There are certain physical types which will get my attention, and are easy on the eyes, for sure. For me, what makes a woman sexy is the attitude that she's sexy, and her thinking that I'm sexy. In other words it's the mutual chemistry.
When I met my first wife I thought she was very sexy. In the several years before we divorced I thought otherwise, although she didn't look very different. the difference was that we hated each others' guts!
Yeah, I'm having a little difficulty buying the whole "honesty" line. Being honest has gotten me into more trouble than I care to talk about. Not because I have some innate adhreance to the truth, but more because I'm simply a really lousy liar. I just can't do it without blushing, or breaking out in a sweat, or stammering. EVERYBODY knows when I'm lying,
But when you ask your one-and-only "Honey, do you think this dress makes me look fat?" and he responds, "No, it's your huge butt that makes you look fat, the clothes are pretty immaterial, I think."
I'm betting that there won't be any world-class lovemaking going on in your bedroom that night.
But when you ask your one-and-only "Honey, do you think this dress makes me look fat?" and he responds, "No, it's your huge butt that makes you look fat, the clothes are pretty immaterial, I think."
I'm betting that there won't be any world-class lovemaking going on in your bedroom that night.
LOLOL yup, the does my butt thing again. When women quit asking that stupid question, the world will be a much more fun place. We know men don't want to hear it, can't answer it and it's just dumb.
I've been a widow for nine years and given my idea of an honest man, I'll be a widow forever, I know that, accept it.
I've said that a relationship takes alot of work and that's not understood either. The work in this one is the women makes herself not ask that age old stupid question and if she does, the man has the guts to say 'quit asking me that stupid question'
See? It doesn't work, period.
Men think women believe men are idiots.
Women think men believe they are bit ches.
If ever one looks at the other honestly, both would see neither is true. It's just easier to hold to the stereotypical expectations; much less work.
yup, doesn't work, I know.
Ok, back to your regularly scheduled discussion of what is sexy
But when you ask your one-and-only "Honey, do you think this dress makes me look fat?" and he responds, "No, it's your huge butt that makes you look fat, the clothes are pretty immaterial, I think."
I'm betting that there won't be any world-class lovemaking going on in your bedroom that night.
A man that knows and understands the difference between honesty and soul stripping. Some call this transparency. When there are no hidden agendas, there is true honesty and true intimacy. Very sexy!
See? I actually asked a question like that once. Hubby lied and said I looked fine. Later on I saw just how bad I looked and I was furious with him. He said that was a "no win" situation. I told him that I wasn't looking to win anything - I wanted to know if I should wear that dress or pick another.
He just as easily could have said - "I've seen you in dresses that are more flattering." Honesty without the soul-stripping.
'Shellon Fockler-North' date='Jun 15 2006, 05:28 PM' post='246340']...I will never enter into any kind of relationship unless the dude has the balls to tell the truth, every time...
Exactly, Dooj! It's the WAY things are said most of the times, not necessarily WHAT is said that gets people into trouble.
My ex was great about wording things so that they would sound as nice as possible. If I asked about a blouse or something, he'd say that he really likes X on me better, or that he thinks something else would be more appropriate for the event, or something along those lines. In just about all situations that's one thing he did do very well. It's a great talent to have and, sadly, most people don't cultivate it.
Joking aside (sorry Cowgirl-bad taste, that), what is sexy to me is when a woman has that self assurance that she IS sexy, and that I should want her. A woman that believes that she has what a man wants (and of course we all know what that is) is very sexy to me. Self confidence would be one way to put it, but, I would have to say that the term would have to include "self confidence in her own sex appeal", which, I believe is totally a mental thing. A case in point:
I was newly married, and my wife and I went out to a bar in Kenai, Alaska. The Rainbow Bar, as a matter of fact. My wife was shooting a game of pool, and I sat at the bar having a beer, and looking around. Probably looking for someone to witness to. All of a sudden, this gal sits down next to me. She was definitely not petite. In fact, she was a pretty big girl. Yeah, big up top which is always a turn on for me, but, she was also pretty durn "broad in the stern", and not all that pretty. And so, she fires up a conversation with me, and I notice that from the other side of the bar, my wife is grinning at me, knowing by the way the woman has postured herself, that she is probably hitting on me. And, she was right. At first I found it amusing, but, by the way this gal was talking to me, as if she were the only Playboy bunny in the room, I started to get purdy danged stirred up! She had a gleam in her eye that said; "You know you want me", and as unattractive as she was physically, I was amazed at my own reaction! She had a "devilish little grin", if you will, and it was, really something, causing me to look way past the physical. And so, I bought her a beer, said thank you for flattering me with her attention, and then pointed my wife out to her, told her I was married, and then went and joined my wife over at the pool table. She grinned that grin as I walked away. Later my wife played her in pool, and all was well. She came to twig, and later was ordained and ran the Limb of New Jersey..No wait! I made that last part up. We never saw her again....
