Name that TV Show [EZ quotes only]

[Ca_dreaming]

Well it is a new show and has a wonderful comedian in it.

Drum roll please...........

The Bill Engvall Show

Check it out sometime.

Any one want to post..have at it.

[WordWolf]

Ok, another show.....

"Do unto others-then run."

"Relax. Do you understand 'relax'?"

"Yes-a little piece of dark chocolate."

"'Omelet', ja, to be, or not to be, that is the question!"

"And this is the answer! *smack* Dumbkopf!"

"After the meal, you will want an after-dinner mint.

You will need an after-dinner 'mint' to pay for the bill!"

[WordWolf]

"Do unto others-then run."

"Relax. Do you understand 'relax'?"

"Yes-a little piece of dark chocolate."

"'Omelet', ja, to be, or not to be, that is the question!"

"And this is the answer! *smack* Dumbkopf!"

"After the meal, you will want an after-dinner mint.

You will need an after-dinner 'mint' to pay for the bill!

But ve, of course, haff conquered inflation.

Just as ve conquered Poland. And Czechoslovakia..."

"No, I'm wearing black for my poor, departed husband."

"Oh... how long's he been gone? "

"Ten minutes. He won't be back till 1."

"Drink and sex. That's what killed your uncle - drink and sex!"

"Yeah. He couldn't get either, so he shot himself."

"With the way you treat me, people would think I was the cook here."

"Not if they came to dinner."

"How do women get ahold of your Lotharios?"

"Not as often as I'd like..."

[WordWolf]

"Do unto others-then run."

"Relax. Do you understand 'relax'?"

"Yes-a little piece of dark chocolate."

"'Omelet', ja, to be, or not to be, that is the question!"

"And this is the answer! *smack* Dumbkopf!"

"After the meal, you will want an after-dinner mint.

You will need an after-dinner 'mint' to pay for the bill!

But ve, of course, haff conquered inflation.

Just as ve conquered Poland. And Czechoslovakia..."

"No, I'm wearing black for my poor, departed husband."

"Oh... how long's he been gone? "

"Ten minutes. He won't be back till 1."

"Drink and sex. That's what killed your uncle - drink and sex!"

"Yeah. He couldn't get either, so he shot himself."

"With the way you treat me, people would think I was the cook here."

"Not if they came to dinner."

"How do women get ahold of your Lotharios?"

"Not as often as I'd like..."

"Hello? Brown Owl here. No, not brown ale, Brown Owl. Is that the Black Fox?

Is that YOU, BF? Yes, well this is...BO. Of course I know Moscow. It's where

the Kremlin lives."

"Dagger? Oh, he poisoned her. Well, when you said he 'gave her arsenic', I thought..."

"How did you choose him?"

"I chose him because he represents the youth of Great Britain."

"How old is he?"

"58. He's a late developer."

"He looks older."

"Well, he worries a lot."

"That's because I'm using Fairly Liquid. It contains lemon juice."

"Lemon juice?"

"Yes, lemon juice. That's what gives it its nice sparkle."

"Sparkle?"

"Yes, sparkle. That's what makes everything all lovely and fresh."

"Fresh?"

"Yes, fresh. Are you bloody STUPID or something???"

[WordWolf]

"Do unto others-then run."

"Relax. Do you understand 'relax'?"

"Yes-a little piece of dark chocolate."

"'Omelet', ja, to be, or not to be, that is the question!"

"And this is the answer! *smack* Dumbkopf!"

"After the meal, you will want an after-dinner mint.

You will need an after-dinner 'mint' to pay for the bill!

But ve, of course, haff conquered inflation.

Just as ve conquered Poland. And Czechoslovakia..."

"No, I'm wearing black for my poor, departed husband."

"Oh... how long's he been gone? "

"Ten minutes. He won't be back till 1."

"Drink and sex. That's what killed your uncle - drink and sex!"

"Yeah. He couldn't get either, so he shot himself."

"With the way you treat me, people would think I was the cook here."

"Not if they came to dinner."

"How do women get ahold of your Lotharios?"

"Not as often as I'd like..."

"Hello? Brown Owl here. No, not brown ale, Brown Owl. Is that the Black Fox?

Is that YOU, BF? Yes, well this is...BO. Of course I know Moscow. It's where

the Kremlin lives."

