hopeful, i don't know if you're looking for a response, but maybe now's the time for you to be your own person. stand on your own two feet. (if you think what your therapist said is true.)
Awww ((((((Hopefull)))))) Life just sucks sometimes.
You remind me of a friend of mine who moved down to tenn from nyc (13 yrs ago) with her parents and own family....Her kids grew up and within a year or two and left home, her husband died suddenly and she lost both parents....
So here is a gal in her 50s having her world turned upside down....no family, no friends because she hasn`t been down here for very long....she has to find a job and support herself after being out of the job market for 20 yrs....
No reason to celebrate holidays or birthdays....nobody to care if she were alive or dead ...you know...so I am saying that I understand where you are coming from.
You have to start out from scratch....it isn`t fair, it isn`t nice, it down right sucks....but you have to do it....
The ten year anniversary of her husbands death just passed we observed it withe her......and she has survived, made friends got a good job....it has been hell but she is immeasurably stronger for her travails....sure she tried to curl up in a fetal position and give up because it was all so overwhelming and unfair....but she got up after time and set a new course for her life.
She has become a new person ...immeasurable stronger, more capable, stretching herself in directions that she never dreamed of going.
You will do this as well dear hopefull....I know that you will because you have already endured the worst....
I know that you missed the commeradery of twi....we all do for a time ... but the price you would pay today for that feeling of *belonging* ...the benefits would be limited and short lived ............you would be doing the equivelent of my friend crawling back into bed into that fetal position ... a place where you feel safe and can ignore the harsh reality of your world.
You are strong girl, You are going to be even stronger.
Your life is going to take off a new and exciting direction and when ten years has passed you, like my friend will look back on the last ten years and marvel at how far you have come.
When I left twi my prayer to God, my heartfelt beseaching to God was for a friend thats all just one friend...... I desperatly missed not being a part of something bigger....
This lady that I mentioned, was the one that was God`s answere to my prayers of loneliness ...coincidentaly, I met her a couple of months before her husband died....she considers me God`s gift to her for facing what was coming as well.
You are at a really tough spot ((((hopefull))) my heart and prayers go out to you :( I feel sure that God is right there with you though, as you close this chapter of your life and embark on your journey in a new direction.
And if the idea of "Church" is a little overwhelming for you, check in your local paper for meetings of people who share a common interest, like, knitting, or cooking, or birding, whatever. Or, pick a group of an activity you have always wanted to try. Groups are thrilled to have new members, and you'll bypass the whole doctrine issue
You are in a very sad predicament. I wish I lived nearby to give you my shoulder and help make you laugh.
I can't add any more than what these great posters have already said, but wanted to let you know that I care and that if there is anything I can do, please do let me know.
You're in my prayers...Anybody that comes to GSC was and still is part of something bigger than themselves. The common thread here is we've all had or still have the TWI experience [not to be confused with the Jimi Hendrix Experience - that's a whole other trip!]...And I think Tom & Templelady gave some good advice - we all need people - sometimes to just hang out with - friends - it's healing.
My suggestion: if you want to check it out, go for it....Just not now, when you are feeling vulnerable.
Make sure that you are in a mentally and emotionally stable condition and not grieving at all for hubby and/or job.
Why? Because they will be able to feed on that...remember the old "love bomb" technique? It works, especially well, when you are lonely, feel weak, and in need of loving.
You should be able to make up your own mind about where you go, how you worship, and so on. But it needs to be YOUR decision to do so...not a decision manipulated by emotions.
And while you are struggling to fill the void, come into the chat room in the evenings. I'm in an in-between situation myself, and it helps. You will find some fun, some info, a shoulder to cry on or new friends to laugh with. We'd love to "see" you there!
I joined the Red Hat Society. It's for women 50 and over and when we get together we wear purple clothes and red hats. We go to movies, eat out, sight-see places etc. It gets me "out and about."
But Don't Go To Twig. ur I mean Household Family Fellowship or whatever they call it.
Good luck, I know in the long run you're gonna make it and you may just find that being forced into new changes is an improvement in a lot of ways, once you get over the transition which is the hard part.
