While the blow dryer will clear up the mirror, prevention is generally better. The way to do this is to get some liquid soap, and buff it out on the mirror. It may look ever so slightly hazy, but takes a lot less time than getting the blow dryer out.
• Frozen fish can be thawed in a small amount of milk in the refrigerator. This eliminates any fishy taste.
You dont want your fish to taste like fish? should fish taste like something else?
• Bloodstains can be among the toughest stains to remove from clothing and fabrics. Soak the stained clothing or cloth in cold saltwater, then launder in warm, soapy water.
"Chicken Plates" (bullet proof plates for flak jackets) are not something you order in a restaurant
“GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER” (firing an anti-tank shell at a sniper) is not an appropriate use of ammunition
“Rebel yells” are not proper FM radio procedure after a successful Table VIII (The tank crew qualification test a 10 engagement run on a tank range which tank crews must successfully complete in order to be a qualified crew Like going to the rifle range for a qualification of expert) shoot
A bad plan with good slides is better than a good plan with bad slides
A bad ride is better than a good walk
A clean (and dry) uniform is a magnet for mud and rain
A free-fire zone has nothing to do with economics
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down
A unit that has no money for new computers or spare parts will still manage to afford a big-screen TV for Powerpoint slide shows
A year's hard work by the troops can be destroyed because of some minor incident that happened to the Colonel when he was a lieutenant
Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon
Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground
Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short
All infantry fighting vehicles don’t look alike
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather
Always kiss the spouse good-bye
Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees
Ammo is cheap; your life isn't.
Any ship can be a minesweeper once
Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice Ammo is cheap Life is expensive
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing
Arguing with the medics about this will result in your being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition to the I.V.).
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains
Attempting to help recover a mired tank will only result in your tank becoming mired also
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon
Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one
Be polite Be professional But have a plan to kill everyone you meet
Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases
Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action
Bring a weapon Preferably, bring at least two Bring all of your friends who have weapons Bring their friends who have weapons
C-4 (plastic explosives) can make a dull day fun
Close air support is safest from far away
Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles
Cocoa Powder (found in field rations) is neither Always make sure someone has a P-38 (compact can opener)
Combat pay is a flawed concept
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps
Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover you
Creating a twenty-minute slide show that makes the commander look good will get you the same medal as working your a-- off for 12 months for the same commander
Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target
Don't drop your guard
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets
Eat when you can Sleep when you can Visit the head when you can The next opportunity may not come around for a long time If ever
Every command which can be misunderstood, will be
Everybody's a hero on the ground in the club after the fourth drink
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
First sergeant math: Buy Gatorade for $1.49 each and sell for $1.00 each — with the profits going to the unit fund.
Five-second fuses always burn three seconds
Flank your adversary when possible Protect yours
Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back
Flying is better than walking Walking is better than running Running is better than crawling All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if this is technically a form of flying
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up
Friendly fire - isn't
Girlfriends are fair game Wives are not
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work
Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative
Hearing an “Aw, ....” soon after an “on-the-waaay!” means you’re probably not getting that promotion
Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance
Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations, which, in turn is better than cold C-rations, which is better than no food at all
If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and going to the field with his unit, he will ask for a few minutes to “Think it over.”
If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes — the larger ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike
If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything
If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be surprised
If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution
If orders can be misunderstood they will be
If the enemy is within range, so are you
If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy
If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need
If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short
If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running
If you are promised “downtime,” what they really mean is: You will be breaking track
If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.
If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you
If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weaponand a friend with a big weapon
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you
If you can't see the enemy, they still may be able to see you
If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't
If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take
If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush
If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him
If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you
If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly
In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win The only unfair fight is the one you lose
In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics They will only remember who lived and who didn't
Incoming fire has the right of way
Interchangeable parts aren't
It is a fact that helicopter tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented It's just what they do
It is cruel to tell NBC types “Damn, that Fox (NATO chemical/biological/nuclear weapons detection vehicle) looks like a BMP (Russian made armored vehicle used by many countries, like Iraq)!” — particularly when live rounds are being issued
It's easier to expend material in combat than to fill out the forms for Graves Registration
It's more important to look good than to be good
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about
Just after you report “Redcon 1” (Readiness Condition 1 - ready to move out right "now") for your qualification run, you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity
Let's put it this way, anyone who's crazy enough to want to live in a submarine is welcome to do so as far as I'm concerned And don't worry about illicit sex if women are added to crews -- the only place there'd be enough room for anything more than a pat on the foot (unless you're both yoga masters) is the bridge, and then the watch standers would have to pretend you weren't around.
