I think you are taking a important step already in identifying the wrong teachings and ideas that used to keep you in bondage. Seeing what exactly was wrong with a particular teaching and what was right enough about it that it baited us. The understanding will come in waves, but it will help you to heal.
I am sorry for what you have been through and what you have lost. Even though you feel regret for what you wish you had seen earlier, you can be thankful that you did eventually see it and stand up for yourself. That's not an easy thing to do, but you have.
It is also helpful to have the support of friends and there are supportive friends to be had - one place is here.
One more piece of advice. Try to be more selfish. By that, I mean if you are coming out of a spiritually abusive relationship(s) you are probably used to surpressing what you want, what you think, what you like. You might even feel like you have lost your identity. Find it again by doing what pleases you. If you don't know what you enjoy anymore, don't be afraid to try new things. As you find things you enjoy you are finding yourself. Reach toward the future and make the most of what lies ahead.
I would love to hear some tips from those of you with experience at this, What are some things that helped you? How do you erase the years of spiritual abuse? I am pretty low on self esteem right now.
Welcome to Grease Spot, PinkLady! I think you've come to the right place to help sort out this TWI mess. As far as erasing the years of spiritual abuse I don't think that's possible – it would be denying reality. But judging by your post it appears you are putting some distance between yourself and any further spiritual abuse.
As a Christian I'd have to say the things that have helped me the most are: Reading the Bible with the freedom to think, analyzing [as opposed to absorbing] all TWI doctrines and practices, having another person to talk to about this TWI stuff – which has been my wife Tonto and Grease Spot patrons….I sort of know what you mean about the low self-esteem stuff. I go through that every once and awhile – I think sometimes that's the old TWI-way-of-thinking-patterns - - - or maybe I'm impatient with the healing process. For me it can be thoughts like "How could I have been so stupid to have not seen that?!"
I like what ShortFuse shared about finding out what YOU like, what YOU think, etc. That works for me – it's a fun journey of re-discovery!
Thanks for that!! I did loose myself. It was always about pleasing the ministry, my husband and giving up my dreams to stay home 25 years to raise them. They obviously don't appreciate it now. I don't regret being a stay at home mom I just realize that it is important to take care of yourself!! MY husband wanted to work the word constanly, no family time. I enjoy life and I'm a people person. we were quite opposite I suppose, I do know he was way corps, I was not. That may be why I could wake up easier?!!! I don't like religion!
You said you wished it was sooner so you could have "saved" your family.
huge sigh .... I do know how we love so much we never want those we love to hurt or to get in circumstance that we percieve as harmful .
it cant be done. some folks deny any part in the reality of anothers pain, some need to control the situation and try to fix till they have to take drugs to calm down with the frustration it isnt working.
we can NOT fix other people and we can not change reality.
My friend six months ago said she is going to get along just dandy with her ex after she leaves and the child involved will never be harmed.
well into the custody issue and the reality of working out a failed marriage so the baby can have both parents the house what it is worth , guess what the kid is suffering too.. but it cant be avoided .
she feels so guilty and wishes this and that and we all do this my precious love of my life means nothing to anyone eles and today he went to the drs. and I got news.. I was a mess. if i would have taken him sooner if if if now he is sick. but i saw him eat a little today and Im thankful and we will carry on.
worry really doesnt help much, and i have learned to take life by the minute most days now. and really consider what happened to get me here yet really focus on what today can and will bring your life for change.
pink lady we all struggle with what we should have could have would have and it doesnt help.
get better today and make a better tommorrrow for your own self and those you love. or least like me just get up and try.
Don't be ashamed or afraid to seek professional counseling if you feel it will help.
I know the negative things TWI used to say about such help. Things like "it's asking the adversary for advise" or "remember how the Devil Tricked Eve",etc.
In my opinion, they were afraid people would emerge from their mind controlling fog and start to think logically and for themselves.
That and,of course, if you spend money on couselling you will have less to abs to TWI.
Thirty four years of hearing God's Word,even when you discount the wrongly divided stuff, ought to be more than enough to counter anything the adversary might "supposedly" throw in your path in a couple of couselling sessions wouldn't you think?
