Catcup

Just to refresh your memory. This thread from the first post is not a memorial and never pretended to be. It was to examine your hero's role in her demise. You're still skirting the issues raised.

By the way, here's a little tidbit Kahler doesn't have in his book for his readers that gives some insight into VPW's animosity and alienation of John Nave. VPW was taking advantage of John's wife at the time. Go figure. Why wouldn't he want to keep John under his thumb, on the defensive, second-guessing himself, and confused? Vpw split up that marriage. There is more information I could put up here on this, but it dovetails into information regarding two other people who do not want their personal info on the www. I've probably said too much already. But, there it is.

From Karl Kahler's book: "Del Duncan was in Wierwille's office when John Nave came to talk to him, seeking forgiveness more than a year after Gary's death. "And as he walked in the door, these are the exact words that Wierwille used: 'Well, how's the murderer of Gary Dunhoff doing today?' And John never got over that. It's been a scar in his life ever since. He's still a very damaged man from that." I know John Nave. John Nave is the man who originally witnessed to me. Right after his accident, I was surprised to see him at a picnic, on crutches with his leg in a cast. His femur had been shattered in the crash. I had not heard about what happened, and when I asked him, John told me how this happened. John Nave was NOT ON THE COLO-CLEANSE when this occurred. He was on a paint crew, and had permission to go into town to buy a can of paint. He was on his way to the car when Gary asked to go into town with him. He had no idea what Gary wanted to go into town for, he just wanted to go along. While out getting the paint, Gary asked to go into a store. John took him to the store, Gary went in, and came out with cookies. On the way back to HQ, this woman ran a red light and plowed into their car going 40 mph. That is how the accident happened. Explained to me, from the man who was behind the wheel, driving at a legal rate of speed, who had the legal right of way through the intersection, when this woman broke the laws of the State of Ohio, ran a solid red light, killed his passenger, and severely injured John. And it was OK for Wierwille to label John as a MURDERER? OK Oldies, explain how it is OK for Wierwille to lay the blame at the feet of an innocent man for the death of someone who was killed by the actions of a third party, and NOT OK for us to lay the blame at the feet of your hero for the suicide of a woman whom he abused.

Love you too, kiddo!

Um... I think you should get some antibiotics for that stuff,,,, :B)

I'll leave that up to yoush Sush! Miceta Seeyas2 Just running through the cafe on my way through history comps and psych experiments.... Does the name Pavolov ring a bell?

"If you don't get a passion for the truth, you (husband) will die a lonely old man, you (myself) will be hobbled for life, and (our daughter) will become a stark raving lunatic!" Courtesy of Mark Wallace, circa 1996 As of yet, no one is dead, no one is hobbled, and no one is crazy. At least at my house. But then again, maybe it's because we had a passion for the real truth all along, and could no longer stomach the lies. I have worked hard and paid dearly for my intellectual freedom and refuse to surrender it to anyones terrorist tactics.

That's pretty much standard for those who are inside the belly of the beast. You only know the acid bath you live in as it erodes your sensitivities and sensibilities. I made the decision to exit my bubble of ignorance when I made the decision to cut my way out of the guts of TWI. At that point, I knew I could just sit in darkness or begin reclaiming my life. I had to first come to terms with what had happened to me and to my family. I had to come to terms with exactly who these vermin were in TWI and exactly how evil they truly had been, exactly how badly I had been deceived and for how long, by whom, and how the deception was accomplished. I did that on WayDale, thanks to the courage of people like Paul and Fern Allen, and others like January Parker. After piecing together what had been going on by comparing notes with others who had left, I decided to become actively involved in bringing pressure to bear upon those who had for too long oppressed the truth and destroyed countless lives with their lies. I did that with bringing out my first hand knowledge of events that took place and placing them in public domain on WayDale, and agreed to be a witness against TWI et al in the Allen lawsuit. I confronted the the twisted lies and empty logic of LCM et al with what I knew firsthand, and refused to be intimidated. Next, I had to bring light to bear on the dark and twisted doctrines I had been led to believe. I did that by distancing myself from the doctrines I had been taught by TWI in favor of examining the opposite points of view, and by immersing myself in LEGITIMATE college studies in psychology, religion, and history, in order to bring true knowledge and tolerance to the hatred that I had been taught by TWI. I knew I could not seriously return to what I thought I knew of Christianity, since it had been so perverted by TWI. I knew that I must first, FIRST, learn TOLERANCE and COMPASSION. I have done that, like I said, by examining the opposite points of view doctrinally, and with legitimate studies, since TWI had exposed me to psuedo-science, psuedo-religion, and psuedo-education. What I do know about what Christians are doing around the world to show compassion comes from Christian radio, especially a program called "Voice of the Martyrs." If you want to know about REAL service, where people are LITERALLY laying their lives on the line for other human beings, well, there you go. You don't have to remain in a "bubble of ignorance." Once you have exited TWI, in fact, there IS NO EXCUSE for remaining in that bubble. However, there are many who choose to remain in the security of blind ignorance. Don't be one of them.

