Understand...mine too. If I died here, I don't know when someone would discover me..even if they would. Thought today how long I'd rot here. Just sucks that you can't have friends that would even care where you were day to day. Never did make friends easy...guesss I'll just rot someday.
Sometimes, most of the time, when I feel like this, its not enough to talk with friends. Its these dark times when its best to talk with someone professionally trained to help us when we feel this down.
I don't know what going on in your lives that's hurting you right now. Its none of my business. But I do know that there are many, many people here at Greasespot that care about you both.
Sometimes, most of the time, when I feel like this, its not enough to talk with friends. Its these dark times when its best to talk with someone professionally trained to help us when we feel this down.
I don't know what going on in your lives that's hurting you right now. Its none of my business. But I do know that there are many, many people here at Greasespot that care about you both.
Please call someone.
Vegan -- I'm not *hurting*. Just state-ing a fact!. :)
Like I said -- I've been alone for 26 years. I've kinda got to the point where I like it.
It would take a VERY SPECIAL SOMEONE to be a part of my life.
So far -- I have not met that person. I wonder if she even exists??
I (personally) don't feel *down*, for not having yet met this lady,
and when I do meet her -- she would have some major adjusting to do.
Are you sure this is just a thread lamenting singleness? When I see things like it takes too much effort to breathe, or no one would notice if I was dead, well, no one should feel this way.
Talk to a professional and if $ is an issue you can find help that will work with you on that. There is someone out there you can trust with things you dare even say out loud.
You have much to offer and I suspect more folks that care and would know if you were gone than you realize.
Don't let the past win sweet girl, don't let it win.
Ditto to what Vegan and Waysider said. There's no shame in it whatsoever, contrary to what you might have heard in twi.
I know online friends aren't the same as face-to-face ones, but they can certainly help to fill the void. They do for me, because all my close friends have moved to other cities, and I haven't had the time and energy to make new friends outside work...not really close ones, anyway. At least here I can reconnect with old friends and enjoy the conversations.
I have a tendency to feel almost exactly as you described from time to time and go into a darker mood-sometimes for a day-a week-a month or (thankfully this has past) longer.
One thing I do know is that it passes.
Ive tried all sorts of things over the years when i get in the serious doldrums
from treatment for depression, to changing my diet, to forcing myself to get out and do things.
I think the best (for me) was doing volunteer work at a homeless shelter and interacting with a lot of good people who had much more serious problems than my own.
sogwap51, for me it has been a work of self reliance with God as the ultimate one to be trusted.
I probably am not seen as a risk taker and that must lie within the definition of dependency on another. Yet some of the mornings I have walked into my day were sufficient within themselves to be huge risks but no one knew.
Ted Ferrell's mother use to thrill in observing people and their idiosyncrasies and that confirmed for me the absolute marvel each one of us are. All the things we hold in our hearts and souls, the story of our lives, all unique and as important as the next.
It can take different thoughts or actions to see you clear of these times. Perhaps closing the blinds and wrapped in a blanket with a movie. That itself can pull you out of the darkness when you feel your stomach get excited about the richness of a character, something outside of yourself. Take a drive to a favorite spot even though you don't want to do it. With good music you might escape into the moment.
Why would I say escape into the moment?
Well for me my escape has been into dreams at times. When I had to have something to hold onto and it began so young that I mastered it by adulthood. Those are not good "thoughts or actions" when you stay there too long or feel it too deeply. And in that case escaping would actually be into full reality of the moment which is my constant battle at present.
You have history that would cause a woman to have much turmoil inside. Be kind to yourself. You are beautiful.
mstar, I missed that because I walked away before I hit post. I agree with what you said. The interaction with others who have seen despair is healing actually.
I have been there....thinking I didn't have a friend in the world, thinking the horrible thoughts that one thinks when you are down, mostly fearing that I would leave this world and have not made a difference in any way whatsoever.
Then it turns around - maybe briefly, but it turns. A student says that you helped her find some direction in life, or your child needs you in a way that no one else can fill.....
I just keep moving and letting God place me. I have no other way to be.
I've never been in your shoes, but I can sympathize. There's a lot of hurt out there. (Can you say "SATAN"?) But there's a lot of good out there, too. How well do you know your neighbors? Some people go years without knowing the names of the people who live next door. Knock on a door, and say Hi. (Hopefully, that won't bring back bad witnessing memories!) Remember, your best friends were perfect strangers at one time.
And, yes, get professional help. I certainly don't want to see your name pop up in one of those "What ever happened to..." threads. You're a Son (daughter) Of God With All Power!
What has helped me the most is moving back to my hometown and reconnecting with family and friends that have known me since childhood and later.
Even though we had friends that we hung out with in Memphis, it is not the same as being home. That is just my opinion. In fact, I miss my now 6 year-old godchild immensely, but I would not trade anything for being back home.
