For myself, I ask if it's something I can change. If my actions can make an impact, if only to let someone know my 'stand' on the issue, then speak it out, get it over with, and let it go!
With my children, there is one out of the four that knows all by 'buttons' well. So, now I'm learning, again (thank you Mr. Sushi), where to let my thinking go~ putting the responsibility back to the child, in quiet, firm words that let the child know what I'm willing to do... a challenging but effective process.
Blowing up in most any situation makes the person look silly, immature and out of control.
Quiet & deadly seem more effective
In light of TWI... I'd always thought the 'Leader' was to be the example, if they were doing their job, there wouldn't be much need to fly off the handle, under any 'name of anger'. If the devil makes us mad, we can strike back by not falling into his negatives.
Ironic: a thread on anger started by a poster named 'shortfuse'.
Yes, there's a certain irony to my GSC name. Those here that know me are aware that I am rather opposite from that name. It takes quite a lot to get me angry, and even more to act from anger. I have a "long fuse". (Yes, ladies, the double entendre is intended. )
There are other people in my life that have me pondering this question. Some of you included, I suppose, but I learned sometime ago not to suggest "getting over it" in this forum. (I don't mean that as a dig, I'm just sayin'...)
Bottom line, people behave the way the do, maintain the habits they do, cling to the emotional states they do because of what they get out of it (or so my "self-help" education has taught me). Yes, I believe people are guided by their own self interest. If someone is chronically angry, they truely are "short fused", there is something they get out of it whether they have taken the time to articulate it or not. This is where I was coming from in the original post. I imagine change comes not when they finally realize the shouldn't be angry, but when they realize there is more benefit to controlling the temper and being more peaceful,. for example.
Thus the premise of my original post. If the "pay off" to my sustained anger is self righteousness, then identifying another source of affirmation might help me wean myself off the old behavior.
Again, thinking out loud here. Thanks for listening.
I have found "silent but deadlies" can be very effective, too.
Shortfuse the "just get over it" rant may very well have come from me. I apologize for taking my anger out on you. That phrase does get my blood boiling to the point of not acting very lady-like sometimes.
Shortfuse the "just get over it" rant may very well have come from me. I apologize for taking my anger out on you. That phrase does get my blood boiling to the point of not acting very lady-like sometimes.
I understand where you're coming from completely. Nobody wants to be told to "get over it" especially when they're angry, and when the person giving that advice would be better served by apologizing. Still, I think "getting over it" is precisely what we all have to do at some point. I want to believe we have the power to.
Yesterday I was thinking about the root of bitterness, and how important it is to keep that from taking root in me.
When feeding the root of bitterness with bitter thoughts I make mistakes and do things I regret because the Holy Spirit's connection with my heart and life is weakened.
I don't understand it, but the price of bitterness is too high for me to pay.
Blowing up in most any situation makes the person look silly, immature and out of control.
Quiet & deadly seem more effective
I have been there and done that with my children at times. The look on their faces let me know that I have gone to far. At that point I walk away and defuse things for awhile.
It's amazing when you see your child do the same thing, you really realize how immature you are.
Children mirror their parents , sometimes the reflection isn't as pretty. It can be down right Ugly. :o
I agree with Bramble that anger is a warning sign, a time to stop and see what's wrong. And I agree with many other posters who say that its what we do with our anger that makes it good, or not. Its good to look for solutions to the problem, but bad to "punish" our transgressor, so to speak.
There's a well known pop psychologist on TV that says all our behavior is based on what we get out of it. And I believe that some people do operate on reward and punishment. But I believe, at least I hope there are people who do what they do, because they feel it is the right thing to do, whether they get anything out of it or not.
I also believe there are some people who act out in anger, because they know of no other way to be. If the only thing we know to do when we are hurt is to hurt back, then that is what we do.
That most anger is really a form of HURT...and manifests itself in the form of anger. Anger in and of itself isnt a bad thing if not displaced to places it doesnt belong. You know....the old saying...DUDE comes home from work, mad at his boss so he yells at his kids and kicks the dog.....
