Shellon

I do, Hap, I do and thank you. Under different circumstances it'd be more fun to give you updates on your girl. And the updates will improve if my mama gut is right and it is nearly every time ! God is bigger than me and He's given me peace and comfort; that tells me all I need to know; it's just really that simple. Hi Grand daughter, nice to see you around here ! Thanks for prayers and I think I have been lucky in that the time I was in TWI I knew their shi+ stunk WAY more than they were willing to admit, so when I left, I knew what was fixin to hit me and how brutal it was going to be and I'd spent months (years maybe) considering if I was up for it and decided I was. Or decided I better be cuz 'here we go......' I was fortunate in that regard and the dynamics of my upbringing and my core bi+ch I was ready for 'em and many of them were family. Hey Johnny, I heard a rumor that was you ! hahahahahaha. Whatcha been doing, trouble? I appreciate your kindness to me and my children and thank you~! We're good around here, lots of changes and rearranges but it's going to be ok.

Amen John, that is exactly what happens and the screaming and gnashing of teeth serves no more than to make them look foolish and even more irresponsible. Of course they wouldn't expect me to publish their silly salivating at greasespot, although if they know me as well as they seemingly want to profess, they should know better than to ASSume anything in that regard. Remember my 5 year old grand daughter "I iggynore them Nama"

You're welcome John, thank you! I'm always thrilled to learn that we help each other here; that's what we're supposed to do when it all works right and we take care of each other with a view toward the same goal. I learn more and more each day what that means for me and then for extension to others and I get it right alot of days too. Someday we'll get to read your writing, yes?

Oh, I am ready to shed blood, I just understand that it's their normal I have a girl with something wrong with her, bottom line and that's where my energy needs to be. They want to be axsholes and lay their shi+ on me, their welcome to do so and it's not going to do much to me. Myself and others here, this is not the first of it's kind tossed out by them. Sad lives they live indeed. Maybe I've become immune to it after 12 years of it, I like to think I can still be surprised in this life, it keeps me on my tippy toes, but it does sting, sure. I'm a mother and a damn good one. If they or anyone else doesn't know that, it doesn't change the reality of it. They can't take a thing away from me, they can't kill my spirit, they can't hurt my babies anymore, they already contributed to the death of my husband; what the hell else could they take? I am not inferior to them and I actually sort of expect them to be mean spirited and ugly hearted. It's a sad fact of their existance. Mess with my kids and we'll have problems and I will win, period, no need for discussion. And from their tone and stupidity, I won't even have to fight with 'em to see that's already been done. And again, while it's welcome the support, I really wanted us to to share our own stories and point and giggle at them.

When her doc held his breath and said "I think it's Mitochrondial Complex I and it aint good, it's very very rare and there is no specific treatment" I instantly thought of my friends son, Hollis. Now, that diagnosis has not been given for sure and with the right lab test results and the right records, finally, it could very well be somethings so simple and she'll be fine in short order. Hollis is our inspiration and TWI can bite our A$S http://www.facebook.com/l.php?u=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DiWRON-qLpAo&h=d8fec5b19574a07dd737422294fd81ba

Amen, George, it is a sad and I know I don't miss it. While they won't pray for me and my babies unless I return to the protection of the household, I'll continue to pray for them and their family for safety out of that mess. Yeah, I'll turn the other cheek, no problem But I'll keep 'em in my prayers.

Nah and I think it would get to me a little bit, as in infuriate me, if I didn't have my heart and brain full of figuring out what is wrong with my child. Anyone who has ever had a sick child knows how all consuming it can be and the fire and drive it takes to fight to answers. I don't have the attention and time and desire to give to liars. I knew, full on, when I took my girls and left TWI, this would be the shi+ that would be thrown at us; anyone who makes that choice is aware of their game to keep ya. It's what they do and it doesn't work and it's pathetic and sad. But they do it. My life would be quieter if I didn't tell our personal and often very private story here and I am re-thinking that. Anyone's concern would, naturally, be for the safety and protection of their children as well as the peace and healthiness of their home. I am no exception to that, even while understanding what I was doing by finally wanting to tell my story, or ask for prayer for my daughter and be so specific about it. Plenty of TWI folks stay encased in PFAL, remembering about that poor little child who was killed and the mama blamed story, the condemnation piled on top of other guilt and fear and self loathing 'cuz they didn't do this or that or the other thing right, no matter how many times they did it right. The things that get to me where accusations and/or guilt are concerned are where they can, indeed, do harm to my child if they're true. All others, like this crap, nope.

