Step Right Up, Get your own Personal Prophecy!

[WordWolf]

Step Right Up, Folks, and be the first one on your block to get your own Personal Prophecy!

The first thing we need is the "right" personal prophet.

Let's see...

I introduce Rhea, the Medium!

*stereotyped gypsy woman enters and does an elaborate salaam*

Well done, Medium Rhea!

However, in this PARTICULAR crowd, you don't have the "right" look, the look that they will

accept. So, scram.

*leaves*

So, I introduce the Most Right Reverent G.Gordon Godfrey!

*WASP enters with perfectly-ironed suit, and Brylcreemed hair*

Perfect!

We have the look, now we need the messages!

Now, when practicing "curious arts", this process begins with what is called a "cold reading"

or a "cold-read". That's when a person claims to use some supernatural power to divine

a message, but instead uses their skill at studying people to figure out what the subject

wants to hear, and then tells it to them.

Next, we will need to package the message properly.

MRR GGG will demonstrate.

*steps forward, eyes clenched, face toward heaven, enraptured*

*raises holy hands*

"Yes, I see you reading this right this minute-God has shown me this.

You have doubts about His messages that He is delivering to you via my ministry.

Therefore, he has bidden me to give you this PERSONAL message,

this message DIRECTLY to you from GOD ALMIGHTY,

in which I am only a humble messenger.

Here is the message.

The Spirit of the LORD is upon me. He has anointed me with his message to you.

At this hour, the LORD wishes you to know how He has a PERSONAL interest in your

life-yes, YOUR life. He has followed you through ALL your days, and will now speak

to YOU.

He wishes to tell you that He is aware that some of your aspirations tend to be pretty unrealistic.

He sees you, and knows that at times you are extroverted, affable, sociable,

while at other times you are introverted, wary and reserved.

The LORD sees that, and this is as it should be.

Further, The LORD has seen your disappointments and broken trusts of the past.

They have made you cautious in revealing yourself to others.

You take pride in your ability to think for yourself, and do not accept others' opinions without satisfactory proof.

As to satisfaction, you prefer a certain amount of change and variety, and become dissatisfied when hemmed in by restrictions and limitations. At times you have serious doubts as to whether you have made the right decision or done the right thing. Fear not. When you follow His will, which I will reveal to you,

you will ALWAYS make the right decisions. You need no longer be worried on the inside, maintaining your

control on the outside.

Now, as to your personal life, your sexual adjustment has presented some problems for you.

This is nothing you need concern yourself about unduly.

While you have some personality weaknesses, you are generally able to compensate for them.

Remember that in your weakness, His strength is made perfect.

You have a great deal of unused capacity which you have not turned to your advantage.

He is aware of this, and will present you opportunities to do so at the appointed hour. Be vigilant.

You have a tendency to be critical of yourself. You have a strong need for other people to like you and for them to admire you. Neither of these should concern you, for The LORD, He sees you and accepts you,

and as long as you follow His instructions-which He will give you through me, you will always please Him."

Well, done, Most Right Reverend!

Now then, you've seen his personal prophecy to you who's reading this right now.

Are you convinced now? How else would he have learned all that about you if God hadn't revealed it

to him? Ok, who will step up to receive a personal prophecy face-to-face from him?

[Raf]

ooh! ooh! ME! ME!

[WordWolf]

The Most Reverend G. Gordon Godfrey, are you getting a message for Raf?

"I am indeed!"

*steps down and places his hands over Raf*

"The LORD, He is showing me something-He is showing me your past.

Yes, you have always been a sensitive person, in tune with events around you.

You chose well for a career, didn't you?

When you were younger, you were different from other people that you knew.

No, you did NOT fit in.

You have always been a little on the outside of things.

Your intuition is strong. Yes, you have always been a bit sensitive to God's Will in your life.

You have occasionally dreamed of things before they happened, or at least had a strong sense of 'deja vu' under certain circumstances.

In fact, you YOURSELF might have the calling of an extrapersonal prophet!