I know DMiller has family near here, but I don't know about you, sogwap. I have read your posts and am sorry that you were caught up in the lcm mess.
You can pm me anytime and I will give you my email addy and ph numbers.
I live in the central time zone, which is moving back time tonite. DMiller's hometown says the same, doesn't it, David???
we spoke in chat and I remember you being very disappointed in a firend that your feel let you down.
I read a theory in a book and it stuck because it is so very profound about friends, for me.
friends love us in "partS" I put the capital S for a reason.. think about it, hopefuly you realize no "other is responsible for your happiness or life gain or loss.
like love happiness is an inside job.
so the idea of parts work.. Im middle age and i have one or two friends from high school that i know still and we get together once in a while.
my clas was almost 2000 why is that we had a unity in school and were "friends".
because we have each done different things and gotten involved in life our paths went this and that way.
that seems normal. doesnt it? WEll it kind of doesnt change I have lived a very full life.. when my children were little i hung out withmoms with small children and shared who I was and lved them all.
today a room full of screaming babies and toddlers is not exactly my idea of having a nice time!!!
i worked in fast food for a short while I and made some great friendship with teens living a life full of adventure and goals they were fantastic and spurred me on to set some more goals for myself and get a different degree!
they do not call on friday night for a rollicking good invite for the new party.. but yet our friendship while at the resturant was real and helped me grow and become who I am today.
i cherish them all !
but we loved in part and have now made new friends.
sometimes friendships last oftentimes it isnt that they died it is just one of the people have moved (mentaly or physicly) to another place and the other can not go there.
it is a loss, but also an invitation to realize our responsibility is to our own self to be happy! not to another! why? because no one really gets excited about a person who puts a burden on another for their being.
Stop watching tV! get out and do ... meet making friends doesnt mean totlaly laying your life down and sharing every moment of your life and draggin every drama that ever happened to you into another person.
it means a sharing.. and we do share in part with our friends. i like flowers and gardening so i go to the market and meet folks who like that and start talking about that flower or this plant and before ya know it it is a "friend"! and the next time ya see them they say HI how are you and they do care!!
sogwap you might be depressed , but you also might be ready to realize you have to make a change in your life and take some more responsibly for your own life. It isnt as scary as it sounds.
honest to God almighty people are magic to me and for the most part I LOVE people. and they love back. I meet the day with anticipation of that DAY!! who will i be able to share with who will I be able to learn from who will i be able to help?
and then it happens every single day love happens .
i was a shut in this year with the surgery... but i got up and im moving and shaking now!!! and i am alone. I do not think a man will repair me, i wait for no prince on a white horse. a man is just a man and to place that on any person is just not attractive or very healthy.
a miserable marriage will beat a person down to a point sogwap where you may have no choice but to give up the security you have become comfortable with, and if your being abused, ultimately we ALL know it has to be your choice to get out, or stay and give up all hope for change in your life.
sogwap God has the power he really does but it has to be your choice to DO your life and take the rsik of loving again HIM and people. Jesus commands we love one another that implies TWO in it like a relationship one anothering is a give and take thing. If only one is filling the relationship it is to draining to continue it isnt a friendship or loving it is co-depency and something the profesionals can help you with.
I can agree helping others can be helpful, seeing others who may be in a place of suffering worse can help one be thankful BUT
hello if change and new direction is needed in life what is really helpful is felowship with others who are excited about change and new goals and finding a new life!
if one is depressed about life to be around others who also have little hope or excitement and in the same place WELL it can be the straw of despair that everyone is overwelmed and hopeless.
When IM bored with life i go around young folks teens and young adults who see life as onhe big adventure and worthy of giving a go at!!!
or I take my grand on an adventure that is fun for him!! and learn to gigle at a new slide!!!
misery loves company and i see many who do get inspired helping another they just get burn out.
Lonliness can be overwhelming. I take myself somewhere else in my thinking or even physically go somewhere else if able to. That is when those dream places became my choice at times. But I am learning that we need to be good to ourselves first.
My prayers to all of us that know personally of these things said in this thread and to myself.
What's the joke - "the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily shut off"? something like that?
When the light dims, seems like maybe it was a mirage all along, you just have to get through it. One step, one day. Boy, that day sucked. Then again. Sucked again. And again. It'll get better, it always does.
Or, it'll get worse, maybe before it gets better. Depends on the situation. But things will change, they have to. Nothing stays the same, ever.
Just as events and stuff can go sour, they can go sweet. And they will. You just have to get through it and let time be the road - you know, - "you never know what's up around the next bend". And we don't. That's when life can bring it's most disappointment, when something goes against plan, what we expect doesn't pan out, our efforts turn up empty.
Or seem to. I believe effort is effort. Measure now - nothing, nada, zip. Measure again in a week, you may need a bigger ruler.
