It seems that the children grew up and were out of the house at about the same time my father died and all of a sudden it was only my husband and I. He is not the "warm and fuzzy holiday"-type. After gifts are exchanged and breakfast and Merry Christmas, he goes about his "stuff". He's always been like that..that's his "way". But I found it very hard to handle once the house was empty.
The first holiday I wandered all over the house looking for something to do and I was really down. Really down.
A friend of mine suggested I should get out of myself and go take the place of some of the more regular volunteers at a hospital. So I did. I couldn't do this on a regular basis, but on a holiday I could. I enjoyed it. I spent some time reading to a blind man. He thought he was king of the earth because somebody was reading to him.
If you think you're "not good company" for somebody, you probably aren't. But when you think that somebody has fewer good things than you do, it's easy to find someplace to spend a little time doing something nice for a stranger. It was fun. I enjoyed it. He was thrilled. I wasn't alone and I didn't waste my time. It doesn't get much better than that.
Over the years, things change, children marry and establish other families and now I go out and sometimes I'd rather stay home or go read to a blind man [not really].
That sounds great! Hopey I do hope you do something. After all even if Jesus wasn't born in December, well....its a great time to find somewhere to give. Shelters with families (including 4 year olds and babies and everything) In some ways I had a couple WOW years like hat, not really being close to the people and then holidays are a more vulnerable time.
It is time to make some new friends, do you have a hospital near by...a children's hospital. I spent Christmas break in 5th grade in the hospital, and this was the days parents weren't allowed to stay overnight...it was horrible. I WOULD HAVE LOVED someone reading me a book< or just playing a game like Parchesi or Life or something with me...even cards.
I feel for your misery, but also know how wonderful you are and I am hoping you share your wonderfulness.
After I wrote my post I realized maybe it sounded like I am feeling sorry for myself.
It's not that at all.
It's the memories of Christmas past- the void is more marked at this time of year. It's because Christmas means so much to me...
I sent gifts to family and mailed cards- otherwise, I ignored the impending Christmas until just a few days ago- perhaps next year I will have the foresight to arrange to volunteer at a shelter or something like that. Tonight I hope to stay up so late that I will wake up at noon and then I am going to a friends house for dinner. Then I'll be safe. Thank God for friends!!
Anyway ladies, thanks for the replies. WW you have always been dear to my heart , Krys you are such a sweet lady and I get what you are saying and you are right about getting outside of yourself- but for me, volunteering in a hospital is out of the question.
I couldn't even go to the bereavement group in the hospital. :unsure:
Shell, as always it takes one to know one- you always get it- and I think of you often as well. HUGS
Hope I understand about hospitals. For me, it was just a spur of the moment thing and hospital was the first thing I thought of and also there was one less than 10 minutes away - so that's where I ended up. I was so upset that I took the first thought that came. I know you have some talents that I have no idea about. You will find a place that will suit your need and you will enjoy yourself too.
And it's true - firsts do suck. Remind me and I'll tell you how I handled Mother's Day the first one that came about 3 months after my own mother died. This is not the time or the place. I hope you sleep in too.
But - they do get better. And as your own life unfolds, they will not be the same but you will grow to enjoy them. For me - it never gets easy on those special times - but it does get easier - and the time you spend missing them gets less intense and shorter in duration.
Well, I guess it's no secret that I'm not a fan of the "Holidays".
The expectations are so unreasonable and there's little or no allowance for those that don't fit the Ward and June nuclear family typos. No, it's "The MOST Wonderful Time of the Year!" So you'd better enjoy yourself dammit!
The truth is - it's a LOUSY time of year. The days are short, dark, and cold. People die then (much more so than other times of the year - my father among them, on my fifteenth Christmas - yeah that sorta set the tone for all the succeeding holidays to come).
So you end up alone in a dark, cold house and Andy Williams is taunting you at every turn of the channel to revel in the wonder of it all. It's gets to be a little much.
But, fortunately, they don't last forever. Another week and we can go back to "normal".
Well, I'm off (as soon as I finish this post) to my mother's house for Christmas dinner.
It's just me and my cat here at home, and he doesn't care what day of the year it is.
Just over three years ago, things happened (much too much to go into right now, it would take at least an hour to set the background clear enough for anyone to understand what I've been dealing with) and I haven't seen my only child (my daughter) but for very brief moments since. She was 13 when she and her mother, after her mother's church (mormon, she converted after we separated) paid off the judge, succeeded in pretty much severing my relationship with my daughter.
And I haven't even heard her voice since August 5, 2005. And that day it was only about a three minute phone call.
Since then, I've been unable to work. Yesterday, my mother learned from my ex that my daughter, now 17 is not doing well in school.
Of course, this tears at me even more. She's always been an exceptionally bright kid. The unfortunate thing about that is that she became particularly adept at playing her mother and I off of each other.
And her mother has, ever since we separated (when Amy was 4), been extremely permissive. That puts me, who believes that kids need structure as well as clear rules and boundaries, in her eyes as a meanie.
