brainfixed

that's not funny to me, but i might just be testy today.

i think that there's enough about the brain and how it functions and why it functions the way it does with thought that is not known to say that what is not known leaves all those questions to which a full answer can't be concluded. things like dreams have yet to be fully understood, and evolution would say that a mother's "evolved" fierce protection of her children for survival of the species would lead to a society that protects its children, but every single day there is some news somewhere of mothers killing and maiming their children, and what about war when it comes to survival of the species? and genetics does not account for why one genetically predisposed person will not develop cancer or something when a majority of that family the person comes from has developed cancer, or anything else like diabetes or mental illness or obesity. at least i don't think there's enough real knowledge to make a definite conclusion.

i've been reading some things that i have questions about or just want to discuss more, but the topics were "old" and some of them were "hot" topics that broke down and weren't discussions anymore and some of them could break down, so in thinking about how to reraise the topics without causing problems i realized that what i was looking at inside of me was who i have become because of my experiences because of the way international, so i'm going to try this bullet thing to see if i can just name each thing that made me want to be involved in those other discussions and then see where that takes things, so here goes. it really riles my feathers when i hear people say or talk about how their religion is the "right" religion, and i no longer believe in "one true god" if i ever did. i never did believe that the bible was the big thing the way international made it and i always thought that the way international made people bible worshippers, but now i also think that what is palmed off as the bible as a religious book is really more like a fable that is there to get people to think, and this whole "fits like a hand in a glove" is wasteful thinking because trying to make a fable into reality is like trying to make the cinderella story a "real" story that people must believe really happened exactly the way the story said it happened and then shape their lives around the story. sex is not "true godly love" and does not have a proper place in a group setting and absolutely has no proper place in "ministering" to people, and i would never have even thought about sex having any place between anybody but lovers if i hadn't experienced the way international. men are not at all in any way shape or form able to be the be all end all authority on everything and especially over a woman and her children. being different from each other is good and is fun and is exciting, but it is not "evil" or "off in left field" and i would never have thought it was if i hadn't experienced the way international's insanity. physical illness and mental illness are not "devil spirits" or "lack of believing" or "lazy" or "unrenewed mind" and i have come to understand that making illness all these "bad" things is just plain crazy thinking. hitting children doesn't help them learn and grow at all, but it does teach them to hit and makes them fearful and skittish and angry and think bad about themselves. humans are humans and there is no difference between "believers" and "unbelievers" in reality. i have never found one documented incident of a "devil spirit" doing harm to anybody, but i have found hundreds of thousands of documented incidents of people harming other people, and the fact that i took all that time and energy to seek out the reality of this speaks to the purpose that the way international focussed so much on "devil spirits" was to keep me thinking wastefully so that i wouldn't look at what was going on in the way international, so now when anybody throws out "evil" about something i look at them and wonder what they're trying to hide about what they do and think and act like. when people have anger about the way i act or think or feel or believe that is not at all harmful then the anger is not about anything "righteous" but is really about control. i watch out for anybody claiming authority because authority is very different than knowledge and wisdom, but in the way international authority was more important than knowledge and wisdom and authority governed everything in the way international to the point that pedophiles and other abusers had authority and were given leadership positions while parents that knew better were considered "out in left field", and reading some discussions here really burned that understanding into my mind. that's the "short" list, haha.

oh waysider that was delicious so thank you thank you because i just got myself right up and danced and it was so wonderful! but i forgot to listen to words but i'm afraid to go for a second round because i want to dance again!

i have to borrow from today's kids and just say "that's so gay", and that one line "she's gonna get you from behind" yeh, right, "she". which takes me back to the original discussion here and i hope the discussion starter isn't mad at us for getting so far away from the discussion. and mstar1 can you do that with the youtube waysider linked to because i can't for the life of me get youtube to work for me at all right now except here.

no no no! that will not do! the "devil" is a minor deity. and do you see me stomping my foot to let you know you have to listen to me about this?

it won't play for me and the same thing with all those about him, but other youtubes will play for me, so i guess i miss out. wah wah wah.

