FreeAtLast

I wish someone would explain that to my ex. I have had physical problems for a great majority of the time we were together and he never took me seriously. I would have died from the tumor in my heart if I hadn't left him and loved myself enough to get medical attention. And now he knows I am sick he hears my oldest tell the little ones to lighten up on me because I am sick and yet the stress I feel everytime he comes to get the kids and critisizes my house because it isn't clean. when we were married I had to have the place spotless 24/7 but I just can't do that now and he complains because it isn't neat. I wish the kids would start to help more, but they are just kids. Such is life. One day he said I gotta leave this place before I throw up and I just wanted to cry because I have done all I physically could do. But he thinks becasue I am good on the outside there is nothing wrong with me. I guess I have to become crippled to get him to finally realize that my life is at risk and the stress he causes is only adding to my dilemma. Truth,,,, he wouldn't really care. He never did. Guess that's why he is divorced.

Mark, Right now the symptoms are insignificant. the occasional loss of use of my right arm but not complete loss of the use of it just the decrease in the strength. I trip every now and then because my right leg will drag, but it is not very often, and sometimes my fine motor skills in my right hand are hard to control, and then other times I can't notice any of it. The worst of it was when my eye sight went in my right eye. But now it has begun to come back and although the vision is not completely restored it will be eventually. So I am not too bad off, everything seems to be managable, except one thing I have a hard time with is the fatigue I feel. I can't keep up with housework, kids, work work, and school. Its been a challenge. I would get so mad at myself and try to push myself but I would find that I would get to the point that I would move like i was in slow motion because my body felt so heavy, and I would push myself even when this would occur because I felt like I should be able to keep up with my responsibilities. I would yell at myself and get disappointed in myself because my house was below my standards. Heck it's below the standard of the pig sty. Eventually I would stop and rest thinking maybe if I just sit for a few minutes I can get up and get the rest of the house done, but I never make it. For a girl who likes a hospital clean environment this is hard. I have had to let things go that really get under my skin and there we go more stress because my house and my life isn't what I want them to be. I try to let it slide off my back but unless my environment is squeaky clean my mind can't function and then I try to stay away from my house so I don't have to deal with it. So the worst part of it thus far is the extreme fatigue.

Ex I haven't found this quote. How did ****'s name come into play here. I will reserve my comments in this regard. Oh and Ex. ((((you)))) You are not involved in the drama, we're good well don't want to say too much. Heck I will PM you. Ok guys I will keep the account active and try not to allow temptation to win. Right now this is the only thread I am paying attention to because of course I want to stay in touch with those of you that desired to stay connected to the Free girl, and can't get the emails from those of you who want to remain connected while I am taking care of business.

Oh Rascal I am not doing that. I could have just left without a word, which was my first idea, but I didn't want to lose touch with all my friends old and new so I put this thread out here so that anyone who wanted to could stay in touch. So they would know where to find me and pass on an email or in some cases a phone number if they felt safe enough to do so. That's all. By the way guys, I just came back from my general practitioners office and he had access to the results of the MRI of my neck and confirmed the worst. I do have MS but he feels with the start of the treatments in June it will progress more slowly than those who have had it in the past. I was prepared for that declaration, and for the talk about stress reduction that followed. So my task in the next few months is to find the stresses I have control over and eliminate them. Sorry to give you all the glum news. how sweet you are. I would never want to be the reason for someone to leave. From the course of the day I have had a few phone calls and I think things are finally getting ironed out, for the most part. And maybe then I won't feel so insecure out here. I just really gotta make sure I reduce all un-necessary stress.

Johnny now you see why I am getting out. DRAMA doesn't become me.

He didn't get my password, he used the comments section on my profile. It was something that anyone could see. He and another poster were communicating using my profile. They weren't so bad on my profile but lewd and disgusting on the other profiles. I erased the comments on my profile. However, it did roll over into other arenas though and that wasn't the reason for my decisions.

Well truth is we were really just messing with each other. I didn't think anyone else would take it derrogatorily. Oh well it started a mini war. And I was away too long and couldn't stop it.

Lovin that song Dooj. Listener that was sweet of you. Thanks it makes one feel that maybe their life has some significance and not just a drop in the ocean of life. Bolshevik, hmmmm, in answer to your question, Ah,,,, Yeah. I hate drama. I like the other perspective too. It's comedy central. Oh well. Why did this thread have to get turned into another battle? Oh well.

OMG, I didn't take it too seriously. Captain, I am sorry if you were offended by my playfulness. You know bettah!

Nah, I am a nice girl and you know that spiritual one. You know what they say when a girl picks on a boy. tee hee hee. I like you alright Capiton. Nah, I am a nice girl and you know that spiritual one. You know what they say when a girl picks on a boy. tee hee hee. I like you alright Capiton.

duh, of I am staying in school. Sarcasm doesn't become my spiritual friend.

JL it's happening off gsc and on PMs. Kit, I will do that so that I can let you all know what I find out June 15th I will delete my account after that.

