Dot, I am so sorry for your losses over the past few weeks. I am not at the point where this is happening in my life, but I do see it happening with some of my brothers' friends (my brothers are in their late 50's-mid 60's) and some of our uncle and other family members. I have noticed that it seems as though deaths happen in rashes - I had three funerals in one week not too long ago - just a horrible week.
Sorry to say, but your situation is far from unique.
Last year there were two funerals the same day I was supposed to attend (I didn't go, sorry, I don't do funerals very well).
Nobody gets outta here alive, the older we get, well, the numbers start to catch up with us.
I worked for an actuary once. He gave me a little insight into the cold numbers of reality, deaths per 100,000 by age, and all that sort of stuff.
That's one of the big downsides of living a long life that nobody tells you about. You get to see all your friends and family go. I'm not so sure I'm all that excited about going there...
i have lost so many loved ones over the last two year it hurts to think about!! 4 real close friends my dad and mom and 2 uncles i hate furenals and i was pall bearer for most of these including dad and mom's but we must remember we are all seeds waiting to be planted! and just in oct my best bud 33 year old son went down in a plane crash i hurt for him but maybe on a lighter note.... when i was escorting my mom out of chuch at her brothers service she said.... it is sad when the young ones go..... he was 79 she was 81 i had to chuckle
knock knock knocking on heavens dooe i believe the are or await a much better place but it is hard for us here
for many years this question has been a ponder to me: The more heaven is filled with those of our happiness, how do we continue to enjoy this world which is not our home?
What lifts the weight of sadness which bears down upon us?
I don't yet know the "answer" (if there is such a thing), but it appears that the Lord gives reason for living for each day as it comes.
Thankfully, I've not had any friends or relatives die recently (I'm in my early 50s). However, back about 14 years ago, the first time in my life I had lost anyone close, there were six or so in less than a year.
The closest was my brother, in his mid-30s, died suddenly due to heart disease. His may have been hastened by tobacco and drug abuse. He had been a smoker for more than 20 years by then.
I've lost other family members, not as close as my brother, due to cancer, various types... prostate, breast, thyroid, maybe others.
My dad made it to 66, but his heart gave out. My mother's too ornery to die... even though she's had significant health issues all of her adult life. She has not dealt with cancer however.... anyway.
I'm working on health issues and hope to make it to the same age as the guy that did a lot of research on vitamin C... he was 93 when he died due to prostate cancer.
A waiting game of sorts...how do we play as on we go...dunno.
I found (much to my chagrin and with serious thought) that I am not as cool or as self-contained as I thought...
With the loss of both parents, close uncles, family friends, and in-laws, I find myself rather tired, morose, and sad more than I ever thought me could be.
I truly wonder what the joy or satifisfaction the Great Potter derives from this little potty...lol. I wonder outloud to Him about it often.
I certainly prayed for the Kim dad, as did probably thousands or others...I'm ticked about Patrick, Jay, Rosanne, and others of my "believer" families who are no more...
But I am not without joy...it comes over me unexpected, and due to things that were not part of the agenda I often submit to God...lol.
Something about going around once, and grabbing for all the gusto you can get...
What beautifully spoken, heart-filling answers. Please, sirguessalot, send yours off to be a published poem. PM me if you want.
What a difficult question to ask, and what tender answers.
Our parents, "the greatest generation," lifted their burdens together. As they pass out of the circle, we come to our places, and lift. As some of us begin to follow our parents out, the young begin to step into place, beside and between us, in preparation to take up their whole burdens. After them will come their children. We learned from those who lifted before us. So do our young. This has gone on for awhile, and will continue. It is the natural way of life, and I embrace it.
But I'm also sticking around until I get my 100, if I have any say in the matter.
My dad turned 80 this year and today is my mom's 79th birthday. Last month a friend gave them a video of a party they were at in the 1980's and it upset my mom that only 4 of the group ( including my parents) were still alive.
Three years ago my husband lost his Father and Grandmother in the same week, Two uncles a couple months later, An Aunt after that. I think it was something like 8 family members in a year.
It changed everything. Christmas is different. I still go shopping and think about them as I leave the "would have been the perfect gift" on the shelf.
It is such a sad thing death.
I hope we truly do see them again. I choose to believe that
I've been truly protected in that I had never really experienced the death of anyone close to me, till this year.
This year my favorite aunt died. She was only 14 years older than me and had been more like a big sister to me growing up. Her death came on the hills of the death of my maternal grandfather. I had literally been home only days after his funeral when she died. (I wasn't close to that grandfather at all, so his death hurt me more because of the pain it caused the rest of my family). Death does sting something awful and I can't imagine going through a series of losing those you're close to.
Two of my elderly neighbors have adopted me as a surrogate granddaughter and I love them dearly. They are constantly losing good friends these days and it's very difficult for them on some days. Just about every Thanksgiving we celebrate together with a few of their friends. This year, there was one less of us at the table and I felt the emptiness despite not really knowing Rudy all that well. I loved the times I got to spend with him and he was so funny and interesting. I can only imagine how much greater the loss hurt them.