Yes and I am mostly aware of who it came from. Reality is it could have been any TWI faithful and we're not unfamiliar to this stuff. I've got the IP address, etc. and will deal with them. I just wanted us to look at that brutality that still exists and for me, at least, it's a great reminder that I'm outa there, my daughters are safe and we are well.

Yeah, mstar when I used the word "charm" it by no means charming. I'm used to this kind of shi+ and I will deal with it. And nothing about that will be in any way polite or quiet. My point in sharing it was to point out, again, their guile and abusive guilt puked on anyone not bowing to their crap anymore. This isn't the first such letter, to me or others and it'll be dealt with, oh hell yes indeed. It really doesn't make me as mad today as much as I find it just so silly, really. TWI or anyone can not budge me from my care of my child, now or ever, period. Not their guilt trips, condemnation, nothing they can do/say/think/offer/accuse. Bucha meanies trying to scare a mama, the end. Doesn't work. As I said, I expected some of their nonsense and gave it great time and thought first. Silly is what they are. I no more consider for a second my child possessed or me or her sister or possession causing their fathers death. She's sick with an illness, her sister was a rotten teenager and their dad died of heart disease, the end. No And Katie... excellent response ! My girls and I giggle often, shake our heads frequently and sigh sometimes at the stupid stuff people say during times of crisis or loss like that and remember our responses or what we wish we'd said.

Thanks DogLover, I've read that book and as many other of it's type of help I could find and yes they are very ! helpful in understanding this kind of crap. I understood when I left that this would be their threats to me and they did not disappoint; from the moment I told them until now and I'm sure it'll continue as long as they are allowed to do so. I get it and as I said, it isn't going to deter me or stop me or harm my spirit or change my mind one iota as to my decisions then or now regarding my children. Or any other things. It's just their own foolishness and mean hearted bully shi+; I have always expected it, known it and accepted it's what they do. It sure doesn't sneak into my vision as often as it used to though, thankfully.

