I'm struck, reading this, with thinking about how everyone is so individual and unique with varying coping skills. If I have a student or other client in my office, I have to get the whole picture, the entire story, consider more than just what I see on the outside at presentation. Wierwille, as a preacher, leader, whatever the hell he was, "should" have had the understanding that his actions very well could push this particular woman into a place from which she'd never recover. Of course discussing what Wierwille should have done is somewhere beyond logical or reasonable; not even an option.
For whatever reason this woman made the choice to end her own life, only she knows the answer to it's complete and total reason.
Did Wierwille's actions contribute heavily to that? I'd lean over toward yes in a huge way. Without giving him any credit or room, I'd also add that often it's not just one incident or circumstance that plummets someone to such depths, but one circumstance can trigger the whole life into such action, sort of tip someone over.
We can't know of Sandra's background, childhood, whether or not she felt loved and valued by many or none. Was her experiences with this man just one more of many, was this her "if one more_____happens, I'm done".
Any of us can speculate about her life, her pain, her actions. Bless her heart, whatever happened, she felt she had to make the decision she did. It does, indeed, speak highly of what this board is all about in the first place.
I considered holding TWI culpable in the death of my husband because of their teaching on sickness is weakness, perhaps causing him to not seek medical assist. Bottom line is that my grief, my children's eyes, my pain led me to want to make someone, anyone responsible. Should TWI have come to me and apologized for teaching him that? Maybe it could have been comforting, but what would it serve, really, in the end he's still dead.
Could these men have said or done things differant, accepting and admitting whatever their actions did to push her further? Sure, but they didn't, so far as we know, and it would have been too little too late. Emotions figure in during a tragic loss such as this (or any, really) and we want to blame, we want to have someone admit to contributing, we want, need! to hear someone admit to something that make any kind of sense. We know it isn't going to happen, even if the man/men were alive. And it still doesn't soothe the loss or calm the ache. That was never Wierwille's style in the first place.
I am not crazy about Sandra's life and pain and ultimate decision splayed all over here for discussion either, but it does speak of the abuse and the control and the rage with which we should continue the fight. We also can not know what this kind of discussion might do or has already done to prompt the escape of another young woman or give yet another the answers she's been seeking for years since her own abusive encounter with him/them. So, in that regard, I can see the good of a thread about her..............sigh.
Waysider, I get your desire to have a memory of her here and thank you. I didn't know Sandra, but I'd wager that she was wonderful, loved God, wanted to know him better and more and did her very best to do what she believed was the right thing. I'm sorry for this loss.
