Things I wish I'd asked my dad

[satori001]

(or things I wish I would ask, or things I wish I could ask...)

With Father's Day approaching, and many of us at the age where our fathers are no longer with us, or in their declining years, I thought I'd post the topic and see what I hadn't thought of.

I define "father" (a.k.a., "dad") as the father-figure in your formative years. This could mean present, OR absent. Absentee dads could be so physically, or emotionally, or in ways I haven't thought of.

I'm disinclined to include God under the "father" category because I want the thread to focus on the human father-child relationship.

Please resist the temptation to preface the question, or answer the question, or guess what that answer might be. Just ask the question, if you'd like to participate, and let others find the question on their own.

Questions may be happy or sad, accusation or accolade, celebration or cerebration, angry, forgiving, inquisitive, specific, vague... as long as they're questions. Kind of like Jeopardy, but as if you were asking in his presence, and in your own voice (as opposed to writing it). It could be the universal question we all relate to, or the "inside" question nobody will get but you, as long as you would really ask it that way, if you could.

It's okay to talk about the questions, but do it in a separate post. I'd rather you let others find the significance in your questions, and you in others' questions, rather than each expounding on the significance of their own.

Those are the rules. They might change. This is kind of an experiment. Needless to say, try to be non-judgemental with respect to one another's questions. Try not to pontificate. Try not to lecture. Please DON'T answer anyone else's question (unless you happen to be their father).

(It crosses my mind that VPW's children - or those of other ministry "leadership" - could post some questions here. They've been here from time to time. If it should happen, unlikely as that might be, or if you have the inkling, don't you DARE jump in to score some cheap points. If you do, you'd better hope the moderators get to you first.)

I will have some questions, but in keeping with my own rules, they will be on a separate post.

Regards...

Edited June 1, 2006 by satori001

[ChasUFarley]

I wish I could ask...

Can I introduce you to my husband?

What do you think of your grandsons?

What do you think about how I'm doing?

How do you feel about how Mom is doing?

Could you teach me how to cook that Chinese dish you used to make?

Can you sing those Bing Crosby songs you used to sing when you were driving?

Do you have any idea how much I miss you?

[satori001]

Thank you Chas. Though they were meant for someone else, I couldn't have imagined the impact those simple words just had on me.

[Happyasaclam]

How did you meet my mom?

What was your time in WWII service like?

I grew up with him, but these simple questions never were asked. My mom is deceased and Dad is slipping away. Just the sound of his name makes me warm inside.

[satori001]

Does the brandy help?

[sprawled out]

among the many things i'd like to ask my father, this is at the top of the list:

every so often, as i was growing up, my father would ask me, "Do you know what's what?" i'd say no, and he'd say "i'll tell you when you get older." but he died without ever telling me. so i'd like to know what's what.

but who wouldn't?

[ex70sHouston]

Daddy, are you proud of me?

Have I done OK in your eyes?

Why dont you like my wife?

[J0nny Ling0]

It's already been asked, but I would ask him; What do you think of your three grandsons and you grand daughter?

And because he told my brother who later told me that "Dad said he never thought you'd amount to anything", I'd ask him what he thought of me now, "Did I make the grade?"

[MizMarple]

Button, button, whose got the button?

Who the heck was Kelsey, and why should anyone care about the condition of his withered baggage?

Where is the FDR pardon for Gus?

Did you know I saw you sprinkle my first born son with water at that old baptismal fount when you thought it was your secret?

Do you know you were often wrong when convinced otherwise, but that the countless times you were right are still glorious and life lasting marks and guideposts in my life?

Did you know how much impact you had on me and that I have no regrets?

Do you know that the thought of hanging around in your general vicinity for eternity is a welcome thought?

Did you know that I knew that I was your favorite...and did you know that I knew that all the others were your favorites too?

Do you know that I miss you and Mom every single day, sometimes with a sudden smile or a tear, but always with a happy heart?

Edited June 1, 2006 by MizMarple

[coolchef1248 @adelphia.net]

DAd

did you know the older i got the smarter you got?

[Dot Matrix]

Did you ever really love me? Or was I an obligation which ended at 18?

Why did you marry THAT woman after Mom died?

Why does everything I do for you end up with you screaming at me?

Did I do something to you to make you so angry all the time?

Why do you hate me?

Do you hate me?

Are you sorry I was ever born?

Edited June 2, 2006 by Dot Matrix

[notinKansasanymore]

Where's the money?

(It turned out to be hidden in the frame of their 50th anniversary picture; the funeral director found it, when scanning the photo for Dad's obituary.)

That first one is sort of a joke, but we did have a time finding that . . ..

Do you know that I feel you helping me, even today?

Do you know that my son is very much like you, and very much not like you?

Do you know that I seek your advice more now than I did when I could've picked up the phone and asked for it?

Do you know that Mom still says that she was the luckiest woman in the world, to be married to you?

Thank you for teaching me to be frugal, and also to be generous, and to mostly to understand that they're not incongruous ideas.

Thanks for being such a hero.

[excathedra]

why ?

how could you ?

do you know what love is ?

do you know how important a father is to a child ?

[satori001]

I'm gratified by the responses so far. I hope there will be more.

--

Someone here has requested by private topic that this question be posted:

"Who are you?"

Edited June 3, 2006 by satori001

[pamsandiego]

(holy crap satori... leave it to you to dangle something right up my alley... lotsa rules dude, but okay... I'll venture out from the bushes...)

Where did that oh-so-uncomplicated source of motivation to do great things come from, Dad? And when you said I had your "flair", why the hell didn't you impart that signature brand of simple and tenacious momentum along with it? How did I miss that?

Do you remember that moment of conflict over the ice cream cone? Does it really embody something about my forming identity or do you think it is just a weird and random memory?

Why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why oh why whyyyyyyyyyy didn't you push, cajole, even further reinforce, facilitate, prod, engender, egg on, or specifically light the fire under my a$$ about pursuing a career in writing?

I crammed in a lot of questions in that last 8 years, but what should I have asked you that I didn't?

What did you REALLY think of The Way International?

So were you right? What actually happened when you died?

[Tom Strange]

I didn't read the rules but I'd tell him (again) how much I loved him, thank him for the way that he loved all of us and that I still 'learn' something from him almost every day... almost 12 years after his passing... oh... and that I take it as a compliment when 'they' say "you're just like your father"...