My second child would go to children's fellowship with a woman named Karen. One day he quoted Eph 6:1 after learning it in Children's fellowship. He said mom I learned that the bible says
I forgot my step-daughter in the time out chair one afternoon when she was like 4-5...almost 14 years-old now, but we still laugh about it today (at least I think she laughs about it)
My oldest Becki, was watching the moon as we drove one evening.
"The moon is moving", she says.
I went on to explain the best I could to a 2-3 year old about distance, etc at the next red light when we stopped.
She noded her head with approval, apearently she understood the explanation.
The light turns green, we start off and she says, "it's moving again"!
I've been threatening to have a YARD SALE this weekend, which Kristopher, my 5 year old, dreads to the hilt. I had been planning it all week but had seldom brought it up to Hubby - we just go our separate ways Mon-Fri, anyhow.
Well, Friday night when I was at work, Hubby and Kristopher were watching a news feature about a big pumkin festival. Kristopher turned to Hubby and said:
"Daddy, I gotta tell you somethin'. There's good news and there's bad news.
The good news is that there's pumkins alllllllllll over the world tonight.
The bad news is that they're going to be in a yard sale tomorrow."
Hubby told me about it later and then asked, "WTF is up with the yard sale comment?" I recovered from laughing and explained my plans for the weekend - it was too funny.
(The yard sale was cancelled due to very windy conditions here Saturday - much to Kristopher's relief.)
My youngest loves to be in the kitchen cooking. One day when she was quite young - like two or something - he was going through the kitchen and pointing to things and asking her what they were.
He pointed to a pair of oven mitts and asked, "What are these?"
She stared, blinked and replied, "Cooker muffins!"
Okay.... I've been spending time with Kristopher again....
He got a homework assignment - it's a big picture of a turkey that he has to disguise. He's supposed to use stuff around the house to make it look like it's not a turkey anymore so it won't get eaten for Thanksgiving.
ME: So, how you want to disguise this turkey?
Kid: As a chicken!
ME: A chicken? No, hunnie.... (I explained the objective again - so the turkey doesn't get eaten... yaddy, yaddy...) Think about someone or something you can dress him up as - like a superhero or a cartoon character - maybe as Clifford The Big Red Dog...
Kid: He's going to be a police... CHICKEN!
ME: A policechicken? Are you sure?
Kids: Yeah, a policechicken named "Doc"....
ME: uh.... okay.... (thinking, yeah we got feathers and blue paint and....)
So, we're dressing up this damn turkey to look like a chicken who's dressed up in a police uniform...
I've always worked in an office setting. Took my daughter to work with me on "take your kids to work day". Office chairs have rollers on the bottom. She asked why everyone was in "wheel" chairs.
Our Jacob, who has the attention span of a gnat, came running into the house one evening just as we were putting soup and sandwhiches on the table for dinner. He said, "Mommy! Mommy! Aaron . . . . . . . Oh! Soup!!!!!"
We never did find out what Aaron's offense was. To this day, whenever we forget something or have a brain fart we say we "souped" it.
Both boys love to ask us questions about every topic on the face of the earth. Some we can answer, many we cannot. Jacob's most recent one was "who was the 100th person ever born?"
Yes our children say some of the darndest things, but their minds are pure and simply want to know the facts. Some of the questions my Aaron and Jacob come up with simply astound me by the depth of thought that gave rise to them.
Sometimes, as in the case of myself with my boys, the questions are very difficult to answer- for a number of reasons. For starters I don't believe in ever telling half-truths or lies to my kids. I have their respect and tender affection. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But there are questions that come up that put me in my place- that place where the weight of parental integrity stares me in the face- one of those crossroads in life, eh?
Kids ask questions many times because of the weight on their hearts and plain old need to know. For the most part I believe that if they are old enough to formulate the question I'll try to supply an answer they can understand. Unfortunately the brighter the kid is the deeper the questions tend to be. Unlike my precious Jacob's question to his mom about who the 100th person was- there are many other questions that deserve a right answer, and honest answer and one without excuse.
