Belle

by request.....

Man, oh, Man, I remember craig yelling about that....and then Moneyhands following suit. I can't tell you how many nights my ex and I got no sleep because he just wouldn't let something "go". I'd tell him I need to sleep on it and think about things for a bit, but NO, we have to settle this NOW! I'm not so quick on my feet and it takes me a while to be able to put things into perspective and proper wording to accurately communicate. He doesn't need that and would push and push and push and then when I'd try to explain my point of view; he'd throw things back in my face....well, of course I sound like I don't know what I'm talking about! I need time to sort it out in my head - if you don't give me that time - then yes, you're going to get a mish-mash of feelings, perceptions and contraditory statements. It's really hard to think when you just really need some sleep.

I hear ya, Goey. My ex was not only a workaholic but also a work-outaholic. He is 5'9", 165 with only about 7% body fat. If he wasn't at work or at a TWI function, he was out on his bike, doing karate, lifting weights, running, etc..... He was never home. He desperately wanted to weigh 200 lbs., but just wasn't built for it. He also has high cholesterol. Used to aggravate him to no end. He ate as healthy as a person can (mostly raw foods, lean meats & "good" carbs) and worked out like crazy, but couldn't get his cholesterol down. When he would "splurge" he would go all out and folks would say to him, "Sure, look at you...you can eat anything you want to." and we'd both say, "No, he can eat like that BECAUSE he works hard to be able to afford to eat like that every once in a blue moon." As for losing weight, yes, there are a lot of factors that contribute to that which are beyond our control. Whoever posted about their friend and the anti-depressants (can't remember, sorry) - Wellbutrin and Lexapro are good anti-depressants that don't affect weight gain/loss. Wellbutrin was originally designed to help with weight loss, actually. It doesn't help with weight loss in most cases, but it doesn't cause the weight gain that others can. It's also called Xyban and used to help people quit smoking, IIRC.

If we're related..... Lord have mercy on you!! Related to any Joneses in MS, TX or LA? That's where most of us are from.

HAPPIEST OF BIRTHDAYS TO YOU!!!

Okay, how about Unique

Here's mine: Bored

LOL!!! I'll be sharing this one today! Great Joke!! Great Joke - especially for engineers and the like....

Which verse in Genesis is right - the sevens or the twos? :( How much would all those animals weigh? :blink:

My deepest apologies to the feathered friends of this Cafe. May you never face the fate of the flamingos....

Very funny, Darlene!!! ;)

42 - but I don't really know how others see me. :)

I like that, Roy. Beautifully said. :)

Woah! Deep Breath!! This thread is not about you in particular, but people who post like you have been....that's why I didn't mention your name - your post is just one of many that we see on here all the time. And, in fact, it comes across to me the same way as craig yelling at us to "get over it". It jars me every time I read someone posting like that. I didn't realize why it bothered me so much till Chas pointed it out. I asked questions about it - honest, from the heart questions. Instead of considering how your words hurt someone or how they may come across differently than you might have intended, you compare us to vipers??? How wrong is that?? If you'll notice these responses were not about you, but in response to the questions asked. Perhaps you'd like to elaborate on what you meant when you said it. I read your responses to the kind and loving manner in which CW, Templelady and others tried to explain to you that it's much easier to type those things than it is to really deal with them. Here are the questions again. If you'd care to respond, I reall am interested in what folks mean when they post like you did. What does it mean to "get over it"? Does it mean never speaking or thinking of the past? Does it mean pretending that it never happened? Does it mean no longer hurting? Who decides when someone has "gotten over it"? What's the criteria for that? Why does someone who doesn't know you even care if you've "gotten over it"? How do they feel that it's okay to tell me to "get over it"" What makes it their business anyway?

Was it 2 by 2? How do we reconcile these? Gen 6:19,20 And of every living thing of all flesh, two of every [sort] shalt thou bring into the ark, to keep [them] alive with thee; they shall be male and female. Of fowls after their kind, and of cattle after their kind, of every creeping thing of the earth after his kind, two of every [sort] shall come unto thee, to keep [them] alive. Gen 7:2,3 Of every clean beast thou shalt take to thee by sevens, the male and his female: and of beasts that [are] not clean by two, the male and his female. Of fowls also of the air by sevens, the male and the female; to keep seed alive upon the face of all the earth.

