annio

Don't really know where else to put this story... Move if needed. Well, taking a deep breath, and sharing here a brief history of the sexual abuse I experienced in what I had thought was FINALLY a place I could be cared about and where I could escape the "mental hospital" and recover from the breakdown I was experiencing in Jan '74. At the time was a Baptist folk-song-loving hippie, abusively married, VISTA-volunteering-in-very-racist-very-rural-southern-VA as a college graduate from New England. Starting in the Family Camp where I took PFAL as a brand new believer in NY that summer, a series of sexual encounters gradually began; I had been raped twice, as a 12 year old and on my honey moon night, but had kind of buried the memories, so was particularly vulnerable. At the CF&S Family Camp in OH three weeks later, my boundaries were further broken by the class, altho I was healed of some of the bondage and trauma surrounding sex. However, the pendulum was set to swing into the license-to-sin culture of the way that has been brought to light here and other places. Guess my path was pretty predictable- it involved being sexually abused by two young leaders and then engaging in sex with believer bros, then two guys I was "witnessing" to, etc. There were other incidents that were not (what's a cool way to say full-on intercourse?) Was invited on the motor coach corpse week '80; vpw dropped his pants, but I was again in mental distress after my interim year, and he ended up talking about my next year's assignment as we cuddled, thank You GOD! So from the Advanced Class '79 (July?) to the summer of my final WOW year in '83, I had 10 full sexual encounters/ relationships along with other activity that the culture sanctioned. (Was too "out of it" to protect with safe sex precautions, but my female system had shut down either due to the running, all the birth control pills in traveling hippie times, or the traumas, so there you had that...) When I finally kind of realized that I was becoming an abuser, I said Enough! These are my brothers and I am their sister, and this is wrong. I mentioned in another post how I learned that sexual abuse was A-OK with vpw et al; and of course along with it came the message that women were less than, that it was fine for men to help themselves to the young women, etc. 1 CORINTHIANS 7:1 WAS TAUGHT IN CF&S, YET. . . . . What's new?? A counselor labeled the way as misogynistic... Guess so?! Could of course, talk about how the way contributed to very good things in my life like meeting my future h, having my children with him, making wonderful friends, receiving some deliverance, etc. BUT! I am in full-time trauma recovery from many things, among them the cult aspects of the way and the sexual abuse. All for now I think... Blessings to all!

Any one remember the corpse week meeting (hope OK to use a DWBH's "satirism"... feels so GOOD) in the big tent in '80 I think, in which a courageous guy stood up and expressed the idea that the sexual activity of Pa&l Virgil*o in Idaho with young female believers, should be addressed?? I sure do... (Will share in another post about the reasons I particularly remember, and perhaps what I would stand up and say now, heh heh.) There was vpw with some other leading men sitting on a raised platform up front, with an audience of all of the corpse folks who had come in for the week attending the open meeting. After the speaker basically intimated that the sexual abuse (by the handsome young musician limb co-ordinator) was wrong and should be addressed, vpw made light of the request and quickly deflected it by saying that it wasn't really a sin. NEXT? Oh yeah. Lesson Learned for/by me. And particularly by all of the young raised-in-the-way folks who had been sexually abused. Oh Yeah... Hope you can follow me... All I want to write in this post. Thanks for reading whoever does!

Really appreciate this and other posts I have been reading on this lovely Sunday a.m. Helping me to continue to detach and let go of the fantasy of the ideal safe place I naively took shelter in so long ago... Yes, God and Jesus are the only fully Safe Places.

Scott passed away about 3 years ago. He had enjoyed drumming locally and attending home fellowships (CFFM) in Bloomington IN until poor health prevented... I attended fellowships he held in his home for several years in the early 90's...

Ellen is now continuing her wonderful ministry with Christian Family Fellowship in Ohio. If anyone really wants to know more, I expect the fact that I turned on the reply notification button means that we can continue communicating.

Thank you, Twinky, the Bridge Builders poem is tainted for me too. In addition to it being used to support lcm's leadership, for me it kind of applied to all us corps who were to follow in vpw's footsteps, (not Jesus' foot steps of course). (BTW, I had to take a break from gsp as I was getting too triggered... Remembering to ground and pace myself is helping...) Am still finding it very helpful to gradually read thru certain previous posts to re-enter that old Reality so I can process, heal, and move Up and Out.) Blessings Twinky and All!

WordWolf- HaHAH!!! Indeed! :D Onward!

Hope OK to send reply to WordWolf here... Oh well, Onward!

Wordwolf, Glad my process and posting affirms the value of GSC and bridge building! The issue of kindness is an interesting one... I know that especially in sensitive areas kindness is often needed. However, at this season of my life what with the lifetime of trauma I have experienced, and the bondage-breaking/cult recovery I am in the midst of, I am ready for some good old yelling, screaming, and throwing things! JUSTICE NOW AND IN THE FUTURE, YES!! SWORD-WIELDING, HELL YEAH! It is refreshing for me when emotions are allowed and not swept under the rug, although there is always the risk of words being misinterpreted, mis-applied, etc. For me, it is time the pendulum swung out from the secrecy, deceit, and ignorance and into the Light and Truth! The balance is somewhere?! Blessings WordWolf!