Glad to know you made it out Pink! The first thing to get rid of is guilt----I remember when I left TWI that I kept waiting for the adversary to come by and clean my CLOCK! Never happened! God is so much bigger than ministries or ministers!!! YOu have to do what Jesus said---by the fruit you will know them---so be a great fruit checker!!!!IF it stinks ---walk away from it! You have to forgive yourself for being human and making mistakes and getting tricked out, but I found the secret is to have a relationship with God and nothing else! Just cuirous--which splinter group did yu just leave?
I can't add much at all to what everyone has already said, but reading the documents section of GSpot and reading two books especially, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by two folks I can't remember and "Releasing the Bonds: Enabling People to Think for Themselves" by Steve Hassan are awesome books to help get over guilt, lingering oppression and anger. If your library doesn't have copies, ask them to get them through interlibrary loan - it's still free, they just "borrow" the book from a library somewhere in the US who does have it.
Professional help is extremely helpful, especially with a therapist who is familiar with high demand, controlling groups - not just "cults" or churches - a lot of MLM groups operate the same way, believe it or not. My therapist is awesome and perfect for me - I gave him those two books the first time I met him and he has learned a lot from me about these groups and how they operate. He has a theology degree from UC Berkely and his parents founded the local Unitarian Universalist Church in the area here, so he has a lot of background on a lot of different belief systems so he can talk to me about spiritual matters without getting lost. This was and has been very important to me - he has also been very instrumental in pointing me in the right direction when I get a burr in my saddle to learn about some other religion or belief system.
Of course, posting here is priceless because we get to learn from others who have "been there" or are going through the same things. It's like nothing else to be able to talk to folks who really do know where you're coming from. :) And time.....the ever elusive, "it gets better with time"..... it really does, though.
For me I knew that God had not disappointed me, but PEOPLE DID!
So, we started to do Proverbs 3:5 ( my fav verse.)
To Trust the LORD! NOT MAN. ( they will always let you down.)
Having said that, I have never been so happy in my life. Hubby included. And he's a way corps baby brat!
We have found true freedom and liberty in Christ. Seeing that there really is a relationship with Christ just waiting for you to turn your eyes on him.
Taking the "Way Colored glasses" off, really helped deal with the ''so called'' truths that we thought were so right.
Ask God to lead you to the right place for you at this time. It may not be what would do it for me, but he works ''individually''. So allow Him the privledge of showing you the path to walk on, but you gotta trust Him in that endevour.
Having fairly recently escaped from where you are, here are a few things that I found helped me:
* Get some other version of the Bible, not KJV, and read that. Try a more modern language version. * In the editorial section on GSC, I read everything I could find. I was completely shocked and found it very very hard to believe. Then the reality began to sink in. I could begin to acknowledge some of those red flags that had been there, not necessarily about the matters raised in the Editorial section, but other things too. * Especially helpful was the short Editorial item about spiritual abuse. * I read a book “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” which has been much recommended on GSC. It was as though someone had peered inside TWI and was writing about it. But it was originally written quite some time before all the really bad stuff hit the fan at TWI. * Read the other stories on GSC. You will find you were not alone in whatever you suffered. You don’t need to reply – just read and realise that what happened to you was part of a wide pattern. You will then begin to realise that you personally are not to blame for what happened to you and your family. You'll probably find that some of those things you questioned have already been discussed at length. * Find some decent people to fellowship with – they can be exWayers or perhaps from some other denomination. Learn to recognise loving kindness and learn to accept it, too. Just because other Christians weren’t a part of TWI does not mean they don’t know God and don’t know what being kind to one another means! (If they are exWay they will especially understand your occasional crazy ideas.) Learn to laugh at silly things. It’s okay to ask questions and ask what other Christians believe. * Try not to think too badly of those who have hurt you, especially your husband. He was/is a victim too. Have compassion, and don’t be afraid to laugh at the daft things (note, things – not people). God has a great sense of humour and you just might find him laughing at the same things (maybe it stops him getting truly furious too soon) .
Stick around and you will find lots of helpful advice and some new friends.
I can't really talk to my husband because he beat me up a week ago!!! I filed a injunction against him. I do see what you are saying, I will try to forgive all of them so I can have freedom in my own mind.
I can't really talk to my husband because he beat me up a week ago!!! I filed a injunction against him. I do see what you are saying, I will try to forgive all of them so I can have freedom in my own mind.