Awesome!! I'm also praying for a different outcome, AmazingGrace, so you can keep your playground. :) Miz Marple, I love the picture of you two twirling, laughing and having fun! I'm off today to play with Vixen. I accidentally found out that she LOVES frisbees. :) She barks the whole time we're playing. It's a wonder she doesn't get horse. LOL! She barks as she's waiting for me to throw it - bars while she's running to it and barks while she's bringing it back to me. How could you NOT want to play with that much enthusiasm gushing out of her little body? We play all the time - hide and go seek - find the treats - doggie tricks - fetch - earthdog - agility - obedience - and now - frisbee. Glad to hear so many of us keep playing and enjoying that part of life!! It's vital and important for renewal of the spirit, imo. bark - bark - bark

(((((Kathy))))) See? Here's where we get to the group hug! It's cause we've been around each other long enough to know that when there seems to be a disagreement, it's most likely just a communication breakdown. I know you're a very kind-hearted lady and I know you don't rush to judgement. I wish the new posters who do rush to judgement would get to know us better, too. :) Prov 18:8 comes to mind: The words of a talebearer [are] as wounds, and they go down into the innermost parts of the belly. Words do cut to the bone and they can hurt terribly.

~~~~~~~ Outofdafog - I hear ya! I understand and I, too, cringe when people get jumped on as soon as they post. I try my best to help folks who are new, but I, too, am just as guilty of being overly inconsiderate at times, too. I cringed and wanted to just die when I saw how Freud and Jung were treated when they came on here. I wouldn't blame them for never coming back (and for the record, I think they are on the up and up). It was like a kid being so embarrassed that her siblings could be such bullies and so cruel to someone who hasn't given any reason whatsoever to deserve that kind of treatment. Some of these topics are the same ones we hash and rehash and there are some posters who are so predictable that I don't know why the arguments continue when obviously they aren't ever going to agree with each other. I just stay out of those as much as possible. We could be nicer to new folks and give them the benefit of the doubt and at least treat them as genuine, innocent newcomers until they give us a reason not to. When someone new is catching flak on the boards, I will frequently PM them and apologize for us. If they appear to need a little help with the boards, I offer suggestions and help in that way, as well. I suppose the road goes both ways and we can't expect people to not pass judgement on us when they're treated as bad, or worse than they were in TWI.

Kathy, I think what you're talking about is something totally different and it's not so much "getting over it" as much as it is moving past the black & white thinking or the one track mind to the point of seeing where others are coming from and accepting that not everyone thinks like you (rhetorical) do. That's the way I see it, anyway. Like the person who insists on holding onto his view of vee pee being infallible or that rape victims have to give details to make sure they are properly "classified" and insist that they could have just said "no". Those aren't necessarily "get over it" situations, but rather, learning compassion and how to see the different experiences and descriptions of their experiences for what they are and having a heart to help or comfort them instead of attacking them and/or engaging in debates about terminology. That's holding onto their position no matter what....not really a "get over it" thing, imo. It's more of a grow up and quit being so arrogant and egocentric kind of thing. <_< I think most of us are working through things.....yes, even those of us who have been out for forty years and been here for six years....not all, but there are some who are still working through things, and like WG said, just when you think you've dealt with something an incident, a word, a post will rip that scar wide open again. I don't know how to qualify when we're "over it". And what "it" is that folks think we should be "over". Please know I'm not trying to argue, just thinking out loud....and I've never thought of you as a "get over it" quoting kind of jerk. I don't remember you saying that and I'm sure there's more to the context that just "get over it" if you said it.

Kathy, you've lost me. :( You don't think I'm talking about you, do you? I hope not!! I'm talking about people who come onto these boards and either get involved with maybe one discussion or none at all and then proceed to announce that they know what's wrong with us. The woman who posted the quotes in my initial post only has 44 posts and hasn't even been on the boards for a whole month. Sometimes we do tell people to get over themselves or to "deal with it" in light of the fact that we do have different experiences, different perspectives and different ways of dealing with things. The folks who have been here for a long time know the other long-time posters - if through nothing more than their posts - it's still been long enough for us to "kinda" know where someone is coming from or at least a little flavor of their personality. We fight on here and sometimes it gets ugly, but the more respectable posters (thankfully, there are lots of those), end up working it out or agreeing to disagree in a mature, responsible fashion. I'm not talking about those things either. :) It's those who come riding their high horse into the forums and proclaim to pass judgement on us and where they think we should be and how they think we're wallowing and whining.

