Advice for the future.

[FreeAtLast]

Ok gang, I need to know what you would have done.

This month I have been confronted with a lot of, for lack of a better term, weirdness. I won’t go into it all but one of the events was that although I turned in my timesheet to my employer with the accurate amount of hours they somehow messed up and paid me for 16 hours less than I worked which threw my budget out of whack. They are adding the hours to my next check so I had to work it through until then.

I did my best to juggle the funds and was doing alright when two events occurred. First my washing machine broke and flooded my basement. No biggie, I just re-routed some of my gas money and went to the Laundromat. Then the gas company threatened to shut me down a week after I received my first bill. This was all with no warning, the guy showed up at my door and was going to shut it off, so I called the company to complain and they worked it out but I still had to pay the bill in 24 hours. So I took the rest of my gas money to pay them and stop them from shutting me off. (I am still trying to figure that one out.)

I found that I had spent all my gas money and I work 71 miles from my house. I tucked my tail and phoned the ex to see if I could borrow some money for gas until I get paid and he agreed. But this guy won’t give you the money and let you be on your way. No! He has to have full control of the situation. I have to meet him at a particular gas station and he pumps the gas. Then as that tank runs out the process gets repeated until my check arrives, I pay him back, and he loses his controlling position.

Yesterday I left work early because there was nothing for me to do. I was still waiting on one more piece of software and waiting to meet with another person that could direct my Java work. My boss and I decided I should take the afternoon off. So, at 1:30 I left work to head home.

As I got onto the highway it dawned on me that I couldn’t head home without gas and my ex would be at work until 3:30. The temperature was a sweltering 104 with a heat index of 108 and my van has no air conditioning. By the time I reached the gas station in Bonner Springs, our halfway point, I was dripping wet. I went inside but after an hour of waiting I felt as though I had overstayed my welcome and went back out to my car.

I sat in the car for 30 minutes and tried to rest my eyes but it was so hot I couldn’t breathe. Finally, I left the vehicle and found a bench in the shade. I pulled out my brush and a hair tie and pulled my hair back in a pony tail. This is my least attractive hairstyle but I didn’t care. My makeup was melting I was dripping and miserable.

A diesel pickup truck pulled up in front of the store and a relatively handsome man stepped out. He looked at me and smiled. Embarrassed that I had been caught checking him out, I looked down and smiled sheepishly back. He went in did whatever it was he had come there for and returned to his truck. He turned around in order to smile at me again. Again, not quite so sheepishly, I smiled back. He began to drive off and looked over my way and waved. I giggled smiled and waved back, thinking that would be the end of that.

I was jolted into a state of extreme nervousness when he put his truck in reverse, pulled up next to me, rolled down his window, and started to speak to me. I don’t think I have ever been in this situation before. He asked me if I needed a ride. I uttered 2 completely unintelligible half sentences as a poor explanation of why I was sitting on the bench. He smiled, I smiled you know the routine this had been going on since he pulled up. Then he said, “You look good”. Once again I displayed the sheepish smile and the downward glance as I thanked him for the compliment. I was frozen, for the first time in my life I was unable to formulate words, I was unable to think of any word but thank you. He repeated the sentiment “you look really nice.” Again all I could think to say was thank you. Here was a very attractive man that thought I looked good when I thought I looked my worst and I couldn’t formulate words to move this to the next step.

Today I am slapping myself upside the head. He left without closing the deal because I was too dumbfounded to respond. Men what would you have wanted a girl to say in that situation? Girls what would you have said? I know I will never see this guy again but I don’t want to miss out again if by some remote chance this situation re-presents itself. I gotta practice for the next time.

Still slapping myself!!!

[Belle]

You didn't screw up, Honey!! Sounds like you were both attracted to each other and were both in a brand new situation and neither one of you knew how to act. Ain't it great feeling like you're in high school again? :D

He should have said more than just tell you how good you look and should have asked for your phone number. You could have started a conversation with him, but being caught off guard is perfectly normal - in both cases.

All is not lost! Did you recognize the company on the truck? Is the gas station on his route or was he just stopping in to get a drink or something? If it was a route stop, then you could go back at the same time and day next week and see if he is the regular route guy.

