Shellon

We had a blast during our WOW experience. We were a young newlywed couple, our daughter was only 4 years old, we were hooked up with a couple that had a 9 month old baby. This was our first time of being away from family, on our own, grown ups! We were sent to Ansonia/Derby/Shelton, Connecticut. I got to see Yale and hang out on campus, was exposed to culture that I had always wanted to check out, met people that contributed very favorably to our lives, in twi and not. Our WOW family remains my dear friends to this day, 20 plus years later. We did the required witnessing, yes, but we never ran one class. Somehow we didn't care and didn't stress it; we sort of took the stance of if people didn't want to come to twig, we didn't care. We did have alot of people over for coffee, games, conversation, but never formal fellowship. Personally, I hold no guilt or responsibility for others' decisions or actions. While I understand not everyone's experiences were like ours, I remain thankful ours was fun, which was our goal. There were challenges, sure. Life is like that, huh? We ended up staying another year because the area was so great for us; I'd move back to it now even. For us, it wasn't about TWI, necessarily, although of course that was why were went there. It was about taking on an adventure as a young couple. Successful as in people taking the class? No Successful as in us learning alot out ourselves as a married couple, as parents, moving outside of our comfort zone, yes, very.

I am SO proud of you :)

Here is some of that from 2004, kind of interesting, really. http://www.greasespotcafe.com/ipb/index.php?showtopic=4296

:)

You know I love you both and dig that we get to be neighbors around here. This year do something for yourselves will ya? Shellon

Thank you! My job as the student advocate is to support him, remind him every day why the Speech Therapist keeps making him work, etc. We hang out and I give him breaks away from the stress of his therapy's to do other things and to get things he needs for school, personal or home. I'll mention to those that do that, thank you

I was just assigned a student who's 8, this is the way he writes. samtsirhc doog a evah t’ndid ehs I wanted some samples before I figured out a goal plan for him so I asked him some questions and asked him to write them down. That says "she didn't have a good christmas" He write it as fast, and from left to right, as I do the way I wrote it. Fascinating, really, but he's got a lot! of work ahead of him. This is also the way he reads the words. Not related to the thread, necessarily, but made me think of the little guy. Cool kid.

In 10 1/2 years I now know that I am valuable, to me. I matter and I'm important and I have value in this life. I know, now, that I don't need another's validation to take some kind of action for myself. I understand that I don't have to ask permission to be happy or sad or angry or ask questions. I get it that it's ok for me to search my own heart and really look at what's in there. I finally see that if I need something, it's ok that I do and I don't need to figure out why someone else says I shouldn't/couldn't/wouldn't if I were them. My wants and needs are just that; mine and if they don't line up, then it's my own gig and mostly I don't care. I know that I can parent as I understand and with the eye towards what is best for my children, no one elses. I learn that I can say no when I mean it and not have to live with the yes that I never wanted. At the end of the day if I put head to pillow, it's just me and God, period and it always has been.

Happy Birthday Bill, hope all is well. Shellon

Hap, of course you deserve and should be given the respect of an answer to your comment/question. When Wierwille passed on the Presidency of the Ministry to Martindale, it was the "passing of the mantle" Giving the responsibility, passing on the job. Somwhere there are pics of the ceremony, with oil, a cloak/fabric giving, etc. But basically he gave him the job.

I'm not sure if you're interested in her daddy and his views of you or what she thinks of you or what. If you and she are, as you say, "serious" that implies that you have conversation from time to time. If she doesn't speak of the ministry very much, then let it be, or ask her outright. If she invited you to a service and you went, go again and ask questions of her, ask her to explain some of the rituals, etc., really pay attention to how she acts as she speaks. You're both very young, so any scenerio might be possible. I get being concerned about a girls father, ministry or no. I'm kind of getting something that you think you should be afraid of him and you wonder if he'll eat your lunch if you touch his baby girl. Just curious

:)

((( J ))) How are you, write home once in awhile will ya? Be well, and the best to you and yours too.

