Shellon

Good thing I don't like milk eh? I'll hollar when I can take a drive. Thanks!

yes! perfect

Yeah, I shoulda but I was quiet then.

The final straw........wow, yeah, that's a fantastic question! For me it was our Limb Coordinator sliding up next to me and replying "it looks like she's about ready for me?" pointing at my then 16 year old daughter. I went from shock to rage to shock to wondering if I could have my own coffee pot and all my books in prison to rage to "yup this is is, I gotta figure out how to get us outa this joint" And so I did. There were plenty of other "almost last straws" along the way; more so after my husband died under their lack and instruction. But knowing what that Limb Coordinator meant, knowing what was going on with LCM, I knew I had to get us the fluck out and asap, no matter the cost. And it was plenty. Amen, Box and Jave, freedom is wonderful !

Hi Jane, thanks for sharing your story here~! Like you, I've been there, done that and have a few really ugly tshirts as my reward. But as is/was the norm in TWI no one ever DID anything about it and now you can! 'Cuz you get it! You understand the exasperation and the sheer frustation and self doubt and self hate it takes one to in order to consider THAT! These are proven cases of TWI induced suicide, before, during and after, as you understand. It's such classic bullying and mind altering, isn't it? I especially love now that you feel your emotions and express them! Especially as strong women, we are but chastised and ridiculed and further attempts are made to push us even further into submission and control when we express those emotions. People give up, run away or ignore such behavior. It's ok to get angry! It's healthy even and it's so much more freeing to get that stuff outa there! Talking about it and even your child like temper tantrums are healthy and normal and good; I'm thriled you get to do that. You're one of the very fortunate ones in that regard. We know that when a child is tipping over it's best to just let them tip and get it out of their system; it works so much better than forcing them into some column of our own making and expecting them to adhere to it so that WE don't have to deal. It still works for adults and when anyone tells us we shouldn't, can't, ought not express ourselves, even in anger ( maybe more anger is actually needed) then they are more and more like TWI themselves in their desire to system step another into compliance. Our culture says, especially to women, "don't fight, don't yell, don't argue" so we stay frustrated and angry and impacted with emotions that will come out somewhere, that's a surety. For some reason it's not ladylike or some goofyshi+ if we express "hey!" and then follow that with the "what" part. Sadness. I applaud you and address you on behalf of women

I'm finally understanding that, Frank, thank you. Sometimes I wanna bi+ch about the painful journey to get to that but then I must remember that's it's all part of that journey. And to let God do God's thing and to stay out of his way........

I did, which is why I giggled. That forecast was more accurate that the doppler one I usually consult as to whether or not to take my umbrella.

lol that's funny. It's raining here and it said yes I need an umbrella. Cool!

Suzie Vandergrift Bliss Thomas Henry Smith Chia Mandry Jay Dennis (creator) The entire facebook profile is about Wierwille. Don't eat lunch yet and check it out your own self. I've already had my hands slapped for not agreeing w/ them and my posts deleted. That's ok, probably will do it again.

Happy Anniversary Greasespot Cafe. We've accomplished much with this site and keep TWI on it's toes, provided a landing pad for those hurting or with questions. We've exposed things in our lives that were painful and tough to even peek at much less splay wide open to invite discussion. For me, personally, it's also been incredible therapy, alot of laughter, as many tears and a connection with some really amazing people; a few of whom I count now as trusted dear friends. I have no idea how many times, in 10 years I wandered in here to read something that kept me awake or maybe put me to sleep . Or when I couldn't sleep, I wandered in here to just hang out and consider this life of being free, to learn from those of you who have had that courage to share your lives and story with total strangers. I've raised two children at Greasespot Cafe and you all have tolerated my stories of those amazing young women and the pains and hysterics and laughter and wonder of being a single/only parent. Thank you for giving me that luxury; they're good people that might thank a place like this for their mama having a place to go and do something else. We've shared deaths, marriages, divorces, jobs, births, losses and gains and we've done so as a strange somehow functional community. We've hung in there when it would have been so much easier to bail, we've stayed put when it would have been so much less painful to just close the joint up and walk away. That is a LOT to be proud of and celebrate ! Thank you, Pawtucket, and your team of those who assist you out of the goodness of their hearts and give only because they want to. Here is to another 10 years.