I have been cornered about some things I have done that I'm not very proud of (thankfully they were mostly stupid things- things I would tell my mommy about without hesitation) but I explain how I learned that this is NOT how a grown-up should behave, and there were consequences for my choices.
I have a difficult task before me in being THIS honest with my boys- even if their questions appear on the surface to be silly. I would rather take a moment to evaluate how my answer (or reaction to the question) might provoke my child to react- I would never wish my kid to think I think he's stupid or silly, and kids all too often pick up on that. I believe, in the teaching of Gerry Spence, to treat my children with respect, and they will in turn respect me immediately and ultimately.
Sometimes my boys ask me questions about other people- people who aren't readily available for them to ask themselves. It is my belief that speaking evil about anyone behind their back is not only spoken against in the bible, but also will eventually come around full circle to reveal the back-biter who does the speaking. I've had occasion to walk in on a conversation where I was the uninvited guest of dishonor. To this day I have no real relationship with that person although I DID express myself to this person. Evidently it is more important for some people to talk about other people than the really important issues in life. Just look at how many people discuss politics without the faintest clue about what is really going on- JUST so their opinions can be cleverly worded and they have the spotlight for their obligatory 15 minutes......
What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
Once I took my son to my job on daughter/son day. A day the government allows to do so. It was my day the daily plant check of the powerhouse that was a hydropower electrical plant. I was explaining the importance of writing down different temperature readings, oil levels, oil pressures etc. I explained this is so we can monitor the turbines and see a trend if their is something due to fail. He looked at me and said "so it's something to give you to do". I looked at him and said Michael you are going to make a good government worker.
Great one liner from Kristopher this morning. He saddled up next to his pudgy little brother and said, "On your mark. Get set. GO!" and sprinted through the kitchen and livingroom.
My son, Grant was 22 mos. old when his baby sister was born and he was able to speak quite well.
One day as I was changing her diaper he was observing the whole thing and became very concerned. "Mommy, you have to take Lauren to the doctor. You have to take Lauren to the doctor!"
I assured him Lauren was fine and didn't need a doctor. But he persisted, insisting I take her to the doctor. I finally asked him why and he answered, "Because her dingle is broked off!"
my five year old daughter is adorable and a drama-queen.
she had to wait for dinner. this is bad. she has a hollow leg. she's the tiniest person I've ever seen put so much food away. she's ALWAYS hungry these days.
after hearing her complain about being hungry, I told her that I need her to stop pestering me so I can cook dinner faster.
she sat on the couch for about five minutes, then wailed forlornly "you'll probably bring me food and put it on my grave after I die, but I won't be able to eat it, because I'll be dead!!!"
Taking the dog for her morning walk the other day, I noticed a rather large, broken egg on the driveway, as did the dog, but didn’t think too much beyond keeping her away from it.
On our return, I notice several more broken eggs on the other side of the driveway, and in the neighbor’s yard…. Hmmmm
Next morning, while pulling weeds around the house, I notice even MORE broken eggs throughout the yard, and on the cement slab in the rear of the house, and on a couple trees…
Question children- “Does anyone know anything about all the broken eggs in the yard’? And by golly, NOT ONE OF THEM DID! ….
(now either there’s a lie going on, or we had some egg burglar come into our garage fridge and take some eggs & toss them around the yard)
Couple days go by, still a mystery…. Today 6 year old is gazing at the one through the sliding glass window. Standing next to him now I say, “You know, I really don’t care about those eggs, it doesn’t matter to me if all of them got broken, they sure are fun to throw and break, it’s the lying that bothers me.”
Well… His eyes got big, looking at me and said shyly, “I broke those eggs Mom”… and before I could say anything about the lying he continues with enthusiasm, “and can you buy me some more, cause they sure are fun to throw and break!!!”
That unexpected response sent me to my room for a good laugh…then we had a talk about lying~
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I Love Bagpipes
I had to establish a universal rule in our house when the kids were younger: "Keep you body to yourself except to bless."
One day I hear from another room:
Daughter: "STOP IT!!!"
Daughther: "I said STOP IT!!"
I enter the said room. Daughter accuses got-to-irritate-my-sister son of bothering her. I make a few inquiries.
