I feel sad that there are so many in this country who go undiagnosed. I hope they can get help and try to get on a road to recovery. I only know from people who've been there telling me that is is a bumpy road, and they deal with feelings of "Why do I have to take medication to be 'normal'." My heart aches for them--especially if they were involved with twi. TWI did no justice to those with mental illnesses. Shame on TWI.
I feel like each of us is *fractured* in one way or another, each of us has our own unique trigger points that drive us up to and some times over the edge.
I think that twi teaching forces many of us remain in denial of our frailty .....struggeling in secret shame year after year to cope with our anxieties alone...forcing us to ignore our symptoms...I know some who mask their over powering symptoms of depression with alcohol and drugs.
Girl, I honestly am impressed that you have the courage to go against twi teaching and all we believed to seek outside help.
You know that I think that you are brilliant in your ability to see through the sheet and nail an issue right on....I think that you are a couragious indomitable soul.
It is cool that you post of your personal journey towards relief.
In doing so, in exposing this to the light, it makes it not seem so shamefull ...that it is ok to seek help.
I am so thankfull that you are getting the professional help that you need to find peace.....
I think that this is yet just one more step in your journey to peace...I am so glad that you are on your way to feeling better...I always feel like identification of the problem and formulating a game plan is a big part of the battle.
Can't imagine that being in TWI in the latter days would do anybody with any kind of mental illness any good whatsoever. If known about, folks would always be "casting devil spirits out" probably to no avail and putting the ill person under more and more condemnation.
How many people on GSC left TWI with some degree of mental illness - depression, desire to self-harm etc - because of all the rather less than edifying comments that were made about "cop outs"? These folk may not have been diagnosed by their doctors, but they have certainly been mentally damaged.
CW, you are not alone here. Do what you need to do, to keep yourself well and healthy and not a danger to yourself or anyone else. Your hospital sounds well capable of helping you. What fun (joke) it must have been trying to explain Waybrain.
First off, welcome back from your stay at the hospital. I'm glad to hear you a feeling well enough to be home. I'm sure you still have a long road ahead of you, but it's wise of you to have gone for treatment.
It certainly takes guts to share your experience with these things - there is a stigma with any sort of hospital stay or treatment that is related to mental illness, but I think it's not as bad as it was 10 or 20 years ago just because of public awareness that has been done about it. I can't deny that it still happens.
Over 26% of Americans over the age of 18 suffer from a diagnosable mental illness. That's over one in four adults. And that's just the ones who can be diagnosed. That means over 57 million Americans. 6% of the population suffers from a serious mental illness. Comparing America's statistics with other countries, shows similar stats - no significant changes. In short, you are not alone.
I don't think I've shared this with too many people before, but about 3 months after having my first baby, I was hospitalized for nine days because I had a breakdown. I was exhausted, sick of life, and thought I deserved to die because I wasn't was good mother (my sick opinion, of course.) I did no harm, but like you, just wanted to die. I was diagnosed with severe post-partum depression, PTSD, and thought to be manic 2 (less severe than manic 1). I had a chemical dependency issue at the time, as well. I was placed on several medications (horrible side-effects - I do not remember Kristopher as a baby anymore - I can only look at pictures of him and try to recall him.)
When was released and returned home, I was treated very differently by my family and especially by my husband. It's taken years now to get him to realize what his reaction to my hospitalization did to me, on top of everything I was dealing with. My employer - an insurance company - caught wind of my hospitalization and when I returned to work, I was given the most boring, useless job in the office. I ended up quitting because I was treated with a "You-poor-dear..." attitude - I felt useless and unwanted. Prior to that, I had loved my job and looked forward to returning.
I ended up starting over as fresh as I could at a new job and was glad I did it. It took me longer to change hubby's opinion about me - he says I was never the same. I agree, but was that because of motherhood, or because of my illness? Who knows. We'll never know.
As for treatment, I stopped taking the meds - I was too sensitive to the side-effects to take them. I found that, for me, just getting through each day was my goal. Then, things started getting better, and brighter. I hit a small slump when Andreas was born - similar feelings - but this time I knew what it was and that it would go away in time. It was recommended that I take meds again, but I refused. I wouldn't go there again. Also, Andreas wasn't a preemie, as Kristopher was a preemie and very needy, of course. The things I found most helpful were - getting education about my condition; connecting with other with similar conditions (this was hard - I won't lie); and looking out for me - doing what I needed to do - even if it was sleeping or doing nothing at all - to feel better. (Please don't interpret this as my saying you shouldn't take meds - my condition was much different.)
My advice to you is to share what you know about your condition with your family and friends - the ones who need to know. Keep it under wraps as much as you can, but certainly let your doctors know about it, especially if you happen to see any specialists for your other conditions. Perhaps someday, hopefully soon, you'll realize you're feeling better before you know it.
One more thing - You mention you are also diabetic. It's very common for diabetics (Adult type 2) to experience depression. Have you addressed this with your physician(s) at all? Just curious.
So glad you posted, I have missed you! Bravo to you for seeking the help you needed. Glad to know that you are improving and back home.
My opinion of those with mental illness. Very similar to Rascal. All of us have major obstacles in our lives, and mental illness is just one of those. I see it no differently than anything else.
You are a strong, intelligent woman. Keep doing what you need to heal. My hat's off to you!
I guess I view mental illness about the same as I view any illness. You do what you can to get well and stay well, even if it means medications and doctors for the rest of your life. It most certainly is not your fault that you have a mental illness.
