Shellon

Have you heard of this law? Rape Shield Law Marital/ Partner rape is included just recently as well, I don't know if all states. http://www.arte-sana.com/articles/rape_shield_laws_us.pdf

hee hee yeah, something like that. In classes we talk about this stuff all the time. One prof said "learn to work the system for your clients" Again better to get forgiveness later than permission now. It doesn't work and there isn't much hope for improvement anytime soon. Oh yeah, I forgot. She was unhappy about my not showing proof of a savings bond that Kelly has. I answered in the affirmative on that part of the form and stated the amount, as I do every year. But this year they need proof. I don't have it, her grandfather purchased it for her when she was born and I've never even seen it. Sigh, it's considered income, doesn't matter that I don't have access to it, doesn't matter that it's in the name of a minor child, they want to see it, 'send a copy please'. lol so it goes.

I am home from my annual update appointment with our local human service agency to keep Kelly's medical coverage going. That is all we qualify for and it's cool with me that I can take her for medical needs w/o having to stress about how to pay for it. I asked the lady how to cheat the system, how should I have filled out the paper work. She said one can't cuz they cross check it against government and state information (my income is social security death benefits) and they verify what I'm putting down as well as copy the proof of income stuff as well as double check my utility, medical, other receipts I bring in. I leaned in closer and said 'do you really check all that'? She leaned a little herself and said "no, there is not enough time, resources or warm bodies to do that" I knew this, of course, but I wanted her to say it. And my case is very simple with just medical for my child. And how could I mess with the paper SS sends me that states the monthly amount, how could I play with the electric bill or invoice from my doctors? I hear all the time from others " let me help you fill all that out, there is a way" but I chicken out and am sure I'm the one that will get caught. And I don't want to mess up my child getting the medical she needs. Dang, the first year I was receiving death benefits and medical coverage from the state I was still green to the way it all worked and took a weekend job. I didn't tell human service about the income and got creamed!!! They send me a pleasant letter stating that they had become aware that I had additional income and they stated the place of employment where I was working 10 hours a week. I had to pay a huge fine, lost her coverage for a quarter and got a nice little note stuck in my file.

I keep thinking as a mom of daughters here. No absolutely means no, but what about when no doesn't work? Remember we are talking about the differance between men and woman and the ways each hears and communicates differantly. Does that make it one's fault or the other if things go bad in on a date or in a marriage? That would probably be for the court to decide. If I teach my girls that a boy WILL misread her innocent flirting, WILL hear yes when she's said no, have I prepared her? No If I teach her that it's in her best interest to be absolutely sure of her surroundings and with whom she's surrounded then give her the tools with which to hopefully, maybe get out of a mess she might find herself in, have I better equipped her? Maybe. Should I teach her about communication in a relationship that might turn into marriage? About what part sex plays in her relationship with that potential partner? Yes If a child is raped, there should never ever ever be this conversation in this thread. A child does not provoke a sexual act given that the child does not have the capacity to understand that is what s/he is doing. If s/he has been taught that is love and that is the way in which s/he is to behave, it's still not that childs fault, ever. The adults are the ones that know better and are responsible to make the decision that is right. I question more than just what's been brought up here if a man rapes his wife or if a woman causes her husband to believe she wants sex and then turns it off. Or one uses same as a defense in a divorce or custody battle. That's not to say it doesn't happen. I absolutely know it does and it falls in the abuse subject again. I also am painfully aware that not very many parents have these conversations with their daughter or sons, teaching them about what is healthy sexual relationships and what is not. For me to wish it were differant is not the point. I can tell my girls about physical things I understand about boys/men and encourage them to not lose respect for the way each body operates. I can prepare them to handle this part of a relationship in a healthy manner. It so often comes back to communication, the honest upfront kind. And I know my point doesn't even start to discuss the brutal rape by a stranger/rapist.

The only thing I'd add, Mo, is for us to consider the working poor. Our big Cooperations, for example Wal-Mart, offer such low wages and poor benefits as to cause their employees to get assistance on top of their jobs. I know you are speaking of what I was raised with. Do SOMETHING! Find a way, get out there and show effort, show some scrap and fight. Not to mention the example that it shows children, seeing mom and/or dad working two jobs to keep the heat on and fruit loops on the breakfast table.

Good point, Abi, you remind us of those kids that do get exposed to the good. The programs that afford the child(ren) the opportunities for growth and expose them to kind adults who do it just because the want to. If we read bio's on some high exposure adults that were raised in bad situations they most often mention a program or an individual who taught them outside the home, who believed in them, where they learned what wasn't being shown them by example from the adults in their homes.