"Dagger? Oh, he poisoned her. Well, when you said he 'gave her arsenic', I thought..."

"How did you choose him?"

"I chose him because he represents the youth of Great Britain."

"How old is he?"

"58. He's a late developer."

"He looks older."

"Well, he worries a lot."

"That's because I'm using Fairly Liquid. It contains lemon juice."

"Lemon juice?"

"Yes, lemon juice. That's what gives it its nice sparkle."

"Sparkle?"

"Yes, sparkle. That's what makes everything all lovely and fresh."

"Fresh?"

"Yes, fresh. Are you bloody STUPID or something???"

"I think for me, the most memorable moment in films was when you played the doctor to that sick family."

"'Inherit the Wind." Yes, I remember."

"Opposite Margaret Lockwood's nurse . . ."

"That's right. Yes, I know what you're going to say, the scene in the operating theatre."

"That's the scene. You kissed her when she least expected it."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You kissed her when she least expected it."

"Oh, I thought you said 'where'. "

"What about him? He makes an Egg Foo Young, it's not 'egg', it's not 'young', it's just 'foo'!"

"He should have put more men on the job!"

Edited October 3, 2007 by WordWolf

[GeorgeStGeorge]

I sure hope I haven't seen this one. It sounds pretty funny.

Just for the heck of it, I'll guess "Fawlty Towers."

George

[WordWolf]

I sure hope I haven't seen this one. It sounds pretty funny.

It is.

You probably haven't seen it recently.

Just for the heck of it, I'll guess "Fawlty Towers."

George

It is not.

[WordWolf]

"Do unto others-then run."

"Relax. Do you understand 'relax'?"

"Yes-a little piece of dark chocolate."

"'Omelet', ja, to be, or not to be, that is the question!"

"And this is the answer! *smack* Dumbkopf!"

"After the meal, you will want an after-dinner mint.

You will need an after-dinner 'mint' to pay for the bill!

But ve, of course, haff conquered inflation.

Just as ve conquered Poland. And Czechoslovakia..."

"No, I'm wearing black for my poor, departed husband."

"Oh... how long's he been gone? "

"Ten minutes. He won't be back till 1."

"Drink and sex. That's what killed your uncle - drink and sex!"

"Yeah. He couldn't get either, so he shot himself."

"With the way you treat me, people would think I was the cook here."

"Not if they came to dinner."

"How do women get ahold of your Lotharios?"

"Not as often as I'd like..."

"Hello? Brown Owl here. No, not brown ale, Brown Owl. Is that the Black Fox?

Is that YOU, BF? Yes, well this is...BO. Of course I know Moscow. It's where

the Kremlin lives."

"Dagger? Oh, he poisoned her. Well, when you said he 'gave her arsenic', I thought..."

"How did you choose him?"

"I chose him because he represents the youth of Great Britain."

"How old is he?"

"58. He's a late developer."

"He looks older."

"Well, he worries a lot."

"That's because I'm using Fairly Liquid. It contains lemon juice."

"Lemon juice?"

"Yes, lemon juice. That's what gives it its nice sparkle."

"Sparkle?"

"Yes, sparkle. That's what makes everything all lovely and fresh."

"Fresh?"

"Yes, fresh. Are you bloody STUPID or something???"

"I think for me, the most memorable moment in films was when you played the doctor to that sick family."

"'Inherit the Wind." Yes, I remember."

"Opposite Margaret Lockwood's nurse . . ."

"That's right. Yes, I know what you're going to say, the scene in the operating theatre."

"That's the scene. You kissed her when she least expected it."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You kissed her when she least expected it."

"Oh, I thought you said 'where'. "

"What about him? He makes an Egg Foo Young, it's not 'egg', it's not 'young', it's just 'foo'!"

"He should have put more men on the job!"

"Then he marry sixteen wives."

"Sixteen?"

"Yes-four richer, four poorer, four better, and four worse!"

"I thought she was talking about her boyfriend."

"She no have time for boyfriend-she too busy getting hold of the Husbands."

"How many husbands are there?"

"Six."

"Six?"

"One of the Husbands is a girl."

"One of the husbands is a girl?"

"Yes. That's Murray Husband.

Then there is, uh, Donny Husband....

and little Jimmy Husband, who sing 'I'm a Rong-Haired Rover from Riverpool'."