How about family? In a storm any port will do. Use whatever means you have (this is one) to talk it out. "Good is where you find it". Good is waiting to happen, whenever and wherever it shows it's curly little head. It may come in unexpected ways.
I'll tell you who will be always happy to see you and where you'll find some of the most intersting people, is your local volunteer services, like a United Way or other organization like that. Look them up in the phone book and give them a call, and show up somewhere, there's always things where you can go and find other people to share an hour or two, a day, with. Like a local Food Bank, if you have one in your city. Spending an hour or two packing boxes, unloading a truck, dropping deliveries, this stuff goes on all the time day after day at Food Banks.
Food is cool, people gotta eat. You will absolutely feel better about life having done something so basic and so simple to help someone else, and in a way that really helps and has no strings attached. You'll meet other people - a guy told me years ago he was the Vice President of his company and here he was loading a truck with boxes on a Saturday. It's just a great way to get in, do some good, meet some other cool people and know you've made a difference that wouldn't have been made if you hadn't shown up.
There's also the holidays coming up and organizations are gearing up right now to do all kinds of stuff. There might be an arm of one of or more of these organizations where you work. Check them out. Volunteer stuff is a great way to meet people who usually have more than two brain cells working and a reasonably caring heart pumping. And you'll be one more, y'know? :)
The "dark night" could generally be described as a letting go of our ego's hold on the psyche, making room for change that can bring about a complete transformation of a person's way of defining his/her self and their relationship to God. The interim period can be frightening, hence the perceived "darkness". In the Christian tradition, during the "dark night" one who has developed a strong prayer life and consistent devotion to God suddenly finds traditional prayer extremely difficult and unrewarding for an extended period of time. The individual may feel as though God has suddenly abandoned them, or that their prayer life has collapsed.
Rather than being a negative event, the dark night is believed by mystics and others to be a blessing in disguise where the individual is trained to grow from vocal and mental prayer, to a deeper contemplative prayer of the soul. Particularly in Christianity, it is seen as a severe test of one's faith. The Dark Night comes in two phases: a first "Night of the Senses," and a second "Night of the Spirit."
in my experience and understanding
such a 'dark night' is not the same as garden variety depression
though is often misunderstood because it can and does often occur during depression
as well as during illness, suffering and dying, loss, grief, etc...
it even comes after huge successes
i guess guys like abe and jesus might call it 'the loneliness of god' things like:
...crying drops of blood in the wilderness just before dying
...a view from the cold dark bottom of things
...wrestling with a shadow god
yada yada
its a harsh place, really
akin to a struggle with bodily death
and in fact, quite all wrapped up together with it
people are known to live long rewarding lives after coming through even the darkest of dark nights
almost as if it naturally occurs in life in order to give us a sense of
"ah..now i am finally experiencing for myself how and why there was a big bang in the middle of nowhere"
or some such thing
i mean, how can one really claim to know God's heart
if one have never actually sat silent and alone in the clear dark long enough to recognize the sound of a such a silent and invisible God
...and still found peace there?
as if life simply always somehow stubbornly and faithfully always becomes spiritual at the end of the road
and we are to doomed to never stop meeting our next ultimate whateverness
where neither science nor religion seem to address it adequately enough
...
it is was also described as foolishly sitting in the threshold of a door
that has always already been wide wide open
and always will be
one that requires only the tiniest flicker of attention to see
a mere 'twinkle of an eye'
as it were
and that was the 'good news'
wrapped in an oft-embarrasing 'punchline'
...
i can even imagine how the old wise ones might shake their head and say
that we have forgotten how to teach our children about these simple kinds of things
which is a large part of why the world is up to its ears in unprecedented levels of greed,
vengeance, power, envy of dying old men who never learned
some even say that the earth as a whole
is going through its own dark night of the soul
and we are still a worm in a cacoon
the only way to be awake to see the other end of the road
is not by going around...but by going through the clear dark
cuz life cant skip winter forever
if it ever expects to come full circle
so...it seems the old ones would practice something simple to ground themselves at times like this
...like centering prayer, or speaking in tongues, or singing the psalms
it really helps to have friends who realize such things
and who often want to fix things that arent broken
which is why monks and nuns were such quiet people, i guess
I wanted to add, you may want to visit the "Amazing Sea Monkeys!" thread and get caught up on some of the important events of the last couple years. "OLM's" (Older Leadership Monkeys) are available to assist with any questions you might have. The vibrations of love that come from even a few minutes exposure to the Amazing Sea Monkeys! have been known to release powerful antitoxidants into the body that can encourage the natural healing abilities of the human body, clear the mind, and restore balance and purpose. It's true! I know it sounds crazy but it's true! And it's amazing!
