Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
I caught my husband doing this; Asked him why????? He came home from work and who is affectionately there to greet him...but our female cat in heat......(if you have ever experienced that you understand their behavior then) well he lost it after the 4th day of this happening and lauched her down the stairs. I wasn't to happy to say the least.....His reply" I'd rather have you greeting me with love and affection." than that darn old cat. We still laugh about to this day. One week later I took her to get fixed and haven't had a problem since.......Have YOU ever tryed greeting YOUR husband like a cat? HA! HA! HA!
A woman will dig through her purse, holding up the line for ten minutes, because she knows she has exact change.
A man may have twenty dollars in change in his pocket, but won't touch it till he empties his pockets at the end of the day.
You're only 1/2 right on this one dear Darlene Louise. When men hit 50, they cannot leave the line until they have gone through every pocket and have made the woman go through every inch of her purse...all for exact change.
Trust me on this one....my hubs is over 50...and I've done enough cashiering to know!
A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
Reminds me of one of my mother's friends. When the bank called to tell her that her account was overdrawn, she told them to call her husband because "I never overdraw, he obviously under-deposited."
Why do women spend 10 years trying to change their husband's habits --
And then complain he's not the man they married??
Barbara Streisand
Well, you know that original boyfriend program clearly hid any forthcoming 'habits' the husband version would engage itself in! Perhaps the 'Restore' feature is in order?
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".
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Jade
OH MY GOD!!!
THAT IS FUNNY foot .... AND SOOO TRUE !
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Abigail
"A man has five items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a
bar of soap, and a towel from the Marriott."
Snopes was wrong - the toothbrush part is a myth
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Ca_dreaming
6. CATS
Women love cats.
Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats.
I caught my husband doing this; Asked him why????? He came home from work and who is affectionately there to greet him...but our female cat in heat......(if you have ever experienced that you understand their behavior then) well he lost it after the 4th day of this happening and lauched her down the stairs. I wasn't to happy to say the least.....His reply" I'd rather have you greeting me with love and affection." than that darn old cat. We still laugh about to this day. One week later I took her to get fixed and haven't had a problem since.......Have YOU ever tryed greeting YOUR husband like a cat? HA!
HA! 
HA! 
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topoftheworld
"A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage,
answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail."
ROFLMAO!!!! I thought it was just me!
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Belle
I loved these! Y'all are too funny!
Here's one I thought of:
A woman will dig through her purse, holding up the line for ten minutes, because she knows she has exact change.
A man may have twenty dollars in change in his pocket, but won't touch it till he empties his pockets at the end of the day.
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ChasUFarley
12. OFFSPRING
Ah, children.
A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments
and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes and
dreams.
Oh, man... whoever wrote this has been in our house!
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dmiller
I've got the toothbrush -- but not the razor, or shaving cream. ;)
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Tom Strange
Now Abigail! ...don't go telling tales on sushi!
me? ...I've got them all, except I did actually buy the towel (but the bar of soap is from the Marriott!)
OK Belle... so you're right on these...!
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ex70sHouston
My wife quit doing that 20 years ago.
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Tom Strange
I'm surprised there's nothing about closets and clothes included in that list...
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CoolWaters
Trust me on this one....my hubs is over 50...and I've done enough cashiering to know!
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Suda
Reminds me of one of my mother's friends. When the bank called to tell her that her account was overdrawn, she told them to call her husband because "I never overdraw, he obviously under-deposited."
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dmiller
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SafariVista
Well, you know that original boyfriend program clearly hid any forthcoming 'habits' the husband version would engage itself in! Perhaps the 'Restore' feature is in order?
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Jim
No kidding. Every 2 years I take a canvas moneybag to the bank full of change. It averages about $350.
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Suda
An elderly couple were driving across the country. The woman was driving when she got pulled over by the highway patrol.
The officer said, "Ma'am did you know you were speeding?"
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He says you were speeding!"
The patrolman said, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband once again and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yelled, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman gave the officer her license. The patrolman then said, "I see you are from Arkansas. I spent some time there once and went on a blind date with the ugliest woman I've ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband and asked, "What did he say?"
The old man yells, "He said he thinks he knows you!".
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topoftheworld
Please forgive me, ladies-this was too good to pass up, cause I've been just as guilty.
How to use the ATM
-------------------------------------------
MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine
2. Wind down your car window
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw
5. Retrieve card, cash, and receipt
6. Wind up window
7. Drive off
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine
2. Reverse back the required amount to align car window to machine
3. Re-start the stalled engine
4. Wind down the window
5. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card
6. Locate make-up bag and check make-up in rear view mirror
7. Attempt to insert card into machine
8. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car
9. Insert card
10. Re-insert card the right way up
11. Re-enter handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page
12. Enter PIN
13. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN
14. Enter amount of cash required
15. Re-check make up in rear view mirror
16. Retrieve cash and receipt
17. Empty handbag again to locate purse and place cash inside
18. Place receipt in back of check book
19. Drive forwards 7 feet
20. Reverse back to cash machine
21. Retrieve card
22. Re-empty handbag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided
23. Re-check make-up again
24. Wave at red-faced man in car behind you
25. Restart stalled engine and pull off
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oilfieldmedic
You know those office chairs that recline and spin around?
I know that cats love to spin around in them!
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SafariVista
After reading topoftheworld's post.... it's either wrong, or I must be a man :blink:
Could it be referring to 'blond' women?
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