You are also a caring and honest person, too much so at times. You've had difficulty in letting people get to know the real you. When you finally do let someone inside, you keep him or her close to you for a long time.

In fact, right this minute,

there is someone that you are close to that you are concerned about right now. Fear not.

You worry too much. You can best help this person by continuing to be a positive influence in their life.

Remain constant in prayer and remain ready to bless them.

God Almighty has SPOKEN!"

"Oh, and don't forget, I've prepared a DVD on hearing God's Will in your life. You can buy it

at the door when you leave."

[Belle]

[Raf]

WOW!

How much for the video? Or do I have to buy a book to explain the video to me? Or does the video hawk the book?

Wait, I'm getting a vision!

I see a man in a t-shirt and black pants. He's surrounded by vampires and werewolves, and they're all laughing. Many of them have halos over their heads, but several others are crying. The man goes to the crying wolves and vampires, wipes their tears and turns them into halos!

Almighty God has spoken! He's saying something that sounds like carp, or harp, or tarp. It's a little fuzzy. Larp? Naah.

[oldiesman]

Ok all you wizards consider this:

True prophecy is THE TESTIMONY OF JESUS CHRIST. During the revelations of Jesus Christ unto John, he heard a voice come out of the throne saying:

And I fell at his feet to worship him. And

he said unto me, See thou do it not: I am

thy fellowservant, and of thy brethren that

have the testimony of Jesus: worship God:

for the testimony of Jesus is the spirit of

prophecy.

Rev. 19:10

The testimony is the spirit of prophesy. In the first place all life is spirit and all spirit is life. You will notice that I have used a small s as does the scripture which answers your question. The testimony is the life of prophesy. Without Him as the center and core of inspired utterance prophesy is dead. All truly inspired utterance is earmarked by the fact that it bears testimony to Jesus Christ Who is the Center, the Heart, the Core of all inspired utterance which is what prophecy is.

True prophecy, the product of the operation of the gift, runs parallel to the scriptures, sometimes consisting entirely of portions of the same. It is always unto edification, exhortation, and comfort

He that prophesieth speaketh unto men

to edification, and exhortation, and comfort.

I Cor. 14:3

To EDIFY is to build up, to strengthen. Anything that tends to edify is unto edification. To EXHORT is to incite to a more worthy cause, to lovingly encourage to a more noble endeavor. Anything that tends to produce this effect is unto exhortation. To COMFORT is to console, to inspire. It also signifies a state of quiet enjoyment, of consolation. Anything that tends to bring us into such a state is unto comfort.

Excerpted from

"Gifts of the Spirit"

Rev. B.G. Leonard

p. 33

[WordWolf]

Raf,

The Most Reverend is signalling me that you have a long, successful future as an

extrapersonal prophet. Or something.

Wait-he's signalling again. He's pointing to Belle.

Most Reverend, has God sent you a message for her?

"He has indeed!

Oh, Belle,

he is sending me a warning for you! I see betrayal!

People close to you have taken advantage of you!

Oh, dear Belle!

You have suffered for your basic honesty!

You have been offered opportunities that you have had offered to you in the past have had to be surrendered because you refused to take advantage of others!

You have refused the temptations of filthy lucre!

On the bright side is your hunger for knowledge.

You like to read books and articles to improve your mind.

In fact, if you're not already in some sort of personal service business, helping people, you should be.

You must be-I see you helping people in an office.

You have a deep, deep capacity for understanding people's problems and you can sympathize with them.

But you are firm when confronted with obstinacy or outright stupidity.

Your sense of justice is quite strong."

*breaks down crying*

I think we'll need to give MRR GGG a few minutes here.

And a glass of water.

[rascal]

Oh great one, could you condescend to read for one who is most unworthy?

I will purchase your books and tapes in attempts to become more deserving.

I need the guidance from your devine council.

[WordWolf]

No, wait, he's got another message!

*crawls back to the microphone*

"I was stricken with a powerful message from God Almighty!

He was warning that scoffers will come, as in the days of Noah!

They will claim that my messages are not truly of Him who has sent them!

