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Hilarious disclaimer from ebay seller

Linda Z

By Linda Z,
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Linda Z Newbie

Linda Z

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You can move this to silly if you like, but I thought I'd start it in Open, so more people might see it and get a chuckle. Forgive my brashness in purposely posting in the wrong place. While surfing ebay tonight I saw the following disclaimer at the end of someone's auction listing. It cracked me up!

The not-so-fine-print essay:

Warning! Danger, Will Robinson! Danger!

Items DO NOT come from a smoke free, petless, hermetically sealed home. People live here (smokers) along with a very fuzzy black and white cat, who once threw up in my shoe. (This means items WILL smell of smoke and there will probably be cat hair floating around.) In addition, old paper items are sometimes musty. If this is a problem, PLEASE do not bid.

If you think you may be overcome by a compulsion to mention unpleasant odors in feedback—or to ask for your money back—then it's a problem for you and you should refrain from bidding.

In response to a recent inquiry, I add this third paragraph: No. I am NOT kidding about the above, though you are just as likely to get some of my hair taped to the package as the cat's hair. You will recognize it because it is long, curly, and thick. Have I mentioned that my essay "Jewish Hair" is going to be published in a literary journal? Not kidding about that either.

In response to yet another inquiry: No, your item does not include dust bunnies, but I don't know how many ways to say that you're going to get some cat hair and/or my hair. I will, however, endeavor to ship as little hair as possible. I am considering shaving the cat and my head before my warning section grows to book length.

Sigh. In response to two recent incidents: One lady nicely suggested that I put the smoking warning first because she got all excited but then couldn't bid. Another nice lady bought from me and then saw the warning. Listen peeps, I'll always refund your money even if it's your mistake but I gotta say that I'm getting a little frustrated. I think I'll write an essay about eBay…

P.S. Thanks for all the "fan mail" about my warning. Between eBay and my deadly dull day job (tech writing) I'm not getting any of my own writing done and must use my creative writing skills in my listings.

Further musings, which may or may not interest you: I pack items to withstand a nuclear holocaust. I often use odd packing material. I've been known to use dresses (always cute ones), batik wall hangings, holiday hand towels (always in excellent condition). Don't worry, I WILL NOT use a disposable diaper (used or unused) which was how somebody sent me an item once (unused with cartoons on in). Maybe if I had kids I wouldn't have found it off-putting.

On an unrelated subject: I'm moving to New Mexico within the year (never been there, but that's where I'm going. I need to be closer to my parents in AZ, and I figure the next state is probably close enough.) I'm thinking Santa Fe, Albuquerque, or Taos. If anybody has any advice…

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Ca_dreaming Newbie

Ca_dreaming

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This is wonderful, at least they are honest, and pack wisely using recyclables, and has a great sense of humor....A+ in my book.

:jump:

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pond Newbie

pond

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ok that was funny reminds me of me.

I made an appt with a puter guy coming to my home for some work..

I warned i said look i have cats.. and cat fur if that is a problem for you with allergies let me know right now..

he said um no we have a couple running around here somewhere to.

but you know you have to let people know i had a dear friend who could never come to my home because i smok cigereetes wouldnt go in the car or anything. i understand.

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Ca_dreaming Newbie

Ca_dreaming

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Could not find it either but will keep in mind when I sell something.......

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