Sounds to me like, "I'm sorry that you're offended, but I'm not sorry for how I feel and what I said."
I'm sorry, but I think this whole thread may be because I'm one of those who are always apologizing for saying something that finds a way to offend someone.
In a recent case, I posted a bit of my past, recollecting as I went and perhaps in a way, justifying my existance for the time I was in TWI. In many ways to be able to recollect the events of my past allowed me to bring closure to the events and people involved. I opened up my heart in the posting and it appeared that the next poster found it rude and unacceptable that I had referred to VPW as "Dr."
Boy! ! Did I let him have it! ! ! I wrote a 300 word essay explaining and defending my position and blasting the poster from here to kingdom come. Then, I reviewed what I wrote. Decided that I would make more enemies by posting it. Just as I was about to hit the "post" button" I cancelled it and started to send it as an email. That surely would have made an enemy and started a pxssing contest no one would win. Not my style to engage in such contest. The trees have enough problems without us knocking the bark off of them in such a manner. So, I deleted the email I was prepared to send.
I then remembered a guy from the Corps sharing with me (way back when), he said, "Nothing is worth your fellowship with God or you brothers in Christ! Alway be the first to apologize and get things right!" So, that was my attempt. Didn't necessarily work. But it was more of an attempt than I usually get. I figured, if he didn't like my mistake, it was his right. But personally and imho, I didn't care if VPW was a plumber with a Bible in one hand and a wrench and WD-40 in the other, that man and many others he taught, were able to reach me in a way none of the Billy Grahams, Oral Roberts and Hal Lindsays were interested in doing. I never felt like I needed to worship the man, but I certainly was grateful for what he did back then. At 19 yrs old, I had just escaped getting involved with the occult and had more questions than Zales has diamonds.
-----------------------
I'm sorry if that's the way I communicate and I'm sorry you don't like it. I'm just plain, unadulterated, unpasterized, unhomonigenated, and unmitigated in saying I'm sorry.
So, there! Pehaps I needn't apologize ever again (as if).
And just as a note:
How Belle put it probably is usually how I mean it.
bye for now
I'll probably be back later to apologize. Story of my life.
I live with 2 dyslexics who have a hard time and not just "male-nontalkerness" but genuinely have a hard time finding the right words.
Nonetheless, when they or anyone is still defensive about what they have said in the "offensive" category...the "but" and "if" words come are spoken.
Its not that someone can't be truly sorry, and its not even that they hide in defense (that is nothing more than fear anyhow) but if the point is to be restorative in one's apology, using the "offended you" "hurt your felings" techniques of sayng it doesn't work. The person hurt is NOT restored.
If I say something that offends, but didn't say it to offend and think it was worth saying, I usually follow up with something like, "I didn't mean to offend," without saying that I'm sorry. I seldom but occasionally have said something like, "I am sorry if I offended you, but that wasn't my intent." Either way, my emphasis is that I was trying to communicate and not to offend. I usually then try to express essentially the same thoughts differently, not because I think what I said was wrong, but rather, to hopefully more effectively communicate with that particular person.
Usually (not always...but usually) when I have said, "I apologize if..." I am thinking either, a)I didn't do what I am being accused of doing, b)that the person wasn't offended or hurt in any way but is demanding an apology just to be 'right', or c)it's a preemptive apology.
But I've learned a thing or two about apologizing in the last few weeks...and I'm not apologizing just for apology's sake any longer...so I may not say "I aplogize if..." any longer.
O.K.--------Call me naive or guilty if you wish, but I find myself using that phrase from time to time.
When I use it I am expressing an uncertainty regarding the result of my actions or statements.
More accurately what I am saying is" I am unsure what it is that I did or said to offend you but I am offering this apology as a symbol of my remorse". Of course if I really phrased it like that it would probably draw some blank stares because no one talks like that in 2006. Maybe it would be more appropriate to phrase it as a question."Did I do or say something that offended you?"(followed by an apology for the offense.) Again, the language is a bit bulky for modern day conversation. I used to drive my Dad nuts with"Ya Know?" of course I wasn't really inquiring whether or not he" knew", I was using an idiom that was peculiar to that day and time. Maybe we read too much into the use of this expression that is so commonly used today----Ya Know?
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Linda Z
Thanks, Tom. I've been thinkin' it's about time to find that semi-retirement gig. Sounds perfect.
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YIdon'tgotochurch
Belle said,
Sounds to me like, "I'm sorry that you're offended, but I'm not sorry for how I feel and what I said."
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washingtonweather
I live with 2 dyslexics who have a hard time and not just "male-nontalkerness" but genuinely have a hard time finding the right words.
Nonetheless, when they or anyone is still defensive about what they have said in the "offensive" category...the "but" and "if" words come are spoken.
Its not that someone can't be truly sorry, and its not even that they hide in defense (that is nothing more than fear anyhow) but if the point is to be restorative in one's apology, using the "offended you" "hurt your felings" techniques of sayng it doesn't work. The person hurt is NOT restored.
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LG
If I say something that offends, but didn't say it to offend and think it was worth saying, I usually follow up with something like, "I didn't mean to offend," without saying that I'm sorry. I seldom but occasionally have said something like, "I am sorry if I offended you, but that wasn't my intent." Either way, my emphasis is that I was trying to communicate and not to offend. I usually then try to express essentially the same thoughts differently, not because I think what I said was wrong, but rather, to hopefully more effectively communicate with that particular person.
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CoolWaters
Usually (not always...but usually) when I have said, "I apologize if..." I am thinking either, a)I didn't do what I am being accused of doing, b)that the person wasn't offended or hurt in any way but is demanding an apology just to be 'right', or c)it's a preemptive apology.
But I've learned a thing or two about apologizing in the last few weeks...and I'm not apologizing just for apology's sake any longer...so I may not say "I aplogize if..." any longer.
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washingtonweather
I think it gets down to the intentional outcome of the apology.
Is it to restore...
Is it to just "keep peace"
Is it to sound politcally correct?/??
We went through a lot of this on some thread about expecting TWI to apologize...which they will never do for any of the above reasons.
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waysider
O.K.--------Call me naive or guilty if you wish, but I find myself using that phrase from time to time.
When I use it I am expressing an uncertainty regarding the result of my actions or statements.
More accurately what I am saying is" I am unsure what it is that I did or said to offend you but I am offering this apology as a symbol of my remorse". Of course if I really phrased it like that it would probably draw some blank stares because no one talks like that in 2006. Maybe it would be more appropriate to phrase it as a question."Did I do or say something that offended you?"(followed by an apology for the offense.) Again, the language is a bit bulky for modern day conversation. I used to drive my Dad nuts with"Ya Know?" of course I wasn't really inquiring whether or not he" knew", I was using an idiom that was peculiar to that day and time. Maybe we read too much into the use of this expression that is so commonly used today----Ya Know?
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