I can't imagine anyone here at the Greasespot having anything near as devestating as that happen to them. As Excathedra said, I can't imagine that kind of loss when you were only 16. The only thing I can think of that could come close would be parents losing their children. I have been spared such calamities and am thankful for that. It was so painful for me to even READ about that day for you.
Though I had a tragic 9/11 it wasn't as sudden, nor as out of context, as yours. My mom committed suicide when I was 11, less than 5 months later my dad did the same. Consider that we knew things weren't well at homwe. It didn't surprise me or my sisters what she did
. But my dad was a surprise.
Yes, everything changed radically and tough times were ahead. But it seemed to me that my friends who went through the divorce of their parents usually had a tougher row to hoe. You and I had a tragic event that was also very final. There was an ending and from there we could grieve and eventually find some degree of healing. With the shildren of a divorce, the wound never goes away. The thing that was wrong continues being wrong and the scab gets picked every time they saw the other parent or some other interaction.
Life is full of pain. It's not about avoiding it through some magic pfal pill. It's about finding our way through the pain to something better and higher, something more noble. The refining fire produces something easy street cannot.
As has been said, 9/11 was so very devastating to our country and unbelievable to so many families.....
My own personal tragedy was the death of my husband Bob on June 8, 1997. This event has been the most life changing, most terrifying, the single event thus far that has shaken my foundation and continues to rock my core, and nine years later still makes me angrier than anything else in my life.
I think this loss in our family was worse for our children, Samantha and Kelly. They are the ones left without daddy and a mama unable to explain.
When I was 9 my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. Afterwards I overheard my mom telling relatives she might have to give up my sister, brother, and me up for adoption because she did not believe she could raise us by herself. I believed I would never see my mom, brother, or sister again. I am sure this was just said in a moment of grief, because she never did try to adopt us out, but it was devastating for me to hear.
I also had a habit of biting my finger nails and was promised by my folks, if I would quit chewing them, they would buy me a horse. I had finally let them grow out and we were going to pick out a horse the very weekend my dad died. My mom decided to sell the farm and move into town so a horse was out of the question.
October 13, 1965. My mother died after battling a cancerous brain tumor for nearly 4 years. Three days later she was buried - on her birthday. She would have been 32. I was eight years old.
We three kids were never told that Mom was terminal. I remember my grandmother coming home from the hospital one night in tears and my aunt (my mother's younger sister by 9 years) just saying, "Oh - she died?"
I remember asking who? who died? You see, we had always been told that Mom would be coming hime some day - not that she was in a facility run by the nuns for terminal cancer patients. That night I was told, "you have to be the little mother now."
Part Two:
Four years later, I remember what I was doing the night my dad announced that he wanted to start dating again and looking for a new mother for us. I was finishing dinner and washing the dishes. All I could think was, "What did I do wrong?"
Soon after, my father married a woman that was emotionally unstable and acted like she hated us. That marriage lasted 7 long years, filled with emotional and physical abuse.
Those years have colored my life and made me the person I am today. I work very hard at not being bitter. I try to be compassionate, because during the years that dad was married to the step-monster many many compassionate people saved me from insanity. I nearly lived at a friend's house and called her mom, "Mom."
Ok, I think you get the picture. There are so many of us that share such great loss. I am "fairly" normal today (no snide remarks, please.) I credit a lot to those angels who stepped in and helped when they saw an opportunity.
There is more to the story - but it would read like a soap opera.
I had a neighbor .... an RN a school nurse i loved her so and she had small children i would never want to leave one day i began to tell her why i should stay forever and she looked at me and said.
I know.
that was the only words we ever said out loud .
she was my mom as well.
i went home only when it was dark and i had to and she never asked me to leave andshe made a place at the dinner table every night .
I think my real mom or god sent her for me .
I never told her thank you because I believe she knew.