Letters from home are not always great
Loud sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left anyone up there!
Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better
Military Intelligence is an oxymoron
Mine fields are not neutral
Mines are equal opportunity weapons
Move away from your attacker Distance is your friend (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
Napalm is an area support weapon
NCOs NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES refer to other soldiers as "customers."
Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition than the other guy
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do
Night vision devices will only fail at night
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat
No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics will result in an I.V
No matter which way you have to march, it’s always uphill
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact
No plan survives the first few seconds of combat
Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one
Odd objects attract fire You are odd
Officers believe that a plan won't succeed unless it has a good name, like "Operation Intrinsic Action." NCOs would rather give it something simple, like "Operation Beat Their ******* Heads In 5," and get on with it
Officers really do believe that a soldier is happier when he's busy, even if he's not doing what's important NCOs know that nothing is so useless as doing well something which should not be done at all
Officers sit around thinking a lot In a vacuum This is not a good thing
Once you are in the fight, it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea
One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many
Only hits count Close doesn't count The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss
Professionals are predictable, its the amateurs that are dangerous
Proving that three feet of frontal armor protection will defend against any threat is probably best demonstrated on someone else’s track
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both
Radios function perfectly until you need fire support
Recoilless rifles - aren't
Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder
Rules of Combat
SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way
Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being hunted by helicopters
Share everything Even the Pound Cake
Smart bombs have bad days too
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone
Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty
Sometimes, being good and lucky still was not enough There is always payback
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching
Suppressive fires - won't
Tanks are very easy to see unless you’re dismounted and they’re backing up
Tanks don’t float
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at
The best defense is to stay out of range
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range
The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue
The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator
The crucial round is a dud
The dirtier and more tired you are, the less appreciative you become of “constructive criticism” from somebody in a pristine uniform
The easy way is always mined
The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a When they're ready b When you're not
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake
The exercise will finish and you’ll get back to garrison just after the wash rack (where tanks are cleaned) closes
The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to your tank
The further away you are from your friends, the less likely it is that they can help you when you really need them the most
The heater on your tank will fail in October The part to repair it will arrive in April
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard
The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an anti-tank team setting up
The madness of war can extract a heavy toll Please have exact change
The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor
The one item you need is always in short supply
The one time you skip the firing circuit test is when you have the misfire
The only medal you really want to be awarded is the Longevity Medal
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions
The only times you will throw a track (that flexible band of metal and rubber the tank travels on) are: a At night, b in the rain, c during the movement back to garrison, or d one hour after you installed the new ones
The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else
The primary purpose of an operations order is to ensure that all blame falls on the line units
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small
The schools officers go to aren't any better than the schools NCOs go to But an NCO who goes to the ANCOC that deals with his MOS knows he's not necessarily smarter about his MOS; an Army officer who goes to an Air Force graduate school or a Joint College thinks he now knows more about the branch he's been away from for two years
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness)
The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover
The side with the simplest uniforms wins
the staff will not publish an operations order until after the exercise is completed
The tough part about being a leader is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want
The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60
The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it
There are a lot of officers out there who would have been better as NCOs, and a lot of NCOs who would have been better as officers
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole
There is no such thing as a perfect plan
There is no such thing as a small firefight
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole
There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the Rules
Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together
Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA
Three sergeants thinking about an issue dealing with their MOS for four months and coming up with a detailed plan, is not as good as a colonel who knows nothing about their MOS or the problem thinking about it for 30 seconds
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence
Tracers work both ways
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo
Try to stay in the middle of the air Do not go near the edges of it The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space It is much more difficult to fly there.
Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way through a rail tunnel
Use a weapon that works EVERY TIME "All skill is in vain when an Angel ....es in the flintlock of your musket."
Use cover or concealment as much as possible The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon
Watch their hands Hands kill (In God we trust Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them)
Weather ain't neutral
What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank
"If you're a bachelor living with a teenaged son, it may be necessary to soak the entire house in hot soapy water..."
