The Story of a Gulf War and TWI Veteran

[William]

This is my first, and hopefully not my last post here. At present, I am only comfortable with referencing all dates I can remember, some of the names, and only the vaguest descriptions of locations. If you are able to figure out my identity from the information provided in this or any future posts, keep it to your f***ing self. I'm a dysfunctional Gulf War veteran coping with post-traumatic stress disorder, so to any of you wayfers lurking out there in hopes of tracking down my whereabouts and harassing me, this is your first and only warning. Leave me the f*** alone if you don't want any broken bones or worse.

I was "witnessed to" (more like seduced) by a physically attractive female high school classmate (like most 17 year old boys I was willing to do just about anything given the incentive of possibly losing my virginity) during my junior year shortly after VPW's death in 1985, so I never met the original snake oil vendor himself except via books, videotape and audiotape. My first session of the PFAL Foundational class took place on October 10, 1985, after the previously mentioned classmate graduated from high school and went WOW

I took the PFAL Intermediate class in my senior year (1986), and after graduating from high school I got a summer job and saved my money to go WOW. At my first and only ROA, I heard a lot of family corps teens (I was still a teen myself at the time) refer to corps week as "score week" so I suspected there was some premarital sex going on at least among family corps teens, but being young, dumb and full of *** myself, I didn't think much of it. I wound up living 5,300 feet up in the beautiful Rocky Mountains with my WOW brother and two WOW sisters, and other wayfers as neighbors in our apt complex including three WOW brothers from the previous year's WOW family. I ended up taking the Rise and Expansion class while I was there.

During my time in the field, the most amazing and beautiful natural phenomenon I witnessed was a rainbow well after dark in a complete circle around the full moon, and amazingly there was no precipitation visible or reported on the local TV newscast that evening. My WOW brother was busy spinning pizza dough that evening, but when I saw it, I excitedly dragged my WOW sisters out onto our third floor apt balcony to see it. Since it was early in our WOW year, we interpreted it as a sign from God of great things to come for us. Great things that never happened. Years later I found out that this phenomenon is common at high altitudes during sustained high speed winds that blow snow off the mountaintops into the air in large clouds, where the ice crystals act as prisms.

I read recently on another site about TWI that Rick P***, the Branch Coordinator where I was a WOW, pleaded guilty to conspiracy to commit fraud a couple years after I left the WOW field, and was sentenced to 2 1/2 years in the federal pen, 3 years probation, and over a half million dollars in restitution, for misappropriating contributions from other wayfers to fund shady real estate deals. Rick and my interim corps WOW sister were responsible for kicking me out of my WOW family (claiming that I was "too young in the Word to handle the WOW commitment"), but at least Rick was kind enough to misappropriate enough contributions to buy me a one-way Greyhound ticket back home.

After a few months back home of going to Twig meetings, I decided join the US Navy as a Hospital Corpsman in the Fleet Marine Force assigned to a Marine infantry unit. After eight weeks of boot camp, during my nine weeks of A school, I tried desperately to find a Twig where I was stationed, but was unable to, and gave up trying for the remaining 191 weeks of my active duty military career. the only TWI propaganda I was exposed to during this time was the magazine, audio tapes and other mailings.

After combat duty in Kuwait and Iraq in 1991 I was honorably discharged, but left feeling that what my country did to the people of Iraq was criminal and I was so ashamed of taking part in it that I couldn't find the courage to talk about what I'd done and seen until three years ago. While my discharge was being processed, I made some phone calls and found a four bedroom house within an hour's drive of New Knoxville that was owned by someone who was a current WOW elsewhere, and was being leased by a single (at the time) male Branch Coordinator, a married apprentice corps couple who of course shared a bedroom, and a single female who worked on staff at HQ. After witnessing firsthand the horror of war, I knew I needed a healing environment, and I was too naive to realize that a house full of wayfers (a corps grad and two apprentice corps to boot!) was exactly what I didn't need at that time in my life. As a result of my previously mentioned pent up feelings of guilt and shame, my new housemates knew I was a recently discharged vet, but I didn't disclose my combat duty.

I moved into the vacant bedroom and shared the rest of the house with these other wayfers, attending regular Twig meetings and going to Sunday services at HQ every two weeks or so, until I started showing symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder due to my tour of combat duty, which they of course diagnosed as "devil spirit possession." I knew they were wrong, and I knew damn well what was wrong with me thanks to the medical training I received in the Navy, but the mental scars of combat were still too fresh and raw to look at on my own, let alone bare them to public view. In hindsight, I don't blame them for concluding that I was possessed.

At that point in my life, my emotional balance was very fragile. One incident that stands out in my mind is losing my temper while being "reproved" by one of my housemates for something petty that I have long since forgotten. Before both of us knew what happened, I had him pinned to the wall with my left fist clenched around his larynx, screaming at the top of my lungs with spit flying everywhere, "My relationship with God is between me and Him, so just f***ing butt out a**hole! I don't need your f***ing wannabe drill instructor bulls**t attitude!"

I was told to leave again, but this time with nothing but the clothes on my back and a few bucks in my pocket. I hitchhiked 170+ miles to my parents house, collapsed into my mother's bewildered embrace and sobbed uncontrollably when she answered my knock on the door. It was now late 1991, and we hadn't shared so much as a phone call between us since I left home in August of 1986. We had 5 years of catching up to do.