When I was involved with TWI, I was taught that I was inside GOD's hedge of protection. If I ever left,I was told, I would be leaving myself wide open for any attack the devil might want to throw at me. LCM, of course, used this same logic in his grease spot by midnight analogy. This hedge not only applied to me but to my family, my spouse, and my children. Walking away and taking a chance on one's own safety was one thing but did we really want to gamble with our loved ones lives? Many people who walked away did have tragic events befall them. Why? Because life is not fair and tragic events are part of it. I have to wonder how many people secretly wonder if their exit brought a personal "911" to their spouse, their parent, or perhaps the hardest , a child. To them I say ,you walked away from a cult not the household of GOD and your exit in no way makes you guilty in GOD's eyes of the tragedies you may have endured. At least that's my opinion.
it was the week i was marked and avoided i realized for the final time in my
life that God love me and all of us so very very much.
the mircles i saw leaving were so very out standing in a life so messed and fried by getting involved with twi... i can and will never ever deny a God that will love me forever with such an intense love i can never find words to describe
I am so sorry to hear about all of your losses. I guess TWI tended to attract us, meaning those of us who felt abandoned, left behind, alone, abused.
Others who suffered loss at the hands of TWI, well all I can say is that I'm glad you're here now and hope that all of us at the Cafe can help make up for your sordid past.
Evan, both parents killed themselves?!?! When you were just a little old eleven-year-old. That is tragic beyond words. It makes me feel lucky that mine died accidentally.
Incidentally, I just found a long-lost cousin yesterday after searching for him for a full year. He is my mother's nephew, her brother's son, who I never met. He is 14 years older than me, and knew my mother. I will be going back to Maine to visit in a month or two.
Better yet, he told me about another person, one Nancy White, who still lives locally. Nancy was my mother's friend growing up and knew her well. I can't wait to see both of them. I am also planning to look up any and all others I can find while I am back there. Wish me luck. This is a treasure better than I could have ever hoped for.
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excathedra
i am so so so very sorry nolongerlurking. i can't even imagine such tragic heartache. i don't know what to say
9/11 was one of those days for me although it can't compare to what happened to you in any way shape or form
so i feel i shouldn't share it here. i might do so on the thread i started. i don't know
i just wanted to tell you how sorry i am for your unbelievalbe loss
--
i think when i was sexually assaulted as a child by a beloved family member might be one of those days for me that you are referring to
and another one when i was a very very little girl and stood between my mommy and daddy because he was going to kill her. i was 3 or 4
this life really hurts at times
like i was / am going to say on the 9/11 thread, i hope to god when we get to heaven or the new place, it's really as great as the bible promises
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Sudo
Nolongerlurking,
I can't imagine anyone here at the Greasespot having anything near as devestating as that happen to them. As Excathedra said, I can't imagine that kind of loss when you were only 16. The only thing I can think of that could come close would be parents losing their children. I have been spared such calamities and am thankful for that. It was so painful for me to even READ about that day for you.
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TheEvan
Though I had a tragic 9/11 it wasn't as sudden, nor as out of context, as yours. My mom committed suicide when I was 11, less than 5 months later my dad did the same. Consider that we knew things weren't well at homwe. It didn't surprise me or my sisters what she did
. But my dad was a surprise.
Yes, everything changed radically and tough times were ahead. But it seemed to me that my friends who went through the divorce of their parents usually had a tougher row to hoe. You and I had a tragic event that was also very final. There was an ending and from there we could grieve and eventually find some degree of healing. With the shildren of a divorce, the wound never goes away. The thing that was wrong continues being wrong and the scab gets picked every time they saw the other parent or some other interaction.
Life is full of pain. It's not about avoiding it through some magic pfal pill. It's about finding our way through the pain to something better and higher, something more noble. The refining fire produces something easy street cannot.
Anyway, that's the way I see it.
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Shellon
As has been said, 9/11 was so very devastating to our country and unbelievable to so many families.....
My own personal tragedy was the death of my husband Bob on June 8, 1997. This event has been the most life changing, most terrifying, the single event thus far that has shaken my foundation and continues to rock my core, and nine years later still makes me angrier than anything else in my life.
I think this loss in our family was worse for our children, Samantha and Kelly. They are the ones left without daddy and a mama unable to explain.
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ChattyKathy
(((to you all)))
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Stayed Too Long
When I was 9 my dad died suddenly of a heart attack. Afterwards I overheard my mom telling relatives she might have to give up my sister, brother, and me up for adoption because she did not believe she could raise us by herself. I believed I would never see my mom, brother, or sister again. I am sure this was just said in a moment of grief, because she never did try to adopt us out, but it was devastating for me to hear.