Some of you are aware that my Kelly has been ill. Until a Lab Report Mistake (read phhuckup by former doctor) happened yesterday it was supposed that she might well be ill with a disease that has a high mortality rate and if that were to be the ending diagnosis, I shouild expect to bury my child in 9-14 years. Right now it's not known, still, but I have located her correct lab reports and her new doctor will really be able to diagnose her. That is to only serve as an introduction to this thread that will serve as a trigger for some, a giggle for others and a WTF for others; it's your call. I got an email from a real prize individual who chose to offer me some advise. In their cowardly manner, the didn't have the sack to identify themselves. The body of the email reads as follows: Shell, we told you that once you left the household, you would then be out from under the protection of God and you should expect the negative consequences. You are now reaping what you have sown and your daughter is possessed by the adversary, you are accountable. As soon as you made that dreadful choice, your brother died, did he not? As soon as you made that dreadful choice, your older daughter went wild, left the obediance of you, the parent, and it's our understanding that you did finally have to put her outside the gates of your home. There is still forgiveness for you that will then give you the benefit of healing for your daughter. I regret that I can not reveal myself to you but can only speak for the one truth and trust you will remember what you were taught in Dr. Wierwille's PFAL Class and beyond and come to your senses. Don't you think you have to in order that your child lives? Remember your husband.......... God Bless you abundantly in Jesus Christ's most powerful name In love I have read this about a dozen times now and pondered it's content from several different angles; none of which amuse me! However, I choose not to be pi$sed either, while I considered it as a choice in the sheer silliness of the note to me. Remembering those days of guilt and condemnation. Remembering those days of power trips and prayerful consideration of "truths" exactly like what this particular fool suggested to me. Remembering, again, that to some I'll always be held accountable to God for the death of my husband, the poor choices my oldest daughter made and whatever other nastiness is chosen by other to lay at my feet rather than letting people own their own. Now, I have blabbed my life out here for years; more so recently and it's a public forum. I considered the possibilities carefully, for years actually. I believed at the time that I had the love and support on a very personal level to tell my story of being in TWI and our escape. While that may no longer be exact truth, I still believe that I made the choice of my own free will and I accept reality that some azzholes might do less than kind things with whatever information I give. I knew I was "exposing" my children and our private lives. I also freely solicited prayer for my Kelly here because I needed the support and prayers desperately; we still do! I don't regret that either. There are many things going on in my life that need God's grace and mercy and healing that I'll never mention and I also understand that God knows exactly what Kelly needs too, whether I puke it out on a forum or not. This one was so much more personal, so I put it here and I shall continue to update those that do pray with us. Sometimes when I read what the butt said I want to ask Pawtucket to get rid of any threads that are of a personal nature and then I remember a couple of things that are bigger than some jerk(s) wanting to stomp on my strength and replace it with that which can lay me out faster than anything; messing with my kids. Eventually I'll be able to completely see the silliness in the note and it will be a distant memory of someone opening their fool mouth and spewing their snotwad all over me. Perhaps, like me, you have things that scream into your lives when you least expect them and slap you in the heart that you thought might be in that past. I'm not going to waste valuable time better spent caring for my child on figuring out who sent it, while I do believe I know. I've only shared the most intimate of details of the doctors suspicions with very very few, so it's not tough to come up with who/what/where and even why, although it might appear obvious at the reading. They aren't worth that precious attention that is better served making sure she's getting the care she needs. When this journey is in the past in my family, I might address them with my usual charm, but until then we have today and I have no doubt whatsoever of God's love for me and my daughter, nor do I doubt God's ability to heal her or direct me and her doctors as to what we need to do next. If they could actually read and fire two cells together in their brain, it might be possible for them to understand my truths as I've written them in my story here as well as prayer thread for my daughter(s). Again, not my problem or concern and my stand has always been that when we put head to pillow at the end of our day, we face only ourselves. They will have to deal with whatever sputum lands on their own shoes. Mean people suck and azsholes are full of shi+.

A quote sent me by a really cool teenaged friend of my youngest daughter: Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don't and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it'd be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Amen Hopey

I'm curious about EVERYthing, those that honestly know me get that and humor me. But I don't get alot of things too, which only adds to my curious side. But anger is my current soapbox or curious maker or something. However, I don't mean beat the snot out of your neighbor anger, I mean anger that is ok, justified, needful, deserved, righteous. There are at least two different forms of anger. The normal stuff and the emotional stuff that we know as rage. Two very different animals and personally, I'm past sick and tired of not being given the affordability to be righteously angry. When I first understood someone say Jesus Christ got angry, I thought 'whew!' ok, there was an honest dude here once upon a time and look what he obviously got done'. Until I then understood that he was used as the exception not the example and adding to that, he had a penis so he was better allowed righteous anger. Women are supposed to keep silent in the church, blah puke so on and so spewingforth. But I took it and I kept my mouth shut and stuffed any anger I had and it almost killed me three times. We're supposed to tell truths, yes? Sometimes that is going to include being angry and we'll perhaps even make other people angry in the process; it's going to happen! We're supposed to take care of those we love, which in my house means being as honest as one can possibly muster and then some if they wanna stay in my house. Again, that kind of honesty is going to ruffle some assfeathers and that's not a bad thing. Do I kick people outa my house or not invite them in the first place who make a choice to not be honest on a consistent basis? Call my first born, she'll fill ya in, she's not lived here in a LONG time. Understandably there is the kind of rage some of us are familiar with that Martindale spewed on our faces (literally for some) and that's not acceptable, of course. That's the kind of anger that kills spirit. I didn't want to even include his name here but given the platform, it communicates, I suppose. I used to say "tell me the truth, really, seriously, honestly, I can take it, I promise" and then wait and watch in shock when the listener didn't deliver. Now I'm understanding that the reason they don't deliver is 'cuz they lack the first component of honesty; respect for me. Angry with me? Sheeeeit, have the stones to find me and tell me ! I love that. Lets have an arguement, lets deal, lets gut it out, I'll still be there on the other end 'cuz that person had courage and fortitude and strength of character and respect for me to believe me, to understand who I am and love enough for me to take the precious time (and it is precious) to spend on the problem that needed the attention. Again, I'm not talking about screaming, raging, throwing grandma's china. I'm talking about "I'm angry and I deserve it and so do you and lets deal, together". How amazing that is, how freeing, how cleansing, how much closer two people become when it's taken care of. I'm the minority on this and I accept that. Does that exist in this life anymore? Ham, start a poll, I'll vote NO! quicker than feces through a goose.

