Abigail

There are many reasons why I post in forums like the Oddlist and Greasespot. After talking some of this through with Verbal tonight, here is one I would like to share. I was always a bit of a mouse, not just in height, but in personality as well, even before TWI. In my early years with TWI, I learned a bit about speaking up by witnessing and teaching. When all the changes came down in 94/95, I pushed myself to speak out against some of those changes, even though it was a scary thing for me to do. However, over time, I quit speaking out. It is difficult to stand alone on an issue when those you are surrounded by and look up to disagree with you. In TWI, it was not ok to have a different opinion on almost any topic, no matter how trivial. Expressing a difference of opinion was rarely tolerated. You risked being confronted, humiliated, belittled, and excommunicated. Since leaving TWI, I have not yet found my way to speaking up in public. It is one of the main reasons I allow so few people into my real life. It is difficult to maintain my boundaries and self-esteem if I let people walk on me or cave to someone else's beliefs over my own. One of the biggest benefits I get out of posting is the opportunity to practice speaking up in a relatively safe environment. Safe, because I don't have to deal with the immediate negative reaction or raised voices. I can take those reactions in as I feel I can handle them It is still very difficult at times, to not follow the crowd. To stand up for what I believe is right, despite my need for acceptance. There have been a number of instances when people I respect have posted things I disagreed with. When that occurs, I sometimes have to sit back and think it through. I have to make up my mind to speak my opinion, even if it means losing some of the desired acceptance. However, in doing so, I gain more self-respect. I suspect I am not alone in this. TWI's doctrine eroded our ability to speak up for ourselves. I believe disagreements occurring on ex-way forums can be a relatively safe place for us to overcome this fear. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Oldies, When I left TWI, after the fall of Martindale, I did not believe the stuff about VPW either. It took me some time to accept what he did and come to terms with it. It pulled the rug out from under me because it left me questioning my entire belief system. I think you done good Oldies. It is not easy to deal with this stuff. VPW hurt women, there is no doubt about that and he hurt them badly. He also hurt the men. He took your trust and he used it. I get where you are coming from and how hard this is for you. As I also understand how hard it is for Excathedra and Dot. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

You make a good point Rafael. Sometimes we forget where it is we came from. It is good to remember that when we are dealing with other people. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Wow MJ - what a post! "The woman got sick to you know...." Yes, we did. "So denial was needed." Denial was survival. "I must say this tho for all the cover up and cult brain that stuck together it was the women who were the best at denial and covering the sick *** holes." Yes we were. "God says I have no choice, divorce is not an option, I would have to give up this lifestyle and my husband and people stand up and clap the hands when he enters the room he must be something even if it isnt to my heart anymore." Exactly how I felt. "husabd doesnt have time or concern anymore the word comes first. . " So very true. "She would be alone at home at night with the kids , in the shell of being human, never allowed any interests outside the way," A shell of a human being, exactly what we became. "Believe me they knew about the abuse in twi and covered it up" Yes, they knew! To every man his own truth and his own God within.

The river of denial. Watered Garden, we've all been there in some form or fashion. It's only human afterall. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Awww Norm, I like ya honest. Millions I had difficulty with. OCD is a laugh riot. I guess you've grown on me. I really do think you are funny and have a lot of heart. Sometimes I think your mouth is bigger than your brain. So what, sometimes my mouth is bigger than my brain to. Guess its part of being human. Ginger, Not sure what you mean by "smatter around". I thought we were simply discussing it. However, you are right, there is no book and everyone responds to everything in their own unique and different ways. Though, even in that there are generally similarities. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