So tough to see Dick Clark since his stroke, yet he's actually doing really well! A legend. Happy New Year Everyone. :)

righsideup, I sent you a private message with some info. Hollar if further can help Shellon North

Happy New Year

Pond, a couple of things. 1. People choose not to use their real names for as many reasons as there are people, yourself included, yes? It's an option that should be utilized for their safety, comfort or freedom. 2. It's not always a good idea to use words like "no one, always and/or never" 3. I'd bet Hope R would rather speak for herself. I use my real name here for my own reasons, just as others don't and it's not the end all answer. In fact there isn't one answer. The whole point of Paw's original request got lost. It's not about editing, it's not about names, it's not about moderation. Yes, this is a community. A social group of any size whose members reside in a specific locality, share government, and often have a common cultural and historical heritage. How is that bad, unless and until the community members think it's ok to tar and feather another in the town square or burn another at the stake? From the front page of this place: GreaseSpot Cafe is a gathering place, bringing together people and information. We welcome all who have an interest in The Way International, including former followers, current followers, and those who may have friends or family members who are involved. Our mission is to provide information that tells the other side of the story about The Way International and its trustees. Our hope is that GreaseSpot Cafe serves as a place where those who have been impacted by The Way can make connections with people and information which will support their particular process of recovery. We want people to be able to make informed decisions regarding their past, present, and future affiliations with The Way International (TWI). Whether you are standing with TWI, thinking about leaving, trying to help someone else get out, or looking for support from others who have left, we believe the information here is highly relevant and well worth considering. Like so many other places, the original idea was a wonderful one, until people thought they knew better, could do better, had better ideas yet had no clue how to present them, suggest them, or assumed and then complained about the lack that they weren't willing to contribute to. I'm sure every site or community or idea is better than another; it's in the eye of the beholder or the guts of the ones willing to not just gripe but actually do something constructive. Pawtucket is not going to please everyone, period. Neither are you or me going to do that. It's the nature of the beast. However, we can each be accountable for our own gig. Maybe then collectively it could work towards a better good. Maybe

This is probably where that came from, yeah. And for the record, I don't know if he gets 3 am phone calls or not, I was trying to make a point of how 24/7 the job is. I should have clarified. Shellon

Please keep us posted, Hope :)

Indeed, no assumptions, please. We've not made any plans of marriage, etc. And it's not about that, as far as greasespot goes, I just threw that in there because it's nice that Paw can have a personal, private life and enjoy the love of me and my girls in his world; he deserves that. And if a website is completely consuming, he misses out on some of the good in his private life that he should be allowed to have. That is why I mentioned it; he deserves happiness as much as anyone. Any plans we make are part of that privacy at this point.