I also had a habit of biting my finger nails and was promised by my folks, if I would quit chewing them, they would buy me a horse. I had finally let them grow out and we were going to pick out a horse the very weekend my dad died. My mom decided to sell the farm and move into town so a horse was out of the question.
Two 9/11 type events to happen to a 9 year old.
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doojable
Part One:
October 13, 1965. My mother died after battling a cancerous brain tumor for nearly 4 years. Three days later she was buried - on her birthday. She would have been 32. I was eight years old.
We three kids were never told that Mom was terminal. I remember my grandmother coming home from the hospital one night in tears and my aunt (my mother's younger sister by 9 years) just saying, "Oh - she died?"
I remember asking who? who died? You see, we had always been told that Mom would be coming hime some day - not that she was in a facility run by the nuns for terminal cancer patients. That night I was told, "you have to be the little mother now."
Part Two:
Four years later, I remember what I was doing the night my dad announced that he wanted to start dating again and looking for a new mother for us. I was finishing dinner and washing the dishes. All I could think was, "What did I do wrong?"
Soon after, my father married a woman that was emotionally unstable and acted like she hated us. That marriage lasted 7 long years, filled with emotional and physical abuse.
Those years have colored my life and made me the person I am today. I work very hard at not being bitter. I try to be compassionate, because during the years that dad was married to the step-monster many many compassionate people saved me from insanity. I nearly lived at a friend's house and called her mom, "Mom."
Ok, I think you get the picture. There are so many of us that share such great loss. I am "fairly" normal today (no snide remarks, please.) I credit a lot to those angels who stepped in and helped when they saw an opportunity.
There is more to the story - but it would read like a soap opera.
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pond
i wont share my story.
I had a neighbor .... an RN a school nurse i loved her so and she had small children i would never want to leave one day i began to tell her why i should stay forever and she looked at me and said.
I know.
that was the only words we ever said out loud .
she was my mom as well.
i went home only when it was dark and i had to and she never asked me to leave andshe made a place at the dinner table every night .
I think my real mom or god sent her for me .
I never told her thank you because I believe she knew.
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waysider
When I was involved with TWI, I was taught that I was inside GOD's hedge of protection. If I ever left,I was told, I would be leaving myself wide open for any attack the devil might want to throw at me. LCM, of course, used this same logic in his grease spot by midnight analogy. This hedge not only applied to me but to my family, my spouse, and my children. Walking away and taking a chance on one's own safety was one thing but did we really want to gamble with our loved ones lives? Many people who walked away did have tragic events befall them. Why? Because life is not fair and tragic events are part of it. I have to wonder how many people secretly wonder if their exit brought a personal "911" to their spouse, their parent, or perhaps the hardest , a child. To them I say ,you walked away from a cult not the household of GOD and your exit in no way makes you guilty in GOD's eyes of the tragedies you may have endured. At least that's my opinion.
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pond
it was the week i was marked and avoided i realized for the final time in my
life that God love me and all of us so very very much.
the mircles i saw leaving were so very out standing in a life so messed and fried by getting involved with twi... i can and will never ever deny a God that will love me forever with such an intense love i can never find words to describe
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nolongerlurking
(((((Everyone Who Posted)))))
I am so sorry to hear about all of your losses. I guess TWI tended to attract us, meaning those of us who felt abandoned, left behind, alone, abused.
Others who suffered loss at the hands of TWI, well all I can say is that I'm glad you're here now and hope that all of us at the Cafe can help make up for your sordid past.
Evan, both parents killed themselves?!?! When you were just a little old eleven-year-old. That is tragic beyond words. It makes me feel lucky that mine died accidentally.
Incidentally, I just found a long-lost cousin yesterday after searching for him for a full year. He is my mother's nephew, her brother's son, who I never met. He is 14 years older than me, and knew my mother. I will be going back to Maine to visit in a month or two.
Better yet, he told me about another person, one Nancy White, who still lives locally. Nancy was my mother's friend growing up and knew her well. I can't wait to see both of them. I am also planning to look up any and all others I can find while I am back there. Wish me luck. This is a treasure better than I could have ever hoped for.
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