My "Pigpen" will be gone for 5 weeks to visit Dad. It will probably take me that long to remove all the fingerprints from above the door jams (see how high I can jump/reach), the plastic BBs from his target practice that are all over the carpet (I'm killing bees, wasps, flies, whatever), and shoe prints on my white carpet by the back door where he and the dog "forget" to wipe feet/paws after romps in the woods.
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Jim
Here's the military version....
• Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than you.
• If the enemy is in range, so are you.
• Don't look conspicuous -- it draws fire.
• There is always a way.
• Try to look unimportant -- they may be low on ammo.
• Professionals are predictable -- it's the amateurs that are dangerous.
• The enemy invariably attacks on one of two occasions:
1. When you're ready for them.
2. When you're not ready for them.
• Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy someone else to shoot at.
• Radios will fail as soon as you desperately need fire support.
• If you can't remember, the claymore is pointed at you.
• If your attack is going well, you have walked into an ambush.
• When you are short of everything but enemy, you're in contact.
• Don't draw fire. It irritates the people around you.
• The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire.
• Incoming fire has the right of way.
• When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.
• When in doubt, empty the magazine.
• Tracers work both ways.
• Recoiless rifles ...aren't.
• Suppressive fires ...won't.
• Friendly fire ...isn't.
• Anything you do can get you shot -- including doing nothing.
• Make it too tough for the enemy to get in and you can't get out.
• Mines are equal opportunity weapons.
• The easy way is always mined.
• Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything.
• The quartermaster has only two sizes: too large and too small.
• Five second fuses only last three seconds.
• It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.
• The enemy diversion you have been ignoring will be the main attack.
• A "sucking chest wound" is nature's way of telling you to slow down.
• When you have secured an area, don't forget to tell the enemy.
• Never forget that your weapon is made by the lowest bidder.
• No OPLAN ever survives the first contact.
• A Purple Heart just proves that you were smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive.
• If it's stupid but works, it isn't stupid.
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moony3424
Boy, I wish I had all the free time that y'all have!
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Shellon
It doesn't take very long to copy and paste something interesting over here.
:)
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Sushi
While the blow dryer will clear up the mirror, prevention is generally better. The way to do this is to get some liquid soap, and buff it out on the mirror. It may look ever so slightly hazy, but takes a lot less time than getting the blow dryer out.
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topoftheworld
"It may look ever so slightly hazy"
The down side? Application of makeup may result in your face looking slightly hazy.
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George Aar
I hate it when my mascara gets hazy!
Another helpful tip:
Soaking soiled dishes in hot, soapy water will make them easier to wash later.
If you're a bachelor living with a teenaged son, it may be necessary to soak the entire house in hot soapy water...
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Galen
Shellon-
You dont want your fish to taste like fish? should fish taste like something else?or meat tenderizer.
:)
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Shellon
Hi Galen
I don't care cuz I aint eating the fish no matter what it smells like.
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Galen
Here are the ones that I have.
"Chicken Plates" (bullet proof plates for flak jackets) are not something you order in a restaurant
“GUNNER, SABOT, SNIPER” (firing an anti-tank shell at a sniper) is not an appropriate use of ammunition
“Rebel yells” are not proper FM radio procedure after a successful Table VIII (The tank crew qualification test a 10 engagement run on a tank range which tank crews must successfully complete in order to be a qualified crew Like going to the rifle range for a qualification of expert) shoot
A bad plan with good slides is better than a good plan with bad slides
A bad ride is better than a good walk
A clean (and dry) uniform is a magnet for mud and rain
A free-fire zone has nothing to do with economics
A Purple Heart just proves that were you smart enough to think of a plan, stupid enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive
A retreating enemy is probably just falling back and regrouping
A sucking chest wound is Nature's way of telling you to slow down
A unit that has no money for new computers or spare parts will still manage to afford a big-screen TV for Powerpoint slide shows
A year's hard work by the troops can be destroyed because of some minor incident that happened to the Colonel when he was a lieutenant
Accuracy is relative: most combat shooting is more dependent on "pucker factor" than the inherent accuracy of the weapon
Air defense motto: shoot 'em down; sort 'em out on the ground
Air strikes always overshoot the target, artillery always falls short
All infantry fighting vehicles don’t look alike
All-weather close air support doesn't work in bad weather
Always kiss the spouse good-bye
Always tactical load and threat scan 360 degrees
Ammo is cheap; your life isn't.
