For fear of being dragged down to his level, you might resist the urge to place a sign on his door labeled "King of the A.H.'s". That might force a meeting, and a discussion about tolerance. Any counselor's available to discuss PC behaviour?
Seth you say the house is run democraticly all share equally in the power that governs the house and there are no bosses. But later on you say there is a President who decided there was no reason to have a meeting. So, who decides whether there will be a meeting or not? Are they breaking their own rules? Is this housing assigned or do you get to pick where you will live?
It seems like a difficult situation. If you want advice, my suggestion is maybe it's better for you to let George and Vernon handle their own problem. Since you alread talked to TA, I would have told him his notes were mean and malicious. I would also tell him if he did't like living with a gay person, he should consider going living somewhere else instead of causing disruption in the house. He broke one of the cardinal rules by being disruptive.
Since you, George and Vernon make up a majority you should be able to evict TA, except housing is more than just a social matter it is also a legal matter and you can't evict someone from their home for being TA. If you are sharing housing because of cost, maybe you, George and Vernon need to see if you can find a three bedroom in your price range and leave the Prez and TA to their own devices. For that matter maybe knowing that the three of you are serious about going to this level may wake the others up to the repercussions of their actions-since they probably can''t swing the rent etc without the cash from you, George and Vernon
ummm.. thats probably not the best course of action Seth.
I dont know --- I could go either way on this one, on the one hand you have people who presumably been in some sort of traumatic situation in order for them to have landed there in the first place, so there is bound to be some backlash from time to time from all the BS that they have been through that my manifest itself in weird ways. To a certain extent whenever you live with people you have to overlook their eccentricities. If you all want to continue to recover (or whatever you are doing) together.
On the other hand the rules sound fairly simple, nothing too complex.
The rules are simple and it sounds like they could give all you guys room to grow if they were adhered to.
My experience from working in the local homeless shelter tells me that when the residents of the house all get along and play by the rules that they indiviudually all do alot better but one bad apple can seriously set back the whole bunch.
I have no idea what kind of rental agreement that you all have together (long term, weekly, monthly, something else?) but in my mind there are millions of other places for someone to live if they dont want to do the simplest rules...
I usually give em a few breaks then if it affects people too strongly negatively and /or looks chronic I vote to let them go
Seth you say the house is run democraticly all share equally in the power that governs the house and there are no bosses. But later on you say there is a President who decided there was no reason to have a meeting. So, who decides whether there will be a meeting or not? Are they breaking their own rules? Is this housing assigned or do you get to pick where you will live?
About the president of the house, he acts like the boss, I told him 3 times yesterday that there are no bosses here and he just says "I know" then sites something he read once to justify his attitude. This is not assigned housing, we all live here by choice and must interview and be voted in by the current tenants.
Seth, I'm having a hard time here too, with the 'president'. Is that in fact, his title? If so, I could understand his attitude. And, if elected to the office, is there a path of recourse?
Since you, George and Vernon make up a majority you should be able to evict TA, except housing is more than just a social matter it is also a legal matter and you can't evict someone from their home for being TA. If you are sharing housing because of cost, maybe you, George and Vernon need to see if you can find a three bedroom in your price range and leave the Prez and TA to their own devices. For that matter maybe knowing that the three of you are serious about going to this level may wake the others up to the repercussions of their actions-since they probably can''t swing the rent etc without the cash from you, George and Vernon
Not to get into legalities, renters rights do not apply here, and this is backed by legislation from the Federal Govt. We can evict anyone if there is a 80% majority vote, so the one causing the problem must go. It's not about the money it's about recovery. Besides what you propose in saying the three of use should threaten to move out sounds like extortion, an even sicker mind set then just rolling over and letting the T.A.'s of the world take over.
Seth
Seth, I'm having a hard time here too, with the 'president'. Is that in fact, his title? If so, I could understand his attitude. And, if elected to the office, is there a path of recourse?
Sushi, we can call elections at every house meeting which are once a week.
One thing I want to clear up this is not a halfway house or a Govt subsidized housing there is no live in staff or even any staff that keeps tabs on us at all accept when we ask for help, or volunteer information about the house, and then they are all members of other houses. We are part of a network of houses for people who are seeking fellowship and self-support, it is unique and as was noted the rules are simple and few for a reason. As I see it the rules are simple and few to allow for personnal growth, to allow a Higher Power to enter and work in individuals lives, and finally the fewer the rules the clearer the their intent and the less room for loopholes. Maybe that's why there was only 10 commandments?