Yikes!!!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers, PinkLady!...Don't drop your guard/self-defense for the sake of some piece of mind you think you'll have. That's foolish!....I hope you have some friends around where you live - for support.
There's some smart/strong women here at Grease Spot - come here - visit - see who you find a connection with!......Alright - so it sounds like you're not out of the woods yet - now is not the time to kick back and sort through everything - you've got the rest of your life for that - you may have to endure through a few storms right now.... What you're experiencing is still spiritual abuse!!!!!!!!!!!! Nows the time to stand up for your emotional/physical/intellectual/spiritual life!!!!!!!
Dear Pinklady, get yourself to a woman's battered shelter and file charges against your spouse. Then follow the advice of others mentioned above. I will pray for you and your healing. Take care of yourself and children. Agape and shalom. Thomas
I can't really talk to my husband because he beat me up a week ago!!! I filed a injunction against him. I do see what you are saying, I will try to forgive all of them so I can have freedom in my own mind.
pinklady, I'm in your shoes as well although my spouse didn't hurt me physically quite like that (he did throw a fit and hurt me and my baby)
the thing about abuse and outfits like the way is this: it's crap to tell someone they have to forgive. you don't. when I realized it was ok to get mad as heck over what my then-husband did to us, it helped me get my life back. now I'm angry at TWI for helping him do what he did and for basically egging him on. forgive? no way. not yet. you need to take care of you and your kids and damn the forgiveneess for now. that will come later on in your path to wholeness. don't worry about it for now, if you need it you'll get there later.
what he did was wrong and evil. love yourself. love your kids. love God. you don't need to work toward compassion for those that did this to you. work the other stuff first.
I had a lot of guilt, and I blamed myself because I thought I made the bad things happen with my unbelief. being victimized is enough to recover from for now.
He beat you up? So much for walking in love and loving you as Christ loved the church.
Only one remaining suggestion -
GET OUT NOW before he does more serious damage.
TWI will not help you or support you or take your side against him. Don't waste your time. Get to your lawyer and file against him. Make this your first job on Monday. Then you can get an injunction kicking him out of the home and letting you back in it.
DO NOT PUT UP WITH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. GET OUT NOW.
Ditto what everyone has said about physical abuse. Run, don't walk, to your nearest shelter and get help getting away from him, and get the authorities involved!!!! I know that is not an easy thing to do, but it is a NECESSARY thing to do... for yourself... for your kids.
As for finding yourself post-twi, many great suggestions have been posted already. I was in for 19 years so in order to rediscover the REAL me, I took it all the way back to before I ever heard of the way... what music did I like? what hobbies did I have? who were my friends? how did I decorate my rooms? What did I want to be when I grew up? I was amazed to find out I was really very much that same old person inside, just with some new wisdom and insight.
And the thing I found most helpful about reading the Bible was to allow myself t have emotions again. The one thing I had enjoyed so much about church as a child was the emotional lift it gave me... the inner insight and strength to be a better person and to face challenges. All the analyzing of every little jot and tittle in twi caused me to completely lose that childlike wonder and that special impact of the Bible. Don't be afraid to let God work through those emotions he gave you to help you understand His message to you.
And use this forum... post early, post often... there is nothing on your mind too big or too small to post here. We've all seen it, we've all felt it, and many of us have posted it !!! Posting is like purging... it helps you to think it all through, gives you a voice when you had none before, and mostly it just gets it out of your head and out of your system. It can be a big, big help to anyone recovering from twi.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.
Wow!...What fantastic advice that has been given to Pink Lady!
I can see that the GreaseSpot cafe continually evolves. The understanding, the sound advice, the concerted effort to extend hearts...Pink Lady, there's some really great advice for you here. You have found an oasis of folks who really care and are telling you the truth...our hearts are with you and you have friends here. Be strong...better days are coming.
Thanks everyone!! It is so nice to know that there are still loving, caring, compassionate believer's. I have been around the most cruel, judgemental. people who have no empathy. They are very much like robot's, trained only to say what their leader's say.
Have you ever watched the movie, the stepford wives? That's kinda what I felt like. As long as I was smiling, obeying leadership and meeting my husband needs, I was treated just halfway decent!!!