LOL! Well, my hair you can see, and the side of my nose-- but the rest of me is quite hidden.... nope, no ears, no mouth... just those eyes....

Wanna see something of a foreshadowing? In this photograph you can only see my eyes.....

I just had a spare moment to check the boards for the first time this semester. Thanks so much for the birthday greetings! You guys are all the greatest!!1

sorry, double post.

My first year WOW was 1973-74, the first year they put people into “families” instead of couples. I had lived away from home before, but in the same town in southern Indiana.as my parents. When I went WOW at the age of 19, I was assigned to Greenville, South Carolina. I did not expect the year to be easy, and expected to grow, but was not prepared for how quickly things would get strange. I am hoping that you folks who were around in the early 1970’s, especially at TWI HQ, will surely remember this, and maybe you can fill in the blanks for me. I’ve looked for answers for this for many years. I have come very close to getting them, but never did. I can only wonder. Sit back and brew a cup of coffee. This is a long ride. Things started out ok. WOW training was fun. I saw old friends there from my home state. One of my high school friends that I had gotten into the Word, Scxtt Exde, was going out WOW as well. We also made lots of new friends. There were some inspiring teachings, but some stupid stuff, too. Vxnce Fxnnegan was my TC during the event—I think there were four or five of us in the WOW twig. Once during training when Vxnce was teaching our twig about how important it was to read the word every day, I particularly perked to attention because I had discovered the joys of searching the scriptures on a regular morning basis, and had been doing so for about a year. Every morning without fail, I would rise before dawn, usually around 4:30 or 5:00 a.m. to spend quiet time with God and read His word for pleasure and understanding. Then I would go out and run at least a mile while I prayed. That time of day for me had become a very personal and special time when I would get my mind prepared for the day, pray, and enjoy my fellowship with God. So at that moment I could really relate to what he was saying and began listening intently. However, I suppose he interpreted my attention as God telling him to let me have it. He must have thought God had given him some “heavy revvy” that I didn’t like to read the word, and lacked the discipline to get up in the morning, so he very intensely stared me in the eyes and directly gave me “reproof” for being lazy and undisciplined. It was so obvious that this guy I had such immense respect for as a “spiritual heavy,” was actually walking totally by the flesh and was soooo wrong. It confused the hell out of me. When things like that happened, it tended to deeply confuse me, and make me doubt my own perceptions of reality. Why? Because already, I had been firmly and repeatedly schooled that these “spiritual heavies” were always right. And if you thought you saw them make a mistake, YOU were wrong. You were totally misreading the situation, so you needed to listen to them and be humble and look for the learning. So, I did. And afterward, for the remainder of the training, it was as if Vxnce felt he had me “pegged” and thereafter treated with me with what I can only describe as some kind of “attitude.” The rest of the training went well enough. One night several of us sat outside the hotel in Sidney and talked, played guitar, and had a great time. The next night was commissioning at HQ in the BRC. I got in early and put my bible on a front row aisle seat. When we all sat down, I discovered that I had actually put my bible down next to Dxug Hxrrison, who had been at that little gathering the night before. We were both pleasantly surprised and laughed about how cool that was. We were further surprised when they read off our names to be in the same family! Also, my friend Scxtt was sent to the same state! He was in the same family as Cxthy Brubeck, Dave Brubeck’s daughter. We thought that was so great, since Scxtt was such a jazz fan. Things seemed to be going well. Our family coordinator, Stxphxnie Jxrdan, had been a WOW the year before, with Sue Crxbb. We felt we would be in capable hands. Our other WOW brother was Dxnnis McGxx from Columbus Ohio, who was just barely out of the PFAL Class, and had not even had the intermediate class yet. Basically a brand new babe. So, we are all excited. We load up in my little blue ’67 Malibu and head out in a caravan for South Carolina with everyone assigned to that state, and our WOW Rover Pxtti Bxss in the lead. While going through the mountains, my little Malibu blew a radiator hose and the engine light came on just as we were stopping to have dinner. I tried to tell Pxtti what I thought was wrong and what I needed to do, and that I didn’t think it would take long to fix. However, Pxtti stopped me mid-sentence and said I needed to stop going by my senses and just believe God and my car would make it. We didn’t have the time or the money to deal with expensive car repairs that would slow us down and eat up the family finances. Again, I get confused, and hurt, because I may just be a little peon, but I KNOW that if I drive with that light on, I’m