Well today I found out about a series of lies a real @ssho!e had said about me. Others are calling me a liar in a more indirect way as well when the one they trust is a liar. Now I get PMs about things people are saying I did but didn't do, I have gotten some very sweet PMs too from many of you. But one of the PMs stated that they believed this butt over me. Well I can't stick around under such accusations. I have to keep the stress in my life to a minimum. I did comment the individual that lied about me and that comment didn't go through, guess I am on moderation now. So do you guys see why I have to get out of here and get rid of the stress? I love many of you out here and will miss you, but I don't need what I am dealing with right now. I run from Drama. I never have and never will be a drama queen. So for now I am outta here. You all know where to find me if you want to stay in touch.

Dave I want to delete the account so that I don't have the temptation to pop in. The drama has been in the background, I don't want the undertone to taint the cafe so I am leaving for that reason. I see these undertones out here all the time and I don't want to add to it. Wrdsandwrks Thanks sweetie, glad you have been able to come out and share you have had some awesome posts. White Dove you know you are my bud. Call sometime, we still haven't gone out for that cup of coffee.

Aw thanks guys. Well you all know where to reach me don't be strangers.

Hey guys I decided it's time for me to move on. I have been a poster here off and on for 5 years and it's been ok but when drama comes my way I generally find the first exit. There's a lot of drama in my own life so I don't need to add outside drama. I wanted to say good by and let you all know I blog regularly on Yahoo 360 and MySpace. Yahoo I am goinsolo4631 and on Myspace I am "Don't confuse my pride for strength" come out and hang with my buds and me on one of those sites if you want to continue to stay in touch. I will keep my account out here for a few days before deleting my account so that if anyone wants to stay in touch can. You all take care. Holly

what are you saying B, she is in it for the money? lol

NotinKansas, have fun grading and enjoy your summer. Are you taking on summer classes or resting over the summer?

Great grades Ham man. Way to go I got an A in geometry a B in Physics. The verdict is still out on my ed class but since I have had 100 % on all my assignments thus far I figure no matter what it will be an A. That B in physics is one I squeaked out. I failed the second test because I was taking steroids for what ails me and I couldn't pull the info out of my brain so it's truly a miracle that I eeked out that B.

Well guys I only had to take one traditional final this week. Physics. I studied for 4 days prior to the test and feel I did pretty well. I got my 3rd test back and it was a solid B but while I was on steroids for the eye/MS when I had to take the second test. I sat there looking at my paper and couldn't answer a single question. I just couldn't think on those nasty drugs. He was nice enough to award points for the setup I could come up with but I failed a test for the first time. I have a 3.7 gpa, so failing isn't in my vocabulary. Today as I confidently handed the professor my final he handed me the breakdown of my grade thus far. I couldn't believe it! Even with one failed test I still have a B. It's a squeaked by B but it's a B nonetheless. I just hope the final is in the B category so I can actually pull off the B and not have to accept a C. I only have one C in my whole college career and I don't want to taint the GPA with another. My other finals are fun. I pretty much have an A in Geometry. and the final is a take home test and I am sure I will ace it too. In my ed class we are having pizza and answering what if questions. No answer is a wrong answer, and to fail you would simply have to not show, lol. So the worst is over and another semester is under my belt.

I raised my oldest in the Way. Got her out when she was 10 and she still seems to be affected by it almost 5 years later. I can say that her memories weren't as fond as mine. I hated the fact that because I was corps I was supposed to hand her off to someone else and have them care for her so I could do the "work of the ministry". M0yn and Mcf@d reprimanded me for not being at a TC meeting and caring for her (at 18months) instead. My ex was there I figured he could tell me what I needed to know but I wasn't going to leave my child if I didn't have to. If she so much as played with her sock (now this is when she was 3) during prayer time I would get reprimanded afterward. I think even to this day if my kids aren't little angels (and believe me they never are, so imagine my stress levels) I feel like I failed in raising them. It was the most frustrating environment to be a parent in. Everyone judging you everyone making decisions on whether you are parenting correctly or not and that damned wooden spoon. I don't spank my kids anymore. I just take away privileges. Oh and corps fellowship and the rock. I had to hand her off to people I didn't really know so I could work the event. I saw her very little during the 2 weeks we were there. My son was in until he was 5 (thank God I was no longer Corps and there were no more ROAs). I was reprimanded when he was 11 months because he cried during a fellowship that was 2 hours long. I got reprimanded during another long fellowship because he made noises with his toy. The child can't sit still for that long but if I didn't come to fellowship I was reprimanded for that. My youngest got out when she was 3 and I didn't let them do that to her, and to this day she has no idea what we are talking about when we say the way. All she knows is sissy doesn't like it so she doesn't want to go.

Happy bday Mr. Lingo. Looks like Miss chattyK is tellin on you. You were a hottie then and I am sure you are still a hottie today. Hope the wife treats you well and stays away from her shotgun today. lol Remember you are only as young as you feel. So how old is that JL?

So is the resident story teller celebrating a birthday. Happy birthday Johnny. I love your stories you should have sent an article along with the pics. I am jealous of what you get to see in your town but not of the cold. Glad you're back and spinning the yarns dude.