Pond, if I'm not mistaken New York and other states kicks the recipient over into other types of programs when the "time limit" run out on the other As this link indicates, they still receive benefits but in a differant form. As a resident of that state, you'd probably be able to offer more on that. http://www.gothamgazette.com/article//20020101/15/659 There are as many ways to screw the system as there are recipients of the benefits. It's the abuse of same that is, of course, the subject and the problem. As a student of this stuff, we often are taught how to work the same system as well. It's easier to get forgiveness than permission kind of thing. Maybe as a worker I would look the other way or 'oops' lose a proof of income. It's bias, absolutely. And as a students we're also taught that it's common practice to give a few dollars more to the person who cooperates, doesn't chew our azz out because s/he has no food for her babies and appears genuinely humble. We've done mock appointments in classes where we practice figuring out a way to get services for you but not you. And discussed situations where we'd write a little note in the file as a hostile client if s/he comes in expecting us to buy them a house and feed them as well as find a doctor who will make house calls and finance their third car. More bias, absolutely. With the caseloads such as they are for these state employees, the recipients working the system is not always a difficult task. Michigan is talking about the over 5000 state employees it's about to cut as well as services that are needed. Additionally, a person who has traveled this road long enough can spot the weary worker a mile off and be in and out of the office fast with services. Home visits happen but very rarely; as there just isn't the staff and time and resources to do that unless it's mandated in perhaps an abuse case. Personally, I don't qualify for anything other than medical care for my daughter, since I make too much money for other services. (lol) but so often I've been offered help in filling out the paperwork differantly to get more. For me, it's a personal choice to not do that. This help has come in the form of other recipients as well as a caseworker or two or a teacher. I'm that one who would get busted if I lied and I've not got time to figure all that out and remember to whom I told what. That I can take my child to the doctor without stressing over the money is plenty thank you. And my goal for this degree is the state job where the decent health benefits are. Alot of them are also recieving benefits too, though. For some people, getting assistance IS their job. Figuring out which workers, which agencies have money they need to get rid of before they lose the grant, asking around to find the workers who have been doing that thankless exhausting job the longest, or the new one fresh out of school who wants to help anyone who walks into their office cuz the burn out hasn't taken hold yet. Paying attention to the 6 month time period when workers shift clients around, not going in to ask for help on a monday. Going on friday is good if they can work that out. These are a few tricks of the trade. If a recipient can work the system by finding a worker that will work the same system, it's golden.

Cool piece!!!

wow, if you leave drawers and cupboards open, are people always smacking into things and bonking their heads?

Greek.......ROFL oh man oh man

LOL dmiller, I'd forgotten about this thread. This one and the 'whats in your fridge' wierdness.

Our condolences for this loss to your family. Our prayers continue. Shellon, Samantha and Kelly North

Either wedding bells or blues bands

Happy Birthday !!!

Man Zaps Wife's Grandmother With Taser in Dispute Over Spanking http://www.foxnews.com/printer_friendly_st...,247439,00.html

What we allow we teach is ok.

Tilda my friend, I miss you

Love love love these kinds of stories! I have a computer story of my own that involves a GSCer. People taking care of each other, now THAT is what it's about.

:) I shall continue to follow your work and stay in touch, thanks. It occurs to me, also, with the end of life coming so much later than it used to we'd better come up with the monies and the programs, like Hospice, to serve that community. And with Hospice being so young, really, it's got so much room for growth.

Yeah, that fills in some of the blanks, thanks. As a psych student, being a 'change agent' is a concept I'm familiar with and hopeful to practice. Soon. Maybe. Hospice is an interest since I cared for my maternal grandmother until her death in 2000 with Hospice so very involved. I hope to perhaps get the opportunity to do an internship with Hospice to see if I fit. Of course with my husbands sudden and unexpected death while we were in TWI, the emotions were so much differant and much more challenging in that the after care didn't come until I understood, more than a year later, that Hospice also offers grief counseling and I took advantage of that for the 12 months they provided me. Then I took two classes on Death and Dying and I was hooked on the process of 'how can I better facilitate in that transition'. That, I suppose, is my brief introduction of my involvement and interest in this subject. Save for my youngest daughter's writing of a book for kids when we couldn't find a kid friendly one about dealing with death of a parent. Her book is simple and uses kids words and says it straight. That peeked my interest in being a helper with kids dealing with death and dying when she convinced me that it doesn't have to be scary and left without understanding. It doesn't have to be more questions than answers, for kids or grownups.

Hi Todd I guess I don't understand. The trailer I watched of the film definately shows the tragedy of violence and death etc. but I fail to see how that connects to our current daily walk of dealing with our 'natural' death. Or is it only about tragic, violent death? As helping professionals working with hospice, for example, we are more about accepting ones passing, dealing with things that will or might happen during this time and helping to facilitate a gentle move into the actual death process. Does this film not contradict that or is it suggesting that the two are somehow related?

lol dooj and thanks!! I esp love your time saving practical tips

:)

giggle Sushi's face