i've been reading some discussions that i want to talk on but the last dates on them were over a year ago and the people that started them haven't been seen in almost a year, and then i don't want to argue about anything but i have some questions and i have some thoughts, and i might say something that might feel "bad" to people but I don't mean it that way, i just wonder about some things that were said. so what's the general rule about talking about "old" discussions and talking about hard things that might offend?

i think it's just that She might just want to feed them some apple pie, what do you think? sorry, sorry, couldn't help myself.

i wasn't going to get involved in this discussion because i had a feeling where it might be going, yegads you men! but the idea of the "devil" being a woman might stem from the idea that eve "cursed" man, but come on! does anybody really think that it was all eve's fault, and does anybody really think that that story is literal, and does anybody that thinks that story is literal do they also think that maybe there is something wrong with the logic of a god that "created" a woman for the man as a help mate and to keep the man from being alone would also "create" that woman as the very "devil" that would undo that man? and if men think women are the "devil" then what does that say about the men that think that? i grew up hating being female because i was blamed for all the ills of all the worlds from here to eternity, and i wouldn't take that blame but my mom did and my sisters did and now one is dead and one is a cold witch to protective herself from men and one is an addict, so thanks but no thanks on the idea of the "devil" being a woman. of course i know you men are not being serious here, but i just had to say this stuff before it gets too out of hand on th women hating. thank you.

i dated a guy that was just like that "hevvy revvy" thinking guy, and boy was he totally into way thinking to the point that he "sit" to get "revelation" about when to eat even! it used to irritate me to no end to think that he was that dumb, but then when i got me brain straightened out and learned about why people do such things and let things get so far with them, then i began to understand and really began to understand when i started to look at my own self and where i had let all sorts of people that weren't always way people lead me aorund in my thinking. what i get irritated at now is when i talk to people and they are scoffing and belittling about others that have this problem while what they're saying is straight out of some group they're in and they think that everybody else had the problem and they don't. that bugs the you know what out of me, but i figure if i look hard enough at my own self i'll see how i do just that too, so there you are and what can i do about it when it's somebody else anyway, and what am i going to do about it when it's me? burns burns burns that never ending ring of fire.

such irony that the way screwed themselves too often with "revelation" because if you look at it maybe god was telling them those stupid things to do so that people would leave and money would shrink. but "revelation" that my mother and brothers and sister did was always like going to see miss cleo or something, they would stand in the middle of the room with their hands to their foreheads and say just a minute, just a minute god's telling me something you need to know, and it was always how i could "bless" them by doing what they told me to do or what was wrong with me or what was going to happen to me if i didn't obey them "in the lord". but something else that comes up from this discussion is how much people knew the way was doing stupidly. it makes me more confused about things.

i remember when it was decided that the abundant sharing didn't stay in the twigs anymore and my brother went off the deep end about it and had terrible arguements with my mom and my sister because they though my brother wasn't being "spiritual enough" to "get it". when i think back on those scenes i can't help but to think that surely it was like this all over the place and what did people have to tell themselves to make it ok in their minds that the way headquarters was taking all of the abundant sharing and not giving anything back? and i wondered what that meant to my mom's finances having to feed and house and clothe and school all of us kids when we were with her because there were many times that the branch leader took out of the horn of plenty to bring groceries and stuff to her house, so i couldn't figure out what my mom was thinking and why she didn't care anymore for her children than she did for the way? and how many other moms and dads were doing the same thing? and maybe it didn't take food off the table or clothes of the backs or roofs from over the heads of their children, but when i got old enough i wondered did it take away from college funds or even better birthday presents or family trips? i mean at some point everybody had to make such choices in the way, didn't they?

this makes me cry for two reasons at least, one being the damage that is done to people from abuse, and two being that you feel this could happen to you even now, and my heart goes out to you and i cry for the self that it seems you have had ripped away from you at some point. from what i have read of you isn't very much because this post of yours seems to be the most you have ever said at one time, but it seems you are a tender soul and even though all the crapola is there you are still a tender soul and i want to say to you that i am sorry that anybody ever hurt you.