How far will I allow someone with a mental illness into my life? Depends on the individual. I have a sister who is bipolar and there were times, before she was diagnosed, when I thought I would very much have to limit the amount of time I spent with her. However, she has been on medication for 10 years now and is doing very well. She works, raises on son, etc. and is probably my best friend after my husband.
I have a brother, who I also love very much, who I believe is mentally ill but undiagnosed. Because I am raising two boys, and because my brother can become quite emotional and needy at times, and for reasons which I will not post, I do limit my contact with him. I still see him, just not as much as my sister.
But then again, there are people who aren't mentally ill, who I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time with too.
Wow. I was holding my breath waiting for the 'devil spirit' or 'you need God's peace' crowd to jump square on my head. Wow! TYVM {{{{all}}}.
Chas, the diagnoses pre-date the diabetes and the diabetes has been under control for a couple of weeks steadily now. The care team did say that next to doing what I am supposed to do for the mental problems, taking care of the diabetes is the most important part of my well-being. On the other hand, taking care of my mental health will cause me to take care of the diabetes. It's kinda a vicious circle once it's out of hand.
Abigail, what you say about involvement with those who are untreated...I wholeheartedly agree.
One of the things I know about me is that when I'm in full blown panic mode, I say awful things to people. Doesn't make for good friendships...and nobody should be expected to live with such verbal abuse as part of a friendship.
On the other hand, I have learned that friends will call my care team and not abandon me, condemn me, pull the 'devil spirt' card out on me, etc.
I was once described as a "high-maintenance" friend.
Yeah. Very.
Then again, my therapist has told me that the friends I need are those who will not try to fix me themselves or expect things out of me that I cannot give...or be hurt, insulted, or in any other way feel personally affronted when my illness acts up. In other words, I need to make friends who grasp what it is to be friends with someone like me.
How does the unsuspecting world cope with such a thing? Well, I always felt responsible for how others cope...now I know better.
If a new friend is showing signs of problems, then it is the responsibility not of the new friend, but of one's self to make the decisions about how deep one's involvement with the new friend will become.
"Then again, my therapist has told me that the friends I need are those who will not try to fix me themselves or expect things out of me that I cannot give...or be hurt, insulted, or in any other way feel personally affronted when my illness acts up. In other words, I need to make friends who grasp what it is to be friends with someone like me."
Exactly, a friend is someone who will accept you for exactly who you are at this very moment. As for being high demand . . . for me, I would have difficulty maintaining a friendship with someone who is high demand. NOT because being high demand is such an awful thing, but because my current life style doesn't have room for that. In other words, its not about the high demand person, it is about me, my life. With a husband, two young boys, a 30 hours work week and a Board committment I barely even have time for low demand friendships.
So please, keep that in mind if someone decides a relationship with you is too much - it may have very little to do with who you are and may simply be a matter of what is going on in their own life.
I should clarify, CW that I do consider you a cyber friend, but the context of this response was in regards to a face to face friend who I might see on a regular basis.
So how do you feel about those of us diagnosed with mental illnesses?
About the same as if you weren't- It makes no never minds to me. Its just part of who anybody is. I dont look down on people that have any type of disease or disorder. Why would I, no one is perfect, and no one gets through this life unscathed. People who are open about their situations at least deserved to be honored for their openness and the struggles they must face.
The ones that scare me honestly are the ones who make the claim to be mentally well all the time, and pretend, just a little too pretentiously, to have it all together and dont let you in past the miniscule image that they want to project to you. IMO those are the ones that possibly more ill than they are willing to admit (even to themselves) and potentially a little more dangerous.
Just my opinion.
You're fine-being who you are-(no matter who you are) is much more acceptable to me than hiding behind some mask
In fact we've had experience with mental health hospitalization in our family this year.
I was hospitalized for a week and diagnosed with depression, PTSD and Fibro Myalsia. I am on meds and see a counselor weekly....both have made a HUGE difference. When I asked my counselor WHY after years and years of dealing with very bad situations and fighting to keep my children and get them to the point where they are stable, normal and happy....and after meeting and marrying the man of my dreams and having a wonderfully happy marriage, a job I love, and a fanstastic group of friends and family around me.and being in a masters degree program that I love....why NOW do I all of a sudden break down????
She told me that I'd been strong and "hypervigilant" for years....but now my body is telling me to take care of me (no young chick anymore!). The counseling and meds and the wonderful support of Steve! have brought me a long way.
My youngest child, Zach was hospitalized for a month. It was very hard on our family, we missed him terribly, but he is diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar. He is on meds, in counseling and is my wonderful, happy Zachary again!!!
So what do I think of mental illness???? I think it's just like any illness....the smart, strong people get help.
Thanks to everyone who has shared their experiences with their own mental illness. It really helps to break the waybrain cycle and see it is really a disase like any other and that it is treatable.
I think back to the lame-brained words of Tom Cruise concerning post-partum depression and how vitamins will cure it. Since when did Scientologists go to medical school? It's the same arrogance twi teaches about devil spirits. It's all baloney.
People talking about it will help educate society. For the most part, I think people become more understanding and empathetic toward these illnesses. I watched an HBO special on kids with tourettes. The ones who shared with their schoolmates about the diseases seemed to deal with their illness quite well. I know that may not be the answer for everyone, but it sure helps those who are ignorant (like me).