Displaced anger hurts everyone. Anger that is focused on the individual could get you fired...but, hey, sometimes it's worth it.
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SafariVista
For myself, I ask if it's something I can change. If my actions can make an impact, if only to let someone know my 'stand' on the issue, then speak it out, get it over with, and let it go!
With my children, there is one out of the four that knows all by 'buttons' well. So, now I'm learning, again (thank you Mr. Sushi), where to let my thinking go~ putting the responsibility back to the child, in quiet, firm words that let the child know what I'm willing to do... a challenging but effective process.
Blowing up in most any situation makes the person look silly, immature and out of control.
Quiet & deadly seem more effective
In light of TWI... I'd always thought the 'Leader' was to be the example, if they were doing their job, there wouldn't be much need to fly off the handle, under any 'name of anger'. If the devil makes us mad, we can strike back by not falling into his negatives.
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shortfuse
Yes, there's a certain irony to my GSC name. Those here that know me are aware that I am rather opposite from that name. It takes quite a lot to get me angry, and even more to act from anger. I have a "long fuse". (Yes, ladies, the double entendre is intended.
)
There are other people in my life that have me pondering this question. Some of you included, I suppose, but I learned sometime ago not to suggest "getting over it" in this forum. (I don't mean that as a dig, I'm just sayin'...)
Bottom line, people behave the way the do, maintain the habits they do, cling to the emotional states they do because of what they get out of it (or so my "self-help" education has taught me). Yes, I believe people are guided by their own self interest. If someone is chronically angry, they truely are "short fused", there is something they get out of it whether they have taken the time to articulate it or not. This is where I was coming from in the original post. I imagine change comes not when they finally realize the shouldn't be angry, but when they realize there is more benefit to controlling the temper and being more peaceful,. for example.
Thus the premise of my original post. If the "pay off" to my sustained anger is self righteousness, then identifying another source of affirmation might help me wean myself off the old behavior.
Again, thinking out loud here. Thanks for listening.
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Belle
I have found "silent but deadlies" can be very effective, too.
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shortfuse
If only I could get my emotional and gastrointestinal outbursts to coincide.
Then it would be very effective indeed.
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shortfuse
I understand where you're coming from completely. Nobody wants to be told to "get over it" especially when they're angry, and when the person giving that advice would be better served by apologizing. Still, I think "getting over it" is precisely what we all have to do at some point. I want to believe we have the power to.
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SafariVista
Trouble on the pot, eh?
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shortfuse
My wife would say so.
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Kit Sober
Yesterday I was thinking about the root of bitterness, and how important it is to keep that from taking root in me.
When feeding the root of bitterness with bitter thoughts I make mistakes and do things I regret because the Holy Spirit's connection with my heart and life is weakened.
I don't understand it, but the price of bitterness is too high for me to pay.
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Ca_dreaming
I have been there and done that with my children at times. The look on their faces let me know that I have gone to far. At that point I walk away and defuse things for awhile.
It's amazing when you see your child do the same thing, you really realize how immature you are.
Children mirror their parents , sometimes the reflection isn't as pretty. It can be down right Ugly. :o
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VeganXTC
I agree with Bramble that anger is a warning sign, a time to stop and see what's wrong. And I agree with many other posters who say that its what we do with our anger that makes it good, or not. Its good to look for solutions to the problem, but bad to "punish" our transgressor, so to speak.
There's a well known pop psychologist on TV that says all our behavior is based on what we get out of it. And I believe that some people do operate on reward and punishment. But I believe, at least I hope there are people who do what they do, because they feel it is the right thing to do, whether they get anything out of it or not.
I also believe there are some people who act out in anger, because they know of no other way to be. If the only thing we know to do when we are hurt is to hurt back, then that is what we do.
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prayingfordaylight
I believe...
That most anger is really a form of HURT...and manifests itself in the form of anger. Anger in and of itself isnt a bad thing if not displaced to places it doesnt belong. You know....the old saying...DUDE comes home from work, mad at his boss so he yells at his kids and kicks the dog.....
Displaced anger hurts everyone. Anger that is focused on the individual could get you fired...but, hey, sometimes it's worth it.
Dawn
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