Any ship can be a minesweeper once
Anything worth shooting is worth shooting twice Ammo is cheap Life is expensive
Anything you do can get you killed, including nothing
Arguing with the medics about this will result in your being evacuated in a neck brace and back board (in addition to the I.V.).
As soon as you are served hot chow in the field, it rains
Attempting to help recover a mired tank will only result in your tank becoming mired also
B-52s are the ultimate close support weapon
Be courteous to everyone, friendly to no one
Be polite Be professional But have a plan to kill everyone you meet
Beer Math --> 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases
Blue water Navy truism: There are more planes in the ocean than submarines in the sky.
Body count Math --> 3 guerrillas plus 1 probable plus 2 pigs equals 37 enemies killed in action
Bring a weapon Preferably, bring at least two Bring all of your friends who have weapons Bring their friends who have weapons
C-4 (plastic explosives) can make a dull day fun
Close air support is safest from far away
Close only counts in horseshoes, nukes and proximity-fused missiles
Cocoa Powder (found in field rations) is neither Always make sure someone has a P-38 (compact can opener)
Combat pay is a flawed concept
Combat will occur on the ground between two adjoining maps
Cover your Buddy, so he can be around to cover you
Creating a twenty-minute slide show that makes the commander look good will get you the same medal as working your a-- off for 12 months for the same commander
Decisions made by someone over your head will seldom be in your best interest
Density of fire increases proportionally to the curiousness of the target
Don't drop your guard
Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever volunteer to do anything
Don't look conspicuous; it draws fire For this reason, it is not at all uncommon for aircraft carriers to be known as bomb magnets
Eat when you can Sleep when you can Visit the head when you can The next opportunity may not come around for a long time If ever
Every command which can be misunderstood, will be
Everybody's a hero on the ground in the club after the fourth drink
Exceptions prove the rule, and destroy the battle plan
Field experience is something you don't get until just after you need it
First sergeant math: Buy Gatorade for $1.49 each and sell for $1.00 each — with the profits going to the unit fund.
Five-second fuses always burn three seconds
Flank your adversary when possible Protect yours
Fly to target area, drop bombs, fly back
Flying is better than walking Walking is better than running Running is better than crawling All of these however, are better than extraction by a Med-Evac, even if this is technically a form of flying
For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism
Fortify your front; you'll get your rear shot up
Friendly fire - isn't
Girlfriends are fair game Wives are not
Happiness is a belt-fed weapon
Have a back-up plan, because the first one won't work
Having all your body parts intact and functioning at the end of the day beats the alternative
Hearing an “Aw, ....” soon after an “on-the-waaay!” means you’re probably not getting that promotion
Hope the Marines already destroyed all meaningful resistance
Hot garrison chow is better than hot C-rations, which, in turn is better than cold C-rations, which is better than no food at all
If a supply sergeant is given a choice between death and going to the field with his unit, he will ask for a few minutes to “Think it over.”
If all else fails, shoot at the muzzle flashes — the larger ones are the dangerous ones, the smaller ones are infantry
If at first you don't succeed, call in an air strike
If at first you don't succeed, then bomb disposal probably isn't for you
If enough data is collected, a board of inquiry can prove anything
If everything is as clear as a bell, and everything is going exactly as planned, you're about to be surprised
If hit, landing near the people that just shot you down is not a good idea
If it's stupid but it works, it isn't stupid
If only one solution can be found for a field problem, then it is usually a stupid solution
If orders can be misunderstood they will be
If the enemy is within range, so are you
If the Platoon Sergeant can see you, so can the enemy
If the rear echelon troops are really happy, the front line troops probably do not have what they need
If you are allergic to lead it is best to avoid a war zone
If you are forward of your position, your artillery will fall short
If you are not shooting, you should be communicating, reloading, and running
If you are promised “downtime,” what they really mean is: You will be breaking track
If you are short on everything but enemy, you are in combat.