It's devil spirits CW. LOL, hey .. YOU said you were waiting for someone to say that and I only want to make ya happy lady. :)
Seriously, what is the difference between the meds you take for your head and the ones I take for my guts? They help us have some quality of life and that's what matters most, not the opinions of others who don't and won't ever have to take them. Those who really love you will encourage you to do what's best for you. Tell any naysayers to go join TWI, it will be the perfect place for them. Hehe.
I'm happy to hear you are feeling better now. Being sick in any way just plain old sucks a big one. Hope to see ya in chat soon my friend.
God bless your sweet heart! I wish I knew ya back then .. I would have understood as would have many others. I am glad it is better and I know it will continue to get better.
I did alot of work with N.A.M.I.years ago and really understand the stigmayou speak of. In the ministry it was magnified so much.
My mother is schizophrenic and was first hospitalized when I was about one. Hers was an exceptionally sad situation and I always hesitate to tell about it because I do not want to give people the impression these situations are hopeless.. they are not! Most people I know living with these illnesses are living successfully with the right kind of help. My mother sadly did not.We just did the best we could living with her condition deteriorating over the years. But I bless my father for sticking with her. She was eventually hospitalized permanantly after about 28 years of being hospitalized every few years for this and has been there for almost 25 years now. I see her as often as I can.
I rarely mentioned this to people in the ministry. though some that I did really surprised me with their understanding. Mostly I got the she's possesed line or at best silence. and quickly changing the subject.
I much later in life found the local chapter of N.A.M.I. They are a great orginazation and work hard to educate and fight the stigma attatched with mental illness. If I can ever do anything please let me know.
It is great you talk about it.. it needs to be talked about!
Thank you for being so honest. It raises my level of respect for you because you are so genuine. I am very glad that you are feeling better.
I guess because I believe that mental illness has a physical basis, I don't think any differently about you other than feeling concern, compassion and wanting to keep you in my prayers. I'd feel the same if you had been hospitalized for your diabetes. Ditto for the rest of you that have shared.
CoolWaters, your posts have always impressed me by how articulate you are in identifying and explaining the complex mind games of TWI. Now your courage and openness has sent my I-like-you-meter off the charts! Your post has really touched my heart.
…You know – I sometimes wonder if it’s possible for someone who is NOT depressed to get in TWI and keep from getting depressed! I wouldn’t know. I’ve dealt with depression most of my life – but only sought professional help about six years ago – after much pleading and support from my wife [there is a lot of personal history behind my In Praise of Strong Women I posted in Silly].
…I guess it’s the technician in me – or residual TWI-mentality – or maybe both – still thinking I’ve got to fix my problem – until recently. About a month ago I kept thinking about this recurring theme of “I gotta fix me.” And then – I don’t know – ran out of steam – got tired of hitting my head against a wall – I just accepted it. I even said to Tonto something like “Okay, so I’ve got depression.”
CoolWaters, your posts will mean even more to me now – I’m so glad to have “met” you at Grease Spot.
just an aside here, that I missed the first time through-
I will be dealing with and treating these mental diseases for the rest of my life.
y'know CW, IMO (which you certainly can throw out if you want to) this may or may not be true. The fairly wide and popular view among medical professionals is that mental illness is for life , and they usually tell that to patients but it is not the only view. When I was briefly hospitalized after a series of traumatizing and disrupting events in the early 90's. I was diagnosed with a disorder and told that it was also 'for life', for several years I carried that around--even when I felt well. IMO that is also part of the stigma that is attached to disorders, mostly unknowingly by the medical community itself
The National Empowerment Center is a well respected research group of doctors, pharmacologists, psychiatrists and researchers who have published many findings on full recovery from all sorts of supposed 'lifelong' diseases and disorders, and have developed treatment and recovery options outside the dominant view that have worked for many people to become completely recovered.
Whatever type of treatment and plan you decide upon and however you decide to proceed-best of luck
You treat the symptoms In the hopes the illness will either go away or abate to the point where you can live a life within normal bounds.
Who one admits into their life or who one retains in their life is decided by far too complex an equation to be reduced to a few variables.
What is acceptable from one person, may not be acceptable from another, based on length of friendship, depth of friendship, prior interactions, etc etc etc ad infinitum
But to reject a friendship solely on the basis of mental illness
I can't see that unless the mental illness creates a situation that is physically unsafe
alot of if's are involved in deciding whether i would consider a relationship or a professional alliance with a individual that has been diagnosed with a mental illness.
The denial that is included in these types of issues are a problem, as well as the leap to assumptions about them is rampant.
that being said I think it is like any other other relationship they take work and understanding.. and time and nurture and Iwill not chose to sit in misery with a "friend" if they decide to not do what is prescribed to help them.
I prefer healthy people to have relationships with.
America is a drug crazed society and a need it now quick fix me culture and personaly I think to much of the issues within the medical frame is treated in just such a way, and mental illness is a huge pay raise right now.
people should do what is best for them. I had a friend who has been diagnosed with sizshpprenic (spelling IM sure ) anyways we were fine until some other factors came into play like her son being mean to her and me and me speaking up... to him.
suddely it became about her mental illness and we are no longer friends.
when she would go into the hospital for medicine adjustment she would tell me what she was think being "crazy" and I have to say it is insane but she always knew in her flare up she was insane and would seek medical attention.
and no I never knew when she was ill or not. unless she told me.
quite amazing what one can do in the middle of a hay wire brain... really.
