Shellon

Congratulations !

My own personal take on the issue. http://outofmymouthontothepage.blogspot.com/2009/02/boobs.html

Soul Searcher, yeah it is/was kind of like that; creepy. It was my normal and a term I hate now would have fit. "It is what it is". Eyesopen, your support in telling my story continues to be of great comfort and at those moments when I think I'm a fool, your encouragement reminds me otherwise. Purpledays, your friendship has always been a treasure to my life and the life of my daughter. (Bossy) You are very much appreciated ! -------------------------------------------------------------- I waver back and forth between regret at even having a story to tell and realization that it's a story that must be told and therefore, and perhaps because, it shall be told. Some days, just like that time in my life and today, I understand little if anything of the human condition and even less about why people do what they do; myself included. Like then I, today, have to face my choices and consequences of same. But, indeed, it is what it is and we make choices. I can only ask myself if, today, I'm willing to live up to mine or not and I hope that I take from my TWI days some valuable lessons, a little strength, some understanding and apply what I need to do better. Alot of days is one moment (or second) at a time, isn't it? My brother say's "I'm upright and sucking air today sis, it's a good day, ask me about tomorrow when it gets here" He's not a foolish man.

Thanks Georgio, but I must be doing something wrong, I can't find D-Tension on the list. I did find another D-Tension on youtube that I couldn't stand listening to, cuz of their language, but don't believe it's the one you mean. help?

Excellent Roy ! Sounds like tonight things feel a little better for you, I'm thrilled to read that.

Thank you, Andy, for reading this story, for you care of me. I have to add, however, that while I know you and I have been friends here a long time, the "I love you Shell" makes me think of Jeff's love for me even more, and my assurity that you understand that, too.

Roy, while I appreciate you trusting me with mental health issues, let me say something here, please. I am not a licensed counselor, I am not a licensed therapist, I am not a psychiatrist, I am not a psychologist, I am not a mental health facilitator in any way. I have a bunch of training and classes in those area's but that in NO WAY gives me the license, legally or no, to offer what you need, here or otherwise, please do understand that. The best I can do is extend friendship and care and concern and while I hope it's even a small help, please lets not me and you expect me to have the answers you need. This is for you and your doctors to do and of course I get that YOU have to do the hardest part. I am happy to be available to you to talk to, to share things bothering you, but can do so on nothing more than a layperson's level. You must continue your prescribed regime given by your professional and medical teams. There are others here who can assist you and who rally behind you, as has been shown in their writings here. Please, however, do not just land on our words; keep up with what your doctors have said. Trusting only me or anyone other than your doctors is not in your best interest at this juncture, on a public forum. You can do this, Roy. I know you can ! This is not the first time you've faced bigger struggles and pains than many of us can even dream up. You can do this. You have to remember that and dig deep within the places you've reached every other time that have sustained you, that have kept you going when you were sure you never could. You survived your childhood, you survived losses greater than that, even. You've understood your health issues better than any, you've kept rising above your "disadvantages" and what must seem like complete lack, you've brought yourself back around to the best you can do. You can do this, too, Roy. When you had a stroke recently, you even kept your humor ! Remember that when you stay within the reins and boundaries of what your doctors tell you to do, things get better. Don't forget, also Roy, that you are valuable and necessary; you need to do this! We here at greasespot cafe absolutely understand that trusting others is most difficult, even though they say that they have your best interests in mind. It's more comfortable to consider "yeah, right !" isn't it? And the work involved in trusting someone, even professionals with our best interest in mind is exhausting on a good day. So, please don't discount our support and understanding; we get it. We either live it in our own daily gig or we love someone who lives it. I'm glad you have been taking your meds since friday, thank you! Keep doing that and do not stop it unless or until someone on your professional mental health or medical team instruct you. Your fight is what I enjoy, your stubborness is what I admire, your drive to do what you have to do to stay well is what I appreciate, Roy. It's easy for me to say go where they tell you to go, take what they tell you to take, do what they say you must. But I think you know you have to, so that you can come back around to the strong man that you already know you are, Roy. You can do this. Please do keep us up to date as you can and desire and please do remember that we really do understand; all of us. Shellon

Roy, I understand that dealing with your health issues can be VERY frustrating, they system can seem to .... you over and over and keep you on their own privately designed hamster wheel........... Whatever you do, don't stop taking your meds, don't stop showing up for our scheduled appointments, don't stop dancing to the music they play, even on the days you could care less about their music. If you are fortunate enough to have been diagnosed and given meds that work, then do what they tell ya to do. You mentioned a friend you talk to; yay! Keep doing that, it's very very very rare to have such a one as that. Don't forget to PM me if you want to, I'd welcome that, as I've suggested before. If you don't, I won't take it personal; talk to whomever you can that works for YOU! Remember your strengths and the crap you've survived through your entire life and search deep for whatever worked those times; you're a scrapper, ya know ! Every time I read you here I learn something, even if it's that I have something to learn or an idea to consider embracing or a new look at a tired subject that you've somehow put a new coat on. You give, you serve, you reach out to others, don't be afraid to expect some of the same back atcha. Expect to be valued and validated ! Shellon

Yup and wouldn't any place, cyber or otherwise, be damn boring if it never changed, got better, improved? Greasespot Cafe serves many purposes to many people and no two the same, I dare hope. But if, after hanging out at some place like this, there is no change, no expectation of change, no desire for change and better, then isn't that just boredom and doing the same things over and over and yet expecting something else to happen? I think that as individuals grow and lives change, ones needs in that life change. For me, personally, as I've said around here too many times, GSC was at first a place for me to find others who got it, as well as provide a place for my husband's family to find me if they so wished. One of those reasons worked out fine. While the other didn't at least I came to a place where my needs and focus changed; I could no longer wait and wonder and wish. Why we might expect or anticipate the admin of this site to read our minds or why we might hope others will continue to validate our needs is a mystery and not reality. I think we've come to understand in this life that if we want something changed, we have to be that change, we have to speak up, we have to express our needs and do something about it. Hoping anyone has a crystal ball is futile at best.