Son: "I didn't touch her."
Me: "She said you did."
Son: "Well, I didn't......this stick did."
I had to change the rule: "Keep you body, and all extensions thereof, to yourself except to bless."
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FreeAtLast
My second child would go to children's fellowship with a woman named Karen. One day he quoted Eph 6:1 after learning it in Children's fellowship. He said mom I learned that the bible says
"Children Obey Karen in the Lord."
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oilfieldmedic
I forgot my step-daughter in the time out chair one afternoon when she was like 4-5...almost 14 years-old now, but we still laugh about it today (at least I think she laughs about it)
My oldest Becki, was watching the moon as we drove one evening.
"The moon is moving", she says.
I went on to explain the best I could to a 2-3 year old about distance, etc at the next red light when we stopped.
She noded her head with approval, apearently she understood the explanation.
The light turns green, we start off and she says, "it's moving again"!
I know-I know...so you had to have been there.
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ChasUFarley
I've been threatening to have a YARD SALE this weekend, which Kristopher, my 5 year old, dreads to the hilt. I had been planning it all week but had seldom brought it up to Hubby - we just go our separate ways Mon-Fri, anyhow.
Well, Friday night when I was at work, Hubby and Kristopher were watching a news feature about a big pumkin festival. Kristopher turned to Hubby and said:
"Daddy, I gotta tell you somethin'. There's good news and there's bad news.
The good news is that there's pumkins alllllllllll over the world tonight.
The bad news is that they're going to be in a yard sale tomorrow."
Hubby told me about it later and then asked, "WTF is up with the yard sale comment?" I recovered from laughing and explained my plans for the weekend - it was too funny.
(The yard sale was cancelled due to very windy conditions here Saturday - much to Kristopher's relief.)
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doojable
My youngest loves to be in the kitchen cooking. One day when she was quite young - like two or something - he was going through the kitchen and pointing to things and asking her what they were.
He pointed to a pair of oven mitts and asked, "What are these?"
She stared, blinked and replied, "Cooker muffins!"
Edited by doojableLink to comment
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ChasUFarley
Okay.... I've been spending time with Kristopher again....
He got a homework assignment - it's a big picture of a turkey that he has to disguise. He's supposed to use stuff around the house to make it look like it's not a turkey anymore so it won't get eaten for Thanksgiving.
ME: So, how you want to disguise this turkey?
Kid: As a chicken!
ME: A chicken? No, hunnie.... (I explained the objective again - so the turkey doesn't get eaten... yaddy, yaddy...) Think about someone or something you can dress him up as - like a superhero or a cartoon character - maybe as Clifford The Big Red Dog...
Kid: He's going to be a police... CHICKEN!
ME: A policechicken? Are you sure?
Kids: Yeah, a policechicken named "Doc"....
ME: uh.... okay.... (thinking, yeah we got feathers and blue paint and....)
So, we're dressing up this damn turkey to look like a chicken who's dressed up in a police uniform...
:unsure:
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sogwap51
I've always worked in an office setting. Took my daughter to work with me on "take your kids to work day". Office chairs have rollers on the bottom. She asked why everyone was in "wheel" chairs.
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topoftheworld
So, we're dressing up this damn turkey to look like a chicken who's dressed up in a police uniform...
:unsure:
Ok, now that we need to see!
Sog, that was funny.
Great thread!
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Abigail
Our Jacob, who has the attention span of a gnat, came running into the house one evening just as we were putting soup and sandwhiches on the table for dinner. He said, "Mommy! Mommy! Aaron . . . . . . . Oh! Soup!!!!!"
We never did find out what Aaron's offense was. To this day, whenever we forget something or have a brain fart we say we "souped" it.
Both boys love to ask us questions about every topic on the face of the earth. Some we can answer, many we cannot. Jacob's most recent one was "who was the 100th person ever born?"
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Stub1
Yes our children say some of the darndest things, but their minds are pure and simply want to know the facts. Some of the questions my Aaron and Jacob come up with simply astound me by the depth of thought that gave rise to them.