...I have been around the most cruel, judgemental. people who have no empathy. They are very much like robot's, trained only to say what their leader's say.
Have you ever watched the movie, the stepford wives? That's kinda what I felt like. As long as I was smiling, obeying leadership and meeting my husband needs, I was treated just halfway decent!!!
I've not only seen the movie, PinkLady - I was one of those TWI Stepford Christians for 12 years. And sort of along the same formula - as long as I obeyed leadership everything was hunky dory [my wife Tonto and I were both in the Corps - Stepford Factory]...I like how you've been analyzing the erroneous doctrines, mentioned in your first post. Isn't it great to have the freedom to think!...Continue to out-think those robots, and always feel free to think out loud here at Grease Spot. If you haven't done so yet - check out Live Chat sometime - it's a great place to hang out - you might even run into some ladies that have had similar experiences - and can offer some words of wisdom and support!
To bring this to the top, reminding you, Pink Lady we care. Received this news story in email today and was reminded that Christianity is here to show the face of the kind and loving God we serve. I thought this was a great way to spend Christmas $
Food For the Poor Frees Prisoners Just in Time for them to spend the Holidays with Family
Once the prisoners are released FFP works with them closely in counseling and in helping to get them back into the flow of society.
Michelle Vu/CR (Dec 16th, 2006)
In the true spirit of Christmas, Food for the Poor (FFP) paid the fine necessary to free 78 prisoners, so they could go home and be with family. The director explained that their purpose was to use Christmas and Easter, times of rejoicing for Christians, to symbolically get prisoners released.
"In Guyana, 39 prisoners held at the Georgetown Prison in the capital city were released on Friday, Dec. 15. Earlier in the month, 31 prisoners from four Jamaican prisons were released on Dec. 4-5 and eight prisoners from the San Pedro Sula Prison were released in Honduras. In total, 700 prisoners have been released since the FFP program's inception in 2000."
The program doesn't just randomly select prisoners for release. The workers within the prison program elect individuals who have shown real desire to become productive members in society. "We can show Christ's love in this way, and demonstrate to them that we truly believe in their restoration."
Once the prisoners are released FFP works with them closely in counseling and in helping to get them back into the flow of society.
Dear Pink Lady-Hope you took the advice of those who posted before me. Get help, there is plenty of legal aid out there if you need it. Please let us know how things are going.
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shortfuse
Pinklady,
I think you are taking a important step already in identifying the wrong teachings and ideas that used to keep you in bondage. Seeing what exactly was wrong with a particular teaching and what was right enough about it that it baited us. The understanding will come in waves, but it will help you to heal.
I am sorry for what you have been through and what you have lost. Even though you feel regret for what you wish you had seen earlier, you can be thankful that you did eventually see it and stand up for yourself. That's not an easy thing to do, but you have.
It is also helpful to have the support of friends and there are supportive friends to be had - one place is here.
One more piece of advice. Try to be more selfish. By that, I mean if you are coming out of a spiritually abusive relationship(s) you are probably used to surpressing what you want, what you think, what you like. You might even feel like you have lost your identity. Find it again by doing what pleases you. If you don't know what you enjoy anymore, don't be afraid to try new things. As you find things you enjoy you are finding yourself. Reach toward the future and make the most of what lies ahead.
Wishing you the best,
sF
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T-Bone
Welcome to Grease Spot, PinkLady! I think you've come to the right place to help sort out this TWI mess. As far as erasing the years of spiritual abuse I don't think that's possible – it would be denying reality. But judging by your post it appears you are putting some distance between yourself and any further spiritual abuse.
As a Christian I'd have to say the things that have helped me the most are: Reading the Bible with the freedom to think, analyzing [as opposed to absorbing] all TWI doctrines and practices, having another person to talk to about this TWI stuff – which has been my wife Tonto and Grease Spot patrons….I sort of know what you mean about the low self-esteem stuff. I go through that every once and awhile – I think sometimes that's the old TWI-way-of-thinking-patterns - - - or maybe I'm impatient with the healing process. For me it can be thoughts like "How could I have been so stupid to have not seen that?!"
I like what ShortFuse shared about finding out what YOU like, what YOU think, etc. That works for me – it's a fun journey of re-discovery!