I mean you can play the pity card but the bottom line it is insanity and when one is insane they do not think in a pattern that fits in soiciety set of normal standards of behaviour or thought.
Im sorry if that makes one feel different, the bottom line it is afact and that is why they have been diagnosed with such an illness and are being treated.
a person with a cast on their leg should not go swimming if they want to be healed and mental helath issues have constraits as well.
the out of control feelings of shame etc.. are also part of the disease.
i do not accept responsibility for a persons broken leg nor will I for a problem one has due to a mental illness such as changing the pace of a work day becuase of a anxiety problem or serving only sugar free food because someone is diabetic.
today we have alot more support for those who suffer with mental illnes than we ever did .
Relationships with those diagnosed with mental illness are difficult at best...insane at worst.
It was said that someone wants to have relationships with healthy people...and it was said that someone didn't know when a person was in a healthy mode or in the throes of the disease.
That's the problem in a nutshell, imo.
So, imo, if I tell you that I have PTSD and depression, that's the 'warning' or the 'opportunity' or whatever one wants to call it for you to decide how much time, energy, longevity and tough rows to hoe you want to go through with me as a friend.
Abi, I totally get that being a cyber friend is all you can do right now. Sheesh, like you said, with your plate so full you have hardly enough time and energy and stuff for low-maintenance friends! I absolutely respect that you just came out and said so, too. :) It wasn't like a closer friendship would be possible given our long distance from each other, anyway. :)
Now here's the clincher, imo: when do I tell people?
I mean, seriously, do I introduce myself to you as, "Hi! I'm Vicky. I have PTSD and depression. Do you want to be my friend?" LOL I wouldn't do that, but some may think I should. But it's like having cancer or diabetes, imo. It's just something that comes up in the getting-to-know-you conversations. At least I think it should. Maybe that's not a good time, either. I dunno. I'm outted now for the whole world, so it doesn't really matter, huh? LOL
Oh! And the worst of it all is when two people in the throes of an episode are trying to make friends!!!!! Yikes!!!! I have come to realize that all but a handful of relationships I call friendships were made while one or both of us were having episodes. Explains a whole lot, imo.
And don't add in denial!!!!!!!!!!!! If someone is in denial of what's happening with them, LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!
Personally, THAT is what happened in twi. IMO.
::shiver::
Well, what I'm trying to say is that I am far more aware of myself now than I was a week ago. That's a good thing. It's also a difficult thing...because now I have to be more careful of who I call friend...for both my sake and theirs.
just try to be kind to yourself and protect your sweet heart
i never introduce myself as a person with mental problems just like i wouldn't say, "hi, i'm ex and i have high blood pressure" - when someone gets to know me and i'm getting to know them and i like them and vice versa, then i share more of who i am and what i'm all about. it's rare that i make close friends, but that's how i am. and i 'm lucky enough to have a couple from years gone by
"Abi, I totally get that being a cyber friend is all you can do right now. Sheesh, like you said, with your plate so full you have hardly enough time and energy and stuff for low-maintenance friends! I absolutely respect that you just came out and said so, too. It wasn't like a closer friendship would be possible given our long distance from each other, anyway. "
((((CW))))) I would add for clarification, it isn't about how I feel about the person. I used my brother as an example earlier. I love my brother. I would love to have a wonderful sibling relationship with him, akin to the one I have with my sister. I simply can't do it right now, at this place in my life. I can't even remember the last time I just went out to have fun with friends - well yeah I do, it was in mid July on a camping trip with Sushi and the kids. But even then I spent a good deal of my "visiting time" with my friend being distracted by the various needs of the kids. Last time I went somewhere besides shopping without kids? No clue, been too long.
But in anycase, CW, I think you are wonderful, open, and strong. I don't know if one ever "beats" a mental illness in the same way one can heal from a broken bone. But I do know one can live a pretty darned decent and good life with one when they are as strong and open as you are.
The friend I have who has sizophrenia told me after we hung out for a while and (I think when she felt she could trust me not to judge her.
She has to be in the hospital about twice a year for it so it probably would not have gone unnoticed anyway because she was say away for a few days.
I know what your saying about hi my name is coolwaters and IM being treated for depression, it isnt as easy as say a broken toe or migranes because it has to do with how somone thinks or processes information so we do think about the consequence more. But it is more I think about how one who has a problem is afriad another will process the information.
we have laws that protect the disabled from job discrimination and housing.
No doubt it is not a topic to be handled without discrimination, why would anyone need to know is my first question? have you sought professional counseling that is the best resource for support . other than your dr.s I do not think it is a fact everyone you come into a relationship with needs to know unless you a danger to yourself or others in which case you would likely be in the hospital. so why even stress it?
But you have to admit aatitudes towards mental health has changed alot just the fact you are talking about it on an internet in an open public forum says alot about how it is handled in society.
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Nottawayfer
I feel sad that there are so many in this country who go undiagnosed. I hope they can get help and try to get on a road to recovery. I only know from people who've been there telling me that is is a bumpy road, and they deal with feelings of "Why do I have to take medication to be 'normal'." My heart aches for them--especially if they were involved with twi. TWI did no justice to those with mental illnesses. Shame on TWI.
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rascal
How do *I* feel?
I feel like each of us is *fractured* in one way or another, each of us has our own unique trigger points that drive us up to and some times over the edge.
