You've got a problem. Deadbolt's the number one password crack-resistant software out there. You're gonna have to get inside this guy's head to get the password.
I thought I was calling the office of Supreme Genius.
Well, gorgeous, you've been re-routed to the office of Too Frickin' Bad.
Look, I don't speak smartass.
Confucius once said, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
No, not "Married with Children," but in the same ballpark.
Here's some more quotes:
Trust me, he goes in that room cause it's the only one with a lock on it, and he's in there for like an hour at a time. Which means he's either really, really good at it, or really, really bad at it!
Well I don't want you to give him any grief about this, ya know, cause you could traumatize him and turn him into a serial killer!
Well don't worry, how much damage could he do with only one free hand?
This is why some animals eat their young.
Well we ought to be able to handle this okay. I mean, ya know, it's just masturbation.
Talking - it's like yelling, only not as loud.
Whoa, whoa, settle down!
Mom was just telling me a story I don't want to hear anymore!
Well that's no reason for you to go running out of the room screaming like a maniac!
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Raf
Wow. This one's been dormant for a while... "Uh I've just been handed a news flash. The word "Canada" is unrhymeable. It's easier to - I don't know - get drunk and try to climb a bull
hiway29
If it is Animaniacs, they lifted the Superman joke verbatim from I Love Lucy. Most of those quotes are certainly not from Lucy, though.
I worked on Animaniacs for a year, yet have no idea if that's the show. I wonder what that means ?
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WordWolf
Having named "I Love Lucy", you were the first one with a correct answer.
(BTW, I met Rob Paulsen.)
I shall identify where every single one of those quotes appeared in "I Love Lucy".
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WordWolf
Here's where the quotes were from...
"How can you call him handsome, with those bugged out eyes and hairy legs?"
""You've got a fly on the lens."
New neighbors arrived. Lucy and Ethel were spying on them with binoculars.
You remember the neigbors-they were actors rehearsing a play. "Ah, my little Chickie, are all our prep-a-rations in order?"
Lucy eavesdropped and thought they were going to kill them and assume their identities.
So, the Ricardos and Mertzes holed up with firearms in the Ricardos' apartment, blowing a hole in the front door when a
policeman responded to their complaint.
"Did you get any of 'em?"
"Two- a flatfoot and a private eye. I got the eye in the foot and the foot in the eye."
They thought Lucy was a kleptomaniac. So, she decided to really ham it up, and made like she was a hardened criminal
with Ethel as an accomplice. Remember, her last act as a thief was to go down to Clyde Beatty's Circus?
"Why did the French send Marie Antoinette to sharp blade of the guillotine?"
""To scrape the barnacles off her hull!"
Ricky rattled off the answers to a radio trivia contest. So Lucy, thinking he was a whiz, called the show to get Ricky on it.
(Ricky had passed the studio when they were taping, and heard the answers.)
So Lucy tries to get the answers to the questions they'll ask Ricky-and she does. But since he's such a whiz, they RANDOMIZE
the questions instead. So the answer about ship hulls, they gave to the guillotine question.
"I want the names to be unique and euphonious.
"Okay. Unique if it's a boy, and Euphonious if it's a girl."
Lucy's spends an episode thinking up baby names for Little Ricky before he's born.
"How about 'Phillip' if it's a boy..."
"..and 'Morris' if it's a girl?"
Same episode.
This was one of the more obvious product placements. Lucy Arnaz later objected to how her parents were told to light up
cigarettes in every single episode to please their sponsors, Phillip Morris. You can also spot a sign for them whenever
they end up sitting at the soda fountain at the local drug store.
"Oh, you study numerology?"
"Of course."
"I'm a 1."
"I'm a 3."
"Ah, I'm a 5."
"We're all odd, aren't we?"
Ricky had a VERY superstitious businessman, and Lucy, being superstitious, messed up an appt to see him-but since they
had the same superstitions, she made up for it. This was the episode where Ethel plays the medium.
"What's your baby's name?"
"Cheddar...ah, Chester!"