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pinklady
Thanks for that!! I did loose myself. It was always about pleasing the ministry, my husband and giving up my dreams to stay home 25 years to raise them. They obviously don't appreciate it now. I don't regret being a stay at home mom I just realize that it is important to take care of yourself!! MY husband wanted to work the word constanly, no family time. I enjoy life and I'm a people person. we were quite opposite I suppose, I do know he was way corps, I was not. That may be why I could wake up easier?!!! I don't like religion!
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pond
pink lady
You said you wished it was sooner so you could have "saved" your family.
huge sigh .... I do know how we love so much we never want those we love to hurt or to get in circumstance that we percieve as harmful .
it cant be done. some folks deny any part in the reality of anothers pain, some need to control the situation and try to fix till they have to take drugs to calm down with the frustration it isnt working.
we can NOT fix other people and we can not change reality.
My friend six months ago said she is going to get along just dandy with her ex after she leaves and the child involved will never be harmed.
well into the custody issue and the reality of working out a failed marriage so the baby can have both parents the house what it is worth , guess what the kid is suffering too.. but it cant be avoided .
she feels so guilty and wishes this and that and we all do this my precious love of my life means nothing to anyone eles and today he went to the drs. and I got news.. I was a mess. if i would have taken him sooner if if if now he is sick. but i saw him eat a little today and Im thankful and we will carry on.
worry really doesnt help much, and i have learned to take life by the minute most days now. and really consider what happened to get me here yet really focus on what today can and will bring your life for change.
pink lady we all struggle with what we should have could have would have and it doesnt help.
get better today and make a better tommorrrow for your own self and those you love. or least like me just get up and try.
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waysider
Don't be ashamed or afraid to seek professional counseling if you feel it will help.
I know the negative things TWI used to say about such help. Things like "it's asking the adversary for advise" or "remember how the Devil Tricked Eve",etc.
In my opinion, they were afraid people would emerge from their mind controlling fog and start to think logically and for themselves.
That and,of course, if you spend money on couselling you will have less to abs to TWI.
Thirty four years of hearing God's Word,even when you discount the wrongly divided stuff, ought to be more than enough to counter anything the adversary might "supposedly" throw in your path in a couple of couselling sessions wouldn't you think?
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heartman
Glad to know you made it out Pink! The first thing to get rid of is guilt----I remember when I left TWI that I kept waiting for the adversary to come by and clean my CLOCK! Never happened! God is so much bigger than ministries or ministers!!! YOu have to do what Jesus said---by the fruit you will know them---so be a great fruit checker!!!!IF it stinks ---walk away from it! You have to forgive yourself for being human and making mistakes and getting tricked out, but I found the secret is to have a relationship with God and nothing else! Just cuirous--which splinter group did yu just leave?
Love and Blessings,
Heartman
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pinklady
It was a Geerite group in Tampa Fl. run by Pat P.
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George Aar
The biggest help for me was posting about a gazillion times a day on WayDale.
Everytime something came up in my head that ....ed me off about WayWorld, I'd start another topic.
After 6 or 8 months I was feeling a LOT better, thank you very much.
Professional help (somebody who specializes in ex-cult stuff would be a plus I'd think) might be a good thing too, if you can afford it.
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Belle
I can't add much at all to what everyone has already said, but reading the documents section of GSpot and reading two books especially, "The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse" by two folks I can't remember and "Releasing the Bonds: Enabling People to Think for Themselves" by Steve Hassan are awesome books to help get over guilt, lingering oppression and anger. If your library doesn't have copies, ask them to get them through interlibrary loan - it's still free, they just "borrow" the book from a library somewhere in the US who does have it.
Professional help is extremely helpful, especially with a therapist who is familiar with high demand, controlling groups - not just "cults" or churches - a lot of MLM groups operate the same way, believe it or not. My therapist is awesome and perfect for me - I gave him those two books the first time I met him and he has learned a lot from me about these groups and how they operate. He has a theology degree from UC Berkely and his parents founded the local Unitarian Universalist Church in the area here, so he has a lot of background on a lot of different belief systems so he can talk to me about spiritual matters without getting lost. This was and has been very important to me - he has also been very instrumental in pointing me in the right direction when I get a burr in my saddle to learn about some other religion or belief system.