I think that twi teaching forces many of us remain in denial of our frailty .....struggeling in secret shame year after year to cope with our anxieties alone...forcing us to ignore our symptoms...I know some who mask their over powering symptoms of depression with alcohol and drugs.
Girl, I honestly am impressed that you have the courage to go against twi teaching and all we believed to seek outside help.
You know that I think that you are brilliant in your ability to see through the sheet and nail an issue right on....I think that you are a couragious indomitable soul.
It is cool that you post of your personal journey towards relief.
In doing so, in exposing this to the light, it makes it not seem so shamefull ...that it is ok to seek help.
I am so thankfull that you are getting the professional help that you need to find peace.....
I think that this is yet just one more step in your journey to peace...I am so glad that you are on your way to feeling better...I always feel like identification of the problem and formulating a game plan is a big part of the battle.
You ROCK girl friend!
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Twinky
Can't imagine that being in TWI in the latter days would do anybody with any kind of mental illness any good whatsoever. If known about, folks would always be "casting devil spirits out" probably to no avail and putting the ill person under more and more condemnation.
How many people on GSC left TWI with some degree of mental illness - depression, desire to self-harm etc - because of all the rather less than edifying comments that were made about "cop outs"? These folk may not have been diagnosed by their doctors, but they have certainly been mentally damaged.
CW, you are not alone here.
Do what you need to do, to keep yourself well and healthy and not a danger to yourself or anyone else. Your hospital sounds well capable of helping you. What fun (joke) it must have been trying to explain Waybrain.
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ChasUFarley
CW --
First off, welcome back from your stay at the hospital. I'm glad to hear you a feeling well enough to be home. I'm sure you still have a long road ahead of you, but it's wise of you to have gone for treatment.
It certainly takes guts to share your experience with these things - there is a stigma with any sort of hospital stay or treatment that is related to mental illness, but I think it's not as bad as it was 10 or 20 years ago just because of public awareness that has been done about it. I can't deny that it still happens.
Over 26% of Americans over the age of 18 suffer from a diagnosable mental illness. That's over one in four adults. And that's just the ones who can be diagnosed. That means over 57 million Americans. 6% of the population suffers from a serious mental illness. Comparing America's statistics with other countries, shows similar stats - no significant changes. In short, you are not alone.
I don't think I've shared this with too many people before, but about 3 months after having my first baby, I was hospitalized for nine days because I had a breakdown. I was exhausted, sick of life, and thought I deserved to die because I wasn't was good mother (my sick opinion, of course.) I did no harm, but like you, just wanted to die. I was diagnosed with severe post-partum depression, PTSD, and thought to be manic 2 (less severe than manic 1). I had a chemical dependency issue at the time, as well. I was placed on several medications (horrible side-effects - I do not remember Kristopher as a baby anymore - I can only look at pictures of him and try to recall him.)
When was released and returned home, I was treated very differently by my family and especially by my husband. It's taken years now to get him to realize what his reaction to my hospitalization did to me, on top of everything I was dealing with. My employer - an insurance company - caught wind of my hospitalization and when I returned to work, I was given the most boring, useless job in the office. I ended up quitting because I was treated with a "You-poor-dear..." attitude - I felt useless and unwanted. Prior to that, I had loved my job and looked forward to returning.
I ended up starting over as fresh as I could at a new job and was glad I did it. It took me longer to change hubby's opinion about me - he says I was never the same. I agree, but was that because of motherhood, or because of my illness? Who knows. We'll never know.
As for treatment, I stopped taking the meds - I was too sensitive to the side-effects to take them. I found that, for me, just getting through each day was my goal. Then, things started getting better, and brighter. I hit a small slump when Andreas was born - similar feelings - but this time I knew what it was and that it would go away in time. It was recommended that I take meds again, but I refused. I wouldn't go there again. Also, Andreas wasn't a preemie, as Kristopher was a preemie and very needy, of course. The things I found most helpful were - getting education about my condition; connecting with other with similar conditions (this was hard - I won't lie); and looking out for me - doing what I needed to do - even if it was sleeping or doing nothing at all - to feel better. (Please don't interpret this as my saying you shouldn't take meds - my condition was much different.)
My advice to you is to share what you know about your condition with your family and friends - the ones who need to know. Keep it under wraps as much as you can, but certainly let your doctors know about it, especially if you happen to see any specialists for your other conditions. Perhaps someday, hopefully soon, you'll realize you're feeling better before you know it.
One more thing - You mention you are also diabetic. It's very common for diabetics (Adult type 2) to experience depression. Have you addressed this with your physician(s) at all? Just curious.
Hugs to you.
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Suda
So glad you posted, I have missed you! Bravo to you for seeking the help you needed. Glad to know that you are improving and back home.
My opinion of those with mental illness. Very similar to Rascal. All of us have major obstacles in our lives, and mental illness is just one of those. I see it no differently than anything else.
You are a strong, intelligent woman. Keep doing what you need to heal. My hat's off to you!
Suda
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Abigail
I guess I view mental illness about the same as I view any illness. You do what you can to get well and stay well, even if it means medications and doctors for the rest of your life. It most certainly is not your fault that you have a mental illness.
How far will I allow someone with a mental illness into my life? Depends on the individual. I have a sister who is bipolar and there were times, before she was diagnosed, when I thought I would very much have to limit the amount of time I spent with her. However, she has been on medication for 10 years now and is doing very well. She works, raises on son, etc. and is probably my best friend after my husband.
