Friday Night Trip to WalMart

[Ron G.]

I have a new dog named Fred and he was outside sniffing his dish and whining and I noticed I'd run out of dog food and a bud of mine was going to the 24 hour Wally world in Clinton so I bummed a ride.

I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at and was in line to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Purina Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and since the food is nutritionally complete, I was going to try it again.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the street licking my balls and a car hit me.

She didn't talk to me any more and even quit looking at me.

[I Love Bagpipes]

Ron G...I can be gullible at times.

Is this for real?

Absolutely hilarious!!!

[Galen]

LOL

[Kevlar2000]

ROTFLMAOPIMP!

That ranks right up there with someone leaning their head out of a clothing store dressing room and shouting,

"Hey! There's no toilet paper in here!"

[T-Bone]

RonG and Kevlar - thanks - both are hilarious - good laugh to start my day!!!

[ChasUFarley]

I woulda said, "You can lick your balls? Why did you bother leaving the house?!"

[Nottawayfer]

I am peeing my pants laughing so damn hard! Chas! That's classic!!!! Good comeback!

Edited July 29, 2006 by Wayfer Not

[vickles]

LOL good story!!!!

Speaking of dressing rooms and toilet paper...

When my daughter was a toddler we were at mayo clinic in an examination room. In the room there is a little room with a curtain. My daughter went in there and closed the curtain and I hear a sound like running water against wood. I go in there and she is sitting on this wood thing that has a little hole in it to put dirty dressing room gowns in. She had peed in there.

Talk about embarrassing. I guess from a toddlers view it was the perfect toilet...

[moony3424]

[bowtwi]

Ha! Ron! That's great! Too bad you didn't get that recorded! I had a similar, but nowhere near as funny incident at Petsmart. We had Annie's then 14-week-yorkie terrier and I had a big bag of big dog treats for my husky and the giant schnauzer that's temporarily living here. I also had a big bag of small dog treats for the yorkie.

The lady behind me asked if those big dog treats were for the puppy and I said yes, I figured that was a lifetime supply and I didn't want to return to the store ever again.

It took her a minute to figure out I was kidding.

Vickles - Sounds logical - I bet that's one of your favorite stories to retell!

[watersedge]

monica fetish perhaps, after all your bud went to Clinton

[bowtwi]

To whom are you replying with that insulting remark?

[Galen]

I guess I missed it, what insult?

Do you mean about the yorky?

[dmiller]

I'm with Galen -- Insult?? :unsure:

[bowtwi]

monica fetish perhaps, after all your bud went to Clinton

This sounds insulting to me, whether it's addressed to me as it seemed the first time I read it or even if it's in reply to Ron, who said he was riding along with a bud to Clinton. It sounds like a very rude reference to Monica Lewinsky and former President Clinton's shenanigans.

[Psalm 71 one]

RON!! That is too funny! (I'm gullible too-- did you REALLY say that?) If ya did, you, ARE CHARMINGLY RUDE!! Hahaha! I'm impressed!!

(BTW.. I saw the thread about Andrew's B-day post-- It's prolly on page 2 by now-- happy Belated B-day, Andrew! Sorry I didn't post before when it was here!

And Isaac just turned 13 also (in May) and caught up with me in height-- he was racing to get there before his birthday and I threatened him iffin he made it to 5'6 before his birthday, I got to whack him onna haid fer gettin as tall as his mudder before he was 13!! haahaa!)

Edited July 30, 2006 by Psalm 71 one