Edited October 4, 2007 by WordWolf

[GeorgeStGeorge]

I KNOW I've heard that last exchange! Now..WHERE?

George

[WordWolf]

"Do unto others-then run."

"Relax. Do you understand 'relax'?"

"Yes-a little piece of dark chocolate."

"'Omelet', ja, to be, or not to be, that is the question!"

"And this is the answer! *smack* Dumbkopf!"

"After the meal, you will want an after-dinner mint.

You will need an after-dinner 'mint' to pay for the bill!

But ve, of course, haff conquered inflation.

Just as ve conquered Poland. And Czechoslovakia..."

"No, I'm wearing black for my poor, departed husband."

"Oh... how long's he been gone? "

"Ten minutes. He won't be back till 1."

"Drink and sex. That's what killed your uncle - drink and sex!"

"Yeah. He couldn't get either, so he shot himself."

"With the way you treat me, people would think I was the cook here."

"Not if they came to dinner."

"How do women get ahold of your Lotharios?"

"Not as often as I'd like..."

"Hello? Brown Owl here. No, not brown ale, Brown Owl. Is that the Black Fox?

Is that YOU, BF? Yes, well this is...BO. Of course I know Moscow. It's where

the Kremlin lives."

"Dagger? Oh, he poisoned her. Well, when you said he 'gave her arsenic', I thought..."

"How did you choose him?"

"I chose him because he represents the youth of Great Britain."

"How old is he?"

"58. He's a late developer."

"He looks older."

"Well, he worries a lot."

"That's because I'm using Fairly Liquid. It contains lemon juice."

"Lemon juice?"

"Yes, lemon juice. That's what gives it its nice sparkle."

"Sparkle?"

"Yes, sparkle. That's what makes everything all lovely and fresh."

"Fresh?"

"Yes, fresh. Are you bloody STUPID or something???"

"I think for me, the most memorable moment in films was when you played the doctor to that sick family."

"'Inherit the Wind." Yes, I remember."

"Opposite Margaret Lockwood's nurse . . ."

"That's right. Yes, I know what you're going to say, the scene in the operating theatre."

"That's the scene. You kissed her when she least expected it."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You kissed her when she least expected it."

"Oh, I thought you said 'where'. "

"What about him? He makes an Egg Foo Young, it's not 'egg', it's not 'young', it's just 'foo'!"

"He should have put more men on the job!"

"Then he marry sixteen wives."

"Sixteen?"

"Yes-four richer, four poorer, four better, and four worse!"

"I thought she was talking about her boyfriend."

"She no have time for boyfriend-she too busy getting hold of the Husbands."

"How many husbands are there?"

"Six."

"Six?"

"One of the Husbands is a girl."

"One of the husbands is a girl?"

"Yes. That's Murray Husband.

Then there is, uh, Donny Husband....

and little Jimmy Husband, who sing 'I'm a Rong-Haired Rover from Riverpool'."

"How is the old reverend gentleman?"

"He's a Canon now."

"Wow. My Daddy, a Canon. Well I'll be a son-of-a-gun!"

"You've been at 'the front', fighting for peace."

"Now I'm home, now I want a piece of what I was fighting for!"

"Listen to this: *reads aloud*

Define the following words:

'relax'- 'a piece of dark chocolate'

lagoon- 'a French idiot'

'macadam'- 'the first Scotsman'

'What is a sausage?' 'A hamburger in tights'???"

[WordWolf]

"Back in the days of caveman, history recalls,

Man had this burning desire to scratch his

messages on walls.

On these walls you'll find Joey loves May

Or Mavis loves Little Jim,

Or Little Jim love Charlie-

We're gonna keep an eye on him.

This is known as graffiti, graffiti,

You even see it on the tombstones in the ceme'try.

Beneath 'Here lies Dentist Rafferty',

Someone's written 'He is filling his last cavity.'"

"Stamp out vandalism-

Or I'll break all your windows."

"Clumsiness-is it catching?"

No, it's dropping."

[Tom Strange]

I just read them all at once... there's really only one show...

...and it's an import GSG.

[GeorgeStGeorge]

"Benny Hill"?

George

[WordWolf]

Yes, Benny Hill.

[WordWolf]

Here's how the quotes ran down.

"Do unto others-then run."