I have a brother, who I also love very much, who I believe is mentally ill but undiagnosed. Because I am raising two boys, and because my brother can become quite emotional and needy at times, and for reasons which I will not post, I do limit my contact with him. I still see him, just not as much as my sister.
But then again, there are people who aren't mentally ill, who I wouldn't want to spend a lot of time with too.
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CoolWaters
Wow. I was holding my breath waiting for the 'devil spirit' or 'you need God's peace' crowd to jump square on my head. Wow! TYVM {{{{all}}}.
Chas, the diagnoses pre-date the diabetes and the diabetes has been under control for a couple of weeks steadily now. The care team did say that next to doing what I am supposed to do for the mental problems, taking care of the diabetes is the most important part of my well-being. On the other hand, taking care of my mental health will cause me to take care of the diabetes. It's kinda a vicious circle once it's out of hand.
Abigail, what you say about involvement with those who are untreated...I wholeheartedly agree.
One of the things I know about me is that when I'm in full blown panic mode, I say awful things to people. Doesn't make for good friendships...and nobody should be expected to live with such verbal abuse as part of a friendship.
On the other hand, I have learned that friends will call my care team and not abandon me, condemn me, pull the 'devil spirt' card out on me, etc.
I was once described as a "high-maintenance" friend.
Yeah. Very.
Then again, my therapist has told me that the friends I need are those who will not try to fix me themselves or expect things out of me that I cannot give...or be hurt, insulted, or in any other way feel personally affronted when my illness acts up. In other words, I need to make friends who grasp what it is to be friends with someone like me.
How does the unsuspecting world cope with such a thing? Well, I always felt responsible for how others cope...now I know better.
If a new friend is showing signs of problems, then it is the responsibility not of the new friend, but of one's self to make the decisions about how deep one's involvement with the new friend will become.
Does that make sense?
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Abigail
"Then again, my therapist has told me that the friends I need are those who will not try to fix me themselves or expect things out of me that I cannot give...or be hurt, insulted, or in any other way feel personally affronted when my illness acts up. In other words, I need to make friends who grasp what it is to be friends with someone like me."
Exactly, a friend is someone who will accept you for exactly who you are at this very moment. As for being high demand . . . for me, I would have difficulty maintaining a friendship with someone who is high demand. NOT because being high demand is such an awful thing, but because my current life style doesn't have room for that. In other words, its not about the high demand person, it is about me, my life. With a husband, two young boys, a 30 hours work week and a Board committment I barely even have time for low demand friendships.
So please, keep that in mind if someone decides a relationship with you is too much - it may have very little to do with who you are and may simply be a matter of what is going on in their own life.
I should clarify, CW that I do consider you a cyber friend, but the context of this response was in regards to a face to face friend who I might see on a regular basis.
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mstar1
About the same as if you weren't- It makes no never minds to me. Its just part of who anybody is. I dont look down on people that have any type of disease or disorder. Why would I, no one is perfect, and no one gets through this life unscathed. People who are open about their situations at least deserved to be honored for their openness and the struggles they must face.
The ones that scare me honestly are the ones who make the claim to be mentally well all the time, and pretend, just a little too pretentiously, to have it all together and dont let you in past the miniscule image that they want to project to you. IMO those are the ones that possibly more ill than they are willing to admit (even to themselves) and potentially a little more dangerous.
Just my opinion.
You're fine-being who you are-(no matter who you are) is much more acceptable to me than hiding behind some mask
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rascal
Well said mstar....
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Cindy!
I agree.
In fact we've had experience with mental health hospitalization in our family this year.
I was hospitalized for a week and diagnosed with depression, PTSD and Fibro Myalsia. I am on meds and see a counselor weekly....both have made a HUGE difference. When I asked my counselor WHY after years and years of dealing with very bad situations and fighting to keep my children and get them to the point where they are stable, normal and happy....and after meeting and marrying the man of my dreams and having a wonderfully happy marriage, a job I love, and a fanstastic group of friends and family around me.and being in a masters degree program that I love....why NOW do I all of a sudden break down????
She told me that I'd been strong and "hypervigilant" for years....but now my body is telling me to take care of me (no young chick anymore!). The counseling and meds and the wonderful support of Steve! have brought me a long way.
My youngest child, Zach was hospitalized for a month. It was very hard on our family, we missed him terribly, but he is diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar. He is on meds, in counseling and is my wonderful, happy Zachary again!!!
So what do I think of mental illness???? I think it's just like any illness....the smart, strong people get help.
Here's to you, CW!!!!
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Nottawayfer
Thanks to everyone who has shared their experiences with their own mental illness. It really helps to break the waybrain cycle and see it is really a disase like any other and that it is treatable.
I think back to the lame-brained words of Tom Cruise concerning post-partum depression and how vitamins will cure it. Since when did Scientologists go to medical school? It's the same arrogance twi teaches about devil spirits. It's all baloney.
People talking about it will help educate society. For the most part, I think people become more understanding and empathetic toward these illnesses. I watched an HBO special on kids with tourettes. The ones who shared with their schoolmates about the diseases seemed to deal with their illness quite well. I know that may not be the answer for everyone, but it sure helps those who are ignorant (like me).