Bapipes, how very cool that she took the time to talk to you, stayed calm and helped you calm down, too. "Embracing" the feeling and acknowledging it is something I've been reading and listening about for a while now and it's beginning to make more sense to me and has helped me tremendously to overcome TWI's teaching on emotions being evil, unproductive and distractions from the word. Jenny Craig even teaches this in their program - they call it "Mind, Body, Food". One of the techniques they teach is when an overwhelming craving comes over you to sit down and with a pen and paper have a conversation with yourself. With your dominant hand you write "What do you want?" and then switch to your weaker hand and write your answer.... I'm not able to explain it in a short paragraph, but they teach lots of things on how to get to and acknowledge what you're actually feeling - cause so many times it's not food. That's just one example. Another is the "inner child" and recognizing that that inner child needs to feel validated, protected and cared for. We do that by embracing those temper tantrums and talking and reasoning ourselves through them instead of just going into the temper tantrum. When I first got divorced and left TWI I would have horribly vicious, physical attacks, bloody battles with the folks in TWI in my dreams. I would be on the ground and they would be kicking the crap out of me, spitting on me, yelling horrible things at me with vampire-ish teeth and the most evil looking faces I've ever seen. I heard about this "inner child" stuff and started talking to my inner child every morning - reminding her that I love her and that I'm going to take care of us. That I can take care of us and that we're going to be alright. When I would get panic attacks I would close my eyes and ask my inner child what's wrong. Why are you so upset like this? Sometimes I would go to the bathroom and just have a good cry....other times I would promise that we would talk about it when we got home, but that we have to get our work done... I know it sounds weird, but it worked for me. I don't talk to that eight year old much anymore, but I don't need to. There's more and different techniques, but I don't want to write too much in case it's a derail. :) Is this on topic? :blink: I dunno. I think so, it's helped me with getting rid of a lot of guilt and waybrain thinking. It's also helped me to lose weight and change the way I think about food.

Is there a class on proper spittle flying, too, Roy?

Thanks y’all! Tom, it’s hard to imagine you angry. Annoyed – yes, angry – no. :) I do think they say it in ignorance, but when they’re told we all heal at our own rate, etc. yada yada yada….they just continue to defend their statement and that really gets my goat. Chas, dang you struck a nerve hard with me….a nerve I didn’t even know was there. I started crying when I read this: That sounds bang on correct. I didn’t realize it, but I think that’s where it’s coming from. I used to laugh when people would post those “get over it” threads because they were just stupid and eventually they go away after posting their condescending and ignorant comments – or they realized they were wrong. But, now, at this point in my life, it affected me much different than in past times. Part of it is that this woman insisted on defending herself after being lovingly told that she was not seeing the whole picture. WayferNot! – For some reason people come on here and, after a few days, a few posts, they seem to think they have a handle on everything and feel that TWI righteousness again….maybe. They could also be those kinds of folks that haven’t realized that everyone has different experiences and different reactions to their experiences. Comments like “get over it”, imo, just show their ignorance of that. Likeaneagle – Very good post. Yes, we do get to the point where it’s not an all-consuming presence and the cloud starts to dissipate above us. But then things like this happen – and other things in “real life” that just jar the crap out of me, like an earthquake, and I feel like I’ve been set back 10 years in my recovery. GSpot is a great place to decompress and to connect with folks who understand and can make you laugh; help you focus on other things or put your pain into perspective. This is a great place to get that strength reinforced. Better than therapy in many ways – therapy is only weekly or monthly – this is daily or as often as needed…and with folks who have also been there. Krys – It’s funny, but it’s not; isn’t it? There are folks who can’t stand this site – even those who are “out”. They are the ones who, possibly, just gloss things over or choose to completely ignore the past. They could be ones with “selective memories” who would be most likely to return to TWI if they were approached again. Frank – I remember that Eagles song. I loved it when craig talked about it. It’s not as funny when it’s used against you. Especially when you know you’re not just whining, but trying to figure things out, get better, help others and just flat out enjoy coming here for totally non-TWI related reasons. I really resent folks telling me where they think I should be. Even as I continue to get better it’s still a struggle and there are good days and bad days and then things like this that really knock me on my foot and it’s hard to get up. I resent them saying about the folks who have been out for decades, too. Who the heck are they to judge and say you’re not over it? Who the heck does this woman think she is by scolding you for being here? Some of you didn’t even know GSpot was here and, for you, it’s like just having left….especially as isolated as y’all were when you left or were kicked out. Some of you who have been out for a long time who post here, bring so much to the table and rehashing, repeating stories and supporting others on here. It’s crass to judge where you are in your own healing and, when you’re healed as much as possible, I’m glad you stick around to help the rest of us. They tell us to “get a life” when they haven’t even looked around to see that we do have lives and this is where we come to share that life with folks who know, love and understand us. Thanks, y’all!! Once again, GSpotters to the Rescue!!

WTH, you lose more and more credibility the more you post. Quit while you're behind.

LOL! Good question, Roy. Since they really aren't afraid of God and must not really believe that they are going to answer to Him someday, they'll probably first accuse him of only pretending to be God and then they'll tell him they spent it all taking care of His ministers and moving the word over the world. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when that happens.