Next time, start a conversation. Comment on his work, his truck, the weather..... ask an open-ended question .... anything to show you're open to furthering this initial contact. :)

[Abigail]

FreeAtLast, I don't know whether to smack you upside the head or hug you! lol

First of all - your employer is LEGALLY obligated to get that money to you asap - not on your next paycheck. They are also obligated to cover any extra expenses you end up with due to their failure to pay you on time. I would be demanding my money or I would be calling my state labor department!

Do you realize you are more concerned about the cute guy who got away than about the fact that you cannot get to work without subjecting yourself to humiliation by your ex, because your employer has failed to pay you?

I'm sorry, I think I sound harsh and I don't mean to. But I see who I once was written all over your post and I wish like hell someone would have slapped me back then!

As for your gorgeous trucker and sealing the deal - was he a local driver or an over the road driver? What do you mean by sealing the deal? Did you want a want night stand or a long term relationship?

I would have been very uncomfortable and probably a little frightened had I been in your situation. I too would have been at a loss for words. But I probably also would have run for cover inside the gas station. So I'm not sure I can help you with your actual question anyway.

[FreeAtLast]

Well the truck was a personal vehicle that belonged to the guy so it will be hard to trace him. It was a really nice vehicle though. One of the Dodge Ram's but with all the extra special features. It was a forest green color but I was unable to get his license plate number without being completely obvious.

It seemed as though he had just stopped there to get a drink rather than this being a regular stopping point for him. I thought about trying to see if I could catch him there again but figured it would be a long shot. But you know in my hot vehicle it might be nice to stop and get a drink there myself on occassion. lol

"Seal the Deal" lol. Well I am not into one night stands. I want something lasting and meaningful, but getting my number with the promise of dinner might have been nice. But now it is doubtful that I will ever see him again.

I am ok with the money thing because being an independent contractor, I have had this happen before. The only difference this time is I opted to go W2 instead of corp to corp so that I could have consistency in my pay. So much for that.

[Linda Z]

I know I'm going to sound like a mother (maybe because I am one!), but you know, the serial killer Ted Bundy was handsome. Being good looking and having a nice truck aren't really guarantees that a guy you pick up at a gas station is an okay guy, much less that he's interested in something "lasting and meaningful."

You might have dodged a bullet rather than missing an opportunity. Sorry, but as a mom I can't stop myself from saying this.

Be careful out there!

[act2]

Right on, LindaZ. I probably watch too much of 'America's Most Wanted', but I had the same thoughts as you and I am not a mother!!!!!

Gotta be careful in today's world.

[Abigail]

lol - well I sure feel better now. Cause I keep thinking that a strange man who comments on my appearance has boundary issues and is not someone I would want to get involved with.

[FreeAtLast]

Oh I know what you all are saying. On an ex way group I belong to one of the guys thought that he might of thought I was a working girl. lol.

But he seemed as nervous approaching me as I was about being approached. It was just a strange situation that I will probably never be faced with again. I guess I found it odd and didn't know how to handle the situation because now days it seems that meeting people outside of work, church, or the internet doesn't happen much.

Thanks for all your input guys.

[Tom Strange]

what they said! (you did ask for a guy's input)

I did PM you though...

[CoolWaters]

Oh I know what you all are saying. On an ex way group I belong to one of the guys thought that he might of thought I was a working girl. lol.

That wasn't what crossed my mind. However, I worried about your safety.

Then I re-read your post...

This happened in Bonner Springs.

'Nough said.

Next time?

FIRST go to a hose and spray off, girl! (Any service station should have one...or car wash...or something.) Or pop over to the WalMart and explain to the greeter what is going on. Or just plain explain to whoever is running things where you're stopped. Everybody understands the danger of heat exhaustion. If they don't, fall down right there on the spot and lay there panting like a sick puppy. Make it their business to understand.

THEN, when your brain is not half baked to death due to heat, THEN I think you'd do just fine all on your own.