That was part of a routine where they were singing, and the jokes were all captions.

While BH was singing, one set began

"Benny lives by the following maxims...Do unto others-then run."

"Relax. Do you understand 'relax'?"

"Yes-a little piece of dark chocolate."

That was when "Fred Scuttle" was trying to hypnotize the mystic,

"Pinch-Me-Body." No, "Prince Mivati." (Played by Jack Wright, that little

bald guy.)

"'Omelet', ja, to be, or not to be, that is the question!"

"And this is the answer! *smack* Dumbkopf!"

A foreign language cooking show.

"After the meal, you will want an after-dinner mint.

You will need an after-dinner 'mint' to pay for the bill!

But ve, of course, haff conquered inflation.

Just as ve conquered Poland. And Czechoslovakia..."

This German on television, who "got carried away a little bit."

"No, I'm wearing black for my poor, departed husband."

"Oh... how long's he been gone? "

"Ten minutes. He won't be back till 1."

This was a throwaway sequence, where that was almost all of it.

"Drink and sex. That's what killed your uncle - drink and sex!"

"Yeah. He couldn't get either, so he shot himself."

A number of times, there were arguing couples as characters.

"With the way you treat me, people would think I was the cook here."

"Not if they came to dinner."

This was another arguing couple.

"How do women get ahold of your Lotharios?"

"Not as often as I'd like..."

Fred Scuttle was running a male escort service. Henry McGee meant to ask

how women arrange escorts.

"Hello? Brown Owl here. No, not brown ale, Brown Owl. Is that the Black Fox?

Is that YOU, BF? Yes, well this is...BO. Of course I know Moscow. It's where

the Kremlin lives."

"Dagger? Oh, he poisoned her. Well, when you said he 'gave her arsenic', I thought..."

These were from "The New Avengers."

"How did you choose him?"

"I chose him because he represents the youth of Great Britain."

"How old is he?"

"58. He's a late developer."

"He looks older."

"Well, he worries a lot."

When Captain Fred Scuttle made his spaceship, Indestructible the Second,

he chose his assistant, played by Jack Wright.

"That's because I'm using Fairly Liquid. It contains lemon juice."

"Lemon juice?"

"Yes, lemon juice. That's what gives it its nice sparkle."

"Sparkle?"

"Yes, sparkle. That's what makes everything all lovely and fresh."

"Fresh?"

"Yes, fresh. Are you bloody STUPID or something???"

A send-up of those commercials where the narrator is an idiot, and the

people on-screen have to completely explain EVERYTHING, while the

narrator feigns ignorance of even the tiniest aspects.

I thought this was a hysterical exchange.

"I think for me, the most memorable moment in films was when you played the doctor to that sick family."

"'Inherit the Wind." Yes, I remember."

"Opposite Margaret Lockwood's nurse . . ."

"That's right. Yes, I know what you're going to say, the scene in the operating theatre."

"That's the scene. You kissed her when she least expected it."

"I beg your pardon?"

"You kissed her when she least expected it."

"Oh, I thought you said 'where'. "

Sometimes he was interviewed as some actor or other.

"What about him? He makes an Egg Foo Young, it's not 'egg', it's not 'young', it's just 'foo'!"

"He should have put more men on the job!"

This was another interesting skit. There was a labour dispute between the employer-

who ran a restaurant and overworked his employee,

and the worker, who apparently was a lousy cook.

(The most-repeated line was "he should have put more men on the job!")

The judge/arbitrator found in favour of the employee, and ordered the employer to pay money.

When he asked why, the judge said it was to support the man's wife and children.

The employee made a correction- he was happily married, but had no children.

Employer:"You know what you should do about that, right?"

Employee""What?"

Employer:"PUT MORE MEN ON THE JOB!"

"Then he marry sixteen wives."

"Sixteen?"

"Yes-four richer, four poorer, four better, and four worse!"

Chou Minh being interviewed.

"I thought she was talking about her boyfriend."

"She no have time for boyfriend-she too busy getting hold of the Husbands."

"How many husbands are there?"

"Six."

"Six?"

"One of the Husbands is a girl."

"One of the husbands is a girl?"

"Yes. That's Murray Husband.

Then there is, uh, Donny Husband....

and little Jimmy Husband, who sing 'I'm a Rong-Haired Rover from Riverpool'."

