Shellon

"Shell....bell put the garbage out BEFORE a hurricane was due to hit....the wood she just placed on her windows was to protect them from flying projectiles....which is EXACTLY what her garbage would have become" ummmmmm ok, must be one of those things like grunchy stores that I don't understand either.

Then I get the dork title cuz I don't understand what you did. You took the garbage out or not?

http://www.cnn.com/2005/LAW/10/22/alaska.p...s.ap/index.html

"Shell- how did you get through holidays and birthdays and valentine's day and whatnot- without your Bob- " First times are always difficult. What was really rough for me in the beginning were things that were important to him. He died a week before fathers day and that was really really tough on his eldest daughter, who was 15 at the time. I bought them both gifts and we celebrated. That started a new tradition in our family of celebrating that holiday by celebrating them, who made him a daddy. He enjoyed Christmas and although I never really did, I missed his excitement the first one without him. His birthday was tough, we didn't know what to do with ourselves. Our wedding anniversary was very difficult and very wierd. October 27 the first year I went to a movie and dinner alone, as we'd done together. It was my own private goodbye to him I think now. Our kids still ackowledge the date, altho it's not as painful for me as it once one. The first year was the toughest, maybe, because of so many firsts. The unknown of how I might react, behave, what others might feel. what I was 'supposed' to do and feel. Once the day passed and I realized we were ok, the next one got a little easier. Our daughter sweet 16 party was surreal without the man who should have had her first dance with her. Making decisions without him got easier, although when it comes to our children, I would some days give a lot for his input. Our daughters graduation from high school and especially the birth of her first child, his first grandchild last april was HELL in my heart and I was so very angry with him all over again; blaming him for missing such an incredible moment in her life, how dare he? ;) OUr youngest daughter going to school, losing her first tooth. So much of my pain re: Bob is because of the "dad" things he should have enjoyed. You will adjust to these first in your life as well. The important thing is that you do them in a way that feels good to you and you alone. Sleeping in George's bathrobe is a great thing as you can smell him and feel him and gain comfort in all of that. Maybe for valentines day you would consider doing what you and he usually did. Did you go out for dinner? Call a friend and go, or go yourself if you are ok with that. Buy yourself a gift that you think he would have liked you to have. Your new normals will finally fit in your life somewhere, even if it seems they won't now. Your friend is absolutely right, you are not nor will you be the same person, so you'll have to find a way to live this new life richly, happily eventually. When YOU and you alone are ready. When your body and senses and heart has made the adjustments necessary for survival in this new place. Everything you are feeling is (I hate this word) normal, really. The body does amazing things to adjust to a loss. It sounds to me like you are doing that. I stress doing things that are comforting, offer you joy, make you smile and things that make you cry. Get into the grief and feel it, as well as the anger and loss. Today is today, keep breathing in and out. Tomorrow will come and you will do whatever it gives you too. I love you

Hopeful, ,we just do, one moment and then the next moment, and the next. There is no map or rulebook or certain way to do it; but the best part is that you are doing yours, and you have to. Your dreams are very normal as you process George being gone from the place where he was; next to you, available to you, there. When Bob died I had those kinds of dreams for about a year or so, but again, it's unique in the length as well. And interestingly I didn't have them until after I left twi, so that was helpful in that I was able to talk about them and process things and feel free to do so. Another way you get through this is by being absolutely certain you take care of you. You eat as well as you can, even if it's just small meals and even if all you can manage one day is one meal; don't do without, ever. You drink alot of water, not because every med book says to but because it keeps your system hydrated and that in turn helps you think better, clearer, on the good days. If you get sick you don't have the same energy to fight it and it's just more to think about and take on. Eat and drink and sleep. Take time to think about George and go over the memories, even the bad ones, assimilate your thoughts of him and you. I understand that you do think of him often, and don't feel at all guiltly when that gets a little bit less over time. Again, it's differant for everyone. Bob has been gone now for eight years and sometimes I go all day and don't think of him. That made me nuts at first until I realized it's ok. The edges in your life are very very sharp right now and you are having to find your way in a world that doesn't look or smell or sound or feel the same. You'll adapt and the edges will soften. None of this is to say that you'll "heal" as the word goes. You will, in whatever way it's necessary for you and you'll find your new normal. Do things that you enjoy. It doesn't matter what it is; reading, hot baths, mindless tv, going out with friends. At some point you may want to spend time with other widows and widowers and talk about your spouses. Hospice offers free grief counseling, whether or not you used their services. We used their counseling services for about a year. I realized it was over when I had no more to contribute in the conversations and that it was good; I had beat it all to the point that I needed not to do so. Surround yourself with people who will let you talk about your husband. Tell stories, laugh about things he did or said, share memories that are both good and bad. Don't be afraid of the dreams, they really are normal and good although that's hard to believe. Your mind has to process that and you miss him!!! It's natural for our brains to need time to work through all that. The way you'll get through this is by doing exactly what you are doing, never letting anyone tell you there is some special way to grieve and mourne, keep breathing in and out every minute, even when you don't think you've got the strength for the next one or don't care if you do. Do it. Don't put a time limit on this stuff, let it happen as it happens. If you try to stop it, you'll just have to deal with that part at some other point. Get the rough parts over and look forward to the better. Another thing I did was things that Bob liked to do. I watched shows he liked, I listened to music he liked, went to job construction sites to watch them work, thinking of the buildings and homes he'd built. I found ways to release anger and frustration too. I chose music that I knew would cause me tears, I watched movies that would offer that release as well. I pounded on a pillow when I was angry with him for leaving us, I wrote letters to 'him' that eventually grew to be three notebooks. It was journaling, but a way to get my thoughts to him out there somehow. None of that may appeal to you, find something, even one thing, that does. I can't believe it's been eight years since he died; amazing. Other times it seems about eight days. We still have rough moments, even now, but those pass too and we are still left with the best, the funniest, the most wonderful memories of a really terrific man. When I offered that you could call me no matter the time, I meant it. We can talk, or just be silent. And if I never hear from you that's ok too. This is unique to you and you have to do it. You can do it.

