A la prochaine

Dooj, I love this line you wrote: "Funny, isn't it, that many of us believed that the best way to serve God was to PUT DOWN the very things that He wanted us to do." I feel like this as well. So many passions squelched. I am so very happy for you that you have in your life something that brings you such joy and contentment. You work certainly is an inspiration and it has moved me. Thank you for sharing your gift with us. StrangeOne, God all mighty... I think if I were to listen to another 'singing ladies' song, I'd hurl.

Kevlar, I believe their reasoning for the 'no SECULAR music' policy was because they felt you needed to 'cleanse' yourself of all outside influences. An all immersed program was what they were striving for. God FIRST in all things you know. I pitied those professional musicians who could not practice their instruments. Like someone who played in some symphony, where they HAD to practice every day or else their caliber of playing would be jeopardized. 4 months is a long time for someone who plays everyday. Besides all the intimidation, I think the 'NO' music policy affected me the worse even though at the time I didn't realize it. After that period of time, my desire for music was certainly squelched. I put it aside and realized that I musn't let it interfere with my commitment to God. I listened to music, but only through screened ears... certain musicians, groups, performers, music were taboo...labelled possessed or worse. After 25 yrs I finally took my guitar outta' the closet and continued to play where I had left off many years before. Just another cage that I finally walked out of. Sirguess' painting keeps coming back to mind. : )

Act 2 Lovely post. I loved your line about still wanting to get a degree someday. How inspiring! Sirguess, Your artwork...wow.. that is beautiful. It looks just like i pictured it should look like, crawling outta that dark cage into something beautiful and bright.

WW, Interesting observation. What you wrote reminded me of what Rascal had said: "The bars on the cage ...the bars that imprisoned us were forged from scriptures that we learned to love." I remember I was in-rez and I was on dining room set-up...strings and all. Anyhow, being on that crew, we often got done early and were able to have a bit of time to ourselves before our work shift was done. Now, if you know anything about me... I LOVE MUSIC. I refer to myself as a music junkie most days. So, this no music thingy for 4 months almost killed me. In a cage and with no music. So there I was in my room, alone and I happen to put on a clock radio. Along comes some sr. corps person. They say... YOU know there's no listening to music. I said, 'Yes'. She walked away. The next thing I knew, some big corps branch leader hauls me into Pat Lynn's office. It was over. I was told I was immature, irresponsible, that I didn't belong, that I needed to prove that I should be there...blah blah blah blah blah. I responded with this: I feel like i'm a triangle trying to fit in a square. That's the only thing I could come up with. I was outta there in less than a year.

I read in another thread where I LOVE BAGPIPES had been reading this thread and others in tears today. I always feel it a healthy thing when I hear of this happening. Tears are good. For so many years I wept myself to sleep, unhappy but not knowing why. Now at least I know why the unhappiness existed and I can change and better my life because of it. Thanks GS for being here.

Rascal, That pretty much sums it up for me. This statement is the travesty of it all. :( Travesty: 1. Make (person or thing) ridiculous (intentionally or not) by grotesque representation. Polar One, Glad I could make you laugh. I know for many years I laughed or made a joke, or tried to make others laugh, because I didn't know what else to do to cope in certain situations. In TWI, if the joke happen to fall upon the wrong ears... I quickly HEARD about it. My "UNSPIRITUAL" attitude was not tolerated.

Hope, Congratulations!! Many are still in but many are leaving daily. Thank God for places like these.

QT, Thank you for that post. True words. The choices I made were extremely life altering. Quiting high school in order to move and be able to take PFAL was celebrated in TWI. I was hugged by a corps person and told how proud they were of me because of the stand I had taken. I finished high school through night school and then started college. Again, I quit college to go WOW. EVERYONE was so proud of me, but it seemed they were proud only because they had another number on their WOW sign-up sheet. No one sat me down and said.. Look, you've started something ... maybe you should finish this before starting another thing. NO... it was ... college doesn't give you the answers in life...but WOW will. say no more.