Of course, posting here is priceless because we get to learn from others who have "been there" or are going through the same things. It's like nothing else to be able to talk to folks who really do know where you're coming from. :) And time.....the ever elusive, "it gets better with time"..... it really does, though.
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bliss
Oh Pink Lady,
Welcome to Greasespot and Freedom!
For me I knew that God had not disappointed me, but PEOPLE DID!
So, we started to do Proverbs 3:5 ( my fav verse.)
To Trust the LORD! NOT MAN. ( they will always let you down.)
Having said that, I have never been so happy in my life. Hubby included. And he's a way corps baby brat!
We have found true freedom and liberty in Christ. Seeing that there really is a relationship with Christ just waiting for you to turn your eyes on him.
Taking the "Way Colored glasses" off, really helped deal with the ''so called'' truths that we thought were so right.
Ask God to lead you to the right place for you at this time. It may not be what would do it for me, but he works ''individually''. So allow Him the privledge of showing you the path to walk on, but you gotta trust Him in that endevour.
I am sorry for all the hurt you've been through.
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Twinky
Having fairly recently escaped from where you are, here are a few things that I found helped me:
* Get some other version of the Bible, not KJV, and read that. Try a more modern language version.
You will then begin to realise that you personally are not to blame for what happened to you and your family. You'll probably find that some of those things you questioned have already been discussed at length. 
(If they are exWay they will especially understand your occasional crazy ideas.) Learn to laugh at silly things. It’s okay to ask questions and ask what other Christians believe.
.
* In the editorial section on GSC, I read everything I could find. I was completely shocked and found it very very hard to believe. Then the reality began to sink in. I could begin to acknowledge some of those red flags that had been there, not necessarily about the matters raised in the Editorial section, but other things too.
* Especially helpful was the short Editorial item about spiritual abuse.
* I read a book “The Subtle Power of Spiritual Abuse” which has been much recommended on GSC. It was as though someone had peered inside TWI and was writing about it. But it was originally written quite some time before all the really bad stuff hit the fan at TWI.
* Read the other stories on GSC. You will find you were not alone in whatever you suffered. You don’t need to reply – just read and realise that what happened to you was part of a wide pattern.
* Find some decent people to fellowship with – they can be exWayers or perhaps from some other denomination. Learn to recognise loving kindness and learn to accept it, too. Just because other Christians weren’t a part of TWI does not mean they don’t know God and don’t know what being kind to one another means!
* Try not to think too badly of those who have hurt you, especially your husband. He was/is a victim too. Have compassion, and don’t be afraid to laugh at the daft things (note, things – not people). God has a great sense of humour and you just might find him laughing at the same things (maybe it stops him getting truly furious too soon)
Stick around and you will find lots of helpful advice and some new friends.
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pinklady
I can't really talk to my husband because he beat me up a week ago!!! I filed a injunction against him. I do see what you are saying, I will try to forgive all of them so I can have freedom in my own mind.
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T-Bone
Yikes!!!!!! You are in my thoughts and prayers, PinkLady!...Don't drop your guard/self-defense for the sake of some piece of mind you think you'll have. That's foolish!....I hope you have some friends around where you live - for support.
There's some smart/strong women here at Grease Spot - come here - visit - see who you find a connection with!......Alright - so it sounds like you're not out of the woods yet - now is not the time to kick back and sort through everything - you've got the rest of your life for that - you may have to endure through a few storms right now.... What you're experiencing is still spiritual abuse!!!!!!!!!!!! Nows the time to stand up for your emotional/physical/intellectual/spiritual life!!!!!!!
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Thomas Loy Bumgarner
Dear Pinklady, get yourself to a woman's battered shelter and file charges against your spouse. Then follow the advice of others mentioned above. I will pray for you and your healing. Take care of yourself and children. Agape and shalom. Thomas
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potato
pinklady, I'm in your shoes as well although my spouse didn't hurt me physically quite like that (he did throw a fit and hurt me and my baby)
the thing about abuse and outfits like the way is this: it's crap to tell someone they have to forgive. you don't. when I realized it was ok to get mad as heck over what my then-husband did to us, it helped me get my life back. now I'm angry at TWI for helping him do what he did and for basically egging him on. forgive? no way. not yet. you need to take care of you and your kids and damn the forgiveneess for now. that will come later on in your path to wholeness. don't worry about it for now, if you need it you'll get there later.
what he did was wrong and evil. love yourself. love your kids. love God. you don't need to work toward compassion for those that did this to you. work the other stuff first.