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BikerBabe
It's devil spirits CW. LOL, hey .. YOU said you were waiting for someone to say that and I only want to make ya happy lady. :)
Seriously, what is the difference between the meds you take for your head and the ones I take for my guts? They help us have some quality of life and that's what matters most, not the opinions of others who don't and won't ever have to take them. Those who really love you will encourage you to do what's best for you. Tell any naysayers to go join TWI, it will be the perfect place for them. Hehe.
I'm happy to hear you are feeling better now. Being sick in any way just plain old sucks a big one. Hope to see ya in chat soon my friend.
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medic's wife
I am so sorry that you have your troubles, too. I suffer from PTSD and Panic disorder. It's been a tough row to hoe.
The meds they give us are almost as bad as the symptoms!
And I know how folks can make you feel like it is all your fault....but it isn't.
God has given more freedom than any one thing or person....but I still cannot honestly say that I am whole/
Email me is you need a empathetic ear. I know where you have been....been there myself
Much love to you!
Dana
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coupcake
CoolWater,
God bless your sweet heart! I wish I knew ya back then .. I would have understood as would have many others. I am glad it is better and I know it will continue to get better.
I did alot of work with N.A.M.I.years ago and really understand the stigmayou speak of. In the ministry it was magnified so much.
My mother is schizophrenic and was first hospitalized when I was about one. Hers was an exceptionally sad situation and I always hesitate to tell about it because I do not want to give people the impression these situations are hopeless.. they are not! Most people I know living with these illnesses are living successfully with the right kind of help. My mother sadly did not.We just did the best we could living with her condition deteriorating over the years. But I bless my father for sticking with her. She was eventually hospitalized permanantly after about 28 years of being hospitalized every few years for this and has been there for almost 25 years now. I see her as often as I can.
I rarely mentioned this to people in the ministry. though some that I did really surprised me with their understanding. Mostly I got the she's possesed line or at best silence. and quickly changing the subject.
I much later in life found the local chapter of N.A.M.I. They are a great orginazation and work hard to educate and fight the stigma attatched with mental illness. If I can ever do anything please let me know.
It is great you talk about it.. it needs to be talked about!
God bless,
Coup
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Scout Finch02
Thank you for being so honest. It raises my level of respect for you because you are so genuine. I am very glad that you are feeling better.
I guess because I believe that mental illness has a physical basis, I don't think any differently about you other than feeling concern, compassion and wanting to keep you in my prayers. I'd feel the same if you had been hospitalized for your diabetes. Ditto for the rest of you that have shared.
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T-Bone
CoolWaters, your posts have always impressed me by how articulate you are in identifying and explaining the complex mind games of TWI. Now your courage and openness has sent my I-like-you-meter off the charts! Your post has really touched my heart.
…You know – I sometimes wonder if it’s possible for someone who is NOT depressed to get in TWI and keep from getting depressed! I wouldn’t know. I’ve dealt with depression most of my life – but only sought professional help about six years ago – after much pleading and support from my wife [there is a lot of personal history behind my In Praise of Strong Women I posted in Silly].
…I guess it’s the technician in me – or residual TWI-mentality – or maybe both – still thinking I’ve got to fix my problem – until recently. About a month ago I kept thinking about this recurring theme of “I gotta fix me.” And then – I don’t know – ran out of steam – got tired of hitting my head against a wall – I just accepted it. I even said to Tonto something like “Okay, so I’ve got depression.”
CoolWaters, your posts will mean even more to me now – I’m so glad to have “met” you at Grease Spot.
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mstar1
just an aside here, that I missed the first time through-
y'know CW, IMO (which you certainly can throw out if you want to) this may or may not be true. The fairly wide and popular view among medical professionals is that mental illness is for life , and they usually tell that to patients but it is not the only view. When I was briefly hospitalized after a series of traumatizing and disrupting events in the early 90's. I was diagnosed with a disorder and told that it was also 'for life', for several years I carried that around--even when I felt well. IMO that is also part of the stigma that is attached to disorders, mostly unknowingly by the medical community itself
The National Empowerment Center is a well respected research group of doctors, pharmacologists, psychiatrists and researchers who have published many findings on full recovery from all sorts of supposed 'lifelong' diseases and disorders, and have developed treatment and recovery options outside the dominant view that have worked for many people to become completely recovered.
Whatever type of treatment and plan you decide upon and however you decide to proceed-best of luck
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templelady
None of us are totally sane --Whatever "sane"is
Illness is illness
You treat the symptoms In the hopes the illness will either go away or abate to the point where you can live a life within normal bounds.
Who one admits into their life or who one retains in their life is decided by far too complex an equation to be reduced to a few variables.
What is acceptable from one person, may not be acceptable from another, based on length of friendship, depth of friendship, prior interactions, etc etc etc ad infinitum
But to reject a friendship solely on the basis of mental illness
I can't see that unless the mental illness creates a situation that is physically unsafe
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pond
alot of if's are involved in deciding whether i would consider a relationship or a professional alliance with a individual that has been diagnosed with a mental illness.
The denial that is included in these types of issues are a problem, as well as the leap to assumptions about them is rampant.
that being said I think it is like any other other relationship they take work and understanding.. and time and nurture and Iwill not chose to sit in misery with a "friend" if they decide to not do what is prescribed to help them.
I prefer healthy people to have relationships with.