Belle, "... I know I felt like I was ignorant, irresponsible and would be able to learn and benefit from the structure of TWI. Little did I realize that the "structure" consisted of those metal bars you talked about." Thank you Belle for those words. I was frustrated in so many respects while in TWI trying to ram my being into one of those caged boxes that everyone else seemed so comfortable in. I was always screaming...What's wrong with me??? I just don't get it??? I don't fit. So unfortunately, I shut-up and put up and decided that I needed to change. So, inside I slowly started to die. I started to come apart bit by bit, putting all the things I loved (or didn't even know I loved) aside and became content. That's a scary place to be.

Sprawled Out, Phhheewwwwwww !!

Wordwolf, Belle, The test I spoke of earlier was exactly this. It was called True Colours. "The theory behind True Colours is not new and traces back to Hippocrates theory who identified four different types of human being; the Sanguine, the Choleric, the Phlegmatic and the Melancholic. In more recent years it was Carl Yung, in his 1921 release of Psychological Types, who again described these differences as a fundamental basis for understanding human beings. When his work was translated into English in 1923, it had a profound affect on a woman who had been studying differences in people for years. As a result, Katherine C. Briggs and her daughter, Isabel Briggs-Myers, developed their well-known Myers-Briggs Type Indicator. Their theory basically states that what appears to be random variation in human behaviour is actually quite orderly. As a result, they identified and characterized 16 different types of people. For the past 35 yers, Dr. David Keirsey has been refining the work of Myers-Briggs and in his landmark book, Please Understand Me, defines four different types of human beings. According to Dr. Keirsey, these four types of people are different in fundamental ways; they want different things, they have different motives, preferences, aims, values, needs, drives, impulses and urges. They think differently: they cognize, conceptualize, perceive, understand, comprehend and cogitate differently. These differences create natural barriers to interpersonal communications. Dr. Keirsey observed that: "Man's Pygmalion project has been to make all those near him just like him. Fortunately, this project is impossible. To sculpt the other into his own likeness fails before it begins. Remove the fangs of the lion and behold, a toothless lion, not a domestic cat. Attempts to change the spouse, offspring, or student or employee, can create a change, but the result is a scar - not a transformation." I've just copied about 1/2 a page of the introduction to the test I took. Now, with all that having been said, when I took the test, this is what I found out about myself. YOU WILL CERTAINLY SEE WHY MY EXPERIENCE IN TWI FELT LIKE BEING IN A CAGE TO ME. My personality types are sensory perceptive people, and above all, they must be free to act. Action or "doing" carries its own reward. They do things for the joy of doing. They choose to be impulsive, - act upon the idea of the moment. This is the free spirit, who takes pride in freedom beyond all else. (OH MY GOD... THIS IS EVERYTHING TWI WAS NOT!!!) The words and phrases that best characterize them are: Urge or whim - Impulse is to really live - Take off for 'somewhere else' (can you see me on the WOW field...stuck in one place!), - Thrive when outcomes not know - Test the limits! - Great in a crisis - Needs variations (TOOK PFAL OVER 25 times while in TWI)- Enjoy randomness - Waiting is psychological death - Do it now - Joy in doing - Clutter is acceptable (hahahahahhahahahhah TWI would eat their shorts), Specific goals unimportant - Generosity, sharing. Ya I know... I sound flighty as ever!! And I suppose, that is why in TWI, I felt I needed to squelch these 'tendencies'. In the test, the personality is examined even closer and you realize that being like this in not looked upon as a negative thing, but rather has some wonderful qualities, as all personality type do and should be nurtured and respected for who they are. Well, that's all the gab for today. enjoy TWI to me = Living a stiffled life.

...after a few zaps... VERY WELL PUT SKY!!! I got to thinking about this whole 'cage' thing because I have in the past few years looked into personality types. When tested, I came out as a certain personality type which contradicted all of what TWI taught me I should be to be a 'true' believer. No wonder I thought I was going insane Don't have time right now...but when I do, I'll come back and type up some of the personality characteristics. Revealing to say the least :unsure: !