If you aren't sure, the SAMs are pointed at you
If you can choose what to bring to a gunfight, bring a big weaponand a friend with a big weapon
If you can't remember, the Claymore is pointed towards you
If you can't see the enemy, they still may be able to see you
If you find yourself in front of your platoon they know something you don't
If you need an officer in a hurry take a nap
If you take more than your fair share of objectives, you will have more than your fair share of objectives to take
If your ambush is properly set, the enemy won't walk into it
If your attack is going really well, it's an ambush
If your flank march is going well, the enemy expects you to outflank him
If your positions are firmly set and you are prepared to take the enemy assault on, he will bypass you
If your shooting stance is good, you're probably not moving fast enough, nor using cover correctly
In combat, there are no rules, always cheat; always win The only unfair fight is the one you lose
In ten years nobody will remember the details of caliber, stance, or tactics They will only remember who lived and who didn't
Incoming fire has the right of way
Interchangeable parts aren't
It is a fact that helicopter tail rotors are instinctively drawn toward trees, stumps, rocks, etc While it may be possible to ward off this natural event some of the time, it cannot, despite the best efforts of the crew, always be prevented It's just what they do
It is cruel to tell NBC types “Damn, that Fox (NATO chemical/biological/nuclear weapons detection vehicle) looks like a BMP (Russian made armored vehicle used by many countries, like Iraq)!” — particularly when live rounds are being issued
It's easier to expend material in combat than to fill out the forms for Graves Registration
It's more important to look good than to be good
It's not the one with your name on it; it's the one addressed "to whom it may concern" you've got to think about
Just after you report “Redcon 1” (Readiness Condition 1 - ready to move out right "now") for your qualification run, you will realize that you desperately need to take a leak
Killing for peace is like screwing for virginity
Let's put it this way, anyone who's crazy enough to want to live in a submarine is welcome to do so as far as I'm concerned And don't worry about illicit sex if women are added to crews -- the only place there'd be enough room for anything more than a pat on the foot (unless you're both yoga masters) is the bridge, and then the watch standers would have to pretend you weren't around.
Letters from home are not always great
Loud sudden noises in a helicopter WILL get your undivided attention
Make it too tough for the enemy to get in, and you won't be able to get out
Mankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left anyone up there!
Medals are OK, but having your body and all your friends in one piece at the end of the day is better
Military Intelligence is an oxymoron
Mine fields are not neutral
Mines are equal opportunity weapons
Move away from your attacker Distance is your friend (Lateral and diagonal movement are preferred.)
Napalm is an area support weapon
NCOs NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES refer to other soldiers as "customers."
Never draw fire, it will irritate the rest of your formation
Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder
NEVER get into a fight without more ammunition than the other guy
Never share a foxhole with anyone braver than yourself
Never stand when you can sit, never sit when you can lie down, never stay awake when you can sleep
Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do
Night vision devices will only fail at night
No combat ready unit has ever passed inspection
No inspection ready unit has ever passed combat
No matter how minor the ailment, a visit to the medics will result in an I.V
No matter which way you have to march, it’s always uphill
No OPLAN ever survives initial contact
No plan survives the first few seconds of combat
Odd objects attract fire - never lurk behind one
Odd objects attract fire You are odd
Officers believe that a plan won't succeed unless it has a good name, like "Operation Intrinsic Action." NCOs would rather give it something simple, like "Operation Beat Their ******* Heads In 5," and get on with it
Officers really do believe that a soldier is happier when he's busy, even if he's not doing what's important NCOs know that nothing is so useless as doing well something which should not be done at all
Officers sit around thinking a lot In a vacuum This is not a good thing
Once you are in the fight, it is way too late to wonder if this is a good idea
One enemy soldier is never enough, but two is entirely too many
Only hits count Close doesn't count The only thing worse than a miss is a slow miss
Professionals are predictable, its the amateurs that are dangerous
Proving that three feet of frontal armor protection will defend against any threat is probably best demonstrated on someone else’s track
Radar tends to fail at night and in bad weather, and especially during both
Radios function perfectly until you need fire support
Recoilless rifles - aren't
Remember: your aircraft was made by the lowest bidder
Rules of Combat
SAMs and AAA have the right-of-way
Shaking trees to your front mean that you are being hunted by helicopters
Share everything Even the Pound Cake
Smart bombs have bad days too
Sniper's motto: reach out and touch someone
Someday someone may kill you with your own weapon, but they should have to beat you to death with it because it is empty
Sometimes, being good and lucky still was not enough There is always payback
Success occurs when no one is looking, failure occurs when the General is watching
Suppressive fires - won't
Tanks are very easy to see unless you’re dismounted and they’re backing up
Tanks don’t float
