End of the Road

[excathedra]

psalm 121

1 I lift up my eyes to the mountains—

where does my help come from?

2 My help comes from the LORD,

the Maker of heaven and earth.

3 He will not let your foot slip—

he who watches over you will not slumber;

4 indeed, he who watches over Israel

will neither slumber nor sleep.

5 The LORD watches over you—

the LORD is your shade at your right hand;

6 the sun will not harm you by day,

nor the moon by night.

7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—

he will watch over your life;

8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going

both now and forevermore.

[ChattyKathy]

Beautiful! Thank you dearest excath.

[Lori]

I have felt like that, especially more lately.

Nothing helps me like pulling out the word and reading some of my favorite stories.

Somehow reading about how David or Esther handled some of their demons is refreshing.

After that, I take some time just me and God, and I pour my heart out.

It helps me to put things in perspective about what's bothering me. Sometimes I'll even write it out.

What I've found is sometimes I just need to look at something differently. It helps me to gain a new perspective.

And then I go and find people to socialize with, or play my keyboard for awhile, go sightseeing, do something fun.

Like many of you, I have been lonely, too. I recently started going to school, so that takes up 3 nights a week. I have met people there and gained some new friendships. I have found people here on GSC to be supportive even though I really don't know anyone here very well. My kids and I have a great relationship, and we help each other.

But I'm around the age of menopause also, and have needed anti-depressants. Recently I converted from prozac to herbal and finding it to be most helpful. There's another issue that arises this time of life, and that's thyroid. That will make a person feel tired, drained, and depressed. So, I'm also taking medicine for that.

But there's always answers....

and there are people who care.....

Edited October 28, 2006 by Lori

[nolongerlurking]

Surely this must have been what my ex, my daughter's dad, felt like yesterday when he took his own life.

Chuck hurt me in many ways and on many levels. I have to say that he is one of the very few people in this world that I actually spent time hating.

Yet, the thought of him feeling so utterly lost and alone leaves me feeling nothing but sadness and sorrow. And not just for Shannon, my daughter, but for him as well. If he had called me yesterday, I would have cared a great deal. It makes me think how many people in the world really do care when we're truly in great need.

Reach out people, when you are falling, and I bet you'll be surprised by who and how many answer the call. I wish Chuck had reached out to me or to Shannon, but he did not. Now, he will miss all those times in the future that would have or could have given him great joy. Holding a new grandchild, meeting a new love, watching his daughter marry. So much he gave up. And so much of what he could have given those who love him died with him.

Everyone here is right. Things can and do change very very quickly.

[Linda Z]

NLL, I'm so sorry this has happened, for your daughter's sake and yours. Suicide is so hard on those left behind.

I know there's often a great tempation to blame yourself somehow, to ask if you could have done something differently that would have changed the outcome. Please don't fall into that, and please don't let your daughter, either.

[GeorgeStGeorge]

Sogwap.

Whenever I felt lonely or opressed, Psalm 34 always brought me courage.

[A Psalm] of David, when he changed his behaviour before Abimelech; who drove him away, and he departed.

I will bless the LORD at all times: his praise [shall] continually [be] in my mouth.

My soul shall make her boast in the LORD: the humble shall hear [thereof], and be glad.

O magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt his name together.

I sought the LORD, and he heard me, and delivered me from all my fears.

They looked unto him, and were lightened: and their faces were not ashamed.

This poor man cried, and the LORD heard [him], and saved him out of all his troubles.

The angel of the LORD encampeth round about them that fear him, and delivereth them.

O taste and see that the LORD [is] good: blessed [is] the man [that] trusteth in him.

O fear the LORD, ye his saints: for [there is] no want to them that fear him.

The young lions do lack, and suffer hunger: but they that seek the LORD shall not want any good [thing].

Come, ye children, hearken unto me: I will teach you the fear of the LORD.

What man [is he that] desireth life, [and] loveth [many] days, that he may see good?

Keep thy tongue from evil, and thy lips from speaking guile.

Depart from evil, and do good; seek peace, and pursue it.

The eyes of the LORD [are] upon the righteous, and his ears [are open] unto their cry.

The face of the LORD [is] against them that do evil, to cut off the remembrance of them from the earth.

[The righteous] cry, and the LORD heareth, and delivereth them out of all their troubles.

The LORD [is] nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.

Many [are] the afflictions of the righteous: but the LORD delivereth him out of them all.

He keepeth all his bones: not one of them is broken.

Evil shall slay the wicked: and they that hate the righteous shall be desolate.

The LORD redeemeth the soul of his servants: and none of them that trust in him shall be desolate.

Let me know when you're feeling better, and I'll PM you a funny story in relation to this.

George

[excathedra]

(((((((((((((( no longer lurking and shannon ))))))))))))

[sogwap51]

Thanks for your sharings everyone. They are appreciated.

[Lifted Up]

No friends, no one you could trust, no one you could even just talk to....just alone;

Is it really a feeling that you cant find someone who wants to help...or a feeling that, willing or not, there is no one who can help?

[pond]

wow that is a good point Lifted up.

[krys]

Is it really a feeling that you cant find someone who wants to help...or a feeling that, willing or not, there is no one who can help?

I can only speak for myself, but I have been in this place a time or two. Until I made up my own mind either to look for help - or to grab onto some offer - - my situation was hopeless.

[washingtonweather]

Sogwop---and anyone else who is reading,...I personnally think the last few weeks have sucked. Now I don't believe in star influence etc....But oh my god...If there was ever a period where I was feeling like saying - give up...it was october 2006. Husband is a loner (can't understand how much our kids friends mean to them because he never really had any growing up) So--sometimes we can talk...but sometimes, I talk nd its difficult to understand(although he is good at accepting things)

Dont ask me what happened...its more like what didnt happen. I have friends, but this wasn't about that. It was more like ...I can' stop all this crap from coming sometimes.