In the 15 years since I cut all ties with TWI, I have healed considerably, although I'm still living with the psychological damage of combat. I have prospered financially in the business that my mother started shortly before my TWI involvement began. In recent years, I have become quite actively involved in the peace movement, working with groups like Veterans for Peace and Iraq Veterans Against the War, and well-known individuals like Gold Star Families for Peace co-founders Cindy Sheehan and Lila Lipscomb. The peace movement has done more to help me heal than any cult or even mainstream church ever could.

Edited December 27, 2006 by DooWap

[Abigail]

It's a pleasure to meet you William, I hope you will stick around and that the coffee is to your liking.

[hiway29]

Glad to have you here, Will.

[ohbehave]

Hi William,

Welcome here and thank you for writing your story. I am happy for you that you are financially prospering and are healing from the military experience.

When I was about 10 years old my older brother had returned from Vietnam. Just a few days after his return he was preparing to take an afternoon nap. He asked me would I wake him up in an hour. He then put his hands on my shoulders, made sure he had eye contact with me, and asked that when I wake him up to just tap the bottom of his foot then quickly leave the room. I was too young at the time to realize what he had been through, and can only imagine how tough it was.

Hope to hear more posting from you!

[waysider]

William--------I already said "howdy" on another thread but something in your post caught my eye. It was the part about initially being lured in by the expectation of a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Actually, to be politically correct, I suppose I could say the expectation of an interpersonal relationship with one specific person. Something quite similar happened to me and I have posted specifics on it. It makes one wonder how wide spread this tactic was utilized. In a way it reminds me of the sirens in mythology who lured ships in by their compelling songs . Of course, once the ship personnel realized how close to the rocks they had drifted, it was much too late for evasive action. I certainly don't want to pry or tread on ground where I don't belong but I wonder if you see any similarities between your combat ptsd and some of the post TWI anxieties some "believers" experience. I know your ptsd is rooted in a much more intense origin but perhaps you could offer valuable insight in how to cope with some of the long lasting effects of a traumatic experience. If not, I understand. I'm glad you're here. Be sure to sample some of the fun stuff too like "Name That Movie" and "Just Plain Silly".

[William]

William--------I already said "howdy" on another thread but something in your post caught my eye. It was the part about initially being lured in by the expectation of a relationship with a member of the opposite sex. Actually, to be politically correct, I suppose I could say the expectation of an interpersonal relationship with one specific person. Something quite similar happened to me and I have posted specifics on it. It makes one wonder how wide spread this tactic was utilized. In a way it reminds me of the sirens in mythology who lured ships in by their compelling songs . Of course, once the ship personnel realized how close to the rocks they had drifted, it was much too late for evasive action. I certainly don't want to pry or tread on ground where I don't belong but I wonder if you see any similarities between your combat ptsd and some of the post TWI anxieties some "believers" experience. I know your ptsd is rooted in a much more intense origin but perhaps you could offer valuable insight in how to cope with some of the long lasting effects of a traumatic experience. If not, I understand. I'm glad you're here. Be sure to sample some of the fun stuff too like "Name That Movie" and "Just Plain Silly".

waysider,

I'm not really sure how to respond to the issues you've brought up. TWI has had three different presidents over the years, each one with a different approach to recruitment and mind control. Perhaps a forum poll can be posted to get an idea of how widespread the use of sexual motivation as a recruiting tactic is. I can only talk about my experiences. In my case, I don't think it was a conscious effort to seduce me into her twig, but the signs that I had the hots for her were not hard to miss, and while we never actually had sex, she never said or did anything to discourage my teenage hormonal urges.

As far as PTSD is concerned, I'm not a doctor, so consult a mental health professional before taking my advice. When PTSD is the result of military combat, it's somewhat different than that caused by many traumatic experiences in the civilian world. Many of the symptoms are the same, but combat related PTSD is inflicted on an individual by both sides in the conflict, and much of it can be self-inflicted guilt and shame associated with deliberately killing other people, which is seldom the case in non-combat related PTSD.

Many people are misdiagnosed with PTSD who actually have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (C-PTSD), a classification included in this year's revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. C-PTSD is characterized by chronic difficulties in many areas of emotional and interpersonal functioning. This relatively new classification came about because PTSD fails to capture C-PTSD sufferers' loss of a sense of safety, trust, and self-worth, their tendency to be revictimized, and their loss of a coherent sense of self. Basically C-PTSD is a combination of the symptoms of PTSD and Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). Many cults, TWI included, are notorious for identifying and preying on people who show symptoms of BPD (simply because they're easier to brainwash), and adding traumatic stress into the psychological equation.

My advice to anyone who has been subjected to institutionalized abuse by any cult is to seek professional mental health services. PTSD and related disorders are nothing to be ashamed of. They're merely natural neurochemical reactions to traumatic stress. Personally, I take fish oil and St. John's Wort, eat a low sugar, low gluten diet, get plenty of exercise, and participate in group therapy. Many people see results taking Valerian root, nature's Valium, but it carries a slight risk of severe liver damage. There are a variety of commercially available herbal teas and capsules that contain anxiolytic herbs.

[waysider]

William-----Many thanks for your open and informative response.

It's good to have you here and although I'm not in charge of refreshments, it wouldn't suprise me if some one offered you a complementary cup of joe.