They will try to turn you away from my message!

Do not turn away from the messages of God Almighty-

for the alternative is the outer darkness of ignorance, where there is no

direction, and those in ignorance seek to drag you down to their level of

ignorance! Pay no attention to them! Only in perfect obedience to His Will

is safety! You must follow Him without question!

And I will continue to give you His messages, of course!"

[rascal]

Exhortation, edification and comfort...hmmm was THAT what the spiders coming outta the nose and dead babies that KAG prophesied was all about???

Du`oh, I guess I am just not spiritual enough to understand it all.

[WordWolf]

Oh great one, could you condescend to read for one who is most unworthy?

I will purchase your books and tapes in attempts to become more deserving.

I need the guidance from your devine council.

Rascal, wait, he's got one for you, too!

"Oh, Rascal...

I see some sort of difficulty with a family member.

No matter what, remember that they still love you.

That health issue that's concerning you: God will deliver you from it in due time.

Be steadfast and of a good courage.

You can relax concerning money. He has said that-so long as you plan carefully-

all will be well.

You might wish to make a few career changes, however. Things could use a bit of a

shot-in-the-arm.

He is proud of you for all the personal growth you've done in the last few years.

He is pleased with you."

*goes back to his seat*

[potato]

wait! me too, me too!!!

[Ham]

I don't know if I wanna hear mine..

[WordWolf]

wait! me too, me too!!!

The Most Right Reverend G. Gordon Godfrey is signalling me that he needs a break-

no, wait-ANOTHER message, Most Right?

"I cannot cease when Da Lawd has a message, I MUST speak!

Potato,

you need not concern yourself-you are not becoming more like your parents!

And that wardrobe thing is hardly worthy of fretting over.

However,

you must be VERY careful when driving or riding in a car the next few weeks!

I have seen a horse throwing its rider to the ground and stomping on them,

and the interpretation is that there will be a car accident soon!

We don't want to see you hurt, dear one! Be very careful!"

*goes backstage*

Looks like the MRR GGG needs a break.

[potato]

:unsure:

[Raf]

Bad news, WW.

In the next year, someone you know and care about will pass away. You may not know the deceased on a personal level: that much is unclear from my vision. But you will be saddened.

But take heart, because you will be comforted, and the difficult time will help you realize you have close friends and family.

Hope that helps.

[WordWolf]

What?

Oh, no!!!!!!

[Raf]

Potato,

I'm seeing illness in your family, but please, do not worry. It will be over in five to seven days, as long as the affected person drinks plenty of fluids and gets enough rest.

Thus saith the Lord.

[doojable]

Sooooooo...........

How many Vodka and Tonics will it take so that I can become a Prophetess as well?

[waysider]

Hey! You guys can't flim-flam me!

Everybody knows a REAL prophesy starts out with something like" For yea, mawh peeeeple." and ends with a "Thus saith the God of Abraham, Martin and John." Geeze!---I might have been born yesterday but I stayed up all last night studying.

ps----This post came to me in a vision(It was a Tell-a-Vision)

[potato]

Raf! YOU ARE THE PROPHET!!!

[Raf]

Did you ever doubt me?

[Ham]

With a face like that, who could? :)

[Tom Strange]

Are you guys already out of prophecies for the day???

What is this? You give a couple of prophecies and then go fishing?

C'mon guys! Where's your commitment?!?!?

[Belle]

Wait-he's signalling again. He's pointing to Belle.

Most Reverend, has God sent you a message for her?

"He has indeed!

Oh, Belle,

he is sending me a warning for you! I see betrayal!

People close to you have taken advantage of you!

Oh, dear Belle!

...

In fact, if you're not already in some sort of personal service business, helping people, you should be.

You must be-I see you helping people in an office.

You have a deep, deep capacity for understanding people's problems and you can sympathize with them.

*breaks down crying*

Tom, in my effort to help others, I'm afraid I may have over-sprayed the Ozone to cover the fart smells and caused the MOG to pass out. I was just trying to help! Those dang "crop dusters" and "silent but deadlies"!!