My grandparents are also losing friends left and right. They are just a few years older than my neighbors and they have hardly any friends left alive. My grandmother finds it more difficult to find things to live for and is rapidly declining in her health (I believe as a result of her tender heart and how much these deaths hurt her). She's got one sister left alive (she had five other siblings) and, as of this past month, my grandfather has only one brother left (he had six other siblings).
My heart aches for them. It aches for y'all, too, Dot. I'm afraid I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle it when I find myself in these situations.
My mother and two of my aunts were pregnant at the same time and gave birth only a few months apart. A cousin was born in Nov. one in Jan. and I was born in March. We all grew up together and were the closest of friends.
Nov. cousin died at the age of 35 from an after effect of agent orange from Viet Nam.
Jan. cousin died at 46 in a car accident.
My sister died at 47 from liver cancer.
My Mom died at 65, Dad died at 66, both of cancer.
A very close friend died at 36 in a hang glider accident.
Recommended Posts
ChasUFarley
Dot, I am so sorry for your losses over the past few weeks. I am not at the point where this is happening in my life, but I do see it happening with some of my brothers' friends (my brothers are in their late 50's-mid 60's) and some of our uncle and other family members. I have noticed that it seems as though deaths happen in rashes - I had three funerals in one week not too long ago - just a horrible week.
...to everything there is a season...
(((hug to you)))
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dot Matrix
It has been spread out over a longer period, but it is hard to deal with.
With my latest friend June -- well she was friends with Gary and Michael -- so it is like a little corner of (my) life is going out.
Several of these folks just turned 50. I wonder if it is the "fun" we had in the 60's/70's that shaved off the years.
Thanks for your heart.
And keep my sister in your prayers, she goes in for a biopsy on Monday. She is in her late 40's.
Chas
Three funerals in a week ---OUCH! that was an awful week.
((((CHAS))))
Link to comment
Share on other sites
waysider
Dot
Who can really say?-----Maybe those fun times actually added by reducing the effects of stress.
I'll be praying for you and so will my grandson Cletus(that's his name). :)
Link to comment
Share on other sites
George Aar
Sorry to say, but your situation is far from unique.
Last year there were two funerals the same day I was supposed to attend (I didn't go, sorry, I don't do funerals very well).
Nobody gets outta here alive, the older we get, well, the numbers start to catch up with us.
I worked for an actuary once. He gave me a little insight into the cold numbers of reality, deaths per 100,000 by age, and all that sort of stuff.
That's one of the big downsides of living a long life that nobody tells you about. You get to see all your friends and family go. I'm not so sure I'm all that excited about going there...
Link to comment
Share on other sites
coolchef
i have lost so many loved ones over the last two year it hurts to think about!! 4 real close friends my dad and mom and 2 uncles i hate furenals and i was pall bearer for most of these including dad and mom's but we must remember we are all seeds waiting to be planted! and just in oct my best bud 33 year old son went down in a plane crash i hurt for him but maybe on a lighter note.... when i was escorting my mom out of chuch at her brothers service she said.... it is sad when the young ones go..... he was 79 she was 81 i had to chuckle
knock knock knocking on heavens dooe i believe the are or await a much better place but it is hard for us here
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Kit Sober
for many years this question has been a ponder to me: The more heaven is filled with those of our happiness, how do we continue to enjoy this world which is not our home?
What lifts the weight of sadness which bears down upon us?
I don't yet know the "answer" (if there is such a thing), but it appears that the Lord gives reason for living for each day as it comes.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Rocky
Thankfully, I've not had any friends or relatives die recently (I'm in my early 50s). However, back about 14 years ago, the first time in my life I had lost anyone close, there were six or so in less than a year.
The closest was my brother, in his mid-30s, died suddenly due to heart disease. His may have been hastened by tobacco and drug abuse. He had been a smoker for more than 20 years by then.
I've lost other family members, not as close as my brother, due to cancer, various types... prostate, breast, thyroid, maybe others.
My dad made it to 66, but his heart gave out. My mother's too ornery to die... even though she's had significant health issues all of her adult life. She has not dealt with cancer however.... anyway.
I'm working on health issues and hope to make it to the same age as the guy that did a lot of research on vitamin C... he was 93 when he died due to prostate cancer.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
sirguessalot
Dot, the ever-loving puppy dog
and devoted burier of bones
deep gratitude for setting out such a graceful question
i can say that i have spent many hours of many recent days sobbing in realization of my dying friends
which has only been amplified by my studies
on my mother's side alone, i am the oldest of 120 something great grandchildren
and have large family on all sides, yet with 3 living grandparents
and have spent more of my life among more of my many elders than most my age
and most of my deepest dearest friends and co-workers and aquaintences and fellow students are over 50
some of my most dearest friends are 70s and 80s
and i have recently lost count of how many are either suffering, dying, recently died, grieving, or are living with terminal illness
when great grandma left last year, my great aunts and uncles all started fading fast
one of my dearest uncles may be dying in a van somewhere, refusing to go to the hospital
and deeper...i am working closely with about 200 students and faculty in the ars moriendi
and a number of them are wise old masters in their own fields
who are living with terminal illness as we teach and dream
and so being among the youngest of this body
most all of who have come to agree
that "the dying are our greatest teachers"
i have also recently realized that i will most likely live to see them all die
while teaching about dying
which is starting to feel like a heavy thing
who asks for this? ya know?
