shazdancer

HI, Xena, and welcome! I would not presume to answer that for you. But I can tell you what did it for me. In marriage #1, it was the children. It was one thing for my husband to be drunk and abusive around me, I could get out of his way for a time if need be, but it was a totally different thing to be around defenseless children, ruining their lives by being such a bad example of a grown-up, and risking their being traumatized if he were to turn on them. I got out before that point. In marriage #2, I spent a lot of time thinking that he just didn't understand what I wanted. If only I could get him to understand my point of view. He loved me, right? Then it must be a mistake that he is hurting me. I even toyed with the idea that he might be autistic. When it became clear that he understood me just fine, but didn't care, that I ended it. And yeah, when it came to relationships, TWI was clueless. Hope that helps you, Shaz

...and with an S, it would make a nice bingo in Scrabble, hehe. The tournament Scrabble Official Word List (OWL) is being updated this year. It is a lot like the Official Scrabble Players Dictionary (OSPD) that you buy in the stores, but it has a bunch of "naughty" words added. The Hasbro Corporation, which owns the rights to Scrabble® in the US, decided to remove those words from the dictionary of its "family" game, but tournament players argued strongly that words are words, just tools that we use in the game, and we want the right to play them! So Merriam-Webster puts out a different Scrabble dictionary that is available for purchase by National Scrabble Association members only. The School Scrabble division plays by the expurgated OSPD. But wait, there's more... In order to televise Scrabble tournament championships, ESPN has insisted that no dirty words show up on the boards. Since they mostly just show the finals of the top division, those players must sign an agreement to play no naughty words. They are even given a copy of the list of "no-nos" to refer to. Because the majority of players felt that sacrificing a few words was worth the television exposure, we have agreed to the censure. More than you wanted to know, Shaz

Dear Seth, Perhaps you can find a knowledgeable professional in your area that can give you a diagnostic test. Or maybe there is a suuport group for people with Asberger's, where you might see some of your experiences reflected in others. For sure, there is a broad spectrum of people's ability to relate in social situations, and a broad range in the ability to retain facts, figures, and impressions. It in no way reflects on the goodness of the human being. Heck, I'm a geek, but I'm a nice geek! :D--> One more story, written carefully because I do not want him embarrassed by a Google search: I played my favorite board game against a very high-ranked young man, a much stronger player than I am. I got all the right tiles at the right time, and I beat him. When I admitted I only won because I got everything, he said, "Yes, you did." I am not offended by that -- he doesn't understand that it would be more "politically correct" to say something nice about my skill. And besides, he was right! He mentioned to another player how long it had been since anyone in the state had beaten him, and who that was, the scores, etc. The next time we played, he annihilated me, no surprise. In our third game recently, I beat him again, big surprise, way against the odds of how often I should win against him. The club director walked over to get our stats, assuming the other guy had won, then apologizing to me for his assumption. I said, "No, it makes perfect sense to assume that he won." My opponent said, "That was a gracious thing to say." He is a nice man. With Asberger's. Regards, Shaz

Hi, Seth! In the tournament Scrabble world, a few of the top-level players have it. (For those who don't know, Azberger's is a type of high-functioning autism.) It was discussed some on the message board for tournament players. One gentleman did not know that he had it until he was a 40+ adult. He was so relieved! He never knew why people would often get irritated with him, and why he didn't get jokes that others were laughing at. People with Asberger's have trouble understanding the subtleties of language, such as voice inflection, body language, sarcasm, and plays on words. Regards, Shaz

Does the end (we heard "The Word," got born again, got eternal life, etc.) justify the means (sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse)? No. Eternal life is a hope, not a reality. Mike's take: Does the end (the accuracy of God's Word was made known) justify the means (sexual, emotional and spiritual abuse)? Absolutely not. Why should I care one rat's patootie that I now "know" that four were crucified, if people had to suffer for it? People are the purpose for the book. The book is not more important. That is the biggest lie TWI sold, IMHO. Minutiae -- people. Minutiae -- people. No contest. Regards, Shaz

Married the first time to a guy I "got in the Word" in TWI-I, divorced after 8 years. Married the second time when I was out in a local offshoot and he was still in TWI. He left to be with me, though I told him he didn't have to. Divorced after nine years. He is back in. Did TWI/offshoot interfere in these marriages? No, but neither did they offer helpful counsel when I asked for help. Regards, Shaz

I would like to follow your analogy through, johniam. If your first grade teacher turned out to be a pedophile, would you revere that teacher for teaching you to add and subtract, knowing that he used the ability to teach as a means to molest? Would you hold the organization in high esteem, even though many of its employees knew the teacher was molesting kids, but did nothing? Or would you just heave a sigh of relief, that you got through without being hurt yourself? Regards, Shaz

((((oeno)))) Death by inches, how tragic! And how difficult for you to care for her in all those stages. And how loving of you that you did. Take care, Shaz

Aw, thanks you guys, that was really sweet. Yeah, dmiller, I know a lot of dancers that lived into their 80's and 90's. Thanks for the melody -- you know I love bluegrass! Keep dancing, Shaz

Shazzie made a funny.... :D--> I was entitled, it was my birthday... ..and it was the only O I got that day!!!! Shaz

-L-A-H-O-M-A

I dunno, Raf, I'm thinkin' you will stick with it just to get back at Oldies! Never smoked, Shaz

I second everything Bob said, Dart. Your kids still need you, even if your wife doesn't. I hope you can continue to do your best for them. Please consider counseling. Some things are bigger than one person can or should handle alone. And bigger than us Greasespotters can counsel from a distance. Regards, Shaz