From this view, your smile turns the heads of the angels. I think once you flash your smile, it doesn't really matter what you say. :)

But if you want my opinion (I think you asked, but I've now confused myself), you could say something like, "I look good to you only because I'm so hot, big boy. How 'bout you get me a nice cool drink and we'll see if you like the way I look after I've cooled a bit?"

Of course, I pick up Sicilian Yum Yums I've never met before...so maybe you shouldn't pay any attention to me...

Also, remember to always, always, ALWAYS flirt like that WHEN YOU'RE AROUND THOSE WHO CAN SEE AND HEAR WHAT'S GOING ON.

Yes, it was Bonner...but some of those bubbas have a tweaked idea of fun...

[FreeAtLast]

CoolWaters:

That was interesting. Are you saying that Heat Exhaustion clouded my ability to speak. That's good, let go with that. Yeah!! I haven't lost my touch I was just toooooo hot.

Tom: Thanks for you PM. Sent you one back

[CoolWaters]

Lost your touch??? Are you kidding? NO WAY. I don't even know you, but I can tell by looking at your picture that you've got your touch and then some, girlfriend.

Heck, that poor boy didn't stand a snowball's chance in Bonner when you flashed him your smile.

[Stayed Too Long]

Right on, LindaZ. I probably watch too much of 'America's Most Wanted', but I had the same thoughts as you and I am not a mother!!!!!

Gotta be careful in today's world.

I have visited a number of woman in internet chat rooms and dating services, and subsequently arranged to meet them. The first few get togethers are always in a public place, and some bring friends along. Before you go out alone with a new person you have to feel comfortable with him or her. It is no different than dating someone from work, church, corner bar, or local dance hall. You have to make a judgment call that you will be safe. If after meeting in a safe place you do not trust them or have questions, just excuse yourself and tell them no thanks. No big deal-just apply a little common sense.

I believe people are over reacting when in comes to meeting new people because they "watch too much of 'America's Most Wanted'", and other such shows. What is wrong with meeting new people? For every encounter that turns bad there are thousands or millions that come off with out a hitch. That is like deciding not to ride in a car or fly in an airplane because some have crashed. Or refusing to have surgery because there is a possiblity of dying from the knock out drugs. Life is full of risks and it is necessary to take them at times; other wise plan on leading a dull existence.

FreeAtLast guys are just as scared of approaching you as you are of them--rejection, "Am I good enough?", "Why would she want to go out with me?", type thoughts. An extra big smile or "Thanks for asking" can go along ways with a guy to keep the pursuit moving along.

[FreeAtLast]

STL

Thanks for your input. I do the same when I meet guys online. It's always in a neutral location and I meet them there. My friends know about it and sometimes pop by to make sure all is well. You can never be too cautious in this day and time.

One guy I met wanted me to come to his house so that he could cut my hair. I didn't go and he got real nasty. Said if he saw me he was going to shave me bald. lol. I am glad I didn't give him any personal information.

[Stayed Too Long]

STL

Thanks for your input. I do the same when I meet guys online. It's always in a neutral location and I meet them there. My friends know about it and sometimes pop by to make sure all is well. You can never be too cautious in this day and time.

One guy I met wanted me to come to his house so that he could cut my hair. I didn't go and he got real nasty. Said if he saw me he was going to shave me bald. lol. I am glad I didn't give him any personal information.

It only requires a little common horse sense to keep yourself safe when meeting new folks. Glad you are out meeting new guys and enjoying yourself.

[Linda Z]

STL, I'd maybe agree with what you said if two of his three sentences to her weren't "You look good" and "You look nice," with the third being "You need a ride?" (FAL, you sure he didn't preface that with "Piece of candy"??) I'm sure FreeAtLast did look nice, but that encounter strikes me as a little odd.

I'm not overly cautious...heck, I went to Las Vegas in 1990 with a bunch of people I "met" on the Internet before I ever saw them face to face. We had a blast, and there was nothing weird about it. It's not overcautiousness at all. I just get a creepy sense about the way this guy acted.

The other thing, STL, is you are a man. You don't have the same vulnerabilities as a woman. We need to be a little more careful.

[FreeAtLast]

Ok guys, I would have never gottenin the guys car. I just wanted to maybe get together with him at a later time for dinner or dancing. My guess was that I looked like a damsel in distress. I would have met him in a neutral location.