going to ruin my engine. It’s cheaper to replace a little hose than an entire car. That’s basic mechanics and common sense. I couldn’t eat and was visibly upset, fighting back tears. Again, why were the people who were supposed to be the “spiritual heavies” making what appeared to be the wrong decisions, and not even listening to me? It had to be me. I had to make my mind stop questioning and just shut up and follow, and maybe I would learn something. But my gut was eating me alive. My WOW brother saw I was upset. He asked me what was wrong and I told him. He agreed with me. He got up from the table and said “Come on, I know what to do.” He and I left the restaurant, took my car two doors down to a gas station, where the mechanic sure enough had to replace a hose, at very little cost to me, and we were done and back before everyone finished eating, and Pxtti was none the wiser. So we arrive at our destination with our WOW family of 4. I have bonded really well with my two WOW brothers, but Stxphxnie seems a little distant, though still trying to connect with us and be the leader of the family. At that time, being sent to a conservative southern state, we decided the girls would get an apartment together, and the guys would get another apartment close by. We actually found nice unfurnished apartments side by side in the same apartment complex. Stxphanie and I got jobs right away, working at the same clothing manufacturer. A wonderful local believer, Flxrence Shxnnan (Stxnley Reahxrd’s aunt), had a cabin up near Hilton Head that she had some extra furniture in, and she was going to let us borrow whatever we needed. But I still wasn’t making the connection with Stxphanie I was hoping and trying to make. She tended to spend a lot of time by herself, in the bedroom. She did tell me her parents were going through a divorce, and she had a brother who was in residence. I knew she was going through a hard time. I made myself available to her, but did not want to pry. One morning Flxrence planned to pick us up from our apartments and take us out to her cabin in her station wagon to bring back some beds. We were all in the car and ready to pull out of the apartment complex, when Stxphanie said “Wait a minute, I need to go check the mail first.” So we stopped, she exited the car, rounded the corner of the building to pick up the mail, and we never saw her again. We all sat in the car for about 15 minutes, then finally I got out and went around the apartment building to the mailboxes and she was not there. I went inside the apartment and she wasn’t there either. Hours went by. We searched everywhere we could think of. Dxnny and I were the only two in the family with cars, so we knew she had not driven off somewhere. Stxphxnie seemed to have simply vanished off the face of the earth. We called Pxtti and told her. We filed a missing person’s report with the Police. The FBI became involved. Our employer put out a reward. People at HQ were on a 24-hour prayer vigil. VPW had Stxphxnie’s photo distributed to every trucker on the eastern seaboard. We put up missing person flyers everywhere. We knocked on doors, searched the streets and alleys, looked everywhere, found her nowhere. This is long before deprogramming was an issue. Besides, her family were all longstanding PFAL grads. To all of us, we assumed she had simply been kidnapped. Weeks went by. VPW personally called us to check up on us and see how we were doing. We were hanging on by our fingernails. Three teenagers who barely knew each other, all alone in separate unfurnished apartments in a strange city, a strange state, in a very frightening and confusing situation with no answers. One late night, through my bedroom wall, I could hear Dxnny actually sobbing in his bedroom in the apartment next door. I went over to talk to him. Dxug was either working or at a neighbor’s house. Dxnny was there all alone in his sleeping bag on the floor (we still had no furniture), crying his eyes out. The WOW experience was definitely not what either of us had bargained for. But we had made a commitment and we felt we were under attack by the “adversary” and were determined not to let him deter us from fulfilling our commitment to God. Poor Dxnny, just had been in the word barely three months. Had literally just finished the PFAL class and launched into the WOW program the next week. I felt I had to do whatever it took to help him through this and make it a positive growing and learning experience for us. I guess that helped me not to concentrate on my own uncertainties during this time. Dxug soon came home and the three of us talked and cried into the wee hours of the morning together. The three of us, Dxnny, Dxug, and myself, were determined to not cave in, and help each other get through this. Pxtti later called me and asked me if I would coordinate the family. Actually I said I would rather defer to Dxug, who was the only Advanced Class grad between the three of us. I know I could have done the job, but I think Dxug did a great job, considering the circumstances we all were thrown into. Eddix Lxmos, Stxphanie’s fiancé, came all the way from Kansas out to South Carolina, firmly committed not to leave until he found Stxphanie. I think he stayed at least a week or two and I went everywhere with