I am sorry for your losses...I understand those feelings of frustration, lonliness, etc...
...but you're getting good advice here...get involved with SOMETHING...there's a multitude of different activities and groups out there...friends waiting to meet you...good people to build a support group where you can belong... keep your chin up, better days are coming.
...and I've read enough of your posts to know that you have a lot to give to others...and don't forget, you got LOTS of friends here. :)
i left the way ministry and marriage and an awesome job all at same time
moved away from everything called "my life"
i don't know how i got through it..... there were years (no computer) when i just sat there in my apartment and just sat there..... life going on all around me.....
i am glad that i moved away from all things wayfer and wayfer offshoots
I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Please know many of us here think you are terrific, and are glad you are part of Greasespot!!
To a certain degree, I understand what you are going through... I left twi, my husband, and my job all within a single year. Granted, these things were not so much taken from me, as given up by me (although it was no less sudden or scary).
The bottom line is, I suddenly had very few friends or social activities. I felt so very lost and alone. And I have had an amazingly hard time re-establishing these things in my life. I live in a town with a different church on every corner, and I have considered many, many times trying to join one. But I know that I am not interested in the very thing that draws these people together (the doctrine) so I won't go.
I tried joining the community choir and dancing clubs, but found that people in these groups stay close to those they arrive with.
But, I have recently started to seek out social clubs that "force" people to interact... scrapbooking groups, bunco clubs (dice game), card clubs, etc. If you share resources, move seats, play against several opponents, etc. then you have more of a chance to actually talk and build friendships. So far, I haven't found the "best buddy" I'm looking for, but I've gotten out of the house and had a lot of fun, too.
I don't know if these ideas will help, but just know I'm thinking about you!
I read all the responses right away and am just now getting back to this- you know how it is.
I didn’t expect this much empathy- thank-you- mainly I was just missing the life I used to have, or youth, or normalcy of a sort.
Sprawled out, I was on my own at 18 and didn’t marry until I was 38 so I had 20 years of independence- and even when married I was self-sufficient. It is the sudden and unexpected losses that has me missing my old life.
Rascal- Long time no chat, how are you and the entire clan? You pretty much nailed it with your story about your friend and you do know where I am coming from. Your post was very right on, thank-you.
Tom, and templelady, I have been in 2 widow/widower groups and we have talked about the need for joining groups when we are ready- or taking classes- etc- One of my predicaments is that my lease runs out Sept. 1 and I cannot afford to renew my lease- I am not sure if I am going to stay in the area or not and don’t know how much I want to invest in new friends until I decide- (another reason for feeling in limbo)
Coolchef, hugs always appreciated.
Belle You are just the nicest lady, have always been so nice to me, thank-you!
T-Bone I agree that having GS always here is a great comfort!
Mark, thanks- you get it. I know- don’t make any major decisions the first year- takes a while to get to that stable place again where you feel strong and are thinking clearly.
Topoftheworld, thanks for the invite to the chat room- I have checked it out a few times and it was unoccupied- it always gets busier in there when re-run season comes!
Outandabout, I will keep that in mind- for 4 year from now! Not quite at the age for the red hat society yet! But that is a really great idea- And I don’t have any intention in going to twig!!
Groucho- good to hear from you!!! Yes, I see that in the future--just not ready yet. Thanks for your support!
Coolwaters, I will check it out. I always like a good book! (Even though it’s not even close to my situation, LOL)
Saravista, I don’t know if I have a lot on my plate or nothing on my plate- thanks for your warm response.
excath, you have been there- I am glad that is all in your past. Some day I will look back and say thank God I am not there anymore!!
Dmiller, I appreciate it and believe in the power of your prayers.
Topoftheworld, I hope it is all behind you.
TheHighWay, Thanks for posting. I do love to play games- I didn’t know there were groups for that. Good luck with carving out your new life. And I hope to be a joiner very soon!!
Hey Hopefull, I didn't know we're the same age - bet you're a real glamour girl like me!
