. So I stayed, and became nothing. No one recognized the symptoms of abuse, and I’d become convinced that my misery was my own doing. Abuse comes with a set of distinct symptoms, and those I reached out to for help used those symptoms to condemn me. Now that I'm free of my tormentor, I can look back and see my life for what it was, and see how much devastation was wrought at the hands of a sick man, with the blessing of his leadership because they aren’t trained in relationship dynamics but were given the responsibility to oversee them. Thank God that is over. I am healing. I will not trust easily again, nor do I think I should. Normal couples withstood the devilish pressure of leadership who were blinded under a corrupt regime or who were they themselves corrupt, by standing together and guarding each other’s heart, and I believe many of them simply left the ministry. I had no one to protect me.

I’m not sure if I expect any response, but I had to write this anyway. My situation was made worse by being associated with The Way. I have a lot of negative feelings for the ministry and certain people who did what they did because that’s the way things were done in The Way, and it’s not my responsibility to forgive the kind of devilish acts I was subjected to when there is no remorse or godly sorrow for the hurt that was meted out to me. Beyond my personal issues with the ministry, I don’t think The Way has truly healed from the Martindale legacy. It was a cult, and now it feels like any of the superficial churches I’ve visited over the years. The Way, it seems, takes no responsibility for the destruction its leader and followers wrought, and I don’t respect that. I don’t know what is out there for me, but at this point I don't care to stand with the ministry, if the ministry doesn't stand with its people. I have a few good friends in the ministry who I will keep, for life. At one point you wouldn’t have let me leave with that much.

Holding fast to my integrity,

sign me,

potato

[Rocky]

Good for you, Potato!

And your two major points of concern are quite reasonable and undoubtedly ON THE MARK.

So, I hope you're able to do a Happy Dance these days.

[potato]

every day!!!

[Kevlar2000]

And of course, potato, they sent you a response that was full of Christian love, concern and a desire to magnify the name of the Lord in your heart, right?

Riiiiiiiiiight.

Congratulations on your continued recovery from that wicked religion.

[T-Bone]

"...Holding fast to my integrity..."

That's my favorite part, Potato! And such a rare thing for anyone in that group to do! I'm glad you've escaped!

Edited January 11, 2007 by T-Bone

[motherof2]

you are awesome!! ((((((((potato)))))))))

[VeganXTC]

Wow, Potato, that's a powerful letter. I'm glad you're here!

[polar bear]

Way to go Potato=You do more good "here".

You are always welcome at our home

Edited January 12, 2007 by polar bear

[pinklady]

You are a strong woman!! Our story is almost identical! Leadership told my husband to divorce me that I was stubborn. He even got my husband to read a book on Jezebel!!!

I too told them that way corps were not taught to offer marriage counseling. They certainly broke every rule of code of etthic's and keeping personal information private. They told the whole fellowhip! That causes major destruction, especially when you can't even defend yourself because people are playing follow the leader!

I am glad we are out and free now and I am almost divorced as well. I had no one to stand up for me. It is hard when your husband wont fight for his own family, its a sickness.

Just remember we never lost our heavenly father, He was there the whole time and continues to be. He will put people in our paths to love and comfort our hearts! Our hearts will be whole again one day!! I will pray for you!! Stay strong!

ps.. You stood up for what is right and that takes guts. I think the men we had did not deserve virtous women like us nor do I think the way corps were taught how to love a woman.

Here's a poem a freind sent me, Be careful if you make a woman cry because God counts her tears. The woman came out of a man's rib not from his feet to be walked on, not from his head to be superior but from his side to be equal, under the arm to be protected and next to the heart to be loved. God Bless! Pink

Edited January 11, 2007 by pinklady

[Belle]

:eusa_clap:

Bravo! Excellent letter MS. Potato.

My favorite part?

My belief was always that The Way would, in the end, show its integrity, by publicly admitting that things were wrong and issuing an apology to those who were harmed, but it never has. I simply can't respect sweeping years of error under the carpet and making a fresh start like nothing ever happened. The ministry as a whole is accountable for hurting a lot of people. I know what's at stake by admitting fault, but I believe The Way made the wrong decision.It’s better to make things right than to simply appear to be in the right.

Oh, Pinklady, Please include me in the Jezebel Club. I'm pretty sure I was called worse, but I'm also pretty sure Jezebel was among the choice names. ^_^

[coolchef]

you ladies are tough!

stay that way

i applaude you

i am on the opposite side of the page

it was my ex who had her brain washed

she's ok now

i think

and hope and pray

she sure did give me 4 great kids!

[potato]

And of course, potato, they sent you a response that was full of Christian love, concern and a desire to magnify the name of the Lord in your heart, right?

hehe, that's why I didn't send the letter... I didn't want their version of love coming back my way!

now, by posting it here, I've effectively sent it to twi as I'm sure they'll read it. maybe it will do more good for people who have the same doubts I started to feel, as I'm sure it won't change anything in twi.

"...Holding fast to my integrity..."

That's my favorite part, Potato!

mine too! I could not resist

but seriously, my integrity is a valuable possession. they beat us down emotionally and we sold ourselves out as long as we stayed, but we've all got a hold of our integrity again, and twi has none.

I too told them that way corps were not taught to offer marriage counseling. They certainly broke every rule of code of etthic's and keeping personal information private. They told the whole fellowhip! That causes major destruction, especially when you can't even defend yourself because people are playing follow the leader!

...

ps.. You stood up for what is right and that takes guts. I think the men we had did not deserve virtous women like us nor do I think the way corps were taught how to love a woman.

thanks for the poem, pink... that is very true!

I also heard leadership talk about and lie about people all the time. they constantly tore people down to others. real loving, huh.

I feel you, pink. it sucks to be completely alone, and those men did not deserve us, or to be called daddy by our children. it makes it hard to carry on some days when you're in it. thank God that he got us out and led us here!

[Nottawayfer]

AWESOME letter potato!!

I like to remind innies that I didn't leave God or give up on Him, I gave up on an organization. AND I get my needs met just fine at church!!! GASP!!!