Returning from Europe, Lucy went to bring a cheese to her mother. She found out she'd have to pay duties on it, but if
she was carrying a baby, the baby flew for free. So, she wrapped a blanket around the cheese.
"I am Chief of Royal Franistanian Police-'Am Jan Zanidu.'"
Lucy pretended to be the Maharincess of Franistan, and went to see Ricky play at the club. Ricky got her back by sending
the guys to her hotel room, pretending they thought she was the real Maharincess. Fred was wearing a huge black beard
in his disguise as the Chief of Police. Eventually, Ricky came in, masked, as the Franistanian villain, Tiger.
"Hail, Tiger!"
"What is a senator's term of office?"
"The sap runs every 2 years."
Same gameshow episode, same scene, first question.
"We may have to remove her Zorch."
""I got the golbloots from a booshoo bird?!"
Lucy had a pretend illness, so Ricky sends a fake doctor to diagnose her with a fake illness.
She caught the golbloots. Usually, it's spread by the hind-legs of the booshoo bird. The doctor was worried they may have to
remove her zorch. However, they might be able to do only a partial removal. And, after all, half a zorch is better than none...
The later, fatal stage of the illness was when she turned green. With the aid of a green light bulb.
""Have you been married to this woman for 15 years?"
"Yes."
""And they call ME Superman."
George Reeves guest-starred as Superman (played by George Reeves) appearing at Little Ricky's birthday party.
Lucy, knowing he couldn't make it, tried to fake being him, and got stuck on the window ledge. Reeves went and brought her in.
Before that, he had this exchange with Ricky while on the ledge.
""Did you hear about the fire in the shoe factory? 200 soles were lost!"
Ricky agreed to do a Vaudeville comedy act with Lucy-but assigned himself all the punchlines.
They sang "Under the Bamboo Tree" and interrupted it with taps of their canes to tell the jokes.
As to the aforementioned fire, I bet some heel started it....
"I got wind of it!"
"This has been a Ricky Ricardo production!"
Ricky made a film of himself for a talent scout.
The other 3 made a cowboy film to show the scout-but Ricky insisted he'd only see the one film.
So, Lucy cut up Ricky's film and interspliced-BADLY-their cowboy film.
The end of the film was Ricky's announcement, and Fred's comment.
ALL of those were from "I Love Lucy."
Your turn, Hiway29!
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hiway29
ok-since I'm pressed for time, I'll make it real simple.
"ooh-ooh'
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GeorgeStGeorge
I would have to guess
"Car 54, Where Are You?"
George
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hiway29
It could be nothing but, Car 54. (well, it could be 'It's About Time'-a painfully bad one season wonder that also starred Joe E Ross-but car 54 it is)
You're up, George.
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GeorgeStGeorge
"You're an attractive woman. I'm sure your husband would prefer it if you were returned to him without...disfigurement."
"I'm not telling you anything."
"I want you tell me exactly what you've been doing here and for how long."
"Understand this, Bill. I don't work for you any more."
"Did you revise the casualty projections?"
"Of course. Here they are."
"Just give me the number."
"Two to five million dead within the first 48 hours."
George
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now I see
24?
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GeorgeStGeorge
That's it. And I didn't even have to mention Jack or Chloe!
Go, now i see!
George
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now I see
It was the casualty figures that sealed it, I remember that episode.
I'll be back shortly to post a new set of quotes..
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now I see
"And it's delicious! "
"Sure is! Perks up anything from an ice cream sundae to a pumpkin pie! "
"Made from an exclusive non-yellowing formula. "
"I haven't even touched my pudding and I'm ready for more! "
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now I see
"And it's delicious!"
"Sure is! Perks up anything from an ice cream sundae to a pumpkin pie!"
"Made from an exclusive non-yellowing formula. "
"I haven't even touched my pudding and I'm ready for more! "
"But what about black heel marks? "
"Dirt, grime, even black heel marks, wipe clean with a damp mop. "
[ Husband accidentally sprays Shimmer onto the floor ]
"Oh, sorry, honey, I'll clean that up! "
"Oh, no problem, sweetheart, not with new Shimmer!"