I have been thinking about my years in TWI and how much I actually disliked my time there. And I have finally come to the conclusion that of all my 25 yrs. in TWI I actually felt as if I was in a cage. First 3 years - People telling me how blessed they were because they had found the cage and were living abundantly within the four walls of the cage. My WOW year - First taste of being CAGED in - HATED IT TREMENDOUSLY, but thought there was just something wrong with me and that I would somehow adjust to my new living quarters. My Way Corps In-REZ - TRAINING TO LIVE IN THE CAGE and TEACH OTHERS HOW TO ENJOY THE CAGE AS WELL. That lasted only one year... I had to leave... The cage was smothering me. My years after - Trying to live a 'I'm so blessed 'cause I've put myself in this cage and loving it' lifestyle. It has only been in the past few years that I have come to realize how much of this CAGEING crippled me, my life, my relationships, my spirit.

Ya, it works if ya' wanna get wrapped up in a cult. good thinking OM

:P sky, looks like you were a very good student in school!!

Mr. Music Man, Wowza ... the big 10,000 coming up!! Is there some sort of therapy that goes with the 10,000th post??? Like maybe a 12 step program for posters???? All the same.... CONGRATULATIONS my friend!!!

Sky, THE PRESENT TRUTH.... HOLY MOLY... what an open door to his every whim and fancy Sheeshh...no standard...nothing... no guidelines...change anything when the 'feeling' hits ya! Sheeshhh...ya something HIT him alright... right between his oh so spiritual eyes! Can anyone spell L - A - W - S - U - I - T!!!

Alfie, Hee hee hee. shheeeshhhh.... i hate to think of all the crapola we swallowed...thinking we 'had it', we had 'the answers' ... s h i t e! makes me want to go and dig my head in the sand. He!! they even altered one of Emerson's poems... the one that ends with 'but it's Christ in me the hope of glory' (that was the part twi added/changed. anyone remember that one? sorry sky... a little off topic here.

Sky, WW, Mr. Musicman, Everyone of your posts I feel, should be shouted from the rooftops! (preferrably the rooftops in New Knoxville OH) I believe VP was primarily concerned with IMAGE which would make complete sense to me since he had alot to hide from others therefore, image is all he had. And in doing this, his 'SPIRITUALITY' was primarily based on a personae he desperately tried to ram down our throats. All of this reeks of a man who was works oriented and therefore IMHO the furthest thing that a true godly person should be aiming for.

Shellers, My daughter started wearing contacts at 14.. no probs.

ex-10 and linda z, i wonder sometimes if you had the opportunity to be with this man today knowing what you know now about him if you would still feel the same way and see in the same light. I don't mean to sound critical ... just trying to keep objective. after all he was ONLY a man ... with many faults, who liked to convince people he was THE MAN! That takes alot of balls, alot of ego and not much else. he certainly chose those he wanted around him...and the rest (like me and many many others) well, he just simply was too busy for. I'm sure your experiences were genuine...but unfortunately they were not the experiences most had sitting in a chair in an auditorium. he liked to keep his distance ... that I believe was a tactic in keeping his image unscathed. spiritual man??? hmmmmmmmm ... i wonder???

Sky and Linda, You mentioned the meeting with VP and the staff where he says... if the auditorium doesn't stand for the word...he'd rather see it burn down. This sounds like everything else VP did and said. He'd say these GRANDIOSE statements ... for shock value i'm convinced to make himself look more "SPIRITUAL" and make others believe he was getting the 'GREEN LIGHT' and we all missed it AGAIN. Just like his epitaph... I WISH I WERE THE MAN I KNEW TO BE ... sounds all humble and pious... but deep down inside for him I think it was just a manipulation tool to control the masses. Haven't read this whole thread in detail, but more and more I believe VP was a master salesmen and was good at twisting and turning things around to make himself look like THE GUY for all times. He had about as much humility as Madonna. He boasted of his works, his abilities and his past accomplishments to make sure we all knew WHO he was (or thought he was). It was a smoke screen... the whole thing. That's the way I see it today.

guitars... guitars ... guitars

OH MY LORD! Bek... i can't believe i saw this name posted here. JUST TODAY...in my classroom i brought this man's name up. Dieu-Donné was from the Ivory Coast and i met him at his first ROA. I believe he was going into his first year in residence. I am french speaking therefore we could converse together. I have no idea where he is though or have not heard of his whereabouts. Last i heard he was a country coordinator. The only thing that always scared me about those entering the in-rez program was how much of a nazi they'd be upon graduation. I pray he wasn't too damaged by it all. bonne chance.

<_<