I had a lot of guilt, and I blamed myself because I thought I made the bad things happen with my unbelief. being victimized is enough to recover from for now.
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Twinky
Pink Lady:
He beat you up? So much for walking in love and loving you as Christ loved the church.
Only one remaining suggestion -
GET OUT NOW before he does more serious damage.
TWI will not help you or support you or take your side against him. Don't waste your time. Get to your lawyer and file against him. Make this your first job on Monday. Then you can get an injunction kicking him out of the home and letting you back in it.
DO NOT PUT UP WITH PHYSICAL VIOLENCE. GET OUT NOW.
God bless and protect you.
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coolchef
dear pink lady
get out no real man hits a female
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TheHighWay
Ditto what everyone has said about physical abuse. Run, don't walk, to your nearest shelter and get help getting away from him, and get the authorities involved!!!! I know that is not an easy thing to do, but it is a NECESSARY thing to do... for yourself... for your kids.
As for finding yourself post-twi, many great suggestions have been posted already. I was in for 19 years so in order to rediscover the REAL me, I took it all the way back to before I ever heard of the way... what music did I like? what hobbies did I have? who were my friends? how did I decorate my rooms? What did I want to be when I grew up? I was amazed to find out I was really very much that same old person inside, just with some new wisdom and insight.
And the thing I found most helpful about reading the Bible was to allow myself t have emotions again. The one thing I had enjoyed so much about church as a child was the emotional lift it gave me... the inner insight and strength to be a better person and to face challenges. All the analyzing of every little jot and tittle in twi caused me to completely lose that childlike wonder and that special impact of the Bible. Don't be afraid to let God work through those emotions he gave you to help you understand His message to you.
And use this forum... post early, post often... there is nothing on your mind too big or too small to post here. We've all seen it, we've all felt it, and many of us have posted it !!! Posting is like purging... it helps you to think it all through, gives you a voice when you had none before, and mostly it just gets it out of your head and out of your system. It can be a big, big help to anyone recovering from twi.
Please take care of yourself and let us know how you are doing.
**edited for typos
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GrouchoMarxJr
Wow!...What fantastic advice that has been given to Pink Lady!
I can see that the GreaseSpot cafe continually evolves. The understanding, the sound advice, the concerted effort to extend hearts...Pink Lady, there's some really great advice for you here. You have found an oasis of folks who really care and are telling you the truth...our hearts are with you and you have friends here. Be strong...better days are coming.
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pinklady
Thanks everyone!! It is so nice to know that there are still loving, caring, compassionate believer's. I have been around the most cruel, judgemental. people who have no empathy. They are very much like robot's, trained only to say what their leader's say.
Have you ever watched the movie, the stepford wives? That's kinda what I felt like. As long as I was smiling, obeying leadership and meeting my husband needs, I was treated just halfway decent!!!
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T-Bone
I've not only seen the movie, PinkLady - I was one of those TWI Stepford Christians for 12 years. And sort of along the same formula - as long as I obeyed leadership everything was hunky dory [my wife Tonto and I were both in the Corps - Stepford Factory]...I like how you've been analyzing the erroneous doctrines, mentioned in your first post. Isn't it great to have the freedom to think!...Continue to out-think those robots, and always feel free to think out loud here at Grease Spot. If you haven't done so yet - check out Live Chat sometime - it's a great place to hang out - you might even run into some ladies that have had similar experiences - and can offer some words of wisdom and support!
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Kit Sober
To bring this to the top, reminding you, Pink Lady we care. Received this news story in email today and was reminded that Christianity is here to show the face of the kind and loving God we serve. I thought this was a great way to spend Christmas $
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polar bear
Dear Pink Lady-Hope you took the advice of those who posted before me. Get help, there is plenty of legal aid out there if you need it. Please let us know how things are going.
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notinKansasanymore
Good luck, PinkLady. I am praying for you!
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