I don't have anything to add to the words that have been said, as I think they've hit all I could say and lots more, so I'll just send you a hug for now.
I can relate so much to what you feel. I'm disabled and spend a lot of my time at home working a home-based business. Inbetween calls, I occassionally catch myself singing ministry songs. Of course, I don't sing them the way church hymnals have them, I sing them the way TWI did. (I remember how shocked I was to learn after 10 years in the ministry that "How Firm a Foundation" was actually sung differently than "Oh Come All Ye Faithful") I was in for 25 years.
Anyway, I also have a country band. Between my business and that, I stay plenty busy. Even with my activities I miss the fellowship in a very deep way. I never enjoyed the classes very much after my 3rd one. It was as perfect as it could be... all the classess after that (in 1976) were poor in comparison.
If you send me a message, I could give you information about my business. It's really exciting to help people save money and make money. NO, IT AIN'T LOVE, BUT IT's NOT BAD.
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sprawled out
hopeful, i don't know if you're looking for a response, but maybe now's the time for you to be your own person. stand on your own two feet. (if you think what your therapist said is true.)
you might find you like it.
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rascal
Awww ((((((Hopefull)))))) Life just sucks sometimes.
You remind me of a friend of mine who moved down to tenn from nyc (13 yrs ago) with her parents and own family....Her kids grew up and within a year or two and left home, her husband died suddenly and she lost both parents....
So here is a gal in her 50s having her world turned upside down....no family, no friends because she hasn`t been down here for very long....she has to find a job and support herself after being out of the job market for 20 yrs....
No reason to celebrate holidays or birthdays....nobody to care if she were alive or dead ...you know...so I am saying that I understand where you are coming from.
You have to start out from scratch....it isn`t fair, it isn`t nice, it down right sucks....but you have to do it....
The ten year anniversary of her husbands death just passed we observed it withe her......and she has survived, made friends got a good job....it has been hell but she is immeasurably stronger for her travails....sure she tried to curl up in a fetal position and give up because it was all so overwhelming and unfair....but she got up after time and set a new course for her life.
She has become a new person ...immeasurable stronger, more capable, stretching herself in directions that she never dreamed of going.
You will do this as well dear hopefull....I know that you will because you have already endured the worst....
I know that you missed the commeradery of twi....we all do for a time ... but the price you would pay today for that feeling of *belonging* ...the benefits would be limited and short lived ............you would be doing the equivelent of my friend crawling back into bed into that fetal position ... a place where you feel safe and can ignore the harsh reality of your world.
You are strong girl, You are going to be even stronger.
Your life is going to take off a new and exciting direction and when ten years has passed you, like my friend will look back on the last ten years and marvel at how far you have come.
When I left twi my prayer to God, my heartfelt beseaching to God was for a friend thats all just one friend...... I desperatly missed not being a part of something bigger....
This lady that I mentioned, was the one that was God`s answere to my prayers of loneliness ...coincidentaly, I met her a couple of months before her husband died....she considers me God`s gift to her for facing what was coming as well.
You are at a really tough spot ((((hopefull))) my heart and prayers go out to you :( I feel sure that God is right there with you though, as you close this chapter of your life and embark on your journey in a new direction.
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Tom Strange
hopeful, what you're going through is tough there's no question about that... have you tried any volunteering? any local church fellowships?
there's a lot of good, caring, loving people out there just waiting for the chance to bless you and hang out with you...
good luck on your journey...
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templelady
And if the idea of "Church" is a little overwhelming for you, check in your local paper for meetings of people who share a common interest, like, knitting, or cooking, or birding, whatever. Or, pick a group of an activity you have always wanted to try. Groups are thrilled to have new members, and you'll bypass the whole doctrine issue
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coolchef1248 @adelphia.net
((((((((((((((hopeful)))))))))))))))))))))))
i hope you remain hopeful
rascal had some real good advice
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Belle
(((((Hopefull)))))
You are in a very sad predicament.
I wish I lived nearby to give you my shoulder and help make you laugh.
I can't add any more than what these great posters have already said, but wanted to let you know that I care and that if there is anything I can do, please do let me know.