Later of course, we determined that she had a "seducing spirit", but, since then I have concluded that she just had a serious case of "sexy self confidence" which no doubt has served her well. Ya know, that gal really impressed me that she could look past her own lack of "physical sexiness" and still emanate those sexual vibes.
Now the question here is about being "sexy", and not about relationships. I love relationships, and have been happily married to my first and only wife for 23 years, and I do believe totally, that a relationship needs honesty. But as far as "sexiness" goes, well, I have known some pretty dishonest girls that were plenty damned sexy. Since the word "sexy" is three quarters "sex", my response here has to do with that bigger aspect of that word. I do believe that it would serve the girls well to recognize that when it comes to "sexy" as far as what a man is looking for in sexiness, that men are highly interested in the "sex" part of it. I am not saying that you have to dish it (sex) out, but to supply the "hint of it" is what is sexy. I am not speaking for every guy here, but I wouldn't be surprised if I speak for a good amount of us.
If a gal has the boldness to wear a low cut top with a push up bra, it's not just the splendid view of that lucious "decollatage", that is sexy, it is also the fact that she believes herself to be sexy enough to do it, which in turn is very sexy, to me anyways. And, a gal doesn't even have to dress sexy as in the push up bra kind of a thing to be sexy. To me, if some gal was wearing a burlap bag for a dress, but had a sexy "attitude", well then, that would still perk me up. So, are the vibes that a gal is putting off say; "Quit looking at me you creep", or are they saying; "You are a fool not to look at me"?
Oh well, those are my thoughts on the matter. As far as what is sexy in a guy, well, I don't know much about that. I have seen that "bad boys" are attractive to many women though. Maybe it's the same, that they "believe in their appeal" no matter how stupid they look with their full mullet and AC/DC tattoos...
With the possible exception of Mz. Shellon, it seems from your posts that all of you ladies are in love with the IDEA of an honest, open, heart-sharing relationship. And I think that the idea you're carrying around in your heads is mostly fantasy.
You don't want a man to be honest. You want him to be supportive, diplomatic, flattering, and maybe even intimate, but you don't want honesty.
I often hear women bemoan the fact that their husband doesn't listen (like they think he OBVIOUSLY should!). They want him to converse with her like he's a girlfriend. Sorry, it ain't gonna happen. Not for long, anyway. (NEWSFLASH - We'll act anyway we have to - to get into your pants, at least the first time) Men ARE honest for the most part, it seems to me, they just don't talk like women would like them to, even after years of training. Get used to it, or live alone, (or maybe get a girlfriend)...
I live alone, George.....guess I took your advice years ago.
To me, sexy is overrated. Passions fade with familiarity. Looks fade with time. Life itself is a long term individual committment, let alone trying to do it with someone else at your side.
If a man thinks I am worth protecting, thinks enough of me to put his foot on the line when it counts, well, that's pretty sexy to me. And hard to find out over a few cocktails in a bar.
Well put Toppie as far as relationships are concerned. On the money....But how did this topic change from "sexiness" to "relationships"? Was it the girls who done it? Kind of fits with what you are saying in a roundabout way...
As far as sexiness goes, I think there is tons of sexiness going on without relationships being involved. In fact, my wife thinks Kurt Russel and Jean Claude Van Dam are sexy. Oy veh...
I IN NO WAY want a man to talk to me like a girlfriend!!!! I have girlfriends for that.
I said that I want a man to LISTEN. Show an interest. Now if he can't do that, it won't matter how big his peck (or the other "peck" ) is. He could be Sean Connery - but if he can't or won't find the time to listen to me and have the guts to be honest (while being civil,) - well, he will have absolutely NO sex appeal!
End of story.
After all, the question was directed to each of us to answer.
Patrick Stewart is at the top of my list these days!
It's the roles they act (that I've seen) and how they act them that make them sexy.
(Well...the bods count too. hee)
Well said "honest" without "soul stripping."
I still stick with "sensitivity" for sexy. (But then, perhaps a definition for sensitivity is honesty without soul stripping.) Transparency (which I'm learning LOTS about these days) for me evolves as the relationship grows and I can trust my soul won't be stripped.
And like I said, "Sexy isn't what makes me fall in love; that is much more complex."
Geo, rofl about the huge butt dress. I appreciate your honesty and candidness.