It's true as women we have to be more cautious. It is rare that women prey on men. There are a few but the greater danger is men who prey on women. Believe me guys I would have NEVER gotten into this guy's vehicle or have let him know where I lived until I was sure of him.

[Linda Z]

Oh, I didn't mean to imply that you would. Just that protective streak in me coming out, just in case you'd ever consider such a thing.

[FreeAtLast]

Oh I love it that you are all concerned about me. You are a great!!!

[mstar1]

I believe people are over reacting when in comes to meeting new people because they "watch too much of 'America's Most Wanted'", and other such shows. What is wrong with meeting new people? For every encounter that turns bad there are thousands or millions that come off with out a hitch.

I have a different perspective than most of you being male, but offering a ride to someone who appears to be stranded on a brutally hot day, is something that I would do, and seems like a very decent thing to do.

What do people out in the Midwest do? Drive by and leave them there? I have no idea what the culture is like out there , Around here I talk to just about everybody--wherever I am-if Im in the mood as do alot of people. Sometimes I offer a compliment out of the blue (..you look nice today...)which can start a conversation------I stop sometimes fr people that are broken down and see if they need anything, and have made some lasting friendships and some good aquaintances that way-I enjoy meeting people---99% are good, fine, sometimes a little quirky but OK, people -maybe i dont stay home and watch enough scary TV shows.

He sounds like he was interested, offered you help, and didnt know where to go from there so told you that you looked nice, stammered then told you again-then didnt know exactly what to do next -so that was that. I've been the 'guy in the truck' many times, and he may be tonight thinking the same thoughts as you--(maybe not how do I know).

Im not saying to not be careful and wise in what you do, not at all-- but I also do know that most of my closest friends and loves over my life I have met have been at very unexpected, unplanned and spontaneous moments when I was also willing to come outside my box and go with the moment.

..and .....you do look nice....

[FreeAtLast]

mstar1

Aw, Thanks sweetie. that was a thoughtful post. The midwest is generally a friendly place. Topeka is a weird place but this was Bonner Springs Not an area I am completely familiar with but CW knows the area well. Oh well chalk one up to experience right?

[Ron G.]

"relatively handsome man"?

"green Dodge deisel truck"?

"loss for words"?

Near Topeka Kansas?

lemme think a minute, now.........hmmm......

Nope, probably wasn't me.

I'm NEVER at a loss for words.

Besides, I haven't been to Topeka in 30 years since my dad's family lived there and my truck is a white Dodge Dakota.

I am quite handsome, though....my mama says so and she's NEVER wrong.

Had it been me, I would have told you you looked hot and frazzled and offered a bottle of cold water from my ice chest (I never leave home without it) and been on my way. "You look good" sounds too much like a pickup line to me...but that's just me...and I tend to be rather blunt.

Evidently, you got home okay and all is well since you're still posting here. I'm glad for that. I think we all have things like that happen from time to time and we later have twinges of regret over what our imaginations tell us should have, could have or would have occurred had we done things a little differently. It's just one of those things that life brings.

Just take care of yourself cuz your posts are enjoyed.

[FreeAtLast]

Ron,

Thanks. and Oh it WAS a pickup line but it fizzled out.

[Sweetpea]

It has always been a practice for an employer to pay you on your next payday to take care of a mistake. Often checks are done by an independent company for many employers.

I know that many of you do not agree, but I have found that a credit card can get me out of many temporary emergencies. I had terrible credit ten years ago, but over time I was able to get a secured card eventually upgrading to where now my credit is very good.

[FreeAtLast]

Yeah after having open heart surgery I lost everything and had to claim bankruptcy. After the bankruptcy was final I incurred a few other medical bills for an accident I sustained at a roller rink (no insurance), sporadic unemployment, tax disasters and then an auto accident without insurance and a major bill to repair the other guy's auto. That has made my financial life a wreck. Right now I can't even buy credit. If I could I would. I do agree having a credit card for emergency purposes is not a bad thing. It's when they get abused that they become a problem.

Maybe when I am 60 I will be there again. lol.