Some good thoughts here on this thread for you to consider. One I'd like to throw in is for you to get a thorough physical (if you haven't had one in a while). I'm guessing from your posts you're hitting mid-life and women's bodies change in a number of ways that effect their mental states when they are perimenopausal or going through menopause. That's the first thing. There are physical things you can do that can help you if any of the symptoms you are experiencing are age appropriate for a woman. That's number one.
Number two, though, is you sound from some of your posts and things you've said in chat that your heart has been wounded - - and that's a pain that is very tough to deal with - - particularly when you don't have a circle of support or a close friend to help pick you up.
Unless you've gone through those kind of sad times or suffered from the dark side of depression (I don't mean just "felt" depressed - - I mean ARE depressed as in the illness depression), it's so very hard to put into words the emptiness and sadness that accompanies it. It feels like a black, empty hole that you just can't seem to climb out of no matter how hard you try. And it's exhausing.
I went through a divorce 7 years ago after 23 years of marriage - - and about the same time we cut loose from being stifled in ex-twi offshoots (and experiencing hurt after hurt and disappointment after disappointment with those folks). Then a couple of years later, my oldest sister - -who was also my dearest, closest friend - -suffered a long fight with cancer and eventually died. I felt so alone and empty and felt like I had no one to turn to. I had major financial burdens left me by my ex. The week before my sis finally died, I was wrongfully dismissed from a job and had to seek a lawyer (I won, but it was not pretty - - and also with some ex-twi folks; but that's another delightful story). Then after throwing my hat in the dating ring after being single for some years, I got serious with a guy who got cold feet the week after my sis died and broke things off. Man, I was ready to just pull the covers over my head and just never get up again.
Finally, an acquaintance - - whom I had just met a few mos. before - - called me up and said "hey - -my husband is out of town, why don't you come over?" Well, I really didn't want to go over, but did and during our conversation, I blurted all of the above out and she walked over to her phone, picked it up and immediately made an appt. for me with her doctor for the next day (they were also friends, so she had a little clout). This gal had previously gone through a very tough divorce that left her nearly totally debilitated (and was a top manager with VISA corp., so no slouch) and recognized depression when she saw it.
I was so distraught, I did go to the appointment and sat in the office and boo hoo'd through my story. The doctor immediately talked to me about going on an anti-depressant for a short time and a few weeks of a sleep medication. Now, I'm Miss "no meds, no doctors, only natural stuff" - - and had never taken any kind of meds before (not with childbirth, not even an antibiotic for my entire life). But the sleeping meds for 2 weeks allowed me to get some much needed rest. The anti-depressant kicked in and I immediately was able to start functioning normally again.
Once I was out of the darkest part of that time, I was able to start the beginning of some new thoughts and dreams once again and started making some decisions about what I wanted to see the rest of my life look like. It's not been a walk in the park, but after those first few mos, every month has gotten better. Things started to turn around again, and when I got better, I found that it was easier to make some new friends in the new city I was living in (volunteering, work, in the park walking the dog, etc.).
Please go see your doctor, Soggie, if you've not done that and at least have a discussion about depression or visit this site: Understanding Depression There are some very good, non-narcotic meds available these days that can help your body produce the seratonin it needs, or whatever else might be deficient.
You may or may not be suffering from it; or it could be a combination of some very treatable physical things, that once treated, will make you feel better enough to look each day in the eye again and take it on.
Please do know you are not alone. Even though many of us are just cyber names, I think you know from chat that there's some very wise, caring people around here who will help pick you up on the days you just need to connect with someone - - even in cyberspace - - while you get things turned around a little.
And do remember how much God loves you uniquely and individually. If you don't journal, starting to write some of this down and then seeing your blessings small and large over a period of time, may continue to give you more hope of much better, happier times around the corner.
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dmiller
Sogwap --- I have been alone for 26 years now.
Few friends, no one that I could call on in time of need.
Yea --- I feel that way also.
If I died tomorrow -- no one would know (except my work place).
END OF THE LINE is a favourite tune of mine.
Despite the fact, that there are a coupla dead *rockers*, singing that song,
I'm inspired everytime I hear it.
Gives me hope, that someone, somewhere, will figure it all out about me, once I am gone.
So I try to live life as best as I can (these days), and don't worry about the future.
Maybe a *bad attitude* towards life -- but it's mine.
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sogwap51
Understand...mine too. If I died here, I don't know when someone would discover me..even if they would. Thought today how long I'd rot here. Just sucks that you can't have friends that would even care where you were day to day. Never did make friends easy...guesss I'll just rot someday.
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VeganXTC
Sometimes, most of the time, when I feel like this, its not enough to talk with friends. Its these dark times when its best to talk with someone professionally trained to help us when we feel this down.
I don't know what going on in your lives that's hurting you right now. Its none of my business. But I do know that there are many, many people here at Greasespot that care about you both.