Happy Birthday Ron

I can't find an old green card, foundational class info., nuttin. What was on that thing, specifically the benefits, harmony in the home, so on and so forth...... I used to know them and could spit em out faster than my kids' names. Can someone post a picture of that thing, maybe?

Oh my That's all I've got since I've followed this story in your family for awhile. I am sorry for this loss in your lives and will keep you all in prayers. Bless your hearts, thank YOU for being there for these family members that make ya crazed.

Happy Birthday Paw

Hi Kimberly, yeah, my children's feeling like their mama didn't compromise, especially at the cost of them is pretty important to me. Hopefully they've learned a thing or three along the way too that they'll carry forward.

Yup, I freeze milk if I find it on sale. But if you do that, empty out about a 1/2 cup of it into the one in fridge or drink it. Do something with it, cuz the milk expands as it freezes, of course and it will blow.

I cleaned out my fridge yesterday, ew. I'm moving next month so am trying to get the contents down to where there isn't alot left in freezer to have to deal with, etc. After yesterday's purge, it looks weird in there, both freezer and fridge. A pecan pie for a day when I'm needing something sweet, a few roasts, Kelly's DNA stuff, I think the ice tray is empty (annoying, right?), gallon of milk, some bread, and I think a pizza. That's the freezer. Fridge is some condiments, last night's chicken alfredo left overs and a half eaten Plum, ew. Some aspargus, tofu, my vitamins and Kelly's Science experiment which I am avoiding at all costs. That's the fridge part. The cat was in there for a little while but that was an accident. Oh and my step mom brought me some of her amazing speghetti sauce, that's supper tonight. What's in yours?

Ya know what strikes me in this? That we, as ex-cult individuals, say we (ok, me) want the truth about TWI, about the leaders who led us into stupid stuff, but do we really? I mean, if someone comes along into GSC and says something like "LCM was amazingly wonderful" and someone says "you're fulla it, he sucked", isn't that the truth? Could that have been framed more gently, sure ! But it's the truth, then it can at least be dealt with, honestly. If someone asks a question, be ready for an anwer, else don't ask it. Maybe it is that simple. I'm not going to approach an issue or question the same as you or you and thank God for that; how boring. I think the point is that we ARE approaching things and dealing with them and at least continuing to move in some direction of resolution, even if only for ourselves and understanding that it's ok to do that.

Grand daughter, please be comforted in knowing that so many here (and sadly too many other places) understand your story and have experienced such similiar abuse. You have support. I hope that can ease your heart as you continue to share your story, continue to heal in the area of pain and question and continue to remember that you're not alone. Truly. The best part of telling a story is that it's your story, no one else's, even if we can relate. It's yours. I look forward to more of the telling.

I've considered the kinds of things you mention here, Twinky. Sometimes I wonder alot of 'what it...' until I understand that it isn't going to get me where I need to go, most of the time. It's tough, some days, to remember that God has my gig and doesn't need me to put anything in the suggestion box. You're in my prayers and I look forward to what's ahead for you.

WG ! That was beautiful !

Fantastic way she puts this in her blog: It is a grave disservice to the spirit of a woman when she is given the subtle message that the truth of her own pain is not as important as the reputation of the ones who inflicted it.

Yup, these are the things I'm talking about, Box and RR, excatly. Simple, perhaps but either we get or we give such joy; often both... bonus! A stressed out mama wrestling a toddler, 3rd grader and an infant. A gentle touch and a "you're amazing!" might get her through the rest of the day. Waiting to pick your kid(s) up at school in Michigan in the middle of February and see the Secretary's car covered with 2 feet of the mornings blizzard? Take a minute and clear his/her car off and say nothing. Know your neighbors favorite treat? Leave a basket of it on their porch. Have a garden in the summer and know a family that could use some extra veggies? Fix a basket. Kelly, my 14 year old, and I, adopt a family each Christmas holiday and do little things for about a week, secretly, ending in small gifts for each child. Our budget is small, so we don't give what we ourselves need, but little and simple things. A note, a dessert Kelly made, etc. I am moving and had built up a large pile of bags to take to Goodwill, but have a very small car. Rather than make 4-5 trips, I'd planned to borrow someone's truck to drop off. This afternoon I went outside and the stuff was gone, as well as the entire covered porch area was cleaned up and swept off. I've no idea who did this and the relief at no longer having to deal with that chore was immense. A short email to someone you've not kept contact with, but meant to. A hand written note card actually sent in the mail ! These things are such fun. Small gestures of blessing and we never know what good was just done. Sometimes someone is struggling with a very difficult and perhaps permanent decision that might, just might, be altered by someone just noticing them, appreciating them.