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bfh
That sounds like a fake commercial for a product named Shimmer.
Sounds like something from the early days of SNL, with Akroyd, Chase, Belushi, Gilda, and Lorraine.
So...Saturday Night Live?
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now I see
You got it right....congrats! Your turn!
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bfh
You've got a problem. Deadbolt's the number one password crack-resistant software out there. You're gonna have to get inside this guy's head to get the password.
I thought I was calling the office of Supreme Genius.
Well, gorgeous, you've been re-routed to the office of Too Frickin' Bad.
Look, I don't speak smartass.
Confucius once said, "Before you embark on a journey of revenge, dig two graves."
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bfh
More:
-This job... how do you stomach it?
-The people I go after are cowards. They often prey upon the weaker members of society, such as women and children.
There is nothing I would rather do than put the bastards away.
-So tell me, what does keep young Dr. Reid awake at night? Wait, let me guess. Memorizing some obscure textbook?
No, no, no. Working on cold fusion? No, I got it, I got it, I got it. Watching Star Trek and laughing at all the physics mistakes?
-Actually, there aren't that many scientific errors in Star Trek, especially considering how long ago it was made.
There are certain improbabilities, but not that many outright errors.
-Right.
-Oracle of Quantico - speak if you deign to hear truth!
-Font of all Knowledge, check my flow!
-Rainmaker, how wet do you want it?
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bfh
-How's it having Gideon around?
-You can have him back whenever you would like.
-This is Special Agent Dr. Reid.
- Oh, you look too young to have gone to medical school.
- They are Ph.D.'s, three of them.
- What, are you a genius or something?
-I don't believe that intelligence can be accurately quantified, but I do have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory, can read 20,000 words per minute.
[pause] Yes, I'm a genius.
-Garcia?
-Penelope...? The tech with the glasses...?
-The room... the one with all the screens?
- I like her. She's great.
-Yeah Reid, why are you still afraid of the dark?
-Because of the inherent absence of light!
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bfh
Well, I guess no one watches this show. The quotes are from Criminal Minds.
So, I'll post some more quotes from a new show in a bit.
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bfh
Okay, here's some quotes from a different show:
Well, you know it's just feels like one of those days that starts with a hearty breakfast,
and ends with some guy on the news saying, "... before he turned the gun on himself."
No one could eat this crud.
Hey, if you don't finish your crud, you're not gonna get any crap for dessert.
Here I am, 5 o'clock in the morning, stuffing breadcrumbs up a dead bird's butt.
You don't have to lie for me, I'm not afraid of my own wife.
Oh, have you remarried?
Hey! Black people are just like us. They're every bit as good as us
and any people who don't think so is just a bunch of banjo-picking,
cousin-dating, barefoot embarrassments to respectable white-trash like us!
Oh, come on, Dad, do you really think what I did was that bad?
Yes.
Give me a break. You grew up in the '60s, I've seen the photo album. I mean those clothes had to have some pharmaceutical explanation.
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GeorgeStGeorge
I don't think I've seen this show, either, but I'll take a guess.
"My Name is Earl"?
George
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bfh
Nope, not "My Name is Earl."
GSG, you probably do know this show, and maybe even watched a few (or many) episodes.
It was hugely popular and quite funny.
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GeorgeStGeorge
"Married with Children"?
George
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bfh
No, not "Married with Children," but in the same ballpark.
Here's some more quotes:
Trust me, he goes in that room cause it's the only one with a lock on it, and he's in there for like an hour at a time. Which means he's either really, really good at it, or really, really bad at it!
Well I don't want you to give him any grief about this, ya know, cause you could traumatize him and turn him into a serial killer!
Well don't worry, how much damage could he do with only one free hand?
This is why some animals eat their young.
Well we ought to be able to handle this okay. I mean, ya know, it's just masturbation.
Talking - it's like yelling, only not as loud.
Whoa, whoa, settle down!
Mom was just telling me a story I don't want to hear anymore!
Well that's no reason for you to go running out of the room screaming like a maniac!
It was about her having her period!
As you were.
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doojable
Two and a Half Men?
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