him to try to help him find her. Eddie was quite a character. Originally from NYC complete with accent and attitude to boot, he stuck out like a sore thumb in the molasses-slow culture of the South. One sleepy Sunday morning we went to a crowded cafeteria for breakfast in the after-church crowd, where Eddie was loudly trying to witness to everyone in line. We were eventually seated at this tiny little table that was kind of wobbly. Eddie was talking and laughing and joking with the waitresses, and kept dropping his silverware on the floor. Then one of us accidentally knocked over a waterglass. Then Eddie says “I just can’t believe this!” and put his elbows down hard on the table, turning it completely over onto the floor, spilling milk, pancakes, syrup, bacon, eggs, sausage, juice, and coffee everywhere. We both ran out to the cashier in embarrassment to pay for our meals. As I grabbed my changepurse, a roll of pennies I had went flying out of my purse and scattered all over the floor. I handed the cashier a twenty and told her she could keep the change, and Eddie and I ran out of the restaurant laughing so hysterically we both thought we were going to pee ourselves! Needless to say, Eddie brought much comic relief during that awful time period, but alas, never found his fiancé and had to go home in defeat. Several weeks later, I got a call from our State coordinator, who asked me to pack up all of Stxphxnie’s things and have them ready in an hour to be picked up. They had found Stxphxnie, and she was already being escorted to TWI HQ. He would not give me any other details than that. Any questions I asked were answered with “I don’t know.” Or, “We don’t know.” Several days later I called him, and asked him what happened. He said he took her to HQ and delivered her straight to VPW’s office. He waited outside until she came out. He said to me that all Stxphxnie said to him when she came out of his office was “He kicked my @-$$.” None of my questions were answered as to what happened, except that she had left of her own free will and was not kidnapped. Dxug, Dxnny, and I went on to have a relatively successful year for the most part, I thought. We moved into a different neighborhood. Pxtti moved with me into a furnished duplex with a humorously nosy landlady named Mrs. Corn who used to spy on us by peering through the windows and peeking through the keyholes of the doors that separated our apartments. Being the rover, Pxtti was only there a week out of every month, but we eventually got fairly close. The boys rented an unfurnished house down the street-- Mrs. Corn peeked in their windows too. I never had a problem with finding work, but the guys struggled a bit in Greenville and never did get any furniture. We ran fellowship at my house. We did run two classes in Greenville. Dxug witnessed to one of his neighbors, and eventually married her—and used my phone to talk to her for hours and hours after our WOW family was moved to Columbia SC. Dxug and Denny had a really nicely furnished apartment which Pxtti helped them with, but they had no phone. The guys ate at my apartment and used the phone there. On the down side, Doug managed to rack up very expensive long distance love-lorn conversations between Columbia and Greenville the second half of the year, which he never paid for . But he got a good wife out of the deal and I hope they are still together and doing well. Dxnny went on to write The Rescue and a sequel. I went on to coordinate the folks in southern Indiana and all three of us eventually graduated from The Way Corps. But the questions remained. Stxphanie exhibited depressive behavior. I can only wonder what might have been at the root of it. That's a definite fugue. That's an indication of some pretty deep psychological doo-doo. It had to be caused by some pretty deep $h!t as well. I wonder what the hell happened between the end of her seemingly successful WOW year 72-73, and the beginning of her WOW year 73-74? What the hell happened? We were simply given the "possession" line of bs. But I want to know: What happend to her between August and October of 1973? Why did Stxphxnie disappear? How did she disappear? She had no transportation and just dropped out of sight on the spur of the moment and survived for weeks without any visible means of support. She left all her belongings in the apartment, and even left her purse in the car. What were her reasons? How was she found? Who found her? And why were we put through that kind of emotional upheaval and no one felt we deserved any kind of explanation whatsoever for this behavior? Once at Rome City I was sitting with Txmmy Crabb at lunch, and when he read my nametag, he recognized me as having been in that WOW family. We began to talk, I found he had inside info on what went down, and at the precise moment I was able to ask him what actually happened and he willingly began to tell me, Del Duncan picked up the microphone and we had to stop talking. After the lunch, he was called away, and we never, ever got to finish that conversation. Will somebody out there who recognizes all of us, and who actually knows what happened, please tell me? Anyway, that’s the Reader’s Digest condensed version of my FIRST year WOW. It gets weirder from there. But that’s another post.