who could put it down?
i dunno
but in spite of it all
i feel i have seen the medicine for dying
which is not always the same as medicine for living
though both trees grow better together than apart
and there is a fountainhead
and a wellspring
and i include the gsc in my family of friends who are dying
and i wish i knew how to play at ways of leaning into these things with us here
but that i am mostly just a lazy artist who has found my self playing in these fields
never an expert, really....in a world of so-called experts
and so i thank God for the architects of this real virtual community
and how our stories are being told here...and how that is medicine
i also wish i could help my friends in my generation see the importance of this work
and the joy and healing and reward of simply finding and listening to the stories is enough
cuz we are the medicine
i wish you all yer christmas wishes,
Todd
Edited by sirguessalotLink to comment
Share on other sites
NotMatilda
A waiting game of sorts...how do we play as on we go...dunno.
I found (much to my chagrin and with serious thought) that I am not as cool or as self-contained as I thought...
With the loss of both parents, close uncles, family friends, and in-laws, I find myself rather tired, morose, and sad more than I ever thought me could be.
I truly wonder what the joy or satifisfaction the Great Potter derives from this little potty...lol. I wonder outloud to Him about it often.
I certainly prayed for the Kim dad, as did probably thousands or others...I'm ticked about Patrick, Jay, Rosanne, and others of my "believer" families who are no more...
But I am not without joy...it comes over me unexpected, and due to things that were not part of the agenda I often submit to God...lol.
Something about going around once, and grabbing for all the gusto you can get...
Who is gusto, anyway?
Link to comment
Share on other sites
notinKansasanymore
What beautifully spoken, heart-filling answers. Please, sirguessalot, send yours off to be a published poem. PM me if you want.
What a difficult question to ask, and what tender answers.
Our parents, "the greatest generation," lifted their burdens together. As they pass out of the circle, we come to our places, and lift. As some of us begin to follow our parents out, the young begin to step into place, beside and between us, in preparation to take up their whole burdens. After them will come their children. We learned from those who lifted before us. So do our young. This has gone on for awhile, and will continue. It is the natural way of life, and I embrace it.
But I'm also sticking around until I get my 100, if I have any say in the matter.
Yes, I'd have to agree with the "gusto" thing.
On belay!!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
TOMMYZ
My dad turned 80 this year and today is my mom's 79th birthday. Last month a friend gave them a video of a party they were at in the 1980's and it upset my mom that only 4 of the group ( including my parents) were still alive.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dot Matrix
Such tender stories and well wishes.
It is just really shocking.
Three years ago my husband lost his Father and Grandmother in the same week, Two uncles a couple months later, An Aunt after that. I think it was something like 8 family members in a year.
It changed everything. Christmas is different. I still go shopping and think about them as I leave the "would have been the perfect gift" on the shelf.
It is such a sad thing death.
I hope we truly do see them again. I choose to believe that
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Belle
I've been truly protected in that I had never really experienced the death of anyone close to me, till this year.
This year my favorite aunt died. She was only 14 years older than me and had been more like a big sister to me growing up. Her death came on the hills of the death of my maternal grandfather. I had literally been home only days after his funeral when she died. (I wasn't close to that grandfather at all, so his death hurt me more because of the pain it caused the rest of my family). Death does sting something awful and I can't imagine going through a series of losing those you're close to.
Two of my elderly neighbors have adopted me as a surrogate granddaughter and I love them dearly. They are constantly losing good friends these days and it's very difficult for them on some days. Just about every Thanksgiving we celebrate together with a few of their friends. This year, there was one less of us at the table and I felt the emptiness despite not really knowing Rudy all that well. I loved the times I got to spend with him and he was so funny and interesting. I can only imagine how much greater the loss hurt them.
My grandparents are also losing friends left and right. They are just a few years older than my neighbors and they have hardly any friends left alive. My grandmother finds it more difficult to find things to live for and is rapidly declining in her health (I believe as a result of her tender heart and how much these deaths hurt her). She's got one sister left alive (she had five other siblings) and, as of this past month, my grandfather has only one brother left (he had six other siblings).
My heart aches for them. It aches for y'all, too, Dot. I'm afraid I'm not sure how I'll be able to handle it when I find myself in these situations.
Link to comment
Share on other sites
OnionEater
My mother and two of my aunts were pregnant at the same time and gave birth only a few months apart. A cousin was born in Nov. one in Jan. and I was born in March. We all grew up together and were the closest of friends.
Nov. cousin died at the age of 35 from an after effect of agent orange from Viet Nam.
Jan. cousin died at 46 in a car accident.
My sister died at 47 from liver cancer.
My Mom died at 65, Dad died at 66, both of cancer.
A very close friend died at 36 in a hang glider accident.
I am 57 and still here.
Edited by OnionEaterLink to comment
Share on other sites
Dot Matrix
((((Belle))))
Onion Eater - dang, that was a lot to deal with!
Link to comment
Share on other sites
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.