I can't give them celebrity status, no. I cleaned up after some of them and they peed on the seat, left the cereal bowl to get nasty in the sink and left pubes in the shower just like anyone. They walked with one foot in front of them, mostly, like you or me and they said stupid stuff like all humans and they were just as normal. They were as arrogant and abusive and silly as some of what we consider "celebrity" so I will give 'em that much.

Really wonderful to talk to you this morning! Didn't know I missed our chats as much until we got to catch up. Hopefully we won't let so much time go between them again. Thanks for info to move forward on my own non profit journey; I get a little more and more each time you explain it. Will be digging further and will have even more questions next time. Your unconditional support to me and my girls is always so very appreciated and valued even more 'cuz you've been there and have an ugly tshirt or four to show for the pain, understanding, learning and 'oh shi+'s' that have brought you to today. And tomorrow. Be well, my wonderful friend. Hit a thrift store for a coffee pot while you're down there! Some things are just more important than others. Enjoy the pool time and return relaxed and refreshed. It won't be long and I will be hollaring for more push, more information, more support, more kleenex. Oh yeah and continue to keep me in mind when CNN shows up, I'm almost ready. Leave a light on, I'm close to a couple of edges.

Indeed it sure did! It started an entire chain of events ! ! Music does stuff

lol waysider, yeah me too. I hate hate hate laundry and do not seperate or concern myself over any of that stuff unless it's a fave silk jacket and I've given my toddler grand daughter a shirt that was purchased for her teenage aunt a time or three cuz of the hot/cold thing. Chas, I can imagine! I miss Bob but sure don't miss the nasty construction laundry or the memories of him working somewhere around poison ivy and washing his stuff and getting the horror my own self. A few times he skipped work cuz he was the boss and could and went caving in Missouri scarey should never be in them caves and came home with nasty stuff like bat shi+ all over him. Was often a choice as to pitch the stuff or try to get it clean. shiver, still.

Thank you ! ! This one gets me in a place deeper than any I've listened to in........months. Yup, eyes closed, memories flooding. Wow.........

So very true. As a woman who made more than a few attempts to buck against their system of who a good little wife should be, my strengths rubbed them the wrong way, no doubt 1000%. Caused my husband no end of grief too. I was one of those wives who kept "going out from under the umbrella of protection" that was my husband, my head, the family. I had a voice, I had a funtioning brain, ideas, I was educated, I was skilled. Problem! That was used when he died too; had I been better this or that or 197 other things, he'd still be alive. Very deliberate infliction of emotional distress that continues even to this day in every aspect of what is called life as I look at our children, as I won't stop being a strong woman, as I still buck against the caste system I keep hearing so much about. Some of us aren't meant to march a specific way. Reality bites

Roy, I so much enjoyed that, thank you Life has been.......stressful of late and you so often offer me a chuckle or four; I appreciate you

ROFL O M G Hysterical............ Roy, bless your soul, that's funny shi+~! I would have much preferred Kelly's teacher use another example, but the point was that SHE got it, doesn't matter if I liked his example or not. But yours is.................oh hell crack me up Thank you, I very very much needed that kind of laugh this day

There are several versions of what a troll is, Roy. I don't know, save for someone who comes onto a site like this with the sole motive to cause strife and trouble and pain; we've had a variety of same over the years around here. Animal love vs person love...........My daughters Sex Ed. teacher defined the difference like this: Put your boyfriend and your dog in the trunk of the car for 20 minutes Open it up and let them out Which one will be thrilled to see you and which one will pack his crap and change his address? Yeah, that. Now, I'm not crazy about his example, but it communicated, if poorly. My daughter announced the our particular truck has an emergency release latch, so I am not sure what she was communicating with Mr Teaches Weird Shi+ but it certainly confused the matter. Probably for you too, huh? It's what I do, you're welcome.