Glad my process and posting affirms the value of GSC and bridge building WordWolf! The issue of kindness is an interesting one... I of course know that especially in sensitive areas kindness is often needed. However, at this season of my life what with the lifetime of trauma I have experienced, and the bondage-breaking/cult recovery I am in the midst of, I am ready for some good old yelling, screaming, and throwing things! JUSTICE NOW AND IN THE FUTURE, YES!! SWORD-WIELDING, HELL YEAH! It is refreshing for me when emotions are allowed and not swept under the rug, although there is always the risk of words being misinterpreted, mis-applied, etc. For me, it is time the pendulum swung out from the secrecy, deceit, and ignorance and into the Light and Truth! Blessings WordWolf!

Hey folks! Let me know if I should try to find a thread that already is on this topic... To restate something from a reply I just posted, maybe my Trust-o-Meter is functioning well enough that I can now return here to GSC and interact more... This past week I have had several marathons in which I read lots here; so helpful to see various POVs, individual ways of processing, different folks' experiences, and DWBH's posts re: restorative justice and not sweeping abuses under the rug. Again, thank you SO MUCH for keeping this site up and running bros and sis's!! Rebuilding trust post vpw w/ new spiritual sight and confidence re: doctrine/Biblical interpretaton- It was a good exercise to stop and separate what "the teacher" stole from others, and what was original to his dossier/public pontificatings. Yes! The latter was a bunch of hog wash phooey! Damn! And when it came to teaching re: the non-virgin birth, getting all excited re: Esther's preparation for her big night with the king, ETC ETC... That doctrinal sexualizing (along with the accompanying filthy practice) was a factor that resulted in powerful men feeling entitled to helping themselves to young women, with a trickle down effect, and in personal injury for the victims, myself included. This is one area of vpw's many slippery slidings, of course, but is the one that I am focusing on in recovery right now. It has been so good to have the veil lifted re: the BLATANT PLAGUERIZING AND ALL OF THE IMAGE BUILDING, NARCISSISM, MANIPULATIONS OF ALL SORTS. I could write much more, but for now will just say that I am so very glad, along with several others here at GSC, that Jesus and the Father will be the final JUSTICE/INJUSTICE NAMERS. And 2 Peter 2:21 "It would have been better for them not to have known the way of righteousness, than to have known it and then to turn their backs on the sacred command that was passed on to them." WOW!!! Leaving the final judgment up to God and Jesus, getting in my punches here and there, and going on my merry way! Blessings to all this fine day!!! <3 <3 <3

Hey wonderful reply-ers, perhaps you will see this response made over a year after your kind responses?! Do appreciate them!! ( Maybe my Trust-o-Meter is functioning well enough that I can now return here to GSC and interact more... This past week I have had several marathons in which I read lots here; so helpful to see various POVs, individual ways of processing, different folks' experiences, and DWBH's posts re: restorative justice and not sweeping abuses under the rug.) Again, thank you SO MUCH for keeping this site up and running bros and sis's!! God bless!!

Welcome!!

Reading posts here at gsc has helped greatly in processing things and in discerning the good from the bad and the ugly in the way organization. And I wrote the following: Well, am feeling as if I never had closure, never got to really say good-bye to a dear friend, the twi-with-a-lot-of-good that I got involved with in '74... And yes, am also saying good-bye to a dream, naive as it was, that a human organization or leader or Bible interpretation, could actually be a "rock of certainty in the ocean of uncertainty..." Guess it is time to do another round of mourning and letting go... And I want to keep moving ahead "fool-proofing" my life, and testing the spiritual waters for what I can believe and trust; which I think more and more is a still-alive-Jesus, Scripture minus any dogmatic closed system of interpretation, and ppl who pass character tests. (And I will continue recovering from trauma that occurred before, during, and after the way- a profitable [ad]venture.) Re: the idealistic dreams for finding rock-solid certainty and perfection on this inhabited earth... they are not for this Life, me thinks, but rather the Next. Duh!! And YAY!!

'Preciate it Rocky!

to all you nice folks! And LOLS Twinky :D Say, where is the best place to talk about/process a bit of left over emotional stuff? Like not having closure after leaving the way suddenly... Thanks.

Thank you! Yum, amaretto :-) And am finding posts here so needed and interesting, that my mental to-do lists disappear... Hence may have to limit time spent here! But not today! Blessings <3 <3

Moved to Bloomington IN in '85 and am still here; fellowshipped with the Englishes, Sutherlands et al here, and Rich Watkins and Co in Indy until 2005ish? And you? (Was in Eden Prairie MN '83-'84...) And you?

Hey, new poster here. Am definitely still recovering from 14 years in the way, and 18 years with Geer followers. Is GREAT to find liars being named liars here, and to know that truth is being told personal-testimony-wise. Blessings to all!