The Happy Poodle Story

[FreeAtLast]

I wrote this to explain what a statement I made meant. The statement was

"He was hung like a poodle."

When I was a young girl of about 12 or so, we lived in a 3 story duplex in the

middle of the ghetto in Trenton New Jersey. Our back yard was the size of a two

car garage, yet we managed to maintain a menagerie of animals. Three cats, four

dogs, the occasional gerbel, and turtle and at one point a fish that I had

caught in a cedar lake and brought home as a pet. In 24 hours he was belly up

in the makeshift home I made for him in my plastic wading pool, that’s a story I

will share sometime if you really want to know about it, but for the purpose of

this story let me focus on the dogs, two of them in particular.

Misty was our female German shepherd. If you could refer to a dog as classy

that was Misty. Fully papered, my parents would pay friends who owned papered

male shepherds in order to mate them with Misty. These sessions would last what

seemed like an eternity to my young mind but the one thing I remember was the

size of the male’s,,, well you know. I don’t think I have ever seen a human dilly

whacker that big. Not even in CF&S, the Way’s one attempt at porn (imagine watching

that as a 12 year old girl who didn’t even know what the word masturbation

meant.)

Another animal in our house, a toy poodle named Spanky. Spanky came to

my parents as a practical joke on their anniversary. It seems that Spanky had

an unusually large sex drive,,,, hence the joke. My 12 year old mind didn’t

understand this and Spanky immediately became my dog. He would prove to

embarrass me time and time again. You see Spanky didn’t care what species

you were if you stood still long enough he was going to mount you. He would

get so excited that this little red button would pop out of the end of his thingy,

and had it not been for the color you wouldn’t have even know he had one down

there. But that didn’t stop him.

One day a friend of mine was sitting on my bed. Spanky had joined us and

apparently she was “cycling”. Spanky caught wind of it. He started going to

town on this poor girls back and he was getting extremely busy. I threw him off

of her several times but he just keep coming back for more. I finally had to

exile him from the room.

If you look horn-dog up in the dictionary you will see Spanky’s picture. So

although Spanky wasn’t well endowed he was proof of the adage that sex is like

fishing. It’s not the size of the worm but how you wiggle it. Unfortunately

for Spanky he enjoyed wiggling his a little too much, and it eventually cost him

his life.

How did Spanky die???"

Well my dad let the dogs out of the back yard and spanky was riding Misty

the whole time hanging on her tail since he couldn't get up to the real thing.

Misty excited about escaping the confines of our diminutive backyard, was

excitedly running down the main road trying to avoid her inevitable capture

when she flung Spanky into the main road. A semi was driving by and he

got squashed like a pancake. I cried all day.

He was a funny dog. My oldest brother would yell from the bathroom in a sing

songy voice "toilet paper please" and the dog would howl as if he were singing

the harmony. After that to get a laugh out of our friends we would sing that

tune in the kitchen, the living room or wherever we were entertaining our guests

just to make the dog sing. Sometimes it actually produced a roll of toilet paper.

If we left for more than 15 minutes, when we would arrive home the dog would

literally go out of his mind with joy upon seeing us as though he feared we

would never return. I am sure a few of his past owners did just that to him and

he was still scarred from the experience. lol

Hence the demise of my horny poodle.

That's the story of my horny poodle. Hope it gave you a giggle.

[topoftheworld]

"It’s not the size of the worm but how you wiggle it."

ROFLMAO!!!!

Great story, Free. So sorry about how he died,

.......... but, oh, how he lived!!!!!!!

[watersedge]

still laughin

want some cherries

with cream at the pool

table?

[dmiller]

still laughin

want some cherries

with cream at the pool

table?

Just don't mention where you suggested putting those cherries last night in chat, WE.

Great story Free!

[FreeAtLast]

Hey thanks. I thought since I eluded to my horny poodle last night I should give you my story.

I thought it was established the cherries were on the belly button. Oh no wait wasn't it that there

were no cherries in that chat room. I can't remember which.

Oh well, can't wait to chat with you all again.

[watersedge]

sorry dm, free spilled the cherry bomb

[FreeAtLast]

was I not supposed to say anything? Did I break the rules? Sorry

[watersedge]

no rules broken free

[topoftheworld]

Rules??? There are no stinkin' rules!!!!

Did I say that? :wub:

[excathedra]

you all are such a riot

fantastic stories, free !!!!!!

i would love to hear your fish story and any others

dilly whacker ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

[ChattyKathy]

I agree with excath about the stories. :)

Welcome to you, you seem a wonderful addition to the board.

That word was used in my family also (dilly whacker). Although my sister always called it your privates to her sons, and the men called it their family jewels. <_<

[pond]

he died doing what he loved.

lol rip spanky.

[FreeAtLast]

When I was growing up the mail part was a blinky and the girl part was a lulu. So the cartoon character little lulu took on a different meaning to me. lol

Hey thanks gang. I am glad you enjoyed the stories. I will have to take some time when I am not at work to write about my little fishy.

WE: Whew, thanks for clearing that up. I thought there were some unwritten rules on the board that I needed to learn.