i had the "liesure" to watch oprah yesterday and it was about women who had killed their abusers, and the part i had time for was one women who killed her husband when he was going after her and i didn't see enough of that to know if she was sentenced or anything, and one women that killed her father in cold blood and was sentenced to life in prison without the possibility of parole but after 18+ years her sentence was commuted and she is out now. this last woman i saw said over and over again that she did not go into her father's house to kill him, but she went into her father's house to "put an end to it now", and she talked about over and over again how her father was two people in her mind, one being "daddy" who loved her and took care of her and protected her, and one was "tom" who abused her, and how she still sees him like this when she thinks about the abuse. i think that it must be like that for some people that were in the way, because i read so much about how some people had an overall good experience even though they saw the abuses and knew that something was terribly wrong but couldn't put their finger on it exactly. and if anybody doesn't think this shoe fits them, ok fine, i'm not trying to force this shoe on anybody's foot but i'm trying to understand and make sense of things in my own head, so i'm not trying to make anybody think about their way experience any differently than they think about, but i'm just trying to figure out things in my own head, and it is hard for me to understand that there are people that felt they were in 100 percent active control of themselves and their choices in the way.

plants, amimals, fish, the walls, do any of these things "feel" or "think" like us humans do? and if they do, how do we know they do? and since a couple of you touched on hard science and science fiction i'm going to a little bit myself and say that for as much as anybody knows we are all made of the same stuff and the only really differences between anything matter or antimatter is the activity in the smallest of the smallest particles and quarks and what else may be inside of there, so techically all things and antithings think and feel and perceive and everything we always thought was reserved for us humans. so either the whole question is moot or it is the answer to everything, i think, but who am i? haha. :) and i'm not one to buy into "brainwashing" and "mind control" as a blanket reason for everything, but i did explain in the topic i started that i see these things as behavior modification, and i also explained that i see behavior modification as something that is not good or bad but just is and is the way the world of people funtion with one another, so i don't see that you and i disagree but maybe have a different way of understanding the discussion. and i'm not sure this is making sense to anybody but me.

me-->at a loss for words. thanks. i needed that turn into a more colorful world, or maybe not but it stemmed the flood somewhat and made me chuckle a little bit. :unsure:

thanks you guys for being supportie and understaning and helping me to see that it's kind of "normal" what i'm going through being here, and thnaks for sharing your thoughts and feelings because this all helps me alot and it really helps with the panic. haha. :)

the will is something else entirely and implies an understanding which implies active thinking, but for me the soul is the place before thoughts occur, before the will gets in and shapes things and molds things to fit patterns of either my own or of others. the will involves active choice and once force and manipulation are used then it is no longer about active choice but about being cornered, and there's a huge difference, and the vast majority of people haven't had the tv and movie training to channel an inner ninja that can get them safely out of any situation either by plan or trained response. so like with the abortion example i used before, i had a feeling with no active thought or even "evidence" or "training" that made me feel like an embryo or a fetus is a living human being, i was a child for crying out loud, but what the way taught about the "parasitical mass" didn't feel right in my tummy, and i couldn't tell even myself why i felt like that but i did and it wasn't about my will at all because i had no way of thinking what i would will in an abortion situation because what the heck was an abortion anyway? i had no thoughts to form my will from because i had no understanding. so no it's not about a battle of wills at all.

the way compartmentalized the self into body soul and spirit, and most religions do separate the self into these same basic compartments, and all this serves to do is to make a war inside people's heads because each part of such a self is so totally different from the other part that any unification into a whole is next to impossible, so the way came up with "renewed mind" to bring out the part they wanted for their organization. and this is what i meant when i first said something about stealing my soul, which is where this whole question came up if i understand it right. to me the "soul" is undefineable by anybody but our own selves for our own selves because whatever it is for anybody it is only for them to decide because the whole thing is about how you or i define ourselves. some people like to have an external model to define themselves, and they live their lives very happy thinking that there's a part of them that is "dead" and it's called the "body", and there's a part of them that is "quickened" and it's called the "spirit", and part of them is in limbo and it's called the "soul". for me that was just too crazy thinking and caused too many problems with my sanity, so i stuck with "soul" being just me, and the rest of the stuff being what everybody else tried to make me be, and the whole of it being nothing but the mind itself, but being a unified mind and not a compartmentalized mind. this really helped me to perceive what part of my thinking was my "authentic self" and what part of my thinking was conditioning from the way and other abuse and training. so for example i always felt that abortion was about a human being and not about a "parasitcal mass", but in the way there was such terrible backlash for thinking like this that i got habituated to thinking that i was wrong and the way was right, which meant that whenever the subject of abortion came up, then i had to war within myself to push down what i was feeling and thinking on my own and make myself feel and think what the way wanted me to feel and think. after awhile my own thoughts and feelings never came up, then after awhile of that thinking, it seemed like it was my own thoughts and feelings to think like the way, and then after awhile of that thinking, my mind told me that the way agreed with me, instead of it being the other way around. it's a progressive and and planned and purposeful and methodical thing to steal someone's soul.