Johnny Lingo...you said it all! (In my best Brit accent. :) )
Hey Medic! How's it going Over There? Does that "finger in the ear" trick cause the Baghdad babes to hound you unmercifully? I've been wonder ing why you were doing that in your photo/avatar, but, now I know! I never woulda thought of that. Probably alot of those young GI's Janes and female med techs are hot after you too, huh?
Hey well, nice to see you. I hope all is going good for you Over There, and that you remain safe...
Hair, body-type, accents- etc. - it's all stuff that can and will change.
I used to think tall men were sexy until I met Hubby (he used to post on Waydale as Mathman.) First time we went out on a date and got up to dance, I realized he was.... short. Damn short. Like 5' 6" short. I'm 5' 8" and usually wear heels - big ones (not Joan Crawford heels, but heels...) So... he came up to my... ahem... chest. I thought, well this was nice but this isn't going to work. Then I found out how smart and funny he was - and I was hooked. Gimme the stuff that doesn't change - brains and humor. A good dose of patience is a good idea, too. You're going to live with me, you're going to need it all! LOL!
This thread is sometimes ambiguous: sexy is physical. Sexy is what leads to sexual arousal, whether seen heard or felt. Some of these other things said to be sexy are not sexy, just characteristics that may make a relationship better.
I agree with whoever said that the physical stuff just fades in time. Being sexy, however temporary it is, is basically a tool, a prop which some people can use to their advantage. Some people just seem to have a very good grasp on what makes them communicate sexiness: the way they dress, the way they use their voice, their mannerisms, etc. Mostly women, I think. Jeff Foxworthy once said that when men try to be sexy they just come off goofy.
But it's PHYSICAL! All that other stuff is good and necessary. I swear some people are so consumed by how sexy they are 24/7 that they don't care about anything else. That would NOT help a relationship.
I also agree that to be sexy one has to be confident.
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wwjesuslaughat
Sexy is when my guy comes up behind me when I'm washing dishes and nuzzles my neck.
Sexier is when he's doing dishes from the dinner he cooked and I nuzzle his neck.
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Oakspear
There are certain physical types which will get my attention, and are easy on the eyes, for sure. For me, what makes a woman sexy is the attitude that she's sexy, and her thinking that I'm sexy. In other words it's the mutual chemistry.
When I met my first wife I thought she was very sexy. In the several years before we divorced I thought otherwise, although she didn't look very different. the difference was that we hated each others' guts!
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George Aar
Shell,
Yeah, I'm having a little difficulty buying the whole "honesty" line. Being honest has gotten me into more trouble than I care to talk about. Not because I have some innate adhreance to the truth, but more because I'm simply a really lousy liar. I just can't do it without blushing, or breaking out in a sweat, or stammering. EVERYBODY knows when I'm lying,
But when you ask your one-and-only "Honey, do you think this dress makes me look fat?" and he responds, "No, it's your huge butt that makes you look fat, the clothes are pretty immaterial, I think."
I'm betting that there won't be any world-class lovemaking going on in your bedroom that night.
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ex10
I think Vin Diesel haircuts and British accents are irresistably sexy. :wub:
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Shellon
LOLOL yup, the does my butt thing again. When women quit asking that stupid question, the world will be a much more fun place. We know men don't want to hear it, can't answer it and it's just dumb.
I've been a widow for nine years and given my idea of an honest man, I'll be a widow forever, I know that, accept it.
I've said that a relationship takes alot of work and that's not understood either. The work in this one is the women makes herself not ask that age old stupid question and if she does, the man has the guts to say 'quit asking me that stupid question'
See? It doesn't work, period.
Men think women believe men are idiots.
Women think men believe they are bit ches.
If ever one looks at the other honestly, both would see neither is true. It's just easier to hold to the stereotypical expectations; much less work.
yup, doesn't work, I know.
Ok, back to your regularly scheduled discussion of what is sexy
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doojable
See? I actually asked a question like that once. Hubby lied and said I looked fine. Later on I saw just how bad I looked and I was furious with him. He said that was a "no win" situation. I told him that I wasn't looking to win anything - I wanted to know if I should wear that dress or pick another.
He just as easily could have said - "I've seen you in dresses that are more flattering." Honesty without the soul-stripping.
And yes, Ex10 those things are sexy.......
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T-Bone
So I guess you don't trust eunuchs. :blink:
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Belle
Exactly, Dooj! It's the WAY things are said most of the times, not necessarily WHAT is said that gets people into trouble.
My ex was great about wording things so that they would sound as nice as possible. If I asked about a blouse or something, he'd say that he really likes X on me better, or that he thinks something else would be more appropriate for the event, or something along those lines. In just about all situations that's one thing he did do very well. It's a great talent to have and, sadly, most people don't cultivate it.