Getting out on your own in a place far away from familiar surroundings can really help a young person grow and take on responsibility, make their own mistakes, and learn from them. A little aside here on the subject. Sorry. Anyways, whatever you might believe about the Bible, there is some pretty profound stuff regarding marriage in Genesis, where it says that a man must leave his father and mother and cleave unto his wife. The principle here is very true: If you do not leave, You cannot cleave. I have seen more messes made by well-meaning but bumbling family members. This is a time in their lives when they need to cut the apron strings, whether they live a thousand miles away or just a thousand feet. Mom and Dad, you've got to give those young 'uns space and time to work out their own problems. Bite your tongue and pray. Trust that you brought them up to make the right decisions, and that if they are headed in the wrong direction, they will quickly figure it out. And remember you had to make quite a few of your own before you figured some things out. You can't live your life over again through them, and they have to make their own lives or they won't ever learn. Husband and Wife, if your family comes to you badmouthing your spouse, have the guts to tell them to back off and mind their own business.

Yeah, if I remember right, that's Donnie Fugit in the picture. A three-finger "W" on each side of his head, and his mouth as the "O". Maybe this is why the sign kinda died out, I don't know: Back around 1975, there was a comic book called "Son of Satan." I found the series while I worked for a magazine and paperback distributor. Son of Satan's alter-ego went by the name of Helstrom. When he went to turn into the "power figure," he stood outside and raised both his hands toward the heavens in the very same three-finger sign! Freaked me out when I saw it. At the time, I sent a copy of it to TWI for that special table they always laid out at the Advanced Classes to show particularly "debbilish" items.

THAT is the way birth is supposed to be. THAT is the way the family should be. THAT is exactly how the woman's power over her own birth and her authorioty over her own body was robbed in America. I agree. We need more women like you. It's nice to see one of the Golden people here at the cafe. You're very welcome. Awsome website, Shifra! Great work!

Don't be afraid to toss ALL the dirty water out. The baby is too big to fall down the drain. What I mean by that is, toss it out, toss it all out. Then reconstruct what you believe from sources outside TWI. If what TWI taught you was the truth, you will then run across it and document it from other sources that are NOT CONTAMINATED by TWI

Sorry, Rascal, I don't mean to smack ya Recognizing those behaviors are a problem is the first step. Beginning to challenge and correct them in yourself is another. Instill into your children a healthy dose of self esteem: Show them how important it is to speak up if something is not right Show them how it is important to stand up for what they know is right Show them they have the right to deny a request that is not in their best interest or will harm someone else Show them their opinions, concerns, and feelings matter to you Show them that they have the power to make a difference in the world From what I see kiddo, you're working on it pretty well. BTW, Martial arts have enormous benefits in these areas.

There is information out there on this in the medical journals and probably in some of the books you can find at Borders on the subject. My advice would be take the time to peruse the aisle concerning women's issues and check the chapters. You may find some helpful information that way. The best way though would be go to your local library and look up the information in The new England Journal of Medicine, Social Science Review, or some of the Psychological Journals out there. They would have the most up to date and accurate information out there on the subject. The old addage that "children learn what they live" is true is many aspects. Many things are passed on to our children unintentionally because our behavior, especially when very young, is the model for their own. The desire to "not rock the boat" and the desire to do anything to please a person, the inability to say no to people who make imposing requests, some of these cultural and social habits are picked up by children. And if not ever put in their proper context, send the wrong message.