i read and read and read a whole lot before i registered to be a member here, so i was sure i had checked myself for all the possible reactions i would have to participating here. but then i started talking and now i can't seem to shut up because reading here is something very different from participating in the discussions because participating makes far more personal to me than just reading, and i find myself feeling like i was back at my mom's house and now i get to say all the things i wanted to say about the way and the stuff we had to live with because of the way, which turns out that i want to say so much and i have buried so much of my feelings and thoughts because once i got away from home i quit exposing myself to the insanity of the way and so i didn't know what it would do to me to touch on it so deeply by participating here. so all the little things i read when not a member here that reminded me of the way were just little things because after all what did anything anybody said here have to do with me and my life? and didn't i figure out a few years ago not to interact with people who had thinking patterns from the way? and hadn't i searched out all the thinking patterns i had from the way? and wasn't it all over me? but i guess not because it seems like all that stuff is coming out in me now that i am participating here and i find myself going into overdrive with my reactions. so what i want to say is that even though i assumed nobody would take anything personal i didn't really know that i would take things so personal and have such reactions, so even though i am not going to apologize for myself because that's something i have to watch out for, i want to say that i didn't know what participating here was going to do to me.

thank you leafytwiglet and dmiller for taking the time to explain a little bit more to me, and i did have a knee jerk reaction to what seemed to me to be a reaming like i hadn't heard since the last twig i went to, and i haven't allowed in my life for awhile now, so i wanted to ask if i was hearing things the way they are or just the way someone feels, so i guess it's just the thoughts and feelings of someone so now i feel a bit more ok to participate here without feeling like i have to "tithe" or something (that's haha and not a commentary on anything.) :)

i won't assume to speak for anybody else because i can't, but please do not think that any "knee jerk reaction" i may have had or did have or whatever is because i don't want to pay for anything, because that is not at all the basis for any possible "knee jerk reation" i may have had or did have or whatever, and i pay my way in life and have a very good work ethic, and if i know up front that something is going to cost money then i can choose up front if i want to pay to participate. but i spent a long time thinking about how i felt about things and the being charged part was just a part of it all and not all of it, and the reason the being charged part bothered me was not an issue in and of itself but was just one something added with the other somethings that made me feel funny about the whole thing for me. and is it expected to pay for being here for my thoughts and feelings that i may share or have shared to be taken with any weight as valid, and if so how come that isn't in bold letters all over the place so i could know it before i started putting my thoughts and feelings out here? this just gets fishier and fishier for me and i am glad i thought a long time about it instead of just jumping in and participating without knowing all of this other stuff. if i am reading things all wrong then let me know, but i thought this topic was about the web seminar and the cost of that and not the cost of being here, so if i am wrong please let me know so i can make a better informed choice.

i don't know if i understand your last two posts socks, because i wonder if you're being tongue in cheek or serious?

is this real? what rumrunner said is very good, and i kept wondering where was the documentation, where was the information where could i verify it for myself, what was the agenda of the thing? then the end of it said it all and i thought "oh, another freak out and get up in arms and do something and save the world" emotional jerk off. and even if this is real so what because that's the way things have been all along in all of history, and christianity was spread by force and not by actual growth, so at least if this is real then the only wars we have to worry about are the ones we start, i think. but i might be thinking like this because i get so sick and tired of the "everybody freak out and do something" thinking that jerks people around to do stupid and unthinking things. hahahahahahahaha! isn't that what started and spread the way? hahahahahahahahahaha!