Shellon

yeah that was me.

I'm going to compile all my stuff into one thread cuz I'm the lazy one. So lazy that I wasn't going to say anything and just let the fading do it's fading with me fading as well. Paw, you know of my support and encouragement for you and my love for you, but I'm glad you're going to not have to deal with this anymore. I know you've hung on and hung on and tied another knot and hung on some more when you might have rather let the damn rope go. It's been my joy to be a part of all this since Waydale and having my opinion voiced and heard when Greasespot was being conceived, figured out, nutured and finally home birthed. omg we've had some serious laughs, we've cried, we've wondered what the he!! as often. I'm sorry for almost breaking the site a few times; I was cutting my fix crap teeth without the benefit of asking for help. Paw has given his time, blood, sweat and tears into the site at the expense of a personal and private life and while I've often said to him "what the heck are you doing, drop that mess" he knew of the need or trusted enough to tie that knot one more time. I am Shellon and I was a greasespot moderator for awhile. I didn't get a rockin moderator name cuz I couldn't come up with something I liked. It was a horrible job that I loved most of the time but screamed into a pillow about some of the time and was blessed to be able to help and give all of the time. I never want to do such a thing ever again. The weenie roasts ! oh wow, yeah, now there are some memories ! I can't speak for the trooper incident, isn't there still a gag order in place on that one? Suffice to say it was a blast and it was an experience I'll not soon forget, as well as every other event we've somehow managed to pull off around here. Whether it was in some campground somewhere or my front yard; memories have clearly been made. Chat years ago was wet yer britches funny sometimes, sob your heart out other times, but a really amazing group of people with some common ground on which to meet up and hang out and see what might happen. The first time my eldest daughter was MIA, I hung in chat and it kept me from driving my car up and down 2 tracks in search of her blood body or from taking her out myself if I did find her. As I adapted to being a Widow, chat was there then as I decided it was ok to tell that story, the threads here have provided a landing pad on which to spew out my crap. The Beastiality night, yeah, that was pretty intense, to say the least. But those that were still moderators, and Paw, took care of it so well, so quickly, so efficiently, most didn't even know something had gone on. I was thinking I wouldn't miss this joint, but after a day or so of it sinking in that it's not going to be here, I understand it's a part of my life; I never would have believed it might be. Bowtwi and I have developed and maintained an amazing friendship that I treasure, Tcat and I remain in touch after reconnecting here, a few others still let me call them to talk about some crisis with the girls. When Kelly was so very sick, I knew I could rely on prayers from some. When my step dad died last April at the same time as her illness, yup........prayers. My thanks is abundant and humble and this place will be missed. I will try to stop in chat for a New Years Eve send off but it's my mama's 75th birthday, so it'll be iffy. If I miss you all, God Bess You and thank you for being a part of who I am for so long. Paw if I can help, hollar at me. If I break the place now it might be less painful.

Beat wishes to you from the North family

Love it!

LOVE this book, now I want to dig around in boxes and find it again. I laughed, cried, looked in the mirror and put it down a couple of times vowing to never finish it. My favorite was the chapter, and I forget which but it's a ways in, about finding dirt and having the need to throw that dirt on others. Or something like that. Whoa; that one stung and make me wanna cover the mirror. ha! Where are you in the read?

I, too, love this thread and have come to enjoy the freedom that comes with forgiveness. I still have a few hangups about it but they're only small in comparison to understanding that I have to forgive, I need to, I will and I do see the benefits. What I don't understand yet is not caring or carrying it around with me when I've been wronged and believe another should apologize to me, ask forgiveness and know they won't, can not, refuse to and would sooner chew off their own head before they did. "Ask forgiveness? For WHAT? I didn't do anything wrong! ! ! ! !" uhhuh So, I forgive on my part and have since learned to let it go (mostly) as far as breath holding. And it seems to be a gender thing, for alot of the part. I get it. And those that I think should have the courage to talk to me or others about wrongs done aren't wasting any of their time on it, so that's where I am able to relax; they are not giving me or others even a fraction of their time in their heart or mind. Shame on them, but yup, I'll do my part cuz I'm supposed to. I know it's impossible to polish a turd.