Sometimes, as in the case of myself with my boys, the questions are very difficult to answer- for a number of reasons. For starters I don't believe in ever telling half-truths or lies to my kids. I have their respect and tender affection. I wouldn't trade that for anything. But there are questions that come up that put me in my place- that place where the weight of parental integrity stares me in the face- one of those crossroads in life, eh?
Kids ask questions many times because of the weight on their hearts and plain old need to know. For the most part I believe that if they are old enough to formulate the question I'll try to supply an answer they can understand. Unfortunately the brighter the kid is the deeper the questions tend to be. Unlike my precious Jacob's question to his mom about who the 100th person was- there are many other questions that deserve a right answer, and honest answer and one without excuse.
I have been cornered about some things I have done that I'm not very proud of (thankfully they were mostly stupid things- things I would tell my mommy about without hesitation) but I explain how I learned that this is NOT how a grown-up should behave, and there were consequences for my choices.
I have a difficult task before me in being THIS honest with my boys- even if their questions appear on the surface to be silly. I would rather take a moment to evaluate how my answer (or reaction to the question) might provoke my child to react- I would never wish my kid to think I think he's stupid or silly, and kids all too often pick up on that. I believe, in the teaching of Gerry Spence, to treat my children with respect, and they will in turn respect me immediately and ultimately.
Sometimes my boys ask me questions about other people- people who aren't readily available for them to ask themselves. It is my belief that speaking evil about anyone behind their back is not only spoken against in the bible, but also will eventually come around full circle to reveal the back-biter who does the speaking. I've had occasion to walk in on a conversation where I was the uninvited guest of dishonor. To this day I have no real relationship with that person although I DID express myself to this person. Evidently it is more important for some people to talk about other people than the really important issues in life. Just look at how many people discuss politics without the faintest clue about what is really going on- JUST so their opinions can be cleverly worded and they have the spotlight for their obligatory 15 minutes......
That's my two cent's worth.
Stub1
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ChasUFarley
We were in the grocery store this week after school, in the produce section.
A little bell went off just before the misters started to spray --
"bing... BONG..."
Kristopher: "Who's there?!"
I had never noticed that they sounded EXACTLY like a door bell... it really cracked me up... ( guess you had to be there....)
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SafariVista
My precious little six year old takes learning seriously.
He's come to the deduction that all people ‘grow’ as they get older.
When he notices adults that have grown a little ‘more’ than perhaps they‘d even like, he’ll start….
“Mom, how old are you?”…..
“45 sweet pea”…..
“Is Dad a lot older than you”?…..
“He’s 47, honey”…..
Then some quiet thinking begins, complete with facial expressions of varied emotions….
“Well… is 47 a lot older than you, Mom”?……..
“You count, pumpkin…. (now saying together) 45..46...47...”
Facial expressions becoming more intense……
“That’s only two more Mom!!!……”
“You're right, love bug, only two years more…. Your brother James is 7 years older than you…. Why are you asking”?
“I thought he was a lot older…..”
Almost irritated with himself now….
“Why do you think that, sweetie”?
“Because he’s so FAT”……
(and yes... he's very vocal in PUBLIC as well...)
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dmiller
Got this from my cousin, today. Enjoy. :)
Butt Dust
What, you ask, is "Butt dust?" Read on and you'll discover the joy in it! These have to be original and genuine. No adult is this creative!!
JACK (age 3) was watching his Mom breast-feeding his new baby sister. After a while he asked: "Mom why have you got two? Is one for hot and one for cold milk?"
MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."
STEVEN (age 3) hugged and kissed his Mom good night. "I love you so much that when you die I'm going to bury you outside my bedroom window."
BRITTANY (age 4) had an earache and wanted a pain killer. She tried in vain to take the lid off the bottle. Seeing her frustration, her Mom explained it was a child-proof cap and she'd have to open it for her. Eyes wide with wonder, the little girl asked: "How does it know it's me?"
SUSAN (age 4) was drinking juice when she got the hiccups. "Please don't give me this juice again," she said, "It makes my teeth cough."
DJ (age 4) stepped onto the bathroom scale and asked: "How much do I cost?"