And on that note, I end this here. And........the 10th Anniversary of Greasespot Cafe?! Wow, I've been here from the beginning of that and before. Yikes. There were MANY a night when Samantha was MIA or Kelly was sick or I was trying to remember why I was in school that I could come into chat and hang out and have something in common with you all. The laughs, I miss that very much ! Thank you Paw for the laughs around here and allowing me such freedom to do whatever it is I do here. I don't have a crystal ball and can't say for sure where our journey will take us now. We've had some recent significant losses in our family that have caused me to stop and be sure I'm where I'm supposed to be and I find that I'm not. So, therein lies the next part of life that involves re-grouping and taking with me what I need from mistakes; some bigger than others and some more painful than others. Alot of this life, I understand now, isn't mine to claim as fault(s) and I like being there, too. I don't have to accept things just because someone said "it is what it is". Not to me it's not and that's my choice and thank God I get to have those options. Kelly is almost a Sophomore in High School, I'm starting my little Advocacy business, Samantha is doing very well in her own life. Things are moving forward just like they're supposed to be and I'm proud of that in our little family. Kailin is 5 years old and about to start Kindergarten; amazing. My son in law and I are finding a place where we can love each other for the sake of those we love in common. I'm kicking around the idea of adding a partner in my life so I'm looking at that with the lens of alot of 'hmmmmm' and trying to figure out how that works in this journey and if I truly want it to. We'll see, as it goes. Those of you who have supported this story, I heartily thank you. copyright Shellon R North April 20, 2010

Thanks for leaving the bathroom light on ! LOL And yup, regardless of the partners and the ranges, "we" deserve the lions share of the credit for all the late night laughing, bi+ching, pondering and "oh crap" moments to get this thing to here and now. I'm very proud of you, you know that! And frankly, the ride has been an interesting one, hasn't it? Moment of fame or no, I don't care, I just love that it's actually happening! Leave the porch light on too eh?

Where my house is ya kinda can't see me back here unless you already know I'm here, so that helps. However, we get 'em from time to time. The last time it was Jehovah's Witness and they wanted to ask me what I thought about death and dying and how much of a sinner I was if I didn't understand whether or not I was going to heaven or hell or get stuck here somehow with a 24/7 job cleaning skid marks at the Soap n Suds. I was in a mood, I confess. So I invited them in and offered them a cigar (really) and a shot of my friend Jose' and said "do tell me about your death and dying" I've not seen them since, odd isn't it? Maybe they didn't like my hospitality or something. I'm not averse to standing on my porch chatting about the Bible or someone's God or their preferences. What I am averse to is the forceful condemnation of same and their reality that my life is somehow lacking if I don't let them convince me of how crappy my life was/is/will be. Say hello to me normal and be a gracious guest at my table and I'll listen to almost anything ya got to say.

When I took dance they taught a primary thing. If you keep getting your toes stepped on, fnd another way to protect your feet or get a new partner. If you are the one who keeps stepping on your partners toes, get off the dance floor. It made sense a minute ago

Potato in "you're daughter is possessed" Rockin!

Oh hell, write that down, that one goes into Gems, potatoe

Nah, mstar, you don't owe me an apology. I put this in About The Way on purpose and the Way is what is being discussed. Hell, I just wandered into Doctinal yesterday, where I nearly never go (shiver) and took those participating into a dream I had. That's part of the fun of this place, if ya ask me and ya didn't. I do believe my email writer is still hanging out with The Way International, yes. I don't have solid info on that and I'm not clear that I care. The tone of the letter could be as simple as some chick just being a bi+ch to me; either way she blew her nut where she had no business.

Ham. As a writer with a story to tell and then as a woman and mom with a life to live it's tough some days and putting my story out here only took me 11 years. I'm learning, more so in last month or so, about picking my battles VERY carefully. That's not to say I will shut up, 'cuz now I can't, but it is to say that I know I have critics and what Kelly and I call "starers" and it's part of the game they play; we've learned how to roll with most of their punches. I wanted us here to take a current look at their silliness.