America is a drug crazed society and a need it now quick fix me culture and personaly I think to much of the issues within the medical frame is treated in just such a way, and mental illness is a huge pay raise right now.
people should do what is best for them. I had a friend who has been diagnosed with sizshpprenic (spelling IM sure ) anyways we were fine until some other factors came into play like her son being mean to her and me and me speaking up... to him.
suddely it became about her mental illness and we are no longer friends.
when she would go into the hospital for medicine adjustment she would tell me what she was think being "crazy" and I have to say it is insane but she always knew in her flare up she was insane and would seek medical attention.
and no I never knew when she was ill or not. unless she told me.
quite amazing what one can do in the middle of a hay wire brain... really.
I mean you can play the pity card but the bottom line it is insanity and when one is insane they do not think in a pattern that fits in soiciety set of normal standards of behaviour or thought.
Im sorry if that makes one feel different, the bottom line it is afact and that is why they have been diagnosed with such an illness and are being treated.
a person with a cast on their leg should not go swimming if they want to be healed and mental helath issues have constraits as well.
the out of control feelings of shame etc.. are also part of the disease.
i do not accept responsibility for a persons broken leg nor will I for a problem one has due to a mental illness such as changing the pace of a work day becuase of a anxiety problem or serving only sugar free food because someone is diabetic.
today we have alot more support for those who suffer with mental illnes than we ever did .
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CoolWaters
Relationships with those diagnosed with mental illness are difficult at best...insane at worst.
It was said that someone wants to have relationships with healthy people...and it was said that someone didn't know when a person was in a healthy mode or in the throes of the disease.
That's the problem in a nutshell, imo.
So, imo, if I tell you that I have PTSD and depression, that's the 'warning' or the 'opportunity' or whatever one wants to call it for you to decide how much time, energy, longevity and tough rows to hoe you want to go through with me as a friend.
Abi, I totally get that being a cyber friend is all you can do right now. Sheesh, like you said, with your plate so full you have hardly enough time and energy and stuff for low-maintenance friends! I absolutely respect that you just came out and said so, too. :) It wasn't like a closer friendship would be possible given our long distance from each other, anyway. :)
Now here's the clincher, imo: when do I tell people?
I mean, seriously, do I introduce myself to you as, "Hi! I'm Vicky. I have PTSD and depression. Do you want to be my friend?" LOL I wouldn't do that, but some may think I should. But it's like having cancer or diabetes, imo. It's just something that comes up in the getting-to-know-you conversations. At least I think it should. Maybe that's not a good time, either. I dunno. I'm outted now for the whole world, so it doesn't really matter, huh? LOL
Oh! And the worst of it all is when two people in the throes of an episode are trying to make friends!!!!! Yikes!!!! I have come to realize that all but a handful of relationships I call friendships were made while one or both of us were having episodes. Explains a whole lot, imo.
And don't add in denial!!!!!!!!!!!! If someone is in denial of what's happening with them, LOOK OUT!!!!!!!!!!
Personally, THAT is what happened in twi. IMO.
::shiver::
Well, what I'm trying to say is that I am far more aware of myself now than I was a week ago. That's a good thing. It's also a difficult thing...because now I have to be more careful of who I call friend...for both my sake and theirs.
Sigh.
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excathedra
i wouldn't over analyze it to death, really
just try to be kind to yourself and protect your sweet heart
i never introduce myself as a person with mental problems just like i wouldn't say, "hi, i'm ex and i have high blood pressure" - when someone gets to know me and i'm getting to know them and i like them and vice versa, then i share more of who i am and what i'm all about. it's rare that i make close friends, but that's how i am. and i 'm lucky enough to have a couple from years gone by
many hugs to you cool and everyone on this thread
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Abigail
"Abi, I totally get that being a cyber friend is all you can do right now. Sheesh, like you said, with your plate so full you have hardly enough time and energy and stuff for low-maintenance friends! I absolutely respect that you just came out and said so, too. It wasn't like a closer friendship would be possible given our long distance from each other, anyway. "
((((CW))))) I would add for clarification, it isn't about how I feel about the person. I used my brother as an example earlier. I love my brother. I would love to have a wonderful sibling relationship with him, akin to the one I have with my sister. I simply can't do it right now, at this place in my life. I can't even remember the last time I just went out to have fun with friends - well yeah I do, it was in mid July on a camping trip with Sushi and the kids. But even then I spent a good deal of my "visiting time" with my friend being distracted by the various needs of the kids. Last time I went somewhere besides shopping without kids? No clue, been too long.
But in anycase, CW, I think you are wonderful, open, and strong. I don't know if one ever "beats" a mental illness in the same way one can heal from a broken bone. But I do know one can live a pretty darned decent and good life with one when they are as strong and open as you are.
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pond
The friend I have who has sizophrenia told me after we hung out for a while and (I think when she felt she could trust me not to judge her.
She has to be in the hospital about twice a year for it so it probably would not have gone unnoticed anyway because she was say away for a few days.
I know what your saying about hi my name is coolwaters and IM being treated for depression, it isnt as easy as say a broken toe or migranes because it has to do with how somone thinks or processes information so we do think about the consequence more. But it is more I think about how one who has a problem is afriad another will process the information.
we have laws that protect the disabled from job discrimination and housing.
No doubt it is not a topic to be handled without discrimination, why would anyone need to know is my first question? have you sought professional counseling that is the best resource for support . other than your dr.s I do not think it is a fact everyone you come into a relationship with needs to know unless you a danger to yourself or others in which case you would likely be in the hospital. so why even stress it?
But you have to admit aatitudes towards mental health has changed alot just the fact you are talking about it on an internet in an open public forum says alot about how it is handled in society.
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