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T-Bone
((((((((((((Hopefull))))))))))))
You're in my prayers...Anybody that comes to GSC was and still is part of something bigger than themselves. The common thread here is we've all had or still have the TWI experience [not to be confused with the Jimi Hendrix Experience - that's a whole other trip!]...And I think Tom & Templelady gave some good advice - we all need people - sometimes to just hang out with - friends - it's healing.
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markomalley
Hopefull,
Sorry to hear about all of that.
My suggestion: if you want to check it out, go for it....Just not now, when you are feeling vulnerable.
Make sure that you are in a mentally and emotionally stable condition and not grieving at all for hubby and/or job.
Why? Because they will be able to feed on that...remember the old "love bomb" technique? It works, especially well, when you are lonely, feel weak, and in need of loving.
You should be able to make up your own mind about where you go, how you worship, and so on. But it needs to be YOUR decision to do so...not a decision manipulated by emotions.
Just something to consider...
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topoftheworld
And while you are struggling to fill the void, come into the chat room in the evenings. I'm in an in-between situation myself, and it helps. You will find some fun, some info, a shoulder to cry on or new friends to laugh with. We'd love to "see" you there!
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outandabout
I joined the Red Hat Society. It's for women 50 and over and when we get together we wear purple clothes and red hats. We go to movies, eat out, sight-see places etc. It gets me "out and about."
http://www.redhatsociety.com/
Just a thought.
But Don't Go To Twig. ur I mean Household Family Fellowship or whatever they call it.
Good luck, I know in the long run you're gonna make it and you may just find that being forced into new changes is an improvement in a lot of ways, once you get over the transition which is the hard part.
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sprawled out
hey! isn't that what marge simpson joined? and then they turned out to be bank robbers or something.
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GrouchoMarxJr
I am sorry for your losses...I understand those feelings of frustration, lonliness, etc...
...but you're getting good advice here...get involved with SOMETHING...there's a multitude of different activities and groups out there...friends waiting to meet you...good people to build a support group where you can belong... keep your chin up, better days are coming.
...and I've read enough of your posts to know that you have a lot to give to others...and don't forget, you got LOTS of friends here. :)
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CoolWaters
If it's not too presumptuous of me, may I suggest the book Queen Bee of Mimosa Branch?
It's not exactly your situation at all...not even close...but similar...and it's wonderfully real, honest and hilarious! :)
{{{{{Hopefull}}}}}
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SafariVista
Awww ((((((Hopefull))))))
I understand that feeling... had felt it for many years :( Although, you really have a lot 'on your plate'.
My thoughts and prayers are with you.
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excathedra
i left the way ministry and marriage and an awesome job all at same time
moved away from everything called "my life"
i don't know how i got through it..... there were years (no computer) when i just sat there in my apartment and just sat there..... life going on all around me.....
i am glad that i moved away from all things wayfer and wayfer offshoots
but i can't tell you how horrible my life was
my prayers and love are with you
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dmiller
Hopefull -- I have no *sage* advice, like the others.
But I'll be praying for you. What a tough spot to be in. :(
David
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topoftheworld
Gee, Excie-we have way to much in common......
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TheHighWay
Hopefull,
I'm so sorry for what you have been through. Please know many of us here think you are terrific, and are glad you are part of Greasespot!!
To a certain degree, I understand what you are going through... I left twi, my husband, and my job all within a single year. Granted, these things were not so much taken from me, as given up by me (although it was no less sudden or scary).
The bottom line is, I suddenly had very few friends or social activities. I felt so very lost and alone. And I have had an amazingly hard time re-establishing these things in my life. I live in a town with a different church on every corner, and I have considered many, many times trying to join one. But I know that I am not interested in the very thing that draws these people together (the doctrine) so I won't go.
I tried joining the community choir and dancing clubs, but found that people in these groups stay close to those they arrive with.
But, I have recently started to seek out social clubs that "force" people to interact... scrapbooking groups, bunco clubs (dice game), card clubs, etc. If you share resources, move seats, play against several opponents, etc. then you have more of a chance to actually talk and build friendships. So far, I haven't found the "best buddy" I'm looking for, but I've gotten out of the house and had a lot of fun, too.