Please call someone.
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dmiller
Vegan -- I'm not *hurting*. Just state-ing a fact!. :)
Like I said -- I've been alone for 26 years. I've kinda got to the point where I like it.
It would take a VERY SPECIAL SOMEONE to be a part of my life.
So far -- I have not met that person. I wonder if she even exists??
I (personally) don't feel *down*, for not having yet met this lady,
and when I do meet her -- she would have some major adjusting to do.
(I've been told I'm crusty --- etc.)
I'm willing to change -- (to a certain degee),
but there's two sides to each equation.
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VeganXTC
Are you sure this is just a thread lamenting singleness? When I see things like it takes too much effort to breathe, or no one would notice if I was dead, well, no one should feel this way.
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waysider
Sogwap 51----------Wish I Knew what to say to make things better.
Is your feeling this way related to a specific incident or situation or is it a general overall feeling?
Incidents pass and situations change. If you can't put your finger on the cause, it might be time to see someone professional who knows how to help.
I 'm praying for you on this end.
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ChattyKathy
Talk to a professional and if $ is an issue you can find help that will work with you on that. There is someone out there you can trust with things you dare even say out loud.
You have much to offer and I suspect more folks that care and would know if you were gone than you realize.
Don't let the past win sweet girl, don't let it win.
You are loved.
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Linda Z
Ditto to what Vegan and Waysider said. There's no shame in it whatsoever, contrary to what you might have heard in twi.
I know online friends aren't the same as face-to-face ones, but they can certainly help to fill the void. They do for me, because all my close friends have moved to other cities, and I haven't had the time and energy to make new friends outside work...not really close ones, anyway. At least here I can reconnect with old friends and enjoy the conversations.
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mstar1
I have a tendency to feel almost exactly as you described from time to time and go into a darker mood-sometimes for a day-a week-a month or (thankfully this has past) longer.
One thing I do know is that it passes.
Ive tried all sorts of things over the years when i get in the serious doldrums
from treatment for depression, to changing my diet, to forcing myself to get out and do things.
I think the best (for me) was doing volunteer work at a homeless shelter and interacting with a lot of good people who had much more serious problems than my own.
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ChattyKathy
sogwap51, for me it has been a work of self reliance with God as the ultimate one to be trusted.
I probably am not seen as a risk taker and that must lie within the definition of dependency on another. Yet some of the mornings I have walked into my day were sufficient within themselves to be huge risks but no one knew.
Ted Ferrell's mother use to thrill in observing people and their idiosyncrasies and that confirmed for me the absolute marvel each one of us are. All the things we hold in our hearts and souls, the story of our lives, all unique and as important as the next.
It can take different thoughts or actions to see you clear of these times. Perhaps closing the blinds and wrapped in a blanket with a movie. That itself can pull you out of the darkness when you feel your stomach get excited about the richness of a character, something outside of yourself. Take a drive to a favorite spot even though you don't want to do it. With good music you might escape into the moment.
Why would I say escape into the moment?
Well for me my escape has been into dreams at times. When I had to have something to hold onto and it began so young that I mastered it by adulthood. Those are not good "thoughts or actions" when you stay there too long or feel it too deeply. And in that case escaping would actually be into full reality of the moment which is my constant battle at present.
You have history that would cause a woman to have much turmoil inside. Be kind to yourself. You are beautiful.
mstar, I missed that because I walked away before I hit post. I agree with what you said. The interaction with others who have seen despair is healing actually.
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doojable
I have been there....thinking I didn't have a friend in the world, thinking the horrible thoughts that one thinks when you are down, mostly fearing that I would leave this world and have not made a difference in any way whatsoever.
Then it turns around - maybe briefly, but it turns. A student says that you helped her find some direction in life, or your child needs you in a way that no one else can fill.....
I just keep moving and letting God place me. I have no other way to be.
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GeorgeStGeorge
Sogwap,
I've never been in your shoes, but I can sympathize. There's a lot of hurt out there. (Can you say "SATAN"?) But there's a lot of good out there, too. How well do you know your neighbors? Some people go years without knowing the names of the people who live next door. Knock on a door, and say Hi. (Hopefully, that won't bring back bad witnessing memories!) Remember, your best friends were perfect strangers at one time.
And, yes, get professional help. I certainly don't want to see your name pop up in one of those "What ever happened to..." threads. You're a Son (daughter) Of God With All Power!
George
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act2
What has helped me the most is moving back to my hometown and reconnecting with family and friends that have known me since childhood and later.
Even though we had friends that we hung out with in Memphis, it is not the same as being home. That is just my opinion. In fact, I miss my now 6 year-old godchild immensely, but I would not trade anything for being back home.
I know DMiller has family near here, but I don't know about you, sogwap. I have read your posts and am sorry that you were caught up in the lcm mess.