Teamwork is essential; it gives the enemy other people to shoot at
The best defense is to stay out of range
The bursting radius of a hand grenade is always one foot greater than your jumping range
The Cavalry doesn't always come to the rescue
The combat worth of a unit is inversely proportional to the smartness of its outfit and appearance
The complexity of a weapon is inversely proportional to the IQ of the weapon's operator
The crucial round is a dud
The dirtier and more tired you are, the less appreciative you become of “constructive criticism” from somebody in a pristine uniform
The easy way is always mined
The effective killing radius is greater than the average soldier can throw it
The enemy diversion you're ignoring is their main attack
The enemy invariably attacks on two occasions: a When they're ready b When you're not
The enemy never monitors your radio frequency until you broadcast on an unsecured channel
The enemy never watches until you make a mistake
The exercise will finish and you’ll get back to garrison just after the wash rack (where tanks are cleaned) closes
The fuel truck will run out of fuel just before he gets to your tank
The further away you are from your friends, the less likely it is that they can help you when you really need them the most
The heater on your tank will fail in October The part to repair it will arrive in April
The important things are always simple; the simple are always hard
The infantry muzzle flashes you ignore are covering an anti-tank team setting up
The madness of war can extract a heavy toll Please have exact change
The more a weapon costs, the farther you will have to send it away to be repaired
The more stupid the leader is, the more important missions he is ordered to carry out
The most dangerous thing in the world is a Second Lieutenant with a map and a compass
The newest and least experienced soldier will usually win the Medal of Honor
The one item you need is always in short supply
The one time you skip the firing circuit test is when you have the misfire
The only medal you really want to be awarded is the Longevity Medal
The only thing more accurate than incoming enemy fire is incoming friendly fire
The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions
The only times you will throw a track (that flexible band of metal and rubber the tank travels on) are: a At night, b in the rain, c during the movement back to garrison, or d one hour after you installed the new ones
The perfect officer for the job will transfer in the day after that billet is filled by someone else
The primary purpose of an operations order is to ensure that all blame falls on the line units
The quartermaster has only two sizes, too large and too small
The schools officers go to aren't any better than the schools NCOs go to But an NCO who goes to the ANCOC that deals with his MOS knows he's not necessarily smarter about his MOS; an Army officer who goes to an Air Force graduate school or a Joint College thinks he now knows more about the branch he's been away from for two years
The self-importance of a superior is inversely proportional to his position in the hierarchy (as is his deviousness and mischievousness)
The seriousness of a wound (in a firefight) is inversely proportional to the distance to any form of cover
The side with the simplest uniforms wins
the staff will not publish an operations order until after the exercise is completed
The tough part about being a leader is that the troops don't know what they want, but they know for certain what they don't want
The weapon that usually jams when you need it the most is the M60
The weight of your equipment is proportional to the time you have been carrying it
The worse the weather, the more you are required to be out in it
There are a lot of officers out there who would have been better as NCOs, and a lot of NCOs who would have been better as officers
There is always a way, and it usually doesn't work
There is no such place as a convenient foxhole
There is no such thing as a perfect plan
There is no such thing as a small firefight
There is no such thing as an atheist in a foxhole
There is only one rule in war: When you win, you get to make up the Rules
Things that must be together to work can never be shipped together
Those who hesitate under fire usually do not end up KIA or WIA
Three sergeants thinking about an issue dealing with their MOS for four months and coming up with a detailed plan, is not as good as a colonel who knows nothing about their MOS or the problem thinking about it for 30 seconds
To steal information from a person is called plagiarism To steal information from the enemy is called gathering intelligence
Tracers work both ways
Try to look unimportant; the enemy may be low on ammo
Try to stay in the middle of the air Do not go near the edges of it The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space It is much more difficult to fly there.
Unsecured turrets will only swing freely mid-way through a rail tunnel
Use a weapon that works EVERY TIME "All skill is in vain when an Angel ....es in the flintlock of your musket."
Use cover or concealment as much as possible The visible target should be in FRONT of YOUR weapon
Watch their hands Hands kill (In God we trust Everyone else, keep your hands where I can see them)
Weather ain't neutral
What gets you promoted from one rank gets you killed in the next rank
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Sushi
Going with the military theme, according to Richard Marcinko,
A Purple Heart is the enemy's sharpshooting medal.
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Linda Z
You can also soak liver in milk in the refrigerator to eliminate the strong taste.
Here's one of my favorites: Running cold water into a pan of hard-boiled eggs until they're cool will make them easy to peel.