You all are absolutely right, the truth can't be handled, period. I brought this thread back to the top to add some information that I recently learned in a study that I was invited to do the numbers and report on. "somebody" took it upon themselves to twist it into something that it never was. Not even remotely, ever, at all. The truth was right there. You're right, I'm wrong.

Yes it's excel

LOL I did send you a reply. I am just gonna hit reply on everything and if it comes back in all quotes, so be it. I wanted to understand how to PM without having to repeat everything said from every PM before it. That starts another PM altogether. What a drag to have to scroll through every thing that's been said until the new one is found. How many pages will that take? Is this excel?

I read your PM and I think I replied, but every reply includes the other PMs and I dunno what the heck I'm talking about. I read/hear something else when computer stuff is explained to me. Thank God for email. I get that and know that I can answer and they'll see it. I think.

Thanks Mo, what about replying to someone's PM without having to start a new one every time?

And good afternoon to you!

You all have figured out HOW to PM? I have done so, but I don't think I'm doing it properly at all. I miss PMing with my friends. Alot

:D

I've found that finding out I was lied to hurt much more than if I'd just heard the truth the first time. It takes an amount of courage that very few possess.

:D Happy Birthday!!!

Frank said: We need to be honest with one another. :D :D :D :D That's all I'm saying

1,394 people registered and showed up for a conferance on Core Beliefs In Our Society. Part of their packet for the conferance was a question and answer form about how they interact with others. Of that large number, only twenty-nine answered that being honest is a quality that they embrace. TWENTY-NINE!! Out of 1,394 Also asked was 'to whom do you think it's ok to lie" 984 people said significant others, partners, spouses. Of those numbers, 590 said they regularly lie about the others weight, their relationship,sexual pleasure and desires, kids, work and bills. When asked why, the most popular answer was "because it's easier than dealing with it". I am part of the committee to tally this stuff up and complete a report on the findings for the service group that facilitated this conferance to use in future literature and studies. I am stunned, disappointed and very taken aback by these numbers. Although I have to ask myself why I should be surprised, in our culture, our society. :(

Happy Birthday to you likeaeagle. :)

Hazmat. GUFFAW!!! Lord were you so very pregnant or what?

:D Samantha I miss our funny times at Walmart. :P

I sent it in again too. The lady said in her email: we've received this information, thank you. Then DO something was my reply

HCW, Samantha is indeed a chip off the old block. She's wonderfully amazing and I'm so proud of her strength and ability to do what she knows is right to get the job done. This is the alternative: She shows up at twi ground unannounced just cuz she wants to. She pulls into the way woods. By now their barney fife security has put his bullet in his gun and is prepared to use it if need be. She's at the campfire site visiting her father's burial site. Security approaches her, maybe with the sheriff, just in case. An arguement begins, she refuses to leave just cuz they said so. They know that they have the right to even shoot at her. Resisting arrest can be painful. Handcuff are on, her vehicle is left, she'd booked into the county jail. She calls me. I drop everything, get a two day sitter for her 10 year old sister, find bail money and drive to Ohio. Her sitter is wondering where she is, her boyfriend is angry and worried, her boss is trying to be patient Judge sets a date to appear. She takes another day to drive, appear in court, meet whatever consequences s/he imposes on her. Media involved, which looks bad for TWI but bad for Samantha as well, when all she had to do in the first place was work out a meeting. She may also never be able to return again, or bring her sister or her children to see where their grandpa was buried. OR She arranges with TWI, even though it sucks orange donkey dick, to visit politely. They are expecting her. She arrives on time, meets with whomever is assigned to escort her. She spends time at the burial site of her father. She leaves and goes home. The end. I've never said it's fair, right or just. It doesn't matter.

:D As you should. Sometimes the confusion is funny !

giggle :lol:

uh huh sure, I'm finally getting it. Go head and mess me up.