Then this morning---I go to an Episcapal church sometimes. The sermon was about this kid that got ice skates. He was bruised and a little bloody from falling peretually. Some guy said to him...why don't you get rid of the skates kid? the kid replies, ..I didn't get the skates to quit Mister!

It really hit home

But I think sometimes life is just crappy, and sometimes its not.

[prayingfordaylight]

SOGWOP

(SON OF GOD.........WITH ALL POWER)

You and I have talked briefly but very openly to one another.

I can only share my own experiences with you, in that they are mine, but perhaps they will help you to understand your own situation better.

Trust me when I tell you that we have ALL had our own personal little HELLS to deal with. I think, in the end, its all in how you deal with it that makes the difference. For me, the times in my life that have tried me to my limits are the times that I do see my own charector of being come out. I used to be very afraid and hurt and bitter about alone times, and now I tend to cherish the moments...I go plant a tree or a shrub and sit back and think...I DID THAT. I get in my car for no reason at all, grab a cup of java, turn the tunes up and just enjoy the moment of feeling 18 again without a care in the world. I have come to a point in my life that I dont expect too much, but never ever give up hope for when something or someone GOOD comes along, its just that much more of an added bonus to me.

I dont know how much you still pray or believe God for things, but the older I get the more that I do see how very very true the Words of God are in my life and in the lives of others. I will never be a bible thumper ever again, but I do hold the truth of what I know to be true in my heart and I always hope for the best.

Another thing that I have found to be true that EVEN when I am with people or in a relationship, the bottom line is that I still have to look in the mirror......ALONE.....and just try to be the best person that I can be. If I helped someone that day....great. If I didnt have ample opportunity to do that, its still okay. I just dont pretend to be anything other than what I am, period.

I want you to know that your name sake says it all..

SON

OF

GOD

WITH

ALL

POWER

Its not trite.......its true and I am here if you would ever like to talk again.

Dawn-Juan

[sirguessalot]

interesting how often the psalms come up around these deep dark topics

and most often from personal experience and intuition

a few interesting notions from forgotten history...

is how whether one was alone or in community

most of the psalms were written and meant to be sung in the darkest and troubling times of life

whether it was in the old hebrew culture or in medieval europe

this was a huge part of healing and medicine

and whether due to an ongoing depression, or the onset of some other long dark night of transition

...but also for those who were actually suffering and dying

in the original european hospitals and hospices and way-stations

along with other things, different psalms were prescribed

often accompanied by instrumental music and other singers

and the monks and nuns actually took notes on the results for centuries

(before most of the notes were burned)

not as a replacement for anything, but as something that assists ALL healing modes

for especially for those times when other types of healing was not working

and all one had left was singing, or listening to the singing, or feeling the singing

certainly a different kind of 'midwifery' at work

and what i also find interesting, is how for many centuries

the psalms were being used this way by jews, christians, muslims (and others)

who basically spent centuries collaborating in these kinds of healing arts

using psalms and music to heal

and sharing notes and stories

with bigotry

i guess the children of abraham must have found something more important to do than fight

and the psalms (along with Job) were some of the only things from all their scriptures that they honored

tho...another real kicker...

how most every other culture on the face of the earth has had some version of music thanatology

as medicine for what other medicines cant cure

east

west

north

south

blues

gospel

rock n roll

yada yada yada

songs to get us through

when we can no longer find a way around

...just sayin

and so...imo, there IS power in that

for all us sogwaps

the innocent, holy, brats

that we all already always are

Edited October 30, 2006 by sirguessalot

[sogwap51]

Interesting....sirguessalot....thanks.

Edited October 30, 2006 by sogwap51

[Belle]

(((((SOGWAP)))))

I've sooooo been there. I knew I could call my family, but then I'd have a lot of explaining to do for them to even catch up to where I was in my life and I just didn't have the energy for that. Sometimes we just want someone to cry with us. Not try to "fix" things, just to let us know that they care.

I wish I was close enough to give you a great big bear hug and cry with you - or make you laugh - I seem to be hilarious without even trying sometimes.... I think it's my graceful way of busting my arse.... NOT. :P

You have been through more and had more pain than a person deserves and you continue to come out on top. Pat yourself on the back for that and know that you'll come out on top again...and again... and again. I'm going to PM you my phone number and please know that I welcome your call anytime you need to hear a voice, vent or think out loud.

Professional help, antidepressants and therapy, have been life savers for me. I literally thought I was going insane the last year of my marriage and being involved with TWI. If not for my insistence on getting help, I think I would have continued to spiral out of control. I can't speak highly enough for how much help the right therapist and psychiatrist can be.

Know you are loved, Sogwap!

[coolchef]

Sogwap i hvae no advice

just love yourself as God loves you

you are in my prayers

[YIdon'tgotochurch]

I only can suggest one thing.

give! ! ! ! ! ! Volunteer

ok...that's 2 things

[Lifted Up]

Is it really a feeling that you cant find someone who wants to help...or a feeling that, willing or not, there is no one who can help?

I didn't mean to suggest that Soggy was refusing help. Maybe it wasnt even taken that way, but when I read it again I saw how it could be. But there may be little or no difference between a feeling that there is no one who is willing to help and a feeling that even if the many are willing to help, there is no one who can.

[prayingfordaylight]

SIRQUESSALOT

YES, THAT WAS INTERESTING.

WHEN EVER I START TO FEEL SORRY FOR MYSELF, OR GO PLACES IN MY HEAD THAT I SHOULD HAVE NEVER EVER GONE TO BEGIN WITH, I WILL REMEMBER THOSE WORDS.

DAWN JUAN