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dmiller
An Air Force saying :
Taking off is optional. Landing isn't.
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Sushi
When I first wanted to try hang gliding, I was told,
"Never go up any further than you're prepared to come down".
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jardinero
Yeah, George...i agree.
"If you're a bachelor living with a teenaged son, it may be necessary to soak the entire house in hot soapy water..."
My "Pigpen" will be gone for 5 weeks to visit Dad. It will probably take me that long to remove all the fingerprints from above the door jams (see how high I can jump/reach), the plastic BBs from his target practice that are all over the carpet (I'm killing bees, wasps, flies, whatever), and shoe prints on my white carpet by the back door where he and the dog "forget" to wipe feet/paws after romps in the woods.
But really, I'd not have it any other way.
J.
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dmiller
Ha! Yup. ;)
And if you're not used to succeeding on the first try ---
parachuting isn't for you!
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pawtucket
Don't forget these helpful hints
You don't tug on Superman's cape
You don't spit into the wind
You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
hope you don't mind but i am going to bring these 2 tips up a notch
don't forget to feed your kitty the milk that the live has been in
they love it
and ice cubes and water work a notch better than just cold water especially if you are doing a bunch of them
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Sushi
But the biggest one, Paw, is,
You don't mess around with Jim
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moony3424
Shouldn't it taste like chicken? Everything else does! :)
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Kit Sober
Benefits of Peroxide> >
> > The health benefits of peroxide .... from email (can't you tell :) ).
> >
> > "I would like to tell you of the benefits of that plain little O'L
bottle of 3% peroxide you can get for under $1.00 at any drug store.
> >
> > 1. Take one capful (the little white cap that comes with the bottle)
and hold in your mouth for 10 minutes daily, then spit it out. (I do it when I
bathe or shower.) No more canker sores and your teeth will be whiter without
expensive pastes. Use it instead of mouthwash.
> >
> > 2. Let your toothbrushes soak a cup peroxide to keep them free of
germs.
> >
> > 3. Clean your counters, table tops with peroxide to kill germs and
leave a fresh smell. Simply put a little on your dishrag when you wipe, or
spray it on the counters.
> >
> > 4. After rinsing off your wooden cutting board, pour peroxide on it to
kill salmonella and other bacteria.
> >
> > 5. I had fungus on my feet for years - until I sprayed a 50/50 mixture
of peroxide and water on them (especially the toes) every night and let
dry.
> >
> > 6. Soak any infections or cuts in 3% peroxide for five to ten minutes
several times a day. My husband has seen gangrene that would not heal with any medicine, but was healed by soaking in peroxide.
> >
> > 7. Put two capfuls into a douche to prevent yeast infections. For
chronic yeast infections, use once or twice a week.
> >
> > 8. Fill a spray bottle with a 50/50 mixture of peroxide and water and
keep it in every bathroom to disinfect without harming your septic system like
bleach or most other disinfectants will.
> >
> > 9. Tilt your head back and spray into nostrils with your 50/50 mixture
whenever you have a cold, plugged sinus. It will bubble and help to
kill the bacteria. Hold for a few minutes then blow your nose into tissue.
> >
> > 10. If you have a terrible toothache and can not get to a dentist right
away, put a capful of 3% peroxide into your mouth and hold it for ten minutes several times a day. The pain will lessen greatly.
> >
> > 11. And of course, if you like a natural look to your hair, spray the
50/50 solution on your wet hair after a shower and comb it through. You
will not have the peroxide burnt blonde hair like the hair dye packages, but
more natural highlights if your hair is a light brown, faddish, or dirty
blonde. It also lightens gradually so it's not a drastic change.
> >
> > 12. Put half a bottle of peroxide in your bath to help rid boils,
fungus, or other skin infections.
> >
> > 13. You can also add a cup of peroxide instead of bleach to a load of
whites in your laundry to whiten them. If there is blood on clothing, pour
directly on the soiled spot. Let it sit for a minute, then rub it and rinse with
cold water. Repeat if necessary.
> >
> > I use peroxide to clean my mirrors with, there is no smearing, which is
why I love it so much for this.
> >
> > You can lighten yellowed or stained fingernails (ie: from polish) and
toenails with peroxide by soaking them. It works and gets them nice and
white again. Do this daily until you get the stain out. You can soak them or
dab on with a cotton swab."
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
kit what a great thing you shared
thank you
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