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J0nny Ling0
Joking aside (sorry Cowgirl-bad taste, that), what is sexy to me is when a woman has that self assurance that she IS sexy, and that I should want her. A woman that believes that she has what a man wants (and of course we all know what that is) is very sexy to me. Self confidence would be one way to put it, but, I would have to say that the term would have to include "self confidence in her own sex appeal", which, I believe is totally a mental thing. A case in point:
I was newly married, and my wife and I went out to a bar in Kenai, Alaska. The Rainbow Bar, as a matter of fact. My wife was shooting a game of pool, and I sat at the bar having a beer, and looking around. Probably looking for someone to witness to. All of a sudden, this gal sits down next to me. She was definitely not petite. In fact, she was a pretty big girl. Yeah, big up top which is always a turn on for me, but, she was also pretty durn "broad in the stern", and not all that pretty. And so, she fires up a conversation with me, and I notice that from the other side of the bar, my wife is grinning at me, knowing by the way the woman has postured herself, that she is probably hitting on me. And, she was right. At first I found it amusing, but, by the way this gal was talking to me, as if she were the only Playboy bunny in the room, I started to get purdy danged stirred up! She had a gleam in her eye that said; "You know you want me", and as unattractive as she was physically, I was amazed at my own reaction! She had a "devilish little grin", if you will, and it was, really something, causing me to look way past the physical. And so, I bought her a beer, said thank you for flattering me with her attention, and then pointed my wife out to her, told her I was married, and then went and joined my wife over at the pool table. She grinned that grin as I walked away. Later my wife played her in pool, and all was well. She came to twig, and later was ordained and ran the Limb of New Jersey..No wait! I made that last part up. We never saw her again....
Later of course, we determined that she had a "seducing spirit", but, since then I have concluded that she just had a serious case of "sexy self confidence" which no doubt has served her well. Ya know, that gal really impressed me that she could look past her own lack of "physical sexiness" and still emanate those sexual vibes.
Now the question here is about being "sexy", and not about relationships. I love relationships, and have been happily married to my first and only wife for 23 years, and I do believe totally, that a relationship needs honesty. But as far as "sexiness" goes, well, I have known some pretty dishonest girls that were plenty damned sexy. Since the word "sexy" is three quarters "sex", my response here has to do with that bigger aspect of that word. I do believe that it would serve the girls well to recognize that when it comes to "sexy" as far as what a man is looking for in sexiness, that men are highly interested in the "sex" part of it. I am not saying that you have to dish it (sex) out, but to supply the "hint of it" is what is sexy. I am not speaking for every guy here, but I wouldn't be surprised if I speak for a good amount of us.
If a gal has the boldness to wear a low cut top with a push up bra, it's not just the splendid view of that lucious "decollatage", that is sexy, it is also the fact that she believes herself to be sexy enough to do it, which in turn is very sexy, to me anyways. And, a gal doesn't even have to dress sexy as in the push up bra kind of a thing to be sexy. To me, if some gal was wearing a burlap bag for a dress, but had a sexy "attitude", well then, that would still perk me up. So, are the vibes that a gal is putting off say; "Quit looking at me you creep", or are they saying; "You are a fool not to look at me"?
Oh well, those are my thoughts on the matter. As far as what is sexy in a guy, well, I don't know much about that. I have seen that "bad boys" are attractive to many women though. Maybe it's the same, that they "believe in their appeal" no matter how stupid they look with their full mullet and AC/DC tattoos...
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J0nny Ling0
And EX10, I love to hear a woman with a British accent. Elizabeth Hurley (Miss Kensington) is my favorite Hollywood babe :blink:
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George Aar
O.K., my last word on the matter.
With the possible exception of Mz. Shellon, it seems from your posts that all of you ladies are in love with the IDEA of an honest, open, heart-sharing relationship. And I think that the idea you're carrying around in your heads is mostly fantasy.
You don't want a man to be honest. You want him to be supportive, diplomatic, flattering, and maybe even intimate, but you don't want honesty.
I often hear women bemoan the fact that their husband doesn't listen (like they think he OBVIOUSLY should!). They want him to converse with her like he's a girlfriend. Sorry, it ain't gonna happen. Not for long, anyway. (NEWSFLASH - We'll act anyway we have to - to get into your pants, at least the first time) Men ARE honest for the most part, it seems to me, they just don't talk like women would like them to, even after years of training. Get used to it, or live alone, (or maybe get a girlfriend)...