Some people walk among us in this world with a heart of helping, a spirit of giving, a mind of care for others. To not do that is so un-natural as to cause them to not function to their full capacity. Even to the point of themselves losing what they deserve. We can tell them 'til we all puke to cut it out, take care of themselves, show them where the brakes on the damn machine are, but they'll still keep pushing because, to them, it's the right thing to do. These are not bad qualities in their lives, until it causes problems in areas of health, welfare and daily happiness. Imagine, if you can, a typical day of running such a site as this. You have a full time job, outside your home, it's a fine job and you like it; in fact you go there to rest and get away from your other jobs, such as a site of ex cult people. Of course you have email at your full time 'normal' job where letters of "hey you a##hole, why didn't you let me post that I was angry that bubba breathed my air'. This is all well and good, maybe even a little funny. At first. Eventually those little silly emails and PM's grow to be things like threats to your life and those you love. You don't want to read them, know you shouldn't read them, but somehow have to read them and they drain you to the point of nothing left. If you don't respond to them, you get more, just to make sure you heard the first time. If you do respond, you are validating them and that invites more. Never mind that you've asked that they please stop. You have to deal with putting out little fires all day, then the huge ones 'cuz maybe you took a lunch break or attended a meeting your boss requires of you. Your heart is clearly in the right place, you know you're doing it for the betterment of the site and those that do enjoy it and not take advantage. But it's all consuming. You get home from your normal job and never get any transition time from office/home, can't really fix a meal much less eat it quietly 'cuz the phone is ringing. It's people who've either managed to get your number or some fool you trusted gave it to them, or worse; you trusted them and they made different decisions with it. Kick back with a movie in your living room? Nah, that aint happening, either. Someone is ....ed off at someone else and never mind that you've suggested they deal with so and such and do this or that. They insist that you do and won't relent til you do something, anything. But, don't forget the funnest part: whatever you do will be wrong, always. A private life? HA! That aint happening, my friend. Suppose you fall in love and wish to spend time alone with your new love? The phone rings, the hate mail continues, the fights rage on. Would it help if you stated your new love and ask for some time alone? That is coupled with the reality that you shouldn't HAVE to ask. So the relationship doesn't last, it dies of sheer neglect, abandoned like others because your life requires too much time at the site you manage. But you don't really have time to even deal with that loss, with the 3 am phone calls from posters, or the 8 am emails kicking your butt cuz you didn't take their 3 am phone call. Try to have coffee with your spouse/partner, try to go on a date. All of this reminds me of being a mama and those of us that do that know about trying to find time alone to take a shower and we know that as soon as we sit down to a movie, the kid is gonna puke supper all over, have a fever of 105 and the rest of the next four days is going to be anything but what we need to be doing, cuz that's what we do. Pawtucket maybe should just walk away, maybe he should tell us all to shove off and he'd never look back. Personally, I say do it. But I know the man and know it's not that easy for him. Which is exactly why he presented here and asked for input. He's a quiet man, not one to ask of others. He should, yes, but he doesn't. If he and I are having a lovely conversation, he's there with me, but he's also knowing he needs to be emailing back to someone about why their best friend from TWI suddenly is mad at them or why they can't log into the site or taking on some new threat to his body part. He's a kind man. This is another reason he losses out, which is so wrong. If you or I need something, he'll find a way to get it for us. It doesn't matter that he needs things too, and doesn't ask. He's a humble man. He'd never EVER ask that anyone know he funds this place of his own bank account, with the occasional assist from others. He used to fully enjoy doing so, truly enjoy it. And probably still would if it were appreciated and taken care of by those to whom he provides it. He's a proud man. Why would he tell anyone that the place is consuming him, he made a promise to tell the other side of the story and have some fun doing it and he'll do it, come hell or high water or loss to his own life. As someone who loves him as I do, the most painful part is the loss to his funny bone. I regret that most never get to see that side of Pawtucket. But how could he feel funny, feel like sharing the funny, how might he be creative; there's nothing left. Yup, he could turn off his phone, indeed he could shut off his computers, of course he could. But that's easier to say than do; no matter how it might be for us. I pulled myself away from the emotions of Greasespot a long time ago and even as just one of the simple consumers, it was tough. If he does turn off his phone or computers, the reality is that when he gets back to them, it's going to be way worse than it might have been if he'd just dealt with them then. How many of you like hearing on your voice mail 14 times from the same person, who's started being threatening and ugly by the 4th time? To just shut his mind off of that is not an easy task. For those of you who have grown sick of this place, been hurt by something said or done here, wandered over to the other places of those that did the same, I ask you a question. Do you ever find yourself still thinking of Greasespot, being drawn back here, having to take just one more look, maybe things are better today? Then imagine that a hundred fold or more, thinking you are somehow responsible for it's dynamics and if you try one more thing or attempt once more with the one mad at you, it'll work this time. Now imagine being the administrator her, the boss if you will. You have to make sure things are smooth running and the "business" is bustling along as it should. Never mind that you have that other normal job that pays the rent; thankfully it's only 8-9 hours a day. Paw has amazing moderators here that do an outstanding job and he's not set up the moderating team willynilly. They are strong people, with as differing personalities as you or me or us. However, it doesn't matter anyway, since people don't like how he does that either. I, for one, am thrilled the mods are not named. That would only add to the crap pawtucket would have to deal with. At least this way, they can deal with their own crap. I defy anyone who doesn't like the way the mod gig is operated to BE a moderator, then let others' know it's you and have your phone ring at 2 am to fix something, tell paw, extend a special favor, etc. This is a very unique thing Pawtucket has built here, I wish more realized that. One man can not accept the responsibility of a site for ex-cult people if simply for that reason alone. We're not a quiet bunch, we're not a simple bunch, we're mostly all type A personalities who demand, insist and complain. And he gets that, he wants to help, he desires to be part of the solution, to be part of the place to freely express that. But every day with every other personality, every other life style, every other issue and problem, who wouldn't get tired? It's cost him time where he might have explored other hobbies, privately. It's cost him love where he might have move into areas of new experiences, it's cost him friendships, which breaks my heart the most. It's cost him so much. We might love paw and express and sing his praises when he says "stop!!", but until he does that, do we even notice the man? We feel a certain amount of remorse and guilt when we realize we've taken advantage or something provided us freely. We accept responsibility when it's suggested that things might not continue on as before. What I wish had happened all along were more of the 'hey, thanks paw' or the "great site, how can I help paw?". Not just when things are expressed. I wish those that want to be butts hadn't somehow believed they had any right to do so. Things have been said or done to paw in regards to this place that those doing the saying and doing would NEVER allow in their own lives. Some have likened this to twi in that in order to leave they have to do so with bells and whistles and attention; make sure others are aware that it's controlling, there is a man of god and his cohorts and stay away. Others leave quietly in that dark night, sad but never expressing what they feel. It's not twi, it's not a cult, it's not a church, it's not a sounding board for our lifes blood, sweat and tears to the point of drowning the purpose of the original point. It was designed to be a place to expose where needed, express when necessary, discuss to the end of healing and understanding. But the best part was the 'and have fun doing it'. How many even knew about that part? I'd be curious to know how many even notice paw or the mods unless/until they do something unpopular, unliked. You ever sent a note 'Just because" or dropped a thank you in the box of appreciation? Many did, of course, and they're so very noted and thanked back, and I think paw knows he can count on them to do so again, unsolicited. I love the man and I want to build a life with him, period, so for me to see Greasespot be a place of good for him is purely selfish, but we deserve that. I don't want to see it close it's doors either, it's of great value and need. It's because of his heart of giving and his tenderness in helping, his humor, his fight and drive that I do love him. I wouldn't be interested in a man who could easily turn his back on his fellow man or woman in their time of need. I also hate to see the man's pain at his fellow man or woman not understanding that he has a life of his own and it's as important as theirs. Look at your own lives and wander back into your own memory or things that happened that were at least partly caused by other things being forced into the forefront, leaving behind the really important things like communication with someone you love, time alone, new memories, building a family. You ever miss a kids school concert 'cuz something blew up at work? Ever miss a deadline at work that cost you dearly 'cuz you had a sick kid at home? Do that too many times and you're gonna lose one of them. Regret sucks the biggest.