So, you can imagine (which is pretty much all I can do these days, because they both put great effort into keeping me from learning the truth about what happens in Amy's life) how such a situation plays out for a teenage girl.
So hearing yesterday about her troubles with school just grates on my soul even more.
Now, to the point -- I cope, year round, these days by volunteering at a children's shelter, working one day a week with kids 4-6 years old. And that is such a blessing that I don't know what I'd be able to do if I wasn't volunteering with them.
Anyway, Hopeful, stay hopeful... and I'm glad you have friends here and elsewhere to give you a smile and a hug from time to time.
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it sucks. One of my best friends just up and died the other day from cancer, pretty sudden. That hurts, but life goes on.
Couldn't dare say things like that in twi, you just get dumped on, like "Where's your believing" or "control your mind". I'll tell you where it's at, when you are hurt it's in the dumpster.
After all last time I looked I was still human.
My disclaimer-close friends or relatives who die, may cause crappy feelings, sad emotions, depression, anger. Sometimes can be helped by a good stiff drink.
My two step kids have...for the last eleven years, blown every holiday between Thanksgiving and New Years. They were in trouble, one or the other, or both at this time. We told them both to knock it off before we disowned them entirely.
They both did it again this year, but in milder terms. One son had a fender bender earlier this month raising the insurance premium we pay for him (he is disabled). We told him HE pays the increase. The other also had an accident and possibly passed a stopped school bus and faces a $500.00 fine.
He is on his own.
My wife and I this year looked past all that and said, "The hell with it" and celebrated Christmas anyway!
Granted, I don't know you nor the background of your "blown holidays" of yore, but a couple of traffic mishaps hardly qualify for "blowing the holidays".
Geesh, one Thanksgiving Dave and I were waiting around getting ready to head over to my daughter's house for Thanksgiving dinner when, around the corner of my sideyard comes, TA DA, none other than my daughter, SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF. She and her sig o had gotten in a fight while driving somewhere. At a stoplight, she asked him to exit the car. She got in the drivers seat and took off, with her sig o caught up in the back seat door. He had been trying to reenter the car when she took off.
Well, someone saw this and called the police. Long story short, we spent Thanksgiving Day at her house with her sig o and a few friends. She spent the entire Thanksgiving Weekend in jail and wound up with a domestic violence charge on her record.
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doojable
Hopeful PM me...
Dooj
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krys
I've been there.
It seems that the children grew up and were out of the house at about the same time my father died and all of a sudden it was only my husband and I. He is not the "warm and fuzzy holiday"-type. After gifts are exchanged and breakfast and Merry Christmas, he goes about his "stuff". He's always been like that..that's his "way". But I found it very hard to handle once the house was empty.
The first holiday I wandered all over the house looking for something to do and I was really down. Really down.
A friend of mine suggested I should get out of myself and go take the place of some of the more regular volunteers at a hospital. So I did. I couldn't do this on a regular basis, but on a holiday I could. I enjoyed it. I spent some time reading to a blind man. He thought he was king of the earth because somebody was reading to him.
If you think you're "not good company" for somebody, you probably aren't. But when you think that somebody has fewer good things than you do, it's easy to find someplace to spend a little time doing something nice for a stranger. It was fun. I enjoyed it. He was thrilled. I wasn't alone and I didn't waste my time. It doesn't get much better than that.
Over the years, things change, children marry and establish other families and now I go out and sometimes I'd rather stay home or go read to a blind man [not really].
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washingtonweather
That sounds great! Hopey I do hope you do something. After all even if Jesus wasn't born in December, well....its a great time to find somewhere to give. Shelters with families (including 4 year olds and babies and everything) In some ways I had a couple WOW years like hat, not really being close to the people and then holidays are a more vulnerable time.
It is time to make some new friends, do you have a hospital near by...a children's hospital. I spent Christmas break in 5th grade in the hospital, and this was the days parents weren't allowed to stay overnight...it was horrible. I WOULD HAVE LOVED someone reading me a book< or just playing a game like Parchesi or Life or something with me...even cards.
I feel for your misery, but also know how wonderful you are and I am hoping you share your wonderfulness.
Lianne
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Shellon
Hope you already know how I feel about firsts and yup they suck!
I think of you so often and pray with you daily.
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Hopefull
After I wrote my post I realized maybe it sounded like I am feeling sorry for myself.
It's not that at all.
It's the memories of Christmas past- the void is more marked at this time of year. It's because Christmas means so much to me...
I sent gifts to family and mailed cards- otherwise, I ignored the impending Christmas until just a few days ago- perhaps next year I will have the foresight to arrange to volunteer at a shelter or something like that. Tonight I hope to stay up so late that I will wake up at noon and then I am going to a friends house for dinner. Then I'll be safe. Thank God for friends!!
Anyway ladies, thanks for the replies. WW you have always been dear to my heart , Krys you are such a sweet lady and I get what you are saying and you are right about getting outside of yourself- but for me, volunteering in a hospital is out of the question.
I couldn't even go to the bereavement group in the hospital. :unsure:
Shell, as always it takes one to know one- you always get it- and I think of you often as well. HUGS
Merry Christmas...