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Shellon
Aha~! You've said what I'm saying in one short sentence.
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topoftheworld
I live alone, George.....guess I took your advice years ago.
To me, sexy is overrated. Passions fade with familiarity. Looks fade with time. Life itself is a long term individual committment, let alone trying to do it with someone else at your side.
If a man thinks I am worth protecting, thinks enough of me to put his foot on the line when it counts, well, that's pretty sexy to me. And hard to find out over a few cocktails in a bar.
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J0nny Ling0
Well put Toppie as far as relationships are concerned. On the money....But how did this topic change from "sexiness" to "relationships"? Was it the girls who done it? Kind of fits with what you are saying in a roundabout way...
As far as sexiness goes, I think there is tons of sexiness going on without relationships being involved. In fact, my wife thinks Kurt Russel and Jean Claude Van Dam are sexy. Oy veh...
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doojable
George,
I IN NO WAY want a man to talk to me like a girlfriend!!!! I have girlfriends for that.
I said that I want a man to LISTEN. Show an interest. Now if he can't do that, it won't matter how big his peck (or the other "peck" ) is. He could be Sean Connery - but if he can't or won't find the time to listen to me and have the guts to be honest (while being civil,) - well, he will have absolutely NO sex appeal!
End of story.
After all, the question was directed to each of us to answer.
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J0nny Ling0
ER? Doojable! What were you thinking?
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doojable
Late edit:
I MEANT to say:
It won't matter what his pecs (or his other peck)......
Sorry Jonny.....LOL
BTW - Sean Connery - very sexy (at least on the surface - let's see if he's a listener....)
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I Love Bagpipes
Dittos Dooj on the Sean Connery....
Patrick Stewart is at the top of my list these days!
It's the roles they act (that I've seen) and how they act them that make them sexy.
(Well...the bods count too. hee)
Well said "honest" without "soul stripping."
I still stick with "sensitivity" for sexy. (But then, perhaps a definition for sensitivity is honesty without soul stripping.) Transparency (which I'm learning LOTS about these days) for me evolves as the relationship grows and I can trust my soul won't be stripped.
And like I said, "Sexy isn't what makes me fall in love; that is much more complex."
Geo, rofl about the huge butt dress.
I appreciate your honesty and candidness.
Johnny Lingo...you said it all! (In my best Brit accent. :) )
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J0nny Ling0
Oooh! Bagpipes! Now you've done it! :)
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nolongerlurking
Confidence is sexy. Confidence in everything, not just in one's sex appeal. And confidence in a humble sort of way, not in an arrogant way.
IMHO, top of the sexy list and the way cool list as well has to be Johnny Depp. Just MHO.
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oilfieldmedic
I think it's someone both bold and daring / tough and tender enough...to go around with a finger stuck in his ear
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J0nny Ling0
Hey Medic! How's it going Over There? Does that "finger in the ear" trick cause the Baghdad babes to hound you unmercifully? I've been wonder ing why you were doing that in your photo/avatar, but, now I know! I never woulda thought of that. Probably alot of those young GI's Janes and female med techs are hot after you too, huh?
Hey well, nice to see you. I hope all is going good for you Over There, and that you remain safe...
Jonny Lingo
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ChasUFarley
Hair, body-type, accents- etc. - it's all stuff that can and will change.
I used to think tall men were sexy until I met Hubby (he used to post on Waydale as Mathman.) First time we went out on a date and got up to dance, I realized he was.... short. Damn short. Like 5' 6" short. I'm 5' 8" and usually wear heels - big ones (not Joan Crawford heels, but heels...) So... he came up to my... ahem... chest. I thought, well this was nice but this isn't going to work. Then I found out how smart and funny he was - and I was hooked. Gimme the stuff that doesn't change - brains and humor. A good dose of patience is a good idea, too. You're going to live with me, you're going to need it all! LOL!
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johniam
This thread is sometimes ambiguous: sexy is physical. Sexy is what leads to sexual arousal, whether seen heard or felt. Some of these other things said to be sexy are not sexy, just characteristics that may make a relationship better.
I agree with whoever said that the physical stuff just fades in time. Being sexy, however temporary it is, is basically a tool, a prop which some people can use to their advantage. Some people just seem to have a very good grasp on what makes them communicate sexiness: the way they dress, the way they use their voice, their mannerisms, etc. Mostly women, I think. Jeff Foxworthy once said that when men try to be sexy they just come off goofy.
But it's PHYSICAL! All that other stuff is good and necessary. I swear some people are so consumed by how sexy they are 24/7 that they don't care about anything else. That would NOT help a relationship.
I also agree that to be sexy one has to be confident.
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