Hi Hope, I wouldn't say it's negative confession, I'd say it's freakin reality. This stuff is scary! We've talked about this part(s) of our lives often and I love that we can. Loss does really horrible things to our health; every area of it and fear of doing the stuff we have to do is made harder by the fact that we didn't choose the loss, we're not ready for the change, but it forces us. That is just what it is and the only other scary part is that so few understand unless and/or until they experience it. It's been 11 years since Bob died, as well as others since and I still have trouble making decisions that I know he'd have been able to help me with in a heartbeat. That's another story, I suppose, eh? :) The reality is that it's easier to just stay where we find ourselves, even if we know it's the wrong place for us. The moving (sometimes literally huh?) is near impossible some days. I don't care how many people tell us to give it to God, Congress and our Therapist. And it's not only about suffering loss that knocks us on our butt's, it's also about the other realities you mentioned, of course. Skill sets, starting over (AGAIN!), leaving those we love, is it right, it is wrong, what if, what if not. I'll keep you in prayers, as always, and remain excited for your decisions, no matter what they are or where they lead you. Shellon

(((Tilda))) What stuck out for me in the book, so far, is that it's not a "well, geeze, we know you're sick of organized religion, so sad, but try this or that and see if you can't be convinced to change your mind, never mind how you really feel" That is what I get sick of when I suggest I don't want to talk about, go to, think about, discuss again or explain my feelings about church. Everyone loves their church and wants to up it's membership, share the love they've received, so on. This book seems to be empathetic and kind about it being ok to be where one is. Finally, just for me at least, it's not cuz of TWI, fully, that I don't want to go to church, it's so much more than that. And excath....amen!

Merry Christmas Tilda darlin The coolest part to me is that I have no idea what you just said. It's why we're friends, I believe