from the girl who steers clear of Doctrinal convo's.......... When we were in TWI I had a dream that repeated itself about 8 times that I recall. I was back in my home town for some reason on a side street across from the house I grew up in, running. There were people every flippin' where, some running, some walking, all in different states of emotional highs and lows. Children were seperated from parents, odd animals were milling about. Jumanji ! Yet it didn't feel like chaos, necessarily, just very unsettling and kinda trippy. I slowed to a walk and someone spoke to me; a man in all yellow from head to toe, top hat to yellow shoes. Talk about trippy, I thought I was in a Matthew Lesko commercial. But he told me in a whisper this was the time, this was it, we were on our way to Heaven right now. Heaven? What?? Huh? Wait! ! ! Where was my baby (I only had one daughter at the time) and where was my husband and I recall looking for my Chocolate Lab amonst the 4 legged wanderers. If this was the Gathering Together, I wanted to do something else. Then I remembered my broher Paul, who's gay. I then realized that some were running in one direction and others in, well, another. Heaven bound and Hell bound? Not the way I understood it, but dreams are weird. I didn't know where to look for Paul and it became, suddenly, even more important than looking for my husband and daughter. I found him sitting on a little white stool like grandpa used in the cow barn to milk. Just sitting there, smoking a cigarette, grinning at me. Sit down sis, just like he always said upon our greetings. I told him we had to go, this was IT! and I tried to get him to rise and come with me, who knew how long before the Closed Sign would be put on on both places. He wouldn't comply and someone hollared "leave him, he can't go anyway". I kept pulling on him, he kept pulling back, refusing to come with his amazing sister and someone kept hollaring we had to go. I turned and walked from him and went somewhere, hopefully to Heaven, but hey, who knows, the way I cuss The way TWI taught stuff, yeah. Rewards and punishments, yeah. The dream never returned again after I asked him for his forgiveness for treating him less than wonderful as my brother while I was in TWI and he accepted my apology and forgave me. I wonder where my other brothers were. Commercial over and thank you

No harm done whatsoever, truly. It's easy to assume it's them or them or maybe them, I get that. And I'll not offer that family and I haven NOT said and/or done things in pain and confusion and desire to say our piece. The seperation of this family is a shame is what it is. However and had I know for sure the whom part yesterday when I started this thread, I would have cleared that up right away. I had a pretty good idea and I, also, assumed that cuz this chick follows me around and wants to save my life and the lives of my children from all things that aren't hers, but couldn't be sure until about 8 this morning when I knew for sure it was here. I've responded to her and taken what I hope are measures again that she can't reach me. Sent her on a wild duck chase, stuff like that as far as my email, etc., goes. What a pain in the asx huh? I have so many more valuable things to do with my time and energy and life. But, what we all have said here is spot on true! She is still a part of twi and in her misery......well, I'll keep that to myself. Support is appreciated for my girl !

I have to add here, Tzaia, that my husband's family is not who is 'going after me'. Yes, we are mostly estranged but this is not the result of their angst or anger or estrangement of me. They love Kelly and don't wish her ill or the diseases the docs are talking to me about today. I blame them for nothing, today, except getting caught up in an organization that did some damage in their lives and family. But this foolishness; this letter is not from any of them, this I do know as of today. The rest of your post I absolutely agree with but not towards Bob's family; not this letter. The writer of this letter resides in Mississippi, the fun to say spell state nor is she contacting me via greasespot cafe. She's made attempts to get my phone number, of which I'm protective to the point of OCD and she's contacted me via a parenting site I frequent, stuff like that. She's at least smart enough to not come in here and blabber all over and expect to get away with it. Again, she and I will dance, soon. I am not sure about her leadership; it's always been between she and myself, but we'll see. She's tried to save me and my babies many many! times, it seems to be one of her missions in this life. Today is more energy given to taking care of my child and getting her what she needs. Your support is ever appreciated.