I'll take that one on, Mrs. ! Read "Second Chances." I forget the author. She did a long-term study, and found that children of divorce did horribly in their ability to form good relationships later in life. They did better if the parents were together, even if they did not get along very well. If they can remain civilized, for the sake of the children, parents should stay together. That doesn't mean spouses should say with abusers. (We're not talking about your former marriage, nor mine.) Abuse teaches kids a whole different set of bad things that they take with them into adulthood. But children are blind in a way. They really don't worry much about how tight mom and dad are, as long as both parents are there for the child. Therefore, the "we just grew apart" excuse should never justify a divorce where there are kids. And if the parents simply cannot be with each other, they should absolutely plan for how they will consistently be there for their children. Easier said than done, I know. Yet I have seen some kids who you would never think came from single parent homes. Unfortunately, I have also seen plenty of kids who obviously come from divorce. Regards, Shaz

It's the poppies, dmiller, They got Oldies! Cowgirl, the pics are lovely. I can almost smell them. I am always looking for old, non-longstemmed roses, because they still have their lovely fragrance. The cultivated flower shop roses don't smell anymore! I have a lilac bush near the front door here. I can hardly wait. Lily-of-the-valley is also one of my faves. There were a ton of them growing where I used to live, and wild l.o.v. in the woods -- not as pretty to look at, but just as aromatic. My favorite time of year is mid-spring, when the ephemerals come out. Those are the wild flowers that bloom before the leaves come out on the trees and shade them. Lordy, when does that happen in Maine? September??? ;)--> Shaz

Yeah, JL, that's the place. The thread is already down on page 3, last I looked. Top priority on that section of the board always goes to sick people looking for medical information immediately. Or maybe I'm as big a thread killer there as I am here... ;)--> I will bump the thread back up, once, so you can find it. Shaz

Dear Bob, I loved what you said. If that is your "dump," I can't wait to hear what you say when you're being thoughtful! Dear TheHighWay, Yes! Regards, Shaz

When my father passed away, my mother actually had hallucinations, more than once, that he came into her room and sat on the bed. (We have come to believe that these were Lyme-caused, triggered by the stress of grief.) My mom takes great comfort in believing that my dad is with her, talking to her. Should I break into her peace to "set her straight" that the dead are not alive now? Not on your life. Regards, Shaz

Dear Belle, Those verses in I Cor. 7 (just like the verse in Ephesians about "wives, submit yourselves unto your husbands") are used without conscience by abusive spouses who want to keep their victims trapped in a toxic marriage. I have spoken to many women who struggle with those verses. They felt so strongly about those vows made before God that they sustained injury and risked death at the hands of men who couldn't care less about the Bible's stand against cruelty, but were great at finding those verses about vows, submission, and forgiveness. I think that the Bible needs to be read with a common sense brain intact. The context of Ephesians 5 says that husbands should love their wives "even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." It goes on in 8 more verses to tell men to nourish and cherish their wives as their own bodies. The context of I Corinthians 7 is "but God hath called us to peace," as Mark pointed out in the Doctrinal thread. In my first marriage (to an alcoholic, adulterer and occasional physical abuser), I wrestled with my commitment. I finally took the loophole, "but if the unbelieving depart, let him depart" of I Cor. 7, and filed for divorce after he disappeared on yet another binge. I served the papers on him when he was in a rehab program. He continued his drinking for years following the divorce, perhaps to this day. But at least I and my daughters did not have to suffer it. Ex #2 (emotional abuser, sexual assault, narcissistic personality, has been brought to court 3 times over non-payment of child support) sent me 2 letters telling me I should "remain unmarried, or reconciled to my husband." (I Cor. 7:11) So I wrote him, "Does that mean that YOU should never have married me, and I should be reconciled to husband #1?" Ex #2 is back in TWI. But God has called us to peace. Regards, Shaz

Skyrider, get outa here, those are from Wierwille's Lifelines??? ROFL!!! I can understand having a positive attitude as an asset to good health. So do others who have Lyme. But it's a long way from there to "believing = receiving." Many with late-stage or chronic Lyme may have profound fatigue, depression, deep pain, and cognitive problems. Their disability has been compared to congestive heart failure. The last thing they need is to be told they somehow aren't believing big enough. Here is what I wrote on the Lymenet message board, where I heard about this guy: Regards, Shaz

Nope, oldies, I'm saying that most health care professionals say that Personality Disorders are incurable. I say that to help those who have been up against such a personality, to realize that such a person has no desire to understand them or to do right by them. The best they can do for themselves is get away from them. Sorry if I didn't find your remark very funny (okay, I found it a little funny... ;)--> ). And no, Satori, I don't think of Oldies as personality-disordered. ('Course, I never met him...!) Just stubborn. Regards, Shaz

Dear rascal, I know you didn't mean it this way, but I just want to clarify. A Personality Disorder is not a mental illness. It is a mindset. It is the base of operations of the individual. Although some of the behaviors can be modified, mental health experts do not think that Personality Disorders can be cured. Mental illnesses can. Underneath mental illness, there is a healthy individual. In Personality Disorders, there isn't. Regards, Shaz

Hi, everybody! Do you know these people? From http://www.jnutra.com/ This came up when someone in the Lyme disease community read his book on treating Lyme. Although I am all for supporting the body's natural ability to heal itself, I told those on the Lyme message board to take what he says with a grain of salt, and why. Anybody know them? Regards, Shaz

I wonder how many of the old-timers tell Rosie where to assign them, or they will tell what they know. Shaz

I guess I'm not the only nerd. :D--> I didn't go. I lived in one town, went to school in another, and spent most of my after-school hours in a dance studio an hour away, so I didn't hang out with my high school peers much. I was also in TWI, and my friends (and boyfriends) were all college guys. I did get asked, though, by a sweet, shy guy whose artwork I admired. I shoulda gone, probably scarred him for life... --> Shaz