A different interview with Chou Minh.

Last time I posted this, someone questioned the timing, whether or not the Osmonds

and Benny Hill were active at the same time. However, the Osmonds were active

earlier than they probably thought.

"Long-Haired Lover from Liverpool", by Little Jimmy Osmond, according to Wikipedia,

was a UK #1 single in December of 1972, bumping Chuck Berry's "My Ding-a-Ling".

(That's about a little toy with a bell on it, approximately.) At 9 years, 8 months,

he was the youngest singer to take the UK #1 Singles spot.

"How is the old reverend gentleman?"

"He's a Canon now."

"Wow. My Daddy, a Canon. Well I'll be a son-of-a-gun!"

"You've been at 'the front', fighting for peace."

"Now I'm home, now I want a piece of what I was fighting for!"

A spoof on a soldier returning from the Civil War.

"Listen to this: *reads aloud*

Define the following words:

'relax'- 'a piece of dark chocolate'

lagoon- 'a French idiot'

'macadam'- 'the first Scotsman'

'What is a sausage?' 'A hamburger in tights'???"

This was from early in the SuperTeech segment, where the teacher-in his

non-superhero guise- was reviewing answers one student gave.

[Tom Strange]

...I was thinking that was it ...thanks for the memories...

[GeorgeStGeorge]

"My father spent his life chasing after this insanity. Now I'm wasting mine trying to prove he was sane."

"Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm not sure it's me looking back."

George

[GeorgeStGeorge]

"I walked through fire and I didn't get burned."

"That's easy for you to say. You're not wading into the shark-infested water of 11th grade."

"My father spent his life chasing after this insanity. Now I'm wasting mine trying to prove he was sane."

"Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm not sure it's me looking back."

George

[GeorgeStGeorge]

Okay. If you've seen the show at all, this one will give it away:

"Save the cheerleader; save the world!"

"I walked through fire and I didn't get burned."

"That's easy for you to say. You're not wading into the shark-infested water of 11th grade."

"My father spent his life chasing after this insanity. Now I'm wasting mine trying to prove he was sane."

"Sometimes I look in the mirror and I'm not sure it's me looking back."

George

[WordWolf]

Is this that new show, "Heroes"? I've heard there's a cheerleader on it.

[GeorgeStGeorge]

That's it.

"Heroes" has a bunch of characters with different powers. The cheerleader is essentially invulnerable, so she could "walk through the fire without being burned." (She's also entering the 11th grade.) One woman has a SEVERE split personality, so when she looks in the mirror... A scientist died while attempting to classify such mutations; his son now carries on.

The first season was all about stopping an evil mutant (Syler) who could absorb anyone else's powers, becoming eventually a human bomb that would destroy New York. That crisis was averted at the end of the first season, so this season, the characters seem to be involved in pointless episodes, though there is some overarching theme involving a Japanes symbol and someone out to kill the older mutants. George Takei and Nichelle Nichols have appeared as parents of a couple of teh heroes. I'm waiting to see if Walter Koenig will show up!

George

[GeorgeStGeorge]

You ARE up, WordWolf.

George

[WordWolf]

Oops. Hang on.

[WordWolf]

"You sir, are a freako!"

"Why, thank you!"

"You don't love me any more."

"Of course I love you. I'm working now!"

"And you're making a lousy job of it."

"You want to be an ex-parrot?"

"On what grounds do you interrupt my soliloquy?"

"Well, it's my coffee break."

"Coffee grounds??"

[WordWolf]

"You sir, are a freako!"

"Why, thank you!"

"You don't love me any more."

"Of course I love you. I'm working now!"

"And you're making a lousy job of it."

"You want to be an ex-parrot?"

"On what grounds do you interrupt my soliloquy?"

"Well, it's my coffee break."

"Coffee grounds??"

"I thought you were the only person on this show who wasn't crazy."

"Me, not crazy? I hired the others."

"Hey Bo, I've got a job for you!"

"Oh, good."

"Yeah. Just look at this mess."

"Okay, that sounds easy enough."

"Sometimes I don't know what space you are coming from."

"Well, it's just a regular backstage space."

"I gurgle Gershwin!"

"Uh, ladies and gentlemen, Switzerland has given us some watches, some chocolate, and some silliness. And, we take you now to the Alps for the latter."