This was first year for my mom without her beloved Lloyd so while I planned for Kelly and I to do something different, we didn't, opting instead to share the traditions with her and see this first with those that love her. And it was the usual lovely at her house; dinner of chicken and dumpling, lots of extra side dishes, home made wine (oh that is a story!) and my brother and his wife. Lovely. My mom only had one moment of really tough when we all realized at almost the same time that my Kelly had set the table, per tradition, and set Grandpa Lloyd's place just like the last 12 gobble gobble years, right next to her own. But it was a lovely moment of 'oops' and memories shared that turned into stories and love laughs that then turned into a battle of who did what when between me and my big brother; it's part of the tradition too. My dad and his wife are on some country wide adventure he calls A Walk About so this was first time he wasn't at my mom's thanksgiving table in 53 years too; more bittersweet, but then again they got to enjoy the day with my baby brother Paul and partner James in Oklahoma,so not a bad gig. Seems every year there is a new memory made and this one was not to disappoint. I'm having major dental stuff happening and therefore not able to really enjoy my meal. My brother did think he was hysterical when he sent me on a fake trip cuz he "forgot my gun, sis, and I want to shoot a deer while I'm here". I ran to his house, never considering the fool could go get his own firearm until I returned with said gun to find my meal had been put through a blender. Happy Thanksgiving.

Well now~! I love it, I just love it. And my pride in your learning and understanding and personal growth makes my blood pumper swell up all sweet like. Having hung around the same silly place you did for too many years, I totally understand that we have had to undo some shi+ they crammed down our throats like 3 weeks of left over turkey recipes and I'm PROUD OF US for our overcoming, our still thankful hearts and our willingness to rise above and beyond their bull and prevail. Forgiveness is one of those ideas that seem impossible to too many and that's an added burden that can be overcome as well. I worry after those that refuse to forgive cuz I'm dang sure they need to be forgiven a time or 429,400 in their lives as well and what if the one they wish would forgive them refuses like they do/did? YIKES ! It's most difficult, oh yeah, I know it. But refusing to carry heavy piles of hurt and anger and understanding that while we don't find forgiveness for someone, that someone isn't even giving us a second's thought. What a waste of precious time that we don't have a promise we get tomorrow. Excellent sharing, Box.

Makes me remember what my job is too, which to me is the more important part. I think of Forest Gump when he said "Whatever you tell me to, Drill Sargeant" Less the drill sargeant part. I keep it simple, though. In the morning it's simply "Thanks for telling me what I need to do today and how to do it. I'll try not to purposefully harm or hurt another and I will protect my own heart too" At the end of the day it's as simple "how'd we do today?" And then better tomorrow if needed. God's job is to make sure I keep breathing. My job is to breath.

Newlife, ya know I gotta chirp in on this one, huh? I love the question since it's one I've kicked around alot, especially in the last really difficult and exciting year. I hope I've finally come up with something that works for me; I sure do hope so! I know there is scripture and teaching and conferances and many many conversations to answer this question, as well; none of which seemed to fit, which was even a bigger problem for this woman. This is what I've decided, for me. God is who/what I need him to be, as He decides for me. When I need some lesson, God seems to put me where that is and then it's up to me to learn it. Never punishment unless I beat the freak outa myself when I get frustrated or impatient or or or or..... When I need answers I have to remember to ask God then dig deep for the patience and open heart to get the answer; it's always there when I do. Not always the answer I want, mind you, but I do get answers. When I'm hurting, angry, lonely, sad or or or....God will give me peace, rest, comfort or provide some way for me to vent and hollar and cry if that's what I need. I'm also aware, lately, that the way God works for me isn't the same as the way He might for another; it's unique and very special to my needs. Kinda like a parent, which I can relate to. My job is to be the student, God's job is to be the teacher. Once the student was ready, the teacher could do His thing.

Thank you, Newlife, I am a strong woman but more than that I have to accept my choices that brought me to today. TWI was one of those choices. Would I have been able to give Kelly the recent care she's needed had we still been involved? Probably not and the price emotionally would have been such a higher one. Would Samantha's life be accepted and supported and assist given if we were still in TWI? Not a chance; of that I have no doubt. God does things when God does things and I gotta be in the right place at the right time to do what He needs me to do and how. It's gotta be that simple for me. I hope I get tomorrow to do it again and I hope I keep making mistakes and learning and I hope I get it right from time to time.

I felt like that, not only at first, but still. TWI was the best and worst thing I did with 16 years of my life for all kinds of reasons, but the loss, the waste, the regrets, the deceit is profound, today and always. As you're aware, Newlife, this last year has been the most challening, painful, frightening year our little family has experienced and those emotions of TWI and what it cost are a daily thought for me. Then I find thankfulness that I am not in TWI while we're experiencing these things.

I have a copy of what is likely that same letter. Don't think you imagined it.