This upset George rightly so. When Vernon came home from work yesterday George told him what happened, Vernon was very upset, and desired to call an emergency meeting, the president of the house a nut in his own right didn't see why.
One thing I want to clear up this is not a halfway house or a Govt subsidized housing there is no live in staff or even any staff that keeps tabs on us at all accept when we ask for help, or volunteer information about the house, and then they are all members of other houses. We are part of a network of houses for people who are seeking fellowship and self-support, it is unique and as was noted the rules are simple and few for a reason.
If the majority agree to a meeting, then why can't it be held? Why is this guy the president?
If the majority agree to a meeting, then why can't it be held? Why is this guy the president?
I'm sorry, we are holding a meeting tomorrow. I was just relaying the attitude of the president when I said "He didn't see why..." {...there needed to be a meeting}
Can you make a house rule that states no post it notes about the roomates allowed. ever. the guys sense of humor is a little warped but I do not know how "nuts" might play a factor and how much space you guys have for learning good living arrangements.
Living with people isnt easy I know Im not good at it.
I guess your system might work as long as they are posted for everyone to remeber what is a general agreement. 5 so no ties.
I do not know but what is the trouble if a roomate breaks the rules? how about extra house chores or something .
One thing I want to clear up this is not a halfway house or a Govt subsidized housing there is no live in staff or even any staff that keeps tabs on us at all accept when we ask for help, or volunteer information about the house, and then they are all members of other houses. We are part of a network of houses for people who are seeking fellowship and self-support.
Hey there Seth. :) I was wondering if this was a group home or not.
Thanks for the clarification.
My guys at Noumenon House are NOT allowed in each other's rooms.
They are free to roam the house, but not to *invade another's personal space*.
Good to hear you are having the meeting though.
TA needs to know that what he might think funny,
others could take offense to, and not just write it off as a joke.
Are the staff you mentioned going to be at the meeting?
Or do you all as *house-mates* deal with it on your own?
And is the president the person who has lived there longest??
(Still unclear about his *title*).
Good luck with the meeting, and this issue here.
Our house (being through a private company - but subject to state rules),
is run a bit different than what you're describing.
But we don't tolerate disruptive behaviour at Noumenon either --
especially if it is by one client, and it affects all the others living there.
Like you said -- paying rent is part of the provision for living there.
If you (or any one) who pays rent there gets intimidated by others actions,
something need to be done.
Again -- good luck. I hope TA learns, and realizes this. :)
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topoftheworld
Another reminder of why I live alone.
For fear of being dragged down to his level, you might resist the urge to place a sign on his door labeled "King of the A.H.'s". That might force a meeting, and a discussion about tolerance. Any counselor's available to discuss PC behaviour?
Or threaten to call his mama (if applicable).
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Nottawayfer
Seth you say the house is run democraticly all share equally in the power that governs the house and there are no bosses. But later on you say there is a President who decided there was no reason to have a meeting. So, who decides whether there will be a meeting or not? Are they breaking their own rules? Is this housing assigned or do you get to pick where you will live?
It seems like a difficult situation. If you want advice, my suggestion is maybe it's better for you to let George and Vernon handle their own problem. Since you alread talked to TA, I would have told him his notes were mean and malicious. I would also tell him if he did't like living with a gay person, he should consider going living somewhere else instead of causing disruption in the house. He broke one of the cardinal rules by being disruptive.
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templelady
Since you, George and Vernon make up a majority you should be able to evict TA, except housing is more than just a social matter it is also a legal matter and you can't evict someone from their home for being TA. If you are sharing housing because of cost, maybe you, George and Vernon need to see if you can find a three bedroom in your price range and leave the Prez and TA to their own devices. For that matter maybe knowing that the three of you are serious about going to this level may wake the others up to the repercussions of their actions-since they probably can''t swing the rent etc without the cash from you, George and Vernon
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mstar1
ummm.. thats probably not the best course of action Seth.
