Stayed Too Long

Walker RC is Roman Catholic. Hey my mom might have been a 'Royal Cola' at sometime. She used to like to mix it with 'Crown Royale'. I know she used to get 'Royally P***ed' at me sometimes because I could be a 'royal pain'. Don't allow resentment and bitterness to hinder healing.

I was born and raised a RC and attended all their schools. My mother was the RC and don't know what my dad was. At that time if a non-RC wanted to marry a RC in the church, he/she would have to agree to raising the children RC. So on Sundays all us kids would be carted off to church with mom while dad stayed at home. Upon graduating from high school about all I knew was guilt, condemnation, and sure that when I died I would go straight to hell. Since my religion really didn't help me much I stopped attending after high school. All this time of course wanting to find away to avoid going to hell. Then about 10 years later a guy from Ohio came along and said, "we are saved by grace, and not of ourselves, lest any man should boast". All I had to do was confess Rom 10:9&10 and I would never go to hell. WOW..the guilt just began melting off of my poor shoulders; I would avoid living with the devil for eternity. He didn't stop there either. He went on to say if I went out on a missionary program of his I would grow spiritually 10 years in 1. "Oh Yes Sir" I said, and after the first year decided this is so good, I'll do another. After two years I was becoming skeptical and didn't really think I had grown 20 years, but somehow I let them convince me that I had. And although I was saved by grace I had been introduced to the idea that now I was earning eternal rewards. And if I didn't do what my leaders instructed me or if I left the ministry all these rewards would be lost and I would receive nothing at the bema. "Okay" I thought, I sure don't want to go through eternity with no rewards from God. And it didn't end there. He said now I have a leadership training program I want you to attend where you will learn how lead God's people. My response was "I didn't have the money for tuition". But he said "all you have to do is believe God. If He has called you then He will provide the resources". I scraped up the first three months tuition and was accepted. I didn't want to go because I didn't have enough sponsorship after that but was assured that God would meet my needs. Of course after three months the money for the tuition was not there and was sent home and told I didn't believe God. This about devasted me and the condemnation really set it. I stayed away for 4 years and then decided to return because I knew at any turn God was going to kill me because I left His ministry. After returning some of the guilt left, but I really wasn't happy or fulfilled, and stayed so I would be sure and collect any rewards I had coming and wouldn't become a greasepot by midnight. Then when it was annouced that "the Word of God was now over the world", I was completely disallusioned. All I had to do was look around me, and only seeing 50 people in the entire state, knew that was a bunch of hooey. I stuck around for a couple of more years until I was m&a'ed. For a couple of years I was hard on myself for not staying. Then when all the sex scandal's broke loose I knew I'd done the right thing. I really am having a hard time believing in God the way I used to. I was so sure that The Way was God's ministry. Then to learn it was founded on plagurism really blew my mind. And all the sexual abuse that went on. How could I have been so wrong. Who really has the truth? How sure can I be that Jesus Christ is any better than Buddha, Mohammed, or anyone else? How do I know there really is a God? Maybe we did crawl out of the ocean one day and are ever evolving? That's where I am today with all things being considered. Don't allow resentment and bitterness to hinder healing.

She was in the the 5th grade and 11 years old. Plus if one of the adults wanted to do something on their day off and no one else was available, she would have to accompany them. It was really boring to her.

Why would anyone remain in the Catholic church with full knowledge that their priest's molested and raped children? And these crimes were covered up by their Bishop's and Cardinal's? And their Pope finally made an attempt to rectify the situation only because of media attenion? Why do people commit crime just so they can be put in prison? Why do some people go from one abusive relationship to another? Probably for the same reason's people stay in twi. What are they? Some people like to abuse and some like to be abused. or it hasn't happened to them and they don't care. or they know it is happening but minimize it. or so believe in the organization they will stick by it, if only to ensure its survival. or their survival is completely dependent upon the organization's. or the way things are is comfortable and it is just too much effort to change. or it was good enough for my parents so it is good enough for me. or I made my bed and now I'll sleep in it. or you just don't give up on things. or I know there is good there some place. or It is my fault things aren't going right. or .....................

Thanks sooooo much for the insight Red. Since my daughter was also apart of twi since birth I can appreciate some of the things she has gone through. When my wife and I divorced she soon decided to go way disciple with our daughter. To this day my daughter has nothing good to say about the program. The coordinator, who was 19, was to be treated like god and gave advise on everything from child raising to studying in school. My ex was in her late 40's and a good mother, but apparently this young punk thought she understood things so much better. My daughter resented her overriding her mother's wishes all the time. She really hated the 'two by two' concept. Since she was the only child in the group, she would have to take an adult along when ever she visited school friends.

This is the year I really started "Staying Too Long". The Limb guy treated all the WOw's like his 'little corps'. He would teach us cool stuff only the Corps 'knew' at his place on Sundays. We had to sit at this feet on the floor while he taught from a little table smoking cigs. He told stupid jokes that we all laughed at. It was the first eye opening experience I had about how twi really was. Knew I should have split then, but Stayed wwwaaaaaayyyyy Too Long.

What memories....actually they are very good. I had a grrreat time in Worchester 76-77. Our families were very tight and got along fine. The woman in our families were mostly very good looking We all had great housing and pretty good jobs. The folks there loved us and always took care of us.