Thanks Mike, will this be offered online too, do you know? I understand that the practical application can't be done as such, but remind me when we talk to pick your brain. My love to C and his family !

Yeah, another book definately, maybe more than that; we'll see if they sell or not. Might just be the longest therapy I've ever done and nothing more. I meant for this story (and the book) to be only about TWI but as you know from writing, things sort of..........grow. :-) Just when I think I've come full circle on something, there seems to be another beginning and I'm learning to embrace that. Those seasons and stages of ones life are clearer to me now. I'm ready for home, love, together with someone kind of family again, companionship, a hand to hold, grandma/grandpa stage of life. (eeeekk) A year ago I would have never ! said I was ready for those things, no way, ever. Kelly is only in my house another 3 years as far as high school, Samantha is grown up and doing very well, I am essentially alone in my plans and it's weird and I get it. So, there are some endings, some beginnings, some middle stuff that just won't go away no matter what I do and maybe it's supposed to be that way too, huh? For 28 years I've been a mama with no major health problems for my kids until now. So that's a new and very frightening reality as we journey through that one and I have to stay back a little so that she can learn the skills to cope with her new lifestyle in her own strengths and only my oversight. My parents have reached that stage of life where their needs from me are changing and it requires a renewed dynamic with my brothers and my step parents. The college degree that I need the most is within reach and I've shoved it back over and over simply out of not knowing what I want to do with it even if I got it. That one will have (and has been) the most expensive therapy, and almost as lengthy in time as the book(s). I struggle with finding a voice and puzzle at having to use it so loudly when I do find it. Life is full of respect and lack thereof and I understand that particular circle too. I seek whatever spiritual needs there are for me and of course deal with the clouds of trust that haven't cleared. I have come to understand in this adventure that if I never find that, I already have everything I need so it's not like it's a thirst for God to fill me with something. I enjoy that in this life we get to seek, we get to listen, we get to look upon those things and we get to ask. I'm learning that most don't like me asking and therefore finding new ways to decide if I care. I'm curious about everything and I want to know, but I am finding that those that say they love that, don't. Those that offer to encourage that, won't. Those that push me in the ways they think I should go really didn't listen to the directions I gave or give me the value of the plan being mine. It's good and it's ok. I'm rich with a couple of really great and honest friends, I'm blessed with amazing daughters, I'm not shutting my eyes to better, I'm not closing off the door to understanding. As the 13th anniversary of Bob's death approaches, this is the first year it's been so painful while at the same time Samantha is doing mostly ok with all that now and Kelly is just beginning her grief; so again our stages of grief and loss and acceptance are at completely different places. We love each other; it's all we've got. Life or death is unique and there is no handbook on this stuff, there is no way to know if I'm doing it right until it shows itself and often then it's too late to stop people getting hurt and I pray for what I need for that. This story has been me telling our private story, our personal good and not so much, me blabbing things and trusting. Not a small deal for me. Some have taken advantage of that but I expected it and the cost to them will be evident. I don't worry too much about that as I come to understand it's not mine. It's a process and I'm ok with being there.

I understand that this place is not like intense therapy with the desired results of same. And the term PsychoTherapy makes the beginning dynamic of it sound so distasteful, doesn't it? Hell, I was recently compared to a psycho, so I understand the bristleing at that prefix in that regard. Doesn't exactly make any of us seek out or desire or want to, much less feel all warm and fuzzy about sharing our lives, does it? But we here do offer each other a valuable service if we choose and if we choose to accept it. The best part, for me at least, is that it can be given or taken in whatever dosage one chooses for them at any given time. Not so bad If I were to call TWI and tell them I want to go back to their fellowships, would anyone here have the stones to try to help me, have the courage to love me, have the strength to tell me the truth? Uhhuh, see what I mean?