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krys
Hope I understand about hospitals. For me, it was just a spur of the moment thing and hospital was the first thing I thought of and also there was one less than 10 minutes away - so that's where I ended up. I was so upset that I took the first thought that came. I know you have some talents that I have no idea about. You will find a place that will suit your need and you will enjoy yourself too.
And it's true - firsts do suck. Remind me and I'll tell you how I handled Mother's Day the first one that came about 3 months after my own mother died. This is not the time or the place. I hope you sleep in too.
But - they do get better. And as your own life unfolds, they will not be the same but you will grow to enjoy them. For me - it never gets easy on those special times - but it does get easier - and the time you spend missing them gets less intense and shorter in duration.
I hope you sleep 'till noon too.
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George Aar
Well, I guess it's no secret that I'm not a fan of the "Holidays".
The expectations are so unreasonable and there's little or no allowance for those that don't fit the Ward and June nuclear family typos. No, it's "The MOST Wonderful Time of the Year!" So you'd better enjoy yourself dammit!
The truth is - it's a LOUSY time of year. The days are short, dark, and cold. People die then (much more so than other times of the year - my father among them, on my fifteenth Christmas - yeah that sorta set the tone for all the succeeding holidays to come).
So you end up alone in a dark, cold house and Andy Williams is taunting you at every turn of the channel to revel in the wonder of it all. It's gets to be a little much.
But, fortunately, they don't last forever. Another week and we can go back to "normal".
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Rocky
Well, I'm off (as soon as I finish this post) to my mother's house for Christmas dinner.
It's just me and my cat here at home, and he doesn't care what day of the year it is.
Just over three years ago, things happened (much too much to go into right now, it would take at least an hour to set the background clear enough for anyone to understand what I've been dealing with) and I haven't seen my only child (my daughter) but for very brief moments since. She was 13 when she and her mother, after her mother's church (mormon, she converted after we separated) paid off the judge, succeeded in pretty much severing my relationship with my daughter.
And I haven't even heard her voice since August 5, 2005. And that day it was only about a three minute phone call.
Since then, I've been unable to work. Yesterday, my mother learned from my ex that my daughter, now 17 is not doing well in school.
Of course, this tears at me even more. She's always been an exceptionally bright kid. The unfortunate thing about that is that she became particularly adept at playing her mother and I off of each other.
And her mother has, ever since we separated (when Amy was 4), been extremely permissive. That puts me, who believes that kids need structure as well as clear rules and boundaries, in her eyes as a meanie.
So, you can imagine (which is pretty much all I can do these days, because they both put great effort into keeping me from learning the truth about what happens in Amy's life) how such a situation plays out for a teenage girl.
So hearing yesterday about her troubles with school just grates on my soul even more.
Now, to the point -- I cope, year round, these days by volunteering at a children's shelter, working one day a week with kids 4-6 years old. And that is such a blessing that I don't know what I'd be able to do if I wasn't volunteering with them.
Anyway, Hopeful, stay hopeful... and I'm glad you have friends here and elsewhere to give you a smile and a hug from time to time.
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Shellon
How did your day go Hope?
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polar bear
Dear Hopefulll-Very honest sharing.
Life isn't always a bowl of cherries, sometimes it sucks. One of my best friends just up and died the other day from cancer, pretty sudden. That hurts, but life goes on.
Couldn't dare say things like that in twi, you just get dumped on, like "Where's your believing" or "control your mind". I'll tell you where it's at, when you are hurt it's in the dumpster.
After all last time I looked I was still human.
My disclaimer-close friends or relatives who die, may cause crappy feelings, sad emotions, depression, anger. Sometimes can be helped by a good stiff drink.
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Eagle
My two step kids have...for the last eleven years, blown every holiday between Thanksgiving and New Years. They were in trouble, one or the other, or both at this time. We told them both to knock it off before we disowned them entirely.
They both did it again this year, but in milder terms. One son had a fender bender earlier this month raising the insurance premium we pay for him (he is disabled). We told him HE pays the increase. The other also had an accident and possibly passed a stopped school bus and faces a $500.00 fine.
He is on his own.
My wife and I this year looked past all that and said, "The hell with it" and celebrated Christmas anyway!
Merriest of Christmases and a Happy New Year!
Eagle
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nolongerlurking
Eagle,
Granted, I don't know you nor the background of your "blown holidays" of yore, but a couple of traffic mishaps hardly qualify for "blowing the holidays".
Geesh, one Thanksgiving Dave and I were waiting around getting ready to head over to my daughter's house for Thanksgiving dinner when, around the corner of my sideyard comes, TA DA, none other than my daughter, SCREAMING HER HEAD OFF. She and her sig o had gotten in a fight while driving somewhere. At a stoplight, she asked him to exit the car. She got in the drivers seat and took off, with her sig o caught up in the back seat door. He had been trying to reenter the car when she took off.
Well, someone saw this and called the police. Long story short, we spent Thanksgiving Day at her house with her sig o and a few friends. She spent the entire Thanksgiving Weekend in jail and wound up with a domestic violence charge on her record.
Count your blessings Eagle...
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