OCD, I think you are a riot, really. I understand where you are coming from. Unspoken rules are difficult NOT to break and yes the names have been everywhere. However, they are trying to get on with their lives and would probably appreciate it if their names were NOT everywhere anymore. With respect to the settlement. 80% or more of civil cases get settled out of court. The judges push for settlement, so do the laywers. Its cheaper for everyone involved, including us tax payers. It is extremely common for cases that are settled to have a "no disclosure" clause. This means neither party is allowed to discuss the terms of the settlement. With respect to names. There are many reasons to not post your real name, here or anywhere else on the internet. I don't want every creep out there (and there are some) to know who I am. I pick and choose who I disclose my real name to and then only privately, via email. Back on topic. Excathedra, thank you for starting this thread. I know this is an extremely difficult subject for you to discuss. Dot, thank you as well, for sharing your story. WG - Having been a victim of date rape, not by anyone in TWI, I can speak from my perspective. It is very very common, especially for younger women, (who are basically still girls) to blame themselves when someone they know and trust rapes them. It took me almost 15 years to tell my story to someone I knew. It took me almost 15 years to understand that what happened to me that night was rape. It took me almost 15 years to realize it was not my fault. I don't think I am particularly different from most women. Perhaps this helps you understand some, why it has taken so long for women to speak up regarding VPW. Once one woman was FINALLY able to speak out, it made it easier for others too as well. They knew they were not alone. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Erik, After you have been raped, physically, spiritually, and emotionally, then you will be in a better position to tell people how easy it is to let go and get a fresh start. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

"Does that mean some of you women are better than Kryptonite? I guess it does, if you ended up being VPW's and LCM's achillies heel! But have you ever noticed how all our hero's ended up having their "achillies heel" - their weak spot? " So its the woman's fault? They were the achillies heel? I hope I am misunderstanding you or you simply used a poor analogy. Weak spots? Forcing sex on women is more than just a simple weakness one can willingly overlook! To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Dot, Don't listen to Rottie and whatever you do, don't look at the "deep fried hot dogs" thread. :D--> :D--> ;)--> lol To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Any of you Rocky fans go see "Shock Treatment", the sequel? It absolutely sucked, but I did manage to sit through the entire thing once. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

I remember "Earth 2". I loved that show and was very disappointed when they took it off the air. While we are on sci-fi, anyone remember "Max Headroom, 20 Minutes Into the Future"? Another one I really enjoyed that was removed. Then there was one about Alien's living here on Earth, integrated with society. Hmmmm...........this is why I don't watch tv anymore. The shows I like rarely make it past the first season or two. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

I can't believe I just read this entire thread! Lots of good information. Firebee, congrats on your new family member. Please remember dogs are pack animals. A companion will be twice the work but may be worth it. Sometimes a cat and dog combination can work well, depending on the age and breed of the animals. Mutts are a huge unknown, however mixed breeds are not. The difference is a mixed breed is simply made up of two different breeds and it is usually not difficult to find out which breeds they are. I have two dogs. One is a Great Dane/Australian Shepard mix. I've actually had three in this mix and they were all great dogs. The one I have now is a midsized dog, about 80 lbs. (BTW, my house is also very small, with a huge back yard and the animals seem to do just fine.) He is pretty old for a dog, but has always had a great temperment and is incredibly intelligent. I think he believes he is human. The other is a Malamute, which our neighbors found abandoned on a camp ground. She is a lot more work than the other, but well worth it. One thing I learned the hard way was to research the breed you think you want to buy thoroughly, so you know what its needs are. I was having a lot of difficulty with the Niki (the Malamute) at first. I had gotten used to Scrappy, who requires very little beyond food, water, and a little attention. Once I knew for sure what breed Niki was I did some research and discovered they can be rather stubborn and they are work dogs. Most of the trouble I was having with her was a result of boredom. Now I make sure she gets plenty of outdoor time and attention. I also make sure she has plenty of toys to keep her busy. Guarding a bone can keep her occupied for hours! lol Also, some breeds are difficult to keep within a fencing system. This is true of Niki as well. She will dig under or find a way over. I finally had to resort to keeping her on a chain, which I don't particularly like, but its the only way I can keep her home. Crate training is a great way to go. My first couple of dogs, I tried to housebreak without a cage. It was a lot of work. The ones I had later I trained with a crate. Dogs will rarely go to the bathroom where they sleep. Another thing I learned recently, was to make every room the dogs room. This also helps prevent them from going to the bathroom in the house for the same reason crate training works. If you find you have a problem area, where the dog is going in the same place over and over again, in addition to getting the odor out, feed the dog in that spot for a few weeks. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Simpleton, Great link, that is exactly the idea. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