I don't know if these ideas will help, but just know I'm thinking about you!
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Hopefull
I read all the responses right away and am just now getting back to this- you know how it is.
I didn’t expect this much empathy- thank-you- mainly I was just missing the life I used to have, or youth, or normalcy of a sort.
Sprawled out, I was on my own at 18 and didn’t marry until I was 38 so I had 20 years of independence- and even when married I was self-sufficient. It is the sudden and unexpected losses that has me missing my old life.
Rascal- Long time no chat, how are you and the entire clan? You pretty much nailed it with your story about your friend and you do know where I am coming from. Your post was very right on, thank-you.
Tom, and templelady, I have been in 2 widow/widower groups and we have talked about the need for joining groups when we are ready- or taking classes- etc- One of my predicaments is that my lease runs out Sept. 1 and I cannot afford to renew my lease- I am not sure if I am going to stay in the area or not and don’t know how much I want to invest in new friends until I decide- (another reason for feeling in limbo)
Coolchef, hugs always appreciated.
Belle You are just the nicest lady, have always been so nice to me, thank-you!
T-Bone I agree that having GS always here is a great comfort!
Mark, thanks- you get it. I know- don’t make any major decisions the first year- takes a while to get to that stable place again where you feel strong and are thinking clearly.
Topoftheworld, thanks for the invite to the chat room- I have checked it out a few times and it was unoccupied- it always gets busier in there when re-run season comes!
Outandabout, I will keep that in mind- for 4 year from now! Not quite at the age for the red hat society yet! But that is a really great idea- And I don’t have any intention in going to twig!!
Groucho- good to hear from you!!! Yes, I see that in the future--just not ready yet. Thanks for your support!
Coolwaters, I will check it out. I always like a good book! (Even though it’s not even close to my situation, LOL)
Saravista, I don’t know if I have a lot on my plate or nothing on my plate- thanks for your warm response.
excath, you have been there- I am glad that is all in your past. Some day I will look back and say thank God I am not there anymore!!
Dmiller, I appreciate it and believe in the power of your prayers.
Topoftheworld, I hope it is all behind you.
TheHighWay, Thanks for posting. I do love to play games- I didn’t know there were groups for that. Good luck with carving out your new life. And I hope to be a joiner very soon!!
(((((((((((((((((((((you guys)))))))))))))))))
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Shellon
Hi Hope, so nice to see you!
I won't say hang in there, cuz as a widow, I know how that just doesn't hold much during the really rough days.
I will say you are loved and appreciated and I believe in you!
:)
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bowtwi
Hey Hopefull, I didn't know we're the same age - bet you're a real glamour girl like me!
I don't have anything to add to the words that have been said, as I think they've hit all I could say and lots more, so I'll just send you a hug for now.
((((((((((Hopefull))))))))))
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excathedra
hopefull i wish you bluebirds in the spring
to give your heart a song to sing
and then a kiss but more than this
i wish you love
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gc
Hope, all kinds of good words said to you, and I have nothing to add to them. I will think of you with kindness and keep you in my prayers.
gc
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YIdon'tgotochurch
Ms Hopeful,
I can relate so much to what you feel. I'm disabled and spend a lot of my time at home working a home-based business. Inbetween calls, I occassionally catch myself singing ministry songs. Of course, I don't sing them the way church hymnals have them, I sing them the way TWI did. (I remember how shocked I was to learn after 10 years in the ministry that "How Firm a Foundation" was actually sung differently than "Oh Come All Ye Faithful") I was in for 25 years.
Anyway, I also have a country band. Between my business and that, I stay plenty busy. Even with my activities I miss the fellowship in a very deep way. I never enjoyed the classes very much after my 3rd one. It was as perfect as it could be... all the classess after that (in 1976) were poor in comparison.
If you send me a message, I could give you information about my business. It's really exciting to help people save money and make money. NO, IT AIN'T LOVE, BUT IT's NOT BAD.
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