MARC (age 4) was engrossed in a young couple that were hugging and kissing in a restaurant. Without taking his eyes off them, he asked his dad: "Why is he whispering in her mouth?"
CLINTON (age 5) was in his bedroom looking worried. When his Mom asked what was troubling him, he replied, "I don't know what'll happen with this bed when I get married. How will my wife fit in?"
JAMES (age 4) was listening to a Bible story. His dad read: "The man named Lot was warned to take his wife and flee out of the city but his wife looked back and was turned to salt." Concerned, James asked: "What happened to the flea?"
TAMMY (age 4) was with her mother when they met an elderly, rather wrinkled woman her Mom knew. Tammy looked at her for a while and then asked, "Why doesn't your skin fit your face?"
The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget.... this particular Sunday sermon..."Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter who was listening leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little four year old girl voice, "Mom, what is butt dust?"
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Siouxzahn
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excathedra
ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
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fellowshipper
Once I took my son to my job on daughter/son day. A day the government allows to do so. It was my day the daily plant check of the powerhouse that was a hydropower electrical plant. I was explaining the importance of writing down different temperature readings, oil levels, oil pressures etc. I explained this is so we can monitor the turbines and see a trend if their is something due to fail. He looked at me and said "so it's something to give you to do". I looked at him and said Michael you are going to make a good government worker.
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excathedra
good one slipper !!!!!!
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doojable
One little boy once told his teacher he knew God's real name. When asked what that could be the answer was
"Harold"
"Harold? How did you come up with that?"
"Every Sunday we say the prayer - Our Father who art in heaven, Harold be thy name..."
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ChasUFarley
Great one liner from Kristopher this morning. He saddled up next to his pudgy little brother and said, "On your mark. Get set. GO!" and sprinted through the kitchen and livingroom.
"Hey Mommee! I'm faster than the light of speed!"
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Dawn Redwood
My son, Grant was 22 mos. old when his baby sister was born and he was able to speak quite well.
One day as I was changing her diaper he was observing the whole thing and became very concerned. "Mommy, you have to take Lauren to the doctor. You have to take Lauren to the doctor!"
I assured him Lauren was fine and didn't need a doctor. But he persisted, insisting I take her to the doctor. I finally asked him why and he answered, "Because her dingle is broked off!"
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potato
my five year old daughter is adorable and a drama-queen.
she had to wait for dinner. this is bad. she has a hollow leg. she's the tiniest person I've ever seen put so much food away. she's ALWAYS hungry these days.
after hearing her complain about being hungry, I told her that I need her to stop pestering me so I can cook dinner faster.
she sat on the couch for about five minutes, then wailed forlornly "you'll probably bring me food and put it on my grave after I die, but I won't be able to eat it, because I'll be dead!!!"
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excathedra
ohmygod how precious from a 5 year old ??????
amazing child
musta got it from her mommy
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potato
she is a strange and wonderful being.
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SafariVista
Taking the dog for her morning walk the other day, I noticed a rather large, broken egg on the driveway, as did the dog, but didn’t think too much beyond keeping her away from it.
On our return, I notice several more broken eggs on the other side of the driveway, and in the neighbor’s yard…. Hmmmm
Next morning, while pulling weeds around the house, I notice even MORE broken eggs throughout the yard, and on the cement slab in the rear of the house, and on a couple trees…
Question children- “Does anyone know anything about all the broken eggs in the yard’? And by golly, NOT ONE OF THEM DID! ….
(now either there’s a lie going on, or we had some egg burglar come into our garage fridge and take some eggs & toss them around the yard)
Couple days go by, still a mystery…. Today 6 year old is gazing at the one through the sliding glass window. Standing next to him now I say, “You know, I really don’t care about those eggs, it doesn’t matter to me if all of them got broken, they sure are fun to throw and break, it’s the lying that bothers me.”
Well… His eyes got big, looking at me and said shyly, “I broke those eggs Mom”… and before I could say anything about the lying he continues with enthusiasm, “and can you buy me some more, cause they sure are fun to throw and break!!!”
That unexpected response sent me to my room for a good laugh…then we had a talk about lying~
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