Zix, You bring up another valid point that may tie in with the blood type concept. One theory I have read says we should eat the traditional foods of the culture we come from, i.e., Japanese, Italian, German, Irish. Perhaps our bodies have a genetic predisposition to utlizing the foods from the lands of our heritage? To every man his own truth and his own God within. [This message was edited by Abigail on January 22, 2003 at 0:00.]

Zix, Great point about diet pop. I also use nutrasweet instead of sugar in my coffee. I have some great low fat, low sugar recipes for baked goods as well. The basic idea being you use apple sauce instead of oil. I knew a girl who worked in a convenience store and drank a lot of pop. She switched to diet pop, changed nothing else in her diet, lost about 30 lbs. To every man his own truth and his own God within. [This message was edited by Abigail on January 21, 2003 at 23:57.]

Dot, After having my second c-section, I thought I would never get my body back. Here are a few things which worked for me. 1. Watch the salt, you will lose water weight. 2. I don't recommend eliminating carbs, they give you energy and are a needed element. However, reducing them is usually helpful. Eat fruits and vegetables, they are good for you. Stay away from white carbs - they send your blood surgar soaring. That means pasta's, potatoes, white bread etc. If you can, use brown rice instead of white. The more the food has been processed, the more unhealthy and fattening it will be. 3. QQ is right about food combinations as well. Try to eat your carbs with a healthy fat, it slows down the sugar boost. Healthy fats are fats from nuts, olive oil, etc. Stay away from animal fats as much as possible. 4. Reduce overall fat intake as much as possible without eliminating it altogether, because it is also a necessary element of nutrition. 5. Eat slowly, you will feel satisfied after eating less this way. 6. Instead of eating three meals a day, try five small ones. This way you do not get full, then become hungry and tempted to snack on junk food. It also keeps your blood sugar levels more stabalized. 7. Drink lots of water between meals. Not only is the water good for you, but it will help reduce hunger. 8. As much as possible try to find healthy replacements for your favorite snack foods. Example, I am a salt freak and love chips. However, now instead of eating chips when I am craving salt, I use air popped popcorn. 9. For the sweet tooth I will occasionally treat myself to a small taste of something absolutely horrible for me. 10. My step-mom taught me a "lady" never eats anything on her plate. So at dinner time I pretend I am a lady. (in reality that is a questionable label - lol). 11. This was probably the biggest for me. I decided I was no longer going to let food or my cravings for food control me, I was going to be in control of what I eat and when. I feel better about myself when I have the will power to say "no" to something unhealthy. 12. Instead of trying to change your eating habits all at once, which can be overwhelming and discouraging, pick one or two of the easier things. Then when you are no longer craving those foods, eleminate/replace a few more. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

was great Firebee, but you left out the audience's lines. hehehe, the post probably wouldn't have gone through if you put them in, eh? Thanks for putting the lyrics up. Ahhhh the memories. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

I was a HUGE Rocky Horror Fan when I was a teen, I have no idea how many times I've seen it. Zix is right, there is no meaning, it is a spoof, a parady, a joke. Watching it at home sucks, you have to see it at a theater, preferably one with a floor show. Best time to do this is either Halloween or during an anniversary showing. Wow, the memories. I've seen Tommy a few times too, liked most of the music but was not impressed with the movie, nor did I "get it". Some other great cult classics are "Harold and Maude" which does have a point you will understand and "Clockwork Orange" which is rather violent and graphic. To every man his own truth and his own God within.

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