vickles

Wow, Oak, you explained it so well from men's point of view as well as the women's. I know I've gotten pretty mad when I've given all the signals and the poor guy just don't get it. Now how come I just don't tell him? Communication is the biggest key to keeping a healthy relationship. I still think its also part of the bedroom thing.

Its weird. I think the reason I brought up this thread was because I have so many different opinions about this subject and haven't found any one answer. Maybe there isn't. I had noticed that this is getting big in our country. I wonder if its the same in other countries.

wow that is sad. It is good that women now can have more rights than they used to. It almost sounds like the twi mentality of how a marriage should work with the husband as the boss and the wife were to serve.

MJ I think you hit on something that I didn't think about. If a person is unhappy in their marriage and they wait until the kids are gone its most likely not the marriage but within themselves that are not happy. We always tend to look at the grass is always greener on the other side. But when we get to that side sometimes we find that the grass is not greener and may be a little brown.

I don't think I could survive a relationship with a man that would be smothering me and wouldn't want me to grow and change. I agree with what your saying.

It sounds good to me. After being responsible to a family for years and years it would be kind of nice to think of me every once in a while. So I understand that perspective of it. But I think the important thing is to take care of ourselves during the time we are taking care of our families. I'm in a support group for parents and the one thing that is really stressed is how important it is to do something for ourselves. Otherwise we might not have anything to give.

LOL, I was eating chips and it just sprayed all over my screen.....gawd I hate getting old.. :D-->

ok I get it. But I didn't experience diarhea. I did have some gas pains though for a day or two. And really, I was pretty unhealthy and needed to eat better.

rascal, I understand what your saying. I think a lot of women do wait until the kids are grown. But the thing is why do women wait so long and stay miserable? In my opinion if its that awful then its making the kids miserable too. Now, I'm not advocating divorce, in fact I'm more for marriage. But if its that bad then its probably abusive and the pattern goes on and on for generation after generation. I'm wondering if maybe a lot of it is that when the kids are growing up the whole purpose is about the kids and when the kids are gone they have nothing in common. I have two kids. My daughter moved out not too long ago. One weekend my son spent with a friend of his. It was really strange. I looked at my significant other and it was like ok now what do we do? We haven't been together for ten or fifteen years but if we had maybe we wouldn't have been able to work through it.

Moddishwater, what your talking about personal sexual issues was already taken out by the person who posted it. I'm not here to complain but I do agree with the others.

LOL George. It does tend to clean out the system. If you google cabbage soup diet you will see some sites that tell you what the soup diet is. I never starved myself through this diet and it is pretty healthy. Its not the kind of diet to stay on forever but it does give you a good start on eating healthy foods.

Waterbuffalo, I didn't say I was on the Cabbage Soup diet for two years. I said that for two years I have been able to keep my diabetes at a level that I don't have to take meds for it. The diet helped me to get to that place.

I agree, Cindy. Some people may take little time whereas others may take years to process. I might add that if you don't go through this process and/or allow yourself to then you are going to take years if ever to heal from your grief. As grief doesn't have to be that a loved one passed away. It could be a divorce or even a child that moved away and divorced themself from you. There are a lot of reasons why a person is grieving.

exactly!!!!!!!!!

Yes I would like to know where it was too. There are a lot of things on there to learn from.

My doctor took a look at this diet and thought it was a good one. Its called the Cabbage soup diet and you can also find it on the web. I have diabetes and was on medication...not only did I lose weight but after two years I have not had to go back on the meds.

Ok, here are the five steps to grief: 1. Denial and Isolation 2. Anger 3. Bargaining 4. Depression 5. Acceptance Here is a site that explains it a little bit if your interested. There is more on the web to look at too. http://www.imageforsuccess.com/Grief.htm Hopefully the way I did it it will take you to the site.

Thanks for explaining Cindy.

I wonder if there are really three sides. I mean what is the truth? Both sides of a relationship see their side of the truth. A third person would not know the truth because they were not in the marriage with both.

You hit it on the nail gc. When I divorced it was because of abuse. But I still grieve at times. Thinking about the would have beens sort of thing. The love that was lost. There are five stages to death and I will look it up later and post it. It will fit perfectly with this thread. Unless someone else knows what the stages are. I know the first one is denial and the second one is anger.

Oen, what I'm trying to say is that it doesn't matter if the johnny does always jump or not. Thats when the fingers do the walking... :o-->

It does seem interesting that a site goes down everytime one is mentioned that remotely sounds like twi or has some words in it. Why is there so much interest after all this time? They have the people they want and the money. Whats funny is if they would just leave everything alone things would die out. But they keep on pressing.

coolwaters that is very true. Sad but true. Divorce is an awful thing to go through. Even the person that is divorcing the other. That was my experience anyways. It seems that most people think that the answer is divorce and they try to find themselves. I don't believe that divorce is always the answer. But in our society it has become that way. Commitment to someone for the rest of our lives is not as important anymore. I honestly believe that if your not being abused then why a divorce?

Galen, your only 45 it will slow down. But as another male stated here he has learned other ways to satisfy a woman... :o--> When I was married to my first husband he didn't care about my needs. Now my significant other is totally opposite. Its not about sex that I'm talking about. Its if you really care about that person you will do whatever it takes to make that person happy. And sex is part of that. At least its a good sign. I don't know if I'm explaining this well. Hope so anyways.. :)-->

Yes it takes work on both sides. But a lot of times one is willing to work and the other one isn't. Several complaints I heard from my friends is that their husbands acted like they didn't really care. Then all of a sudden the man wants to change. A little bit too late in my opinion. I'm only seeing it from the female side. I think a lot of men become used to everything the way it is and live from day to day. They don't see their wife unhappy even though its right in front of them. The biggest way to tell that your marriage is falling apart, and this is IMHO, is in the bedroom. If there is nothing there then the marriage is basically over. Just going through the motions of it all. Why is that? Why look at the bedroom? Because sleeping together and giving to each other is such a big part of a relationship. If that isn't there then most everything else isn't there too. Now of course this is just what I have seen and from personal experience.