You can pm me anytime and I will give you my email addy and ph numbers.
I live in the central time zone, which is moving back time tonite. DMiller's hometown says the same, doesn't it, David???
Anyway, my prayers are with you.
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pond
Hi sogwap
we spoke in chat and I remember you being very disappointed in a firend that your feel let you down.
I read a theory in a book and it stuck because it is so very profound about friends, for me.
friends love us in "partS" I put the capital S for a reason.. think about it, hopefuly you realize no "other is responsible for your happiness or life gain or loss.
like love happiness is an inside job.
so the idea of parts work.. Im middle age and i have one or two friends from high school that i know still and we get together once in a while.
my clas was almost 2000 why is that we had a unity in school and were "friends".
because we have each done different things and gotten involved in life our paths went this and that way.
that seems normal. doesnt it? WEll it kind of doesnt change I have lived a very full life.. when my children were little i hung out withmoms with small children and shared who I was and lved them all.
today a room full of screaming babies and toddlers is not exactly my idea of having a nice time!!!
i worked in fast food for a short while I and made some great friendship with teens living a life full of adventure and goals they were fantastic and spurred me on to set some more goals for myself and get a different degree!
they do not call on friday night for a rollicking good invite for the new party.. but yet our friendship while at the resturant was real and helped me grow and become who I am today.
i cherish them all !
but we loved in part and have now made new friends.
sometimes friendships last oftentimes it isnt that they died it is just one of the people have moved (mentaly or physicly) to another place and the other can not go there.
it is a loss, but also an invitation to realize our responsibility is to our own self to be happy! not to another! why? because no one really gets excited about a person who puts a burden on another for their being.
Stop watching tV! get out and do ... meet making friends doesnt mean totlaly laying your life down and sharing every moment of your life and draggin every drama that ever happened to you into another person.
it means a sharing.. and we do share in part with our friends. i like flowers and gardening so i go to the market and meet folks who like that and start talking about that flower or this plant and before ya know it it is a "friend"! and the next time ya see them they say HI how are you and they do care!!
sogwap you might be depressed , but you also might be ready to realize you have to make a change in your life and take some more responsibly for your own life. It isnt as scary as it sounds.
honest to God almighty people are magic to me and for the most part I LOVE people. and they love back. I meet the day with anticipation of that DAY!! who will i be able to share with who will I be able to learn from who will i be able to help?
and then it happens every single day love happens .
i was a shut in this year with the surgery... but i got up and im moving and shaking now!!! and i am alone. I do not think a man will repair me, i wait for no prince on a white horse. a man is just a man and to place that on any person is just not attractive or very healthy.
a miserable marriage will beat a person down to a point sogwap where you may have no choice but to give up the security you have become comfortable with, and if your being abused, ultimately we ALL know it has to be your choice to get out, or stay and give up all hope for change in your life.
sogwap God has the power he really does but it has to be your choice to DO your life and take the rsik of loving again HIM and people. Jesus commands we love one another that implies TWO in it like a relationship one anothering is a give and take thing. If only one is filling the relationship it is to draining to continue it isnt a friendship or loving it is co-depency and something the profesionals can help you with.
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pond
I can agree helping others can be helpful, seeing others who may be in a place of suffering worse can help one be thankful BUT
hello if change and new direction is needed in life what is really helpful is felowship with others who are excited about change and new goals and finding a new life!
if one is depressed about life to be around others who also have little hope or excitement and in the same place WELL it can be the straw of despair that everyone is overwelmed and hopeless.
When IM bored with life i go around young folks teens and young adults who see life as onhe big adventure and worthy of giving a go at!!!
or I take my grand on an adventure that is fun for him!! and learn to gigle at a new slide!!!
misery loves company and i see many who do get inspired helping another they just get burn out.
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excathedra
dear soggie, i have been lonely my whole life
i will say a prayer that you will feel better
love,ex
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ChattyKathy
Lonliness can be overwhelming. I take myself somewhere else in my thinking or even physically go somewhere else if able to. That is when those dream places became my choice at times. But I am learning that we need to be good to ourselves first.
My prayers to all of us that know personally of these things said in this thread and to myself.
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socks
What's the joke - "the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily shut off"? something like that?
When the light dims, seems like maybe it was a mirage all along, you just have to get through it. One step, one day. Boy, that day sucked. Then again. Sucked again. And again. It'll get better, it always does.
Or, it'll get worse, maybe before it gets better. Depends on the situation. But things will change, they have to. Nothing stays the same, ever.
Just as events and stuff can go sour, they can go sweet. And they will. You just have to get through it and let time be the road - you know, - "you never know what's up around the next bend". And we don't. That's when life can bring it's most disappointment, when something goes against plan, what we expect doesn't pan out, our efforts turn up empty.
