excathedra

the next morning still traveling -- i found myself on a side cot that comes out from a wall -- he walked over and put his you-know-what in my face and i played possum

ps. for what it's worth, once that night happened he never tried to get me again (i think it is because it's not fun being with a "dead" person), but i didn't care - i was thankful as hell

thank you that you believe me, johniam i think part of my problem was having been sexually abused as a child -- my boundaries and way of thinking were f'd up i did tell him on a few occasions i absolutely could not handle his counseling/offer about how i should be with him to know what the real love of god is like with a man of god -- he said the way of a man with a maiden i ran from him and his motorcoach a few times and would try to avoid him when he visited emporia (but i first met him my freshman year in college) the night he finally got his way is one i can't really remember as to how i got to the back of the coach from the sitting area(table like a booth). i just remember waking up and two thing come to mind -- one was staring into very cold dead eyes and the other was viewing it from the ceiling like i was looking down the only reason i went this motorcoach trip was because i wanted to go to the other campus to see my fiance i'm sure this doesn't make sense to you also, the girls in college who witnessed to me did talk about what a privilege it was to be with him and that it was like a gift to please him i agree that no one held a gun to my head. i didn't leave the way until he died actually it's so hard to explain now that i'm not that person anymore it's difficult to talk about. i'll try to think about other ways to explain it if i can

i thought the case was closed

i definitely agree with that

i friggin forgot about multi-services lol

"humanity" i liked that

raising my son and my experience in the way are so far apart, i don't even know how to respond i don't think i've ever blamed god for anything, but if i have, like i said in the forgiveness thread, it would be between him and me -- oh, i think the term "getting results" is what got under my skin. it's never the way i think of my relationship

this is way over my head and too nitpicky choo choo i don't care who says it or what it said -- conversation should be allowed wtf if we don't like it, just say so if johniam is a troll, then boot him if he just drives you crazy, deal with it

thank you so much for that, BF i don't know why people have to use this emotional blackmail or their clever way of saying things life should be more pure than that also, that, to me, was a very wayfer like thing to say -- to me, hurting people is not god like or christ like i mean,you might hurt someone unintentionally but if you do you (if you're normal) say you are sorry but to me, sticking up for your dogma, doctrine, etc., has nothing to do with god or our savior this is my humble opinion and if telling what happened to me is hurtful to others, like i've been counseled here, it's not because I hurt you see what i mean? hope you do ps. norm believes i've hurt him tremendously for that i am sorry and i'm sorry for others i have hurt here. i really am

'tis true -- this person -- christian i might add -- said they were in touch with the wierwille "children" -- adults and i said i could not care less and this person also i think is a bible thumping wayfer head and i said i wasn't interested thus, came the thread i started, but at first i was too stupid to realize this

oh i do love a good fight lol sowwy !!!

anyway when i started on paul allen's site i was "some girl" then when paw started his site (or it might have been paul allen's because i left there for 8 months because i didn't want to get yelled at anymore for talking about veepee) there were ex people handles -- ex10, exwayfer, exthis, exthat and i came up with the "clever" handle of excathedra lol because i had been a catholic before the way and wierwille talks about the pope in "the class" or somewhere that it's the pronouncement "from the chair" and i decided that since i was posting from the chair of my computer closet (room lol) that i would be excathedra it kind of fit to be an ex-catholic and ex-wayfer does that make sense?

i definitely think our pets will be with us because god loves us so much

okay just this one more -- then i'll stop so as not to be a derailer choo choo this is my favorite of all time <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/RpRCClg8pEY" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe> Ted pops in here now and then and i still keep in touch -- i could ask him

<iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/nO4uIyz_d90" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

sniff (i have more too sniff) <iframe title="YouTube video player" width="480" height="390" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/VrL_ecIK3zM" frameborder="0" allowfullscreen></iframe>

i too met a lot of great people i love you handle are you a hockey fan? anyway, nice to meet you and shout with you :)

i just didn't want to give the impression that i had an altruistic purpose

i'll be honest i really think i do it for me -- not for others

thank you all sincerely i don't know this person at all -- only that they are a christian and used to be a wayfer -- at first they told me (a few days before) that they admired my telling my crapola and then i got this and i didn't "get it" - but i think i do now you know, i don't spend my day brewing over wierwille or other past abuses and i don't talk about it to my coworkers and everyday "friends" but i don't mind speaking up on this site especially when wierwille is the subject and lately since i know the site is closing down years ago i couldn't even handle telling a thing -- i would have to go back and delete it all because i was so ashamed to look at the words no more i'm thankful for that i'm sure i'm still screwy but not so afraid my 20 million posts are not all really even about wierwille and the way. well actually i have no idea what they're about lol but thank you again. you made me feel valuable and not crazy

see, you do think like a 16-year-old :)

do i have to read threads in order to respond lol he wasn't really a doctor -- he was a healer BIG lol

i did ask for clarification but haven't heard back so i'm impatient and thought i would ask because it was bothering me since i felt like it was mean nasty "as long as that horse will ride" ?????????????

just wonder what you think someone wrote the following to me yesterday: is that an insult? is that nice? what does that mean? i take it to mean that what happened to me is supposed to make me feel special -- or in other words, i'm hanging on to something because i like how abuse feels or how attention feels. i didn't like it. but am i reading something wrong into it? and for that matter, is posting this a sign that i am doing exactly that? which i don't think so at all, but hey.....