Amen and valuable info I'm finally (!) getting in my brain is that anyone who has wronged me can say anything they want, even a heart felt apology and yet what they DO with it is the most important part to me. Between them and their God, It's not my business; He'll deal w/ them, of that I am sure. Not to mention if I stay angry with someone they likely could care less and certainly they're not going to waste a bunch of their time wishing they'd done something different or said they were sorry to Shellon North, who obviously is not important to them or they'd have called me, written me, located me and done the work necessary to remedy things broken between us. Men and/or Women of God. Hmmm, yup, they're supposed to be held to some different standard, their butts against some different flame, I guess. Why, 'cuz they took some vow of leadership or promised some other man or woman they'd teach the Bible right? pffffffffffttttt I do not care. God is God is God and we're no better or worse than someone with a title or certificate or vow and any of us owe another repentance or apology or actions; waiting for it with some anger and pain is only going to bring anger and pain. Acceptance is a painful pill to swallow and if I wander around with that pill stuck in my throat or inability to swallow that sucker, I'm going to miss time with my grand baby or my kids being piXXed off or resentful or stand there tapping my foot waiting; even while I know it's not coming to me. Drives me nuts! But it's my choice. I have to accept that I'm not going to get an apology from nearly everyone. Whether it's from their pride and fear or something else as simple as they really don't understand they "owe" me one. No one owes me jack and if I insist they do, I'm gonna be waiting a very long time, if only cuz I insist they pay me. Was it Grandma who said if we knew how little others really think about us........... Yeah, TWI leaders consider me (and probably you) no more than the neighbor who offended me for some reason. Not worth my time and tears. God takes care of things and if I can muster enough patience to let HIm do His thing, I'll be ok. Something else valuable I finally understand is allowing others to mess with me, whether they put it there or not. I want an apology from someone, I want to discuss something and it's obviously not forthcoming, no matter that I ever KNOW they know it. I step away and get myself out of that persons place in my life. I don't have to see them continue to hurt and be ignorant and continue to default on my heart or the hearts of others. I'm only responsible for me, period. Stress dents the immune system, Blood pressure regulation is a valuable thing and my time is important to me. TWI, family, friends, co workers, kids, neighbors.......anyone who isn't going to contact me and made amends or discuss things, this is America and I'm not wasting my time on 'em. I have a requirement to please God.

Well said, socks ! I figure not forgiving is like me drinking the poison and hoping they die. Whomever "they" are; I guess twi in this case. God tells me forgive and by dang I'm gonna. Forget, never in a gabazillion years. Allow things to repeat themselves again, ditto. Edited to add that if another doesn't want to forgive, I'm not concerned about it. I'm only responsible for me and I choose to forgive, get rid of the shi+ and keep moving, even if it's only in circles, so long as whomever offended, hurt, etc., isn't still hanging on.

Are these your critters, David?

Didn't the property already sell several years ago?

Bliss is having computer troubles and asked me to post this for her Indiana campus contents auction this saturday Sept 11, 2010 http://www.auctionzip.com/Listings/930246.html

If someone sends me a note, a carrier pigeon, tosses a brick with a note wrapped around it on my porch, emails me, IM's me or otherwise lets me know, I might could be there too. It was enjoyable hanging with Box and David some the other night, was that saturday? wow, I'm lost on days. So, I might require a reminder too. I also miss the old days of chatting often.

:anim-smile:Yes, just because. And that's really as simple and complex as I can offer it. I'm here cuz I was born and I choose to stay here for now. Easy eh? And you haven't mocked me; I kinda like yer squirrely self

A reason. Isn't that one of those questions that doesn't have a specific answer? We exist cuz a man and woman somewhere put their stuff togther and 9 or so months later.....kaboom! Or something along those lines. I choose to stay here because I am a mama and there have been many many times that is the ONLY reason I stayed. Now I've come to understand I'm here for something else and I'm going to find out what that is, but it's in the going. I don't want to count how many words that is, Ham.

Yup, I agree. Those outside are of a lower class and standing and not deserving of the same full sharing and disclosure as all their brilliance and information and consideration and care, clearly not worth of truth. I'm a huge wisher that everyone would tell the truth and I accept that it just 'aint gonna be and it still hacks me off that it was such a slap in the face that a "church" would have such low, if any, respect for God's people as to go all over the spectrum of sugar coating to downright making the shi+ up to then making the one lied to feel they did something wrong. More than a few time I thought I was losing something in my head when they insisted they'd not said something (lie) and I'd surely misunderstood (insult lie) then puke some new lie on top of all that. Took me 16 years to realize that. Well, more than that but that's another hot dog.

Midnight, I wandered into chat before I turned into a punkin and soul searcher and sushi were making cricket sounds. Maybe another time

I have a date, but will peek in when I get home and see if anyone is hanging on late. What a great idea; oh the old days are missed! !

Excellent news Tommy ! Gives me great and new hope