Or seem to. I believe effort is effort. Measure now - nothing, nada, zip. Measure again in a week, you may need a bigger ruler.
How about family? In a storm any port will do. Use whatever means you have (this is one) to talk it out. "Good is where you find it". Good is waiting to happen, whenever and wherever it shows it's curly little head. It may come in unexpected ways.
I'll tell you who will be always happy to see you and where you'll find some of the most intersting people, is your local volunteer services, like a United Way or other organization like that. Look them up in the phone book and give them a call, and show up somewhere, there's always things where you can go and find other people to share an hour or two, a day, with. Like a local Food Bank, if you have one in your city. Spending an hour or two packing boxes, unloading a truck, dropping deliveries, this stuff goes on all the time day after day at Food Banks.
Food is cool, people gotta eat. You will absolutely feel better about life having done something so basic and so simple to help someone else, and in a way that really helps and has no strings attached. You'll meet other people - a guy told me years ago he was the Vice President of his company and here he was loading a truck with boxes on a Saturday. It's just a great way to get in, do some good, meet some other cool people and know you've made a difference that wouldn't have been made if you hadn't shown up.
There's also the holidays coming up and organizations are gearing up right now to do all kinds of stuff. There might be an arm of one of or more of these organizations where you work. Check them out. Volunteer stuff is a great way to meet people who usually have more than two brain cells working and a reasonably caring heart pumping. And you'll be one more, y'know? :)
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sirguessalot
yeah...ya gotta hate to love nice cheery halloween threads like this...hehe
but i tell ya...there is such amazing wisdom at the gsc, at times
...
so, ok...here is an article you may or may not find as comforting as i have, sogwap
cuz what you describe sounds like classic christian notions of a Dark Night of the Soul
in my experience and understanding
such a 'dark night' is not the same as garden variety depression
though is often misunderstood because it can and does often occur during depression
as well as during illness, suffering and dying, loss, grief, etc...
it even comes after huge successes
i guess guys like abe and jesus might call it 'the loneliness of god' things like:
...crying drops of blood in the wilderness just before dying
...a view from the cold dark bottom of things
...wrestling with a shadow god
yada yada
its a harsh place, really
akin to a struggle with bodily death
and in fact, quite all wrapped up together with it
people are known to live long rewarding lives after coming through even the darkest of dark nights
almost as if it naturally occurs in life in order to give us a sense of
"ah..now i am finally experiencing for myself how and why there was a big bang in the middle of nowhere"
or some such thing
i mean, how can one really claim to know God's heart
if one have never actually sat silent and alone in the clear dark long enough to recognize the sound of a such a silent and invisible God
...and still found peace there?
as if life simply always somehow stubbornly and faithfully always becomes spiritual at the end of the road
and we are to doomed to never stop meeting our next ultimate whateverness
where neither science nor religion seem to address it adequately enough
...
it is was also described as foolishly sitting in the threshold of a door
that has always already been wide wide open
and always will be
one that requires only the tiniest flicker of attention to see
a mere 'twinkle of an eye'
as it were
and that was the 'good news'
wrapped in an oft-embarrasing 'punchline'
...
i can even imagine how the old wise ones might shake their head and say
that we have forgotten how to teach our children about these simple kinds of things
which is a large part of why the world is up to its ears in unprecedented levels of greed,
vengeance, power, envy of dying old men who never learned
some even say that the earth as a whole
is going through its own dark night of the soul
and we are still a worm in a cacoon
the only way to be awake to see the other end of the road
is not by going around...but by going through the clear dark
cuz life cant skip winter forever
if it ever expects to come full circle
so...it seems the old ones would practice something simple to ground themselves at times like this
...like centering prayer, or speaking in tongues, or singing the psalms
it really helps to have friends who realize such things
and who often want to fix things that arent broken
which is why monks and nuns were such quiet people, i guess
i dunno
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socks
I wanted to add, you may want to visit the "Amazing Sea Monkeys!" thread and get caught up on some of the important events of the last couple years. "OLM's" (Older Leadership Monkeys) are available to assist with any questions you might have. The vibrations of love that come from even a few minutes exposure to the Amazing Sea Monkeys! have been known to release powerful antitoxidants into the body that can encourage the natural healing abilities of the human body, clear the mind, and restore balance and purpose. It's true! I know it sounds crazy but it's true! And it's amazing!