I dont know --- I could go either way on this one, on the one hand you have people who presumably been in some sort of traumatic situation in order for them to have landed there in the first place, so there is bound to be some backlash from time to time from all the BS that they have been through that my manifest itself in weird ways. To a certain extent whenever you live with people you have to overlook their eccentricities. If you all want to continue to recover (or whatever you are doing) together.
On the other hand the rules sound fairly simple, nothing too complex.
The rules are simple and it sounds like they could give all you guys room to grow if they were adhered to.
My experience from working in the local homeless shelter tells me that when the residents of the house all get along and play by the rules that they indiviudually all do alot better but one bad apple can seriously set back the whole bunch.
I have no idea what kind of rental agreement that you all have together (long term, weekly, monthly, something else?) but in my mind there are millions of other places for someone to live if they dont want to do the simplest rules...
I usually give em a few breaks then if it affects people too strongly negatively and /or looks chronic I vote to let them go
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Seth R.
About the president of the house, he acts like the boss, I told him 3 times yesterday that there are no bosses here and he just says "I know" then sites something he read once to justify his attitude. This is not assigned housing, we all live here by choice and must interview and be voted in by the current tenants.
Seth
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Sushi
Seth, I'm having a hard time here too, with the 'president'. Is that in fact, his title? If so, I could understand his attitude. And, if elected to the office, is there a path of recourse?
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Seth R.
Not to get into legalities, renters rights do not apply here, and this is backed by legislation from the Federal Govt. We can evict anyone if there is a 80% majority vote, so the one causing the problem must go. It's not about the money it's about recovery. Besides what you propose in saying the three of use should threaten to move out sounds like extortion, an even sicker mind set then just rolling over and letting the T.A.'s of the world take over.
Seth
Sushi, we can call elections at every house meeting which are once a week.
Seth
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Seth R.
One thing I want to clear up this is not a halfway house or a Govt subsidized housing there is no live in staff or even any staff that keeps tabs on us at all accept when we ask for help, or volunteer information about the house, and then they are all members of other houses. We are part of a network of houses for people who are seeking fellowship and self-support, it is unique and as was noted the rules are simple and few for a reason. As I see it the rules are simple and few to allow for personnal growth, to allow a Higher Power to enter and work in individuals lives, and finally the fewer the rules the clearer the their intent and the less room for loopholes. Maybe that's why there was only 10 commandments?
Seth
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Nottawayfer
If the majority agree to a meeting, then why can't it be held? Why is this guy the president?
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Seth R.
Oh yeah thanks for all the input so far.
Seth
I'm sorry, we are holding a meeting tomorrow. I was just relaying the attitude of the president when I said "He didn't see why..." {...there needed to be a meeting}
Seth
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pond
Can you make a house rule that states no post it notes about the roomates allowed. ever. the guys sense of humor is a little warped but I do not know how "nuts" might play a factor and how much space you guys have for learning good living arrangements.
Living with people isnt easy I know Im not good at it.
I guess your system might work as long as they are posted for everyone to remeber what is a general agreement. 5 so no ties.
I do not know but what is the trouble if a roomate breaks the rules? how about extra house chores or something .
sorry fro the trouble seth.
let us know
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dmiller
Hey there Seth. :) I was wondering if this was a group home or not.
Thanks for the clarification.
My guys at Noumenon House are NOT allowed in each other's rooms.
They are free to roam the house, but not to *invade another's personal space*.
Good to hear you are having the meeting though.
TA needs to know that what he might think funny,
others could take offense to, and not just write it off as a joke.
Are the staff you mentioned going to be at the meeting?
Or do you all as *house-mates* deal with it on your own?
And is the president the person who has lived there longest??
(Still unclear about his *title*).
Good luck with the meeting, and this issue here.
Our house (being through a private company - but subject to state rules),
is run a bit different than what you're describing.
But we don't tolerate disruptive behaviour at Noumenon either --
especially if it is by one client, and it affects all the others living there.
Like you said -- paying rent is part of the provision for living there.
If you (or any one) who pays rent there gets intimidated by others actions,
something need to be done.
Again -- good luck. I hope TA learns, and realizes this. :)
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Seth R.
Hi Folks for an update.
We spoke to T.A. last night, and today he informed me he's moving out today.
Thanks for all your prayers.
Seth
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washingtonweather
yeah for standing up Seth!
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topoftheworld
Glad it worked out, Seth.
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