Nope, she didn't go above and beyond the call of duty, believe it or not. That's what a good, caring, properly trained professional is supposed to do! A properly skilled, educated, and licensed midwife is a darn good way to go. I hate to say it, but sometimes midwives have more training in the area we are discussing than the regular obgyns. Unfortunately, many doctors won't do the "badgering." It is true that we need to take responsibility for being proactive about our own health care. The doctors therefore will put it out there as a reccommendation, but I have found that follow up is not necessarily a strong suit with some. Doctors do, especially working for huge hospitals, limit the time they spend with each patient. They must impart the info and move on. Many midwives are independent and can therefore take more time to tailor their care to the individual patient. Doctors sometimes cannot practice medicine the way they would like to because of the constraints put upon them by the huge corporations they work for. Very, very true. That is why it is very important for nurses and other medical professionals to keep up with their continuing education units and get this extra training. That's why medicine is a practice. You have to keep doing it to be good at it, and you have to keep up with current information. Otherwise, you and your patients are left in the dark. And by the way, yes, you did hit the jackpot with that midwife. She was right there on top of everything, just like she was supposed to be. Those people are absolutely golden.

That's another thing. This kind of behavior can really confuse the hell out of our guys. Geek and I talked about this as soon as the possibility of marriage became an issue with us. And at that time in our courtship in 1977-78, I hadn't had sex since I had gotten into the Jesus movement in 1972, so I wasn't sure how I would react when I tried it again. After we were married, it really didn't surface for a while. And when it did, it seemed to come out of the blue, but because we discussed it previously, we both knew what it was and I assured him it wasn't him, but me. But eventually I narrowed it down to what specific things would trigger this panic reaction, and he does his best to avoid those things. Sometimes, it happens anyway. He always says, though, "that's not what I meant to do..." And I have to assure him that I know it wasn't his intent. It is simply a reaction I cannot control. I believe it is a conditioned response. Boy, I can't believe I put that much of my private life out there.... but you have to know you are not alone in this.

Dot-- this is very common. This has happened to me as well. Everything is going along just fine until suddenly.... certain moves, certain positionings of his body.... and the exact same thing occurs with me. We have to stop. I'm sure thankful I've got a great man who understands.

Women who are survivors of sexual assault, along with women who have been or are currently victims of physical and/or emotional abuse, also have a higher incidence of post partum depression, and a higher incidence of post partum psychosis. That's another reason it is important for an obstetrician, his nurses, and his childbirth educator to be trained in identifying these women beforehand. Identified early, you have the entire pregnancy period to build rapport and trust. You also have the time to refer them to counseling. Sometimes these women respond best to private childbirth classes where they have more control, and the privacy to ask questions they might not bring up in the usual public classes, and the course material can be adapted to their particular need. This is what I have done since 1993 or 1994. These women need to be followed carefully not only through pregnancy, labor, and delivery, but post-partum as well, to help assure a healthy and positive outcome for both mother and baby. By the way-- Women on staff at The Way International were highly encouraged to attend birthing classes taught by nurses on TWI staff rather than at the local hospital. These nurses NEVER COVERED this very essential material regarding sexually abused patients with the pregnant women on staff. I wonder why? The material was good enough to impart to Rawlins' "unbeliever" patients. Why not distribute the same information to the Corps and staff? Very, very curious.

weird. a double post....

I am glad this is opening up some dialogue. Women who have been sexually abused/molested, or even those with near escapes, can find it difficult to deal with medical procedures of any kind, not just gynecological and obstetric. Dental procedures rate high on the list as well. As do run-ins with doctors and caregivers who are authoritarian in their approach. Authoritarian methods will actually set off the fight/flight response and even full blown panic attacks in the patient. That is what you guys are describing up there in your posts. This is why those in the medical profession need to be trained to identify behavior that can possibly be linked with such abuse, or have someone in their practice who is trained to spot them. 1. It helps explain the reaction to the physician 2. It demystifies the patient's behavior to the staff, which generates more compassion 3. It increases the likelihood the patient can have a positive experience 4. It decreases the likelihood the patient will be further traumatized What the doctor can do: Take the time to establish a good rapport with the patient. Always be gentle. Always carefully explain what you are going to do before you begin. Ask the patient if she is ready to begin. As you are performing the procedure, explain what you are doing and let her know if something will change. If she suddenly wants to stop, STOP and let her gather herself together before you begin again. Giving the woman as much control as you can reasonably and safely give her in these procedures, especially during birth, can be a very empowering and healing experience, helping the woman regain confidence and some range of comfort with the experience, rather than one that further traumatizes and sets her back.