Please don't mistake my quiet about the words themselves as acceptance of them. I suppose I have thickened my skin to allow for less sting at this kind of behavior from others, but let me add that this isn't anything new. I got in TWI in 1982 and hung out there until 1998, so this doesn't shock me at all, doesn't surprise me, doesn't make me do much more than feel shame for their attitude; it's embarassing isn't it? That's not to say it doesn't hack me off, but from a mothers lens only, really. I am a fantastic mother and I don't take to being accused of anything less, ever. Whether it were TWI or a total stranger or someone that lived in my life 24/7, going after my parenting skills and ability and love of my child is way past fighting words. The old stand by works: Mess with me all ya want, but don't you dare involve my babies. When I left TWI I did so with full and complete knowledge that there was the clicking of teeth that went something like "what is she doing to those girls?" and I've not been left wanting as to them keeping it up for the last 12 years. My husband had just died and TWI was in the process of setting me up with a new head of my home in the form of three men who would share the responsibilities as to what I might need. Interpret that anyway you choose; I'll not elaborate except to say that it was clear to me what I was to do and relenquish the traditional male role as to my daughter's spiritual needs was priority. "Those children need male influence, Shellon". Okfine, so I grew a pair. Since that time, they have been often the first place I get criticism and accusations as to lack. Striking, actually, since they are the first place I put my care, concern and attention. I knew from my first PFAL in 1982 that I was to "believe" for my children's health and turn their needs over to God and whatever current trend TWI was shoving in my face as to child care ie wooden spoon, etc., and follow their trends. It didn't fit me then and nothing changed as the time crept by. I understand, also, that women such as myself are a problem when we don't bow to their level of stupid or lower our standards to their level of what's right. I'm not a stranger to that, so again it doesn't get me when they, again, puke their threats in my direction. Dmiller speaks of family and that was unique in our case as well and I'm used to being denied access to some of my daughters' family as to their love and care and concern, even as their grand daughter/niece is ill. It's sad is what it is. I tend to learn more in this life of what NOT to do and how NOT to treat people. I file this kind of thing in my don't do that to someone place and stick with Kailin's iggynore them, for the most part. I don't know that I'll publish the author's name of this silly email in a place of attention for TWI, but I do know that it likely won't be the last one I'll receive on that context; I am just used to it in emails, phone calls, IM's and messages via third parties. I quote my grandmother often and it's a familiar one to many. Be a duck, calm and quiet on the surface and paddle like hell underneath. So often in a crisis such as Kelly's being sick, I recall her teaching me basic things about behaving when the going gets a little rough or even if it get really rough and first and foremost she would tell me to let the least important things simmer when I can so that the bigger things don't boil over and make a worse mess. Sometimes I get it right. The most important thing for this moment is that my daughters doctors now have the correct lab reports and test results and it's hoped that there can now be a definitive correct diagnosis. That is what's important to me today, give me the name of THAT enemy and let me at it. TWI is a blip on my radar that is to be cautiously eyed and I don't turn my back on them, but my child's care is where I place my energy and time for now. Until we about her returned good health and life gets back to something besides medical tests and specialist and no answers. Then, sure, bring it on as to dealing with the poopysillyheads. can you tell I've spoken to my 5 year old grandbaby this morning? I like the way she thinks. My husband's remains are buried in The Way Woods, my children's paternal family is still involved; some of them. It's not a matter of just storming in and kicking azs and hoping I get a name or three right.

Hi Thomas, yeah, beating her up, almost killing her wouldn't get me more than three hots and a cot for a couple of years. I haven't ever felt that way about anything TWI said to me during or since my tenure with them. Well, ok one time I wanted to do a wee bit o damage to a horndog leader that told me my 16 y/o daughter was "almost ready for him", but I digress. And I suppose if someone were literally hand on attacking one of my children, I'd kill 'em if I had to, sure. This, however, is just snotty attitude of arrogance and 'we're better than you and you suck and look what you did cuz we said and come here and we'll fix your huge mistake and your baby girl will be healed'. BAH! I knew it for what it is, as well as the many others I've been given since Sept 28, 1998; it's part of the package that is leaving TWI and ruffling their feathers. I do agree with your "just immature brats and bullies" completely; indeed! And thank God that I understand that and won't stoop to her level of stupid. My current goal is to see healing and health and wholeness for my child. They can do nothing to me to stop that.

Thanks Roy, but I won't accept a diagnosis of anything but something simple that can either be treated or maintained until she's 104 years old and she dies a very old woman, long after burying me. So far the findings have been dire and we've pushed more and dug further and I've spent my days and nights asking more questions, taking her to more doctors, traveling to specialists, pushing into "no, keep looking". She absolutely knows my love for her, indeed, it's the sustaining factor in our family. Well, that and rib splitting laughter, but yes we know love here, no doubt. I understand what you are saying and I appreciate your care for us.