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sirguessalot
too funny, socks
i also like what you said around this...
i think is perhaps one of the most important things
cuz in spite of all our general and exaggerated kinds of delusions and confusions
there are still timeless things about being in circles of authentic friendship
that we can trust
twi, culture, the hubbub, whatever...
all talked us out of being able trusting our own interpretations of our own experiences of dark nights
let alone share them with other
we are taught to flee darkness, hide from it, cover it up, and basically not enter into it
friends are those who sit with us and listen
the art of friendship was the original confession booth
where one went to deepen the ordinary soulful reflections
which is especially helpful in those dark nights of the soul
where there are neither clear cut rules
nor clear cut questions
like being able to be fully alone together
where yes
any port will do
on such dark nights
the lines between family, neighbor, alien, enemy and friend
can eventually tend to fade away
and still be ok
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jardinero
Hi Soggie ~
Some good thoughts here on this thread for you to consider. One I'd like to throw in is for you to get a thorough physical (if you haven't had one in a while). I'm guessing from your posts you're hitting mid-life and women's bodies change in a number of ways that effect their mental states when they are perimenopausal or going through menopause. That's the first thing. There are physical things you can do that can help you if any of the symptoms you are experiencing are age appropriate for a woman. That's number one.
Number two, though, is you sound from some of your posts and things you've said in chat that your heart has been wounded - - and that's a pain that is very tough to deal with - - particularly when you don't have a circle of support or a close friend to help pick you up.
Unless you've gone through those kind of sad times or suffered from the dark side of depression (I don't mean just "felt" depressed - - I mean ARE depressed as in the illness depression), it's so very hard to put into words the emptiness and sadness that accompanies it. It feels like a black, empty hole that you just can't seem to climb out of no matter how hard you try. And it's exhausing.
I went through a divorce 7 years ago after 23 years of marriage - - and about the same time we cut loose from being stifled in ex-twi offshoots (and experiencing hurt after hurt and disappointment after disappointment with those folks). Then a couple of years later, my oldest sister - -who was also my dearest, closest friend - -suffered a long fight with cancer and eventually died. I felt so alone and empty and felt like I had no one to turn to. I had major financial burdens left me by my ex. The week before my sis finally died, I was wrongfully dismissed from a job and had to seek a lawyer (I won, but it was not pretty - - and also with some ex-twi folks; but that's another delightful story). Then after throwing my hat in the dating ring after being single for some years, I got serious with a guy who got cold feet the week after my sis died and broke things off. Man, I was ready to just pull the covers over my head and just never get up again.
Finally, an acquaintance - - whom I had just met a few mos. before - - called me up and said "hey - -my husband is out of town, why don't you come over?" Well, I really didn't want to go over, but did and during our conversation, I blurted all of the above out and she walked over to her phone, picked it up and immediately made an appt. for me with her doctor for the next day (they were also friends, so she had a little clout). This gal had previously gone through a very tough divorce that left her nearly totally debilitated (and was a top manager with VISA corp., so no slouch) and recognized depression when she saw it.
I was so distraught, I did go to the appointment and sat in the office and boo hoo'd through my story. The doctor immediately talked to me about going on an anti-depressant for a short time and a few weeks of a sleep medication. Now, I'm Miss "no meds, no doctors, only natural stuff" - - and had never taken any kind of meds before (not with childbirth, not even an antibiotic for my entire life). But the sleeping meds for 2 weeks allowed me to get some much needed rest. The anti-depressant kicked in and I immediately was able to start functioning normally again.
Once I was out of the darkest part of that time, I was able to start the beginning of some new thoughts and dreams once again and started making some decisions about what I wanted to see the rest of my life look like. It's not been a walk in the park, but after those first few mos, every month has gotten better. Things started to turn around again, and when I got better, I found that it was easier to make some new friends in the new city I was living in (volunteering, work, in the park walking the dog, etc.).
Please go see your doctor, Soggie, if you've not done that and at least have a discussion about depression or visit this site: Understanding Depression There are some very good, non-narcotic meds available these days that can help your body produce the seratonin it needs, or whatever else might be deficient.
You may or may not be suffering from it; or it could be a combination of some very treatable physical things, that once treated, will make you feel better enough to look each day in the eye again and take it on.
Please do know you are not alone. Even though many of us are just cyber names, I think you know from chat that there's some very wise, caring people around here who will help pick you up on the days you just need to connect with someone - - even in cyberspace - - while you get things turned around a little.
And do remember how much God loves you uniquely and individually. If you don't journal, starting to write some of this down and then seeing your blessings small and large over a period of time, may continue to give you more hope of much better, happier times around the corner.
Hang in there. You are not alone.
J.
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sirguessalot
thanks jard, cuz yeah
such states of introspection only always improves as 'the chariot of self' is improved
which means..not only diet, but quality of food, nutrition, sleep, dreams, medicine, affections, family, environment, etc...
wellness and self-improvement has no upper limit, it seems
though i think the capacity to go through any such dark night
helps us when those other things are somehow failing us, or not an option, for whatever reason
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rascal
In addition to all of the above great advice, getting involved in a structured physical activity has done wonders for me.
Learning